| This is the Diary of EvyleMonkey, You think you know, but you will probably never guess either. |
| little background: "Ya boy" as most know is the biggest kiss ass I have ever seen. His jokes are not funny. He tries to impress the teacher,(BIG MAN), with stupid topics that all seem to be related to each other and are in BIGMAN"S interest. Mainly about Terrorism, seeing how BIGMAN was really involved with special forces. |
| BIGMAN was my Elgish teacher last semester, and I had so many laughs at HIS laugh I had to "re-enlist". BIGMAN is BIG. He has a special gun/riffle collection and is the proud owner of a Tank! yes thats right a TANK. I hear many pretty good stories from him and his old days when he did bad things. He is now scruffy and writes and teaches for a living, and talks about Ernest G. alot. |
| 1-23-02 |
| Old St. Nick B. ! Thats his name, not Old Nick because that is Satan! A Kevin Spacy clone, he rides his bike 4 miles to get to school everyday. He says he goes to the community college nearby which leads us to wonder wtf he is doing in our student union!?! Well this amazingly 20 year old man greets us with something classy like "Hi, do you like Britney Spears?" or "Hi I have psychosis" and proceeds to show us his medicine. He talks really loud, and tell us the same thing everyday! His favorite seems to be how he masterbates every night since he was 4, he does this in his bed and doesnt wash his sheets,(nasty aint it?) Keep im mind this is the first time we meet him. |
| 1-22-02 |
| First day of school I follow the wrong day's schedule I go to an extra class but dont miss any class due to it, but later thinking i will be smart and look at my schedule again before goin home. Everything looks good. hep hep. But I overlooked my schedule and missed my first day on Calc. |
| 1-25-02 |
| *Gasp* Someone has surpassed Ya Boy's annoyance. I havent found out her name as of yet, nor do I care to.She spent the first part of class before BIGMAN arrived, talking to Ya Boy. It was quite a sight to see Ya Boy annoyed by her. He blew her off for the most part.( hehe). She talks just as loud as St. Nick. She insisted that we talk about her husband and her family the whole class period. She wouldnt stop talking about how her husband should meet BIGMAN because they may have been on the same base at one point. She is my inspiration for making this diary. She is as annoying as the band camp girl from A.P. Within the classroom can be found 4 more characters. These 4 girls seem to be out for the Annoying girl ( Which I shall now refer to as "Nut Case"). I can hear them make spiteful remarks about her, and I await for their attack. I imagine it to be pretty brutal such as you see on national geographic where one distracts the prey and the others attack from behind! OUCH! |
| 1-28-02 |
| I arrive in english earlier than usual to read a story that I didnt read over the weekend. 8 am rolls around and no sign of BIGMAN. 13 minutes past the scheduled start of class Nut Case walks in. I can make out a disgusted "I spoke to soon" comming from one of the four girls. Nut Case proceeds to explain her tardiness. Her excuse was that her daughter was throwing up everywhere. When the Nut Case speaks, everyone listens due to the fact that its is so loud you cant hear your own conversations. One of the girls speaks up and asks the class why everyone stops to listen to her conversation. I advise you read a few sentences back. The 4 girl eagerly awaited the 8:15 mark so they can leave class with BIGMAN being AWOL. When time came, they walked out in disgust! |
| 1-28-02 |
| Today was a day of perils. I escaped a near death experience on campus. Old people have a hard time driving already. Today at the crosswalk the cars were stopped and backed up and many have sat there for minutes waiting for the peds to pass so they can go. When I approached the crosswalk an elderly member of the community aka Senior Citizen Man floored his accellerator, endangering me and many other's well being. His wheels smoked with anger and made a horrid eerie shrill upon the pavement. Many had to run and jump out the way such as you would see in an action packed movie!(action super action: Burn Rubber!) |
| 1-28-02 |
| Me and a few others may start to believe that Old St. Nick is either a great actor (for some grad study project) or he is really F'ed up. We are planning to follow him around and confrim his status by friday. A real sercret mission. This shall be interesting. and if we do find out he is faking it I imagine his response to be something like, "YES and I would have gotten away with it if wasnt for you blasted medoling freshmen!"...then we unmask him to reveal he is really BIGMAN! |
 |
|
| 1-29-02 |
