Notes: I want to thank Lu Baihu for making me get this fic done: he poked & prodded me into writing it, was major help with the dialogue (writing over a third of it), never mind betaing it…
Chapter Two should be out fairly soon…expect a longer gap before Three though; it's not nearly as complete.
Warnings: Light Lime, Femslash.
Pairings: Rogue->Risty Crush, Rogue/Kitty
"Training really sucked today, didn't it? Scott needs ta remember we're only human, even if he ain't." Rogue says pushing her sweaty hair out of her face, then opening her closet door.
"What is he then?" Kitty asks, giggling, as she flopped on her bed.
"A robot Ah think; Ah mean, can a real person be that anal? Is that mah sweater over there or yours?"
Kitty shrugs. "Yours, I guess."
"Toss it over would ya? I'm glad Kurt's off punishment detail—Ah was sicka picking blue fur of mah clean laundry."
Kitty tosses the sweater across. "Me too," she answered shuddering.
"Ah like him and it's hardly his fault he's furry but Ah found some in my swimsuit for gods' sake. So are you going to Duncan's party Wednesday?"
"Nah…" ~Duncan's parties usually either end up a drunken mess or Duncan and Scott wind up in a fight. It's not like I have anyone to go with anymore, since I broke-up with Lance last month. Of course, I could indulge in some discrete Rogue watching…~
"Aw, come-on — Jean talked the Prof. into letting us go to a school night party and you're not going to take advantage?'
~I'd rather spend the night alone with you, actually~ "Erm… I guess… I mean, who else is going to, like, be there?"
"Ah know Kurt's takin' Amanda, Jean's going of course. Scott too. Ah think Amara and Tabby are going. A buncha kids from school, Risty…" she answers, trailing off.
"Cool." ~Maybe I can spend some time with you that doesn't involved homework or strange monsters~
"Then you're coming?" ~I'd like to have a friend there I'm pretty sure will still be speaking to me at the end of the party~
She sighs, "Sure, I'll go with you…"
"Should be a great party." ~and now I might have a little support if I get up the guts to go through with this but if I'm going to do this—first I'd better—~ "Kitty, can we talk?"
"Sure, what's up?" ~Maybe… I don't know… I want to so badly, but…~
~Now or never—come on you can do this…~ "Ah'm gay and well Ah like Risty."
~Oh, God Damn! So close and yet so far…~ "Oh? And? I'm not, like, going to freak out on you; I, like, don't mind who you like." ~Liar, liar - you mind, you really mind — but not the way she'd take it - besides if I tell her she'll just be upset because she doesn't feel that way about me~
"Ah haven't got up the guts to tell her; Ah was thinking about talking to her at the party…"
"Ah…" She nods. ~I hope she knows what she's doing. Coming out isn't the safest thing in the world; guess that's why I'm still in my own closet…~
"Ah think it's going to be okay but…"
"Well…" Kitty lets out a slow breath. "Good luck!" She tries to smile. ~I want you to be happy, but why couldn't you find your happiness with me?~
"Thanks…Oh lord what am I going to wear?" She turns to face her closet.
"Whatever you want, it's not my job to choose what you wear-" ~or who you love…~
"Oh, come on, help me chose…"
Kitty slides down to the end of her bed closer to Rogue. "Should be something that covers well; so you can hug and stuff…" ~How are you planning to handle that with Risty? Be easier with someone who knows everything…like me~
"Ah guess." She pulls a cream turtleneck out, and turns to her dresser pulling out a pair of black jeans.
~Yea-ah, I like to watch you in those, the way they cup your ass, oh-h~ "Looks good."
"Ah'll just go put these on and then we can go through my jackets & stuff."
"Okay." ~Like, why can't she like me like that? It seems like no matter who I like they like someone else—Lance dumped me for Tabby of all people. All I want is someone who really cares about me…But for now I'm just going to do my best to make sure at least one of us is happy…~
Wednesday night—Duncan's party
As Scott pulls up to Duncan's house, Rogue looks more and more pessimistic. After they get out of the car, Kitty pulls Rogue aside.
"She'll be fine, like, go on; you'll be okay."
Rogue sighs, "I hope so."
They head inside and get drinks. A few minutes later Risty comes in.
"Here goes, wish me luck." Rogue mutters, downing the last of her drink.
After letting Risty get herself a drink and refilling her own, Rogue asks, "If ya don't mind Ah'd like to talk about something before we get plastered."
"There's no one out on the balcony," Risty says questioningly. Once they're out the balcony, she asks, "So, what's so bloody important?"
"Risty, this is kinda hard fa me ta say but Ah like girls, and, well, Ah like yah." ~Lord, I said it; I really said it~ Rogue takes a large gulp of her drink trying to steady her nerves.
