alone and move on towards a new and improved future instead.
"Fill in completely the bubble corresponding to your answer."
I literally tear the eraser off the top of my No. 2 pencil when I am handed a multiple choice exam. In the past, my erasures and mind changes have gotten me into more trouble, and subsequent lower exam grades, than necessary. I find myself banging my head on the wall when I have discovered that my original intuition would have lead me to the correct choice.
Inspired by some Psychology 101 demon perched on her shoulder, a girlfriend of mine asked me the proverbial "genie in the bottle" question. "What would you wish for if a genie granted you the chance to change something in your past?" she asked, somehow hoping to stir up some meaningful conversation. (I knew I should not have pointed out to her earlier that we never spoke about anything other than sex and boys.) "Would you choose to relive those experiences, knowing what you know now?"
I pretend to look confused, and by watching the excitement mount in her eyes, I shrug and allow her to volunteer her answer first. She would rearrange her entire love life, she informs me. Skip past the first so-called relationship from high school, shrug off the over-confident womanizer in college, and blow smoke at the pot head from two years ago. She'd seek out her current lawyerly love and spend time frolicking throughout the city, arm in arm with her destined beau. Furthermore, she sighs, she would have concentrated more on her studies and less on other non-academic distractions. She was quite precise.
I'm not sure I would opt for the reversal of time option. True, I might be better off had I exercised some restraint or better judgement in the past. I might even be fabulously wealthy and insanely happy (not to imply that wealth and happiness are in any way intertwined).
Like most, I have had a few regrets to mull over. Yet, given the chance, I don't think I would jeopardize the little piece of heaven I have now for a scant hope of something that may or may not be better. Time machine, schmime machine.
I rented a few movies on the topic - Mr. Destiny, It's a Wonderful Life, Billy Madison and Sleepy Hollow (okay, I admit I watched that last one for an entirely different reason) - for a point of reference. With the exception of Billy Madison, the all-knowing Hollywood filmmakers say it's usually best to leave the past
alone and move on towards a new and improved future instead.
Even my sister Sonata tells me that I should revel in my past mistakes and learn from them, instead of stuffing them away on some hidden closet in my memory. Find something good even in the worst of situations, she advises. Kill regret with optimism.
I get this bitter taste in my mouth whenever she gives me advice, particularly when it's sound advice. Little sisters aren't supposed to be philosophical gurus, especially ones that have to consult their big sisters on what to wear every single morning. All bitterness aside, I know she's got a point. After all, it's fairly time-consuming to continually suppress bad memories all the time.
In the end, I always do terribly on multiple-choice exams. Luckily for me, some expert announced that these standardized tests do not reflect intelligence or potential for success. I guess I'm not doing too badly.
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