| Typical day not much happened. Tuesdays and Thursdays will be not as interesting as MWF for the most part! Like I said typical day: me watching girls.watching for girls watching me. watching girls watching me watching them.watching girls watching their boyfriends watching me watching his girl. and of course watching out for those boyfriends. Why do the teacher insist on trying to make the class laugh with the dumbest jokes?...Today I believe I heard a pindrop, crickets, and a frog croak! all at the same time too. Today a crackhead, clowned me about my eyesight. I believe my campus has a high chance for someone to get hit by a vehicle! Today a speeding police car with sirens blasting turned a corner which seemed to be blindly, endangering more students! I didnt make anything of it, but then an ambulance came from the same direction but more careful. It had an even louder siren which bounced of the buildings so you can't hear anything but that. Afterit passed I began to think, I bet Puppy got in a wreck., because they were headin in his direction. Poor Beau! |
 |
 |
| 1-29-02 |
| Since today wasnt that interesting Ryan, Matt, and I went over to Barnes & Nobels(Noble's, i dont care) well, I had some chalk in my car so we got out and drew outlines of our bodies in the parking lot, too bad I didnt have mycamera to take a picture. But on top of that were drew another body over a previous one to make it look like he was getting head when he and the "head giver" died. Should have drew money in his hand too. |
| 1-30-02 |
| Today was a slow day for some reason. St.Nick seemed angry today. I sat to read the newspaper and he didnt acknowledge me, not that I care... One of the four spiteful girls looks like Lisa Kudrow(just not as pretty)... @ 8:15 am ...no sign of the Nut case. The head of the English Freshemn Dept. looks like Robin Williams from The Birdcage. Maybe that is his role model/fav movie...hell he probably wrote the movie... I tripped over an unknown obsticle while Todd(that whore) made me look in another direction after chemistry and made me trip! I amlost fell but lucky Im too smooth to be uncool and trip and fall in public. Damn you Todd! Wait till Friday! |
 |
 |
| Small thoughts |
| A Buddist person thinks the Bible is a good book. He finds it funny. He said, "American Bible, good book. God against Nature , Nature against God, Man against Nature, Nature against Man, Man against God....Haha Funny religion!"(Buddist dont teach such conflict, just peace) The bus line is long.....I feel so sorry for those poor saps..tsk tsk There is something fascinating about about those single strap book sacks(gap type). Its just that when a girl wears them it just catches the way it brings out their "quality" features ..if they have them...but those quality feature dont mean shit if you have an ugly face.... There is an elusive pot head roaming the campus ...I almost got his picture but he evaded me once more...damn him... |
 |
| 1-31-02 |
| I have found a new annoying person. She is black (very), and she talks extremely loud. I dont think there is a class that goes by that she doesn't complain about walking up 5 flights of stairs...she should take the elevator like me so i dont hear her mouth. My history teacher makes homemade cookies. she is old and gray. Craig was told a certain set of door opened automatically. Being the neanderthal he is, he trys to push open the doors. He begins to fall a little bit, turns to see if anyone saw his mishap. Luckily no one did. He proceeds to call Bizeau about it. He knew Bizeau had a trick voice mesage, but yet still, he falls for it! Bizeau almost got murdered this morning by a nasty dude and his son! Some Focker parked in his spot, so he went search for another one. He pulls along the side of a nasty dude's house he asks if he can park there and he gets denied in a very rude like manner. Poor Bizeau had to park even further....what assholes they have in the world. HAHA...needless to say the the nasty dude found his car and I direct you to the above picture of the wreck. |
| 2-01-02 |
| I had something written down for friday from school, but I cant find my paper. Luckily there was nothing too good that I can recall. Oh but wait, I was saved by Officer Mike. He works security at the Dome. Let me give you a little background on Officer Mike. He has been out of the force for about a month and a half (had shoulder surgery and other things I think). Friday was his first night back at work. His job that night was to be security at the Bulldog. Thus begins his story: He had been watchin people getting drunk and what not, them doing the typical things people do at a bar. Well then 2 o'clock rolls around. He begins to make his round through the club telling everyone it is time to go. He comes across one fellow who was sitting at the bar counter and told