~Oh my god this is my daughter, and she has no clue~ "Rogue…I…you can't like me like that." ~Damn, it I have a lover, and if you had a clue who I was you'd know it. Irene and I raised you together; well, when I could be home with you two…~
"Erk" ~Fuck, I was so sure she was into girls at least, even if I wasn't her type, but the way she's reacting…~ "well, Ah'm sorry, but Ah do."
~Oh god, she thinks I'm going to hate her~ "I…Rogue, I'm not mad just…"
"Risty, is it that you just don't like girls like Ah do, or…"
~Do I lie or tell her a half truth, she'll be hurt if I tell her I have someone at home and never told her, but she'll be embarrassed if I say I'm straight…I don't know; Irene, I wish you were here to help me…~
"Ya don't have ta lie to me, I c'tell this is making you uncomfortable." Rogue turns to go back inside, leaving her now empty cup on the railing. ~I-I don't want to deal with this, I though you'd at least be okay with this, even if you weren't interested…~
Risty reaches out to stop her; "Rogue, I…" She misjudges how Rogue is going to move, bringing her bare hand briefly against Rogue's neck.
Rogue pulls away immediately. ~Goddess, this is just like the night my powers manifested. She's going to hate me~
~Oh fuck, she can't find out I'm…~ Risty's form starts to melt into Mystique's, her cup falling over the railing.
~Mystique?!?!~ "Oh my god." ~She's my Mother!!~
~Please, no, I can't be seen; need to hold my form, concentrate like you're holding a difficult form~ Her form stabilizes as she concentrates. "Rogue, wait."
"What?" ~I just found out the girl I've been dreaming about is one of my mothers—excuse me if I'm a little freaked out here~
"If people keep disappearing here, some people will start digging into everything that's happened here, and put you and your friends into danger." ~Please let this get though to her, Kurt's going to be in the worst danger…he's just so different~
"And this means what?" ~and why should I care? If this day gets any more fucked up, I'm going to scream~
"If you tell Charles right away, I'm going to have to disappear again; if you hold off a few days for the sake of your friends, your brother, Risty can transfer back to the school she went to before, and I'll be out of your hair." ~Well…as out of it as I'm likely to get~
"Ah guess…" ~I hope I'm doing the right thing; god this is so weird~
"Thanks, and Rogue, I…" ~I'm sorry~
Rogue pulls away and heads back into the party. ~I just can't deal with any more tonight~
~I hope she really does keep my secret; we can't afford anyone poking around Bayville anymore than they already are. That image inducer may be the best thing that ever happened to Kurt, but it won't hold up to anyone really poking around here.~ She sighs ~I still need a way to get info on the X-men, and Rogue isn't going to trust a new transfer student, not after this; maybe I should try to get close to Kurt—I've been wanting to get to know the young man my son's become. I don't want to risk his relationship with Amanda, from what I saw the other day she knows what he is and is still with him. That means a boy; ugh, I hate spending large amounts of time as a guy, though it did always make going out with Irene a lot easier. I guess I have too though~ Mystique sighs. ~Well I can only try~
Kitty shifts her empty cup nervously from hand to hand, looking out at the balcony where Rogue and Risty have disappeared, and considers getting another refill. ~I hope everything is going okay, I mean I don't want her to be hurt even if I'd rather…~ Rogue slips back in, looking upset. ~Oh no!~
Kitty heads over to her, but is stopped by a shake of Rogue's head. ~I can't deal with this any more; I just can't~ Rogue heads for the door, stifling a sob ~I am not going to breakdown in public; I can't deal with Jean or anyone asking a bunch of questions, not tonight~ She makes it outside without anyone stopping her, and starts the walk home. As soon as she's outside the lights from the party tears begin to trickle down her face.
~I…She…How could I have been so fucking dumb? I've only known her as long as I can remember. And I didn't even suspect? At all? Why didn't I see what was right in front of my eyes? What kind of a goddamned fool am I? She…she tricked me; I played right into her trap—fed her information; showed her around the mansion… I trusted her—I was even thinking about telling her about the real reason for the gloves and such…Goddess, I don't know that to do any more~
Kitty looks at the door Rogue just slipped out. ~She does not need to be alone right now even if she thinks she does~ Kitty follows Rogue out the door, and sees that she is headed for the Institute. ~She's going to need someone to be there when she gets home. I'll just see if Kurt can take me home. I might know what to comfort her with too~ She goes over to the drinks table and 'borrows' a bottle of bourbon. Then she looks through the crowd for Kurt and Amanda.
"'Manda, can I borrow Kurt for a minute?"
"I am at your service, Katzchen."
"Would you mind," Kitty says, glancing at the crowd, "taking me home?"
"Vat is wrong, Keetty?"
"Rogue was, like, kinda upset and she's walking home, now; I thought I'd, like, be there for her when she got back."
"Is she okay?"
"Just upset, I think she and Risty may have had an argument." ~and that is probably the understatement of the century, going by the look on Rogue's face~
"That's not too bad. I vill see you en a few minutes, Liebe."
"All right."
They find enough privacy to 'Port back to Kitty's room at the Institute.
"Thanks, Kurt."
"Anything for a lovely Lady like yourself."
"Go use that flattery on your girlfriend, Kurt."
"But she vill think I am serious and I vill vind up carrying dozens of shopping bags around the mall for her next veekend."
"Like you won't be anyway, now go have fun with your what did you call her, your love?"
Kurt flushes furiously "Ja. Are you sure you vill be alright, Keetty?"
"Like, of course, Kurt; now shoo before Rogue gets here."
Kurt bamfs back to the party.
~I hope Risty wasn't too bad; Rogue does not need more things going wrong with her life. I'm glad I'm wearing a turtleneck-now where did I put those kid gloves Wolvie gave me for Hanukah?~ She digs through her drawer, quickly finding the gloves, and slips them on. ~I wish everything was as easy to work around as your powers~
Rogue glared at the security mike, trying to get her voice to sound normal ~gah the last thing I want is for the alarms to sound because the dumb thing thinks I'm being forced to open it. It's not like it really does anything either—Lance just forced his way though and if he can break through what's the point of security at all? I don't wanna deal with a dumb machine or anything else for that matter~ She swallows, and then says "Rogue" ~Rogue the dumb ass, that's me~
"Processing…processing—Class Beta Security Clearance—Thank you."
~Who programmed this thing? It sounds like a 20-year-old computer voice synthesizer~ She sighs, and continues the short distance to the Mansion. ~I really don't want to see anyone else tonight; it's been rough enough~ She shudders ~I can't believe she was…~ She veers off for the side entrance using her keys to open the door. ~I might just make it~ She heads up the stairs only a short hallway now separating her from her room. She rushes into her room flopping down on the bed ~Thank god, I made it back here without having to talk to anyone at all. I just wanna go to sleep and forget this night ever happened~
"Erm…Rogue?" Kitty comes over to the side of Rogue's bed.
~Damn~ "Kitty, Ah…" ~I really didn't want to deal with anyone tonight~
"Erm…you, like, didn't look very happy when you left the party, and I like thought you could use some company. I'd guess things didn't go well?"
"Ah…she…Oh lord, Ah don't know anymore." ~Why are you asking me these things?~
Kitty pours a slug of the bourbon into a glass and hands it to Rogue. "Here, might help."
~I doubt anything can~ "Thanks." ~Might help me forget at least. I do not ever want to remember this night~
"So, what's up?"
"Things went weird." ~Whoa, that is way too close to the truth. How an I going to get out of this one? ~
"Like? She just didn't like? Taken? Or…" ~Maybe I might have a chance now~
~Think fast, Rogue~ "Ah…Ah guess it kinda crept her out that Ah'd been looking at her like that." ~There—100% truth but not quite how Kitty's going to take it~
"… Ah… at least she wasn't a phobe, right?" She asks, sounding a bit worried.
~Well she's my lesbian mother definitely not a phobe, but what am I going to tell Kitty?~ "Mabay a little bit, but not like she's going to cause trouble for me." ~All I want is to drink enough of this to pass-out and forget this night ever happened~ Rogue reaches over and takes the bottle to refill her glass.
"I'm sorry, Rogue…"
"Ah was hoping so much that this was going to work—Ah mean all Ah wanted was a little happiness."
~I've been looking for a while…not sure I really believe in happiness anymore~ "C'mon, it's not as if she… sorry, I, like, should be saying…"
"Words ain't gunna fix thangs anyhow."
She hangs her head. "Forgot that… any ideas?"
"Ah think ya had the right idear when ya brought this home." She takes a slug straight from the bottle then passes it to Kitty
"Erm…" She shrugs "If it helps?" ~Does sound like a good idea~ Kitty takes a drink; then sets the bottle down between them.
"Ah'll prolly regret it tomorrow, but tonight…" She takes a long drink.
"Yeah…"
"Why can't we live normal lives?" She sobs. "Just because we're different, everything is so much harder for us." She moves closer to Kitty, sobbing softly.
"Sometimes that makes us, like, better, right?"
"Sometimes Ah wish Ah didn't have to deal with any of this—my skin, the institute, Magneto vs. the Professor…" ~Mystique~
She sighs, pulling Rogue into her arms "Looks, you didn't ask for being a mutant, okay? Magneto and that stuff, I can't help, though I'd, like, want so badly to protect you from it… and the Institute? The Professor? Why them?"
"Because Ah had ta chose sides in their fight and now Ah'm on the opposite side from the closest Ah've got to family."
"Wait, when was Magneto ever family?"
"No, no—Raven and Irene they've chosen his side and I can't, won't."