Officer Mike to go else where. Off. Mike said he'd come back after he tells the other people they have to go. Time update 2:15 am. He comes back to the young man sitting at the bar and once more proceeds to tell him in a firm yet kindly manner that it is time to go. Being the drunkard the young man was, he responded: "LOUK!... YEW DONT HAFT TO BE SOW DAMN ROUDE WIHF ME!". Off. Mike was not in the mood for this. He was there since 5 that afternoon. He was ready to go. So he replies in his own fashion: "LOOK PAL! I'M NOT BEING RUDE TO YOU YET! IF I WERE TO GRAB YOU BY YOUR NECK AND THROW YOU OVER THIS BAR AND THEN OUT! THAT, WOULD BE RUDE!". And as if it were in a movie the drunkard began to reply but was interupted by his girlfriend pulling him away, then something startled Off. Mike. Hark!? What is this?...Located Just outside the Bulldog is a drunken brawl! Off. Mike charges outside like a mad man! throwing everyone out the way even the pretty girls. He didnt care who fell down or not (hard-core!) He and a few others (police men) charged in there breaking up the fight. Once some back up came to take them away another fight had started. My God, Back-up from teh strip had to come to aid them! After that mess had been cleared up Off Mike returns to the Bulldog. Whats this now?...The drunk who didnt want to leave was standing just on the curb (back facing the street) Mike walked out the Bulldog and saw the dumbass. Being hyped up from two fights his adrenaline was high( not to mention he hadnt been this pumped in over a month) "Hey are you hard of hearing I thought I told you to go home, leave! Now get going! You better get off this property!" The drunkard looks at him, crosses his arms, backs one step onto the street and remarks: "Now I'm gone" (bold and daring! hmm...give this man a bag of dorito's extreme, he deserves it!) Well with that been said, Off. Mike turns into Goldberg and runs and spears his ass to the ground, and cuffs him. Meanwhile his girlfriend being lit up herself backs her car up and get the wheel caught over the the steel guide wire on the telephone pole and fishtales everywhere. Off. Mike had to run to the car open door (nearly ripping it off), pushes her into the passenger side, hit the brakes, and took out the keys. He went back to the boyfriend and began to do the usuall. The girlfriend sees he had been hand cuffed and guess what she does?..she goes berserk and jumps on Off.Mike trying to pull himaway and tell him not to arrest him. to wrap this up she gets arrested for interferring with Off. Mike!...Welcome back Officer Mike! I salute you! One thing i forgot to mention the girlfrend threw a brick at someone's windshield somewhere between the tackling of her boyfriend and him getting arrested. I remembered what I was goin to say about This day. I think Lisa Kudrow has Found a new target...I fear for ya boys ' life. It may be a short one soon....what a pitty. |
 |
| 2-02-02 |
| Well as most know I work at the Cajun Dome and get to see events for free while getting paid. Its great. Wel today I had to collect tickets for the hockey game. You get to see every type of person there is. I lost track of mullets....Anyways they had a bunch boyscouts there. Boyscout night if you havent guessed. there is something very disturbing about a woman wearing a boyscouts uniform... I saw a clone of my dad at the game...it was an uncanny experience. When the crowd died down and no one would enter in big groups anymore. Look what comes strolling my way... two of the hottest blondes(young around 20-25 i pressume) I have ever laid eyes upon.( not the only thing the word laid was applied to). Well I thoroughly examine both of them. One of them was showing much bust...too bad they weren't real.(hell if i paid that much money for them i'd show them off too!) Well I guess about the end of the second period The other one came walking my way all alone. Well I couldnt help but stare at her great physique. Oh but I was the only one staring, no she had her star of me too I noticed...she had a slim model figure and a decent rack upon her chest wear tight khaki pant with a tighter top. Well after she gets about half way towards me, she pulls out a cigarette (NOOOOOOO!) so I turn my head for a second and look away. Then I thought to myself, what the hell whats looking gunna hurt?...so we exchange a smile and friendly greeting. She walked outside and began to head toward the parking lot. Of course her ass mesmerized me as she walked away. needless to say I was in a trance. A hungry person came down stairs and asked me "they said they are out of pizza and that downstairs they should have some...so where is the pizza?" I gave him a hard look and after a few seconds told him to turn around. what is there you ask?...lets see i think there was a sign probably 4'x2' that read. 'Pizza sold here' some people are dumb...but dumb people are still people...just dumb. One of the cotton candy men passed by me....he smelt like urine and cheese(actually he smelt like a mule)....poor fellow. (hey hey poche you dont want that job if you get smelly) I havent smelt the black one yet nor do i think i care to... I have seen officers race up stairs all night. A total of three times they ran up stairs throughout the night. Turns out they had 3 fights that night during the game....not counting the few that happened after the game outside. The last one i saw them tryin to kick one person outside...he was SASSY...lol ...he was kicking and cursing and the usuall tempertantrum as seen by many kids ages 3-6. he was truely a disappointing sight to see. I saw a grown man sliding down the pole (rail) to help people on the stairs. One hard look put him in his place...then a friendly warning was told to him...His kids laughed at him for getting fussed at...what a role model he is. |
| 2-03-02 |
| Superbowl sunday......disappointing game...but I knew the outcome already. If you didnt know 20-17, pat victory. Ohhh I also discovered someone's sexuallity while at friends house...he talked about marrying me...it wa ssickening...( yes this was something that came out wrong) |
| 2-04-02 |
| Time is 8:14 one minute left nd i can leave Bigmans class....DMANIT he arrive just shy of 8:15 missing it by 17 seconds...bastard....got my hopes and dreams up just for him to destroy them. I havent seen the nutcase Since her sighting and speach abou ther sick daughter...Though my calc teacher was MIA.... |
| 2-05-02 |
| Today it was colder than ever. After enduring the past two weeks of summer weather...this cold front does a surprise attack on us. Everywhere you go you could see people with erect umbrellas and erect nipples. It had a light drizzle all day. the wind was blowing harder than a whore...and made the air feel like you were breathing in snow. |
| Small thoughts |
| I was told I look like a brother with my beanie on... |
| 2-07-02 |
| Nothing happend good today. nothing even at work...wait I lie...they have a couple getting married at work. They recieved a present that night from other workers. Being the nasty minded people my black co-workers are, they clowned that it was some "eat-able" underwear and what not...and sexual things. these two who were getting married are no young people either and they are very nerd looking, so they were red like this background. Another note my cool ass boss is taking on another job so I wont see him that much. |
| 2-08-02 |
| Hmm skipped bigman's class because I was too tired. Later that night i went bowling with some friends of mine. Craig always falls while bowling by passing the foul line and hitting the wax. most of the time its done on purpose but this time he seriously injured his arm. It wa the classic cartoon banana slip. He fell and hit his elbow on the corner of the gutter. Im sure he has some kind of mark to show of now. Bowling with Beaus. that was mighty funny. Craig bowled beua down the lane a good 5-7 feet I imagine. Biscuit also fell. There was something funny with Poche too I dont remember maybe someone can remind me.expect a picture for this night soon! |
| 3-28-02 |
| My My My. Nothing to write about over a month. Well all Old St Nick does is sing now(80's music) nothing to really say about him. Um, had some fun with a few people at school. Met some girls from texas(one couldn't help but unleash her accent HAHA). Ice Gators are owning up on the competition and start for the Kelly Cup this upcomming week. ::hits his fork against his glass, leaving a resounding 'DING DING DING':: My Dear...dear friends. A toast to high prices! The place , Bennigan's. The cost, 18 bucks. The people it fed, One. Who?, Craigery. Craigery leaves to goto the bathroom. Me and Bizzeau plop upon his glass of water. We each wielded shakers of salt and began to dispence our rage upon his H2O. Saltified and stirred, Bizzeau is not happy. He releases his Womanly rage with a red secretion into his class.(not it was not blood) he use french fries' dip stuff. We'll I mix it up and place it back where we got it. He comes back and the waitress has put the bills on the table. We all sat there waiting for him to sip his drink.(ahndrew, kelli, beau and myself, biscuit was off talking to some guh he knew) "Dude, look how much I spent. This is sad ...no goin out for me this weekend. Thats it boy no more" "We'll heres a toast to high prices"...i raised my drink then the others followed my way. we began to sip. "Boy, your right. Fuckin expensive prices... man" he sips for a while then spits a mouthfull into his cup again. We burst into laughter and he has been gotten! |
 |
 |