"Well, like… I'm sorry I can't help you with that either…"
"Just knowing ya care helps" Rogue reaches out and hugs Kitty.
"Sorry I can't do more…" Kitty says continuing in a hurt voice "All I'm good for is, like, sitting around and picking you up when you're down, but I can't even protect you…"
"Ye're good for more than that. Ya do a fine job av watching mah ass in the Danger room—ya were here when Ah was having those nightmares—-And," she smiles, "Ye're the one who knows how to make those low fat choco-chip cookies so we can pig-out without getting out of shape…"
She laughs. "Yeah, but…" She throws up her hands. "None of that matters NOW, when…"
"Kitty, Ah mean it just caring enough ta give up your own night out for me means a lot—thanks."
"Jeeze, I… I just thought… it's, like, of course, no? Listen - I won't pretend that if I'd stayed after that, I could've slept tonight…"
"That means ya care; Sometimes Ah think ye're the only one who really does anymore; well Kurt too…" ~Mystique cares but…~
She smiles, "Well, thanks for knowing it… what about tomorrow?"
"Tomorrow?" She picks up the bottle and takes another drink. "Ah'll deal with the hangover Ah'm sure ta have and then I'll go ta school and hope things don't go to badly when I see Risty…the I'll come home and spend some time with mah friends here—like you" She cuddles closer to Kitty.
"Thanks…" ~How far is this gunna go? Like, I don't mind but neither of is exactly sober…~
"Ah wish Ah had someone to be with laike that though…"
~You could~ She sighs. ~But not if it costs us… well…~
"Kitty? You okay?" She slips her arm around Kitty.
"I guess… just…"
"Weird night, huh?"
"Yeah… and… and…"
"Kitty?" She shifts so she is fully facing Kitty, slipping her other hand onto Kitty's knee.
"Well… I'm… yeah, I'm kinda sad too… not, not like, just for you, but for me…"
Rogue blinks "Kitty? What's wrong?" ~I'm here…~
"I'm… I, I feel… kinda lonely…" She looks away.
"Have Ah been so caught up in Risty Ah've been ignoring our friendship?" Rogue asks, sounding slightly aghast. ~I never wanted ta hurt you, you're one a my best friends…~
"No," She sighs, "it's not that, it's…"
"If it's not that, then what?"
"Listen, we've never lost out on our friendship, it's just… I…I wouldn't mind more?"
"You mean…" She hesitantly reaches out to cup Kitty's breast, looking ready to pull back at any instant.
"Ummm" Kitty leans in as if for a kiss.
Rogue fumbles in her pocket for her scarf, drapes it across Kitty's mouth, and leans in, letting Kitty close the last of the gap between them.
The kiss deepens, as Rogue slips her tongue into Kitty's mouth, stretching the silk. Kitty moans in response fumbling with the buttons of Rogue's vest. Rogue responds, trying to get Kitty's shirt off. As they break the kiss, their shirts hit the deck, gloved hands caressing bare skin. Rogue slips Kitty's bra off while Kitty fumbles with the hooks for Rogue's.
"S'nice," Rogue mutters running her fingertips along the side of Kitty's face. Kitty gets hold of the sheet and pulls it over Rogue. "Huh?" Rogue questions. Kitty lifts her self onto Rogue, caressing and hugging. "Oh-h" Rogue moans. Kitty pulls the sheet up enough to kiss Rogue again; then skins out of her jeans. She reaches around the sheet to undo Rogue's, with fumbling help. The girls make love for over an hour; then fall asleep curled around each other.
The Next Morning
Rogue wakes and tries to stretch ~hu-uh? What's this on top of me?~ opens eyes ~oh Kitty——Kitty!?!? Oh my God I must a, why would she—this place smells like a distillery…Goddess…~ She tries to get out of bed without waking Kitty, but Kitty starts to yawn softly, then stir. "Ah'm sorry, Kitty" ~like that's going to help when she figures out / remembers what you did.~
"Uh-urm-wha?" Kitty looks more than a bit hung over.
"We—Ah…last night…"
"It's okay, Rogue."
"Y-you mean, y'get what Ah mean?" ~Oh god she's gunna hate me~ She starts to pull away but is stopped by the look in Kitty's eyes.
"Rogue, who was on top this morning?"
~You were~ "Oh my god…"
"Do you really think…"
"That Ah-Ah, you mean, that Ah-" She pulls away burying her face in the pillow for a moment. "-Ah can't say."
"We got drunk and fooled around. If anything I took advantage."
"No, you didn't, Ah-" ~took advantage of the booze to…~
"—was drunk, drunker than I was."
She pauses, "Well, yeah…" ~I can't meet her eyes~ "Sorry, K-kit…" She starts shuddering almost sobbing.
"Rogue—" She hesitates "I…nothing happened that I said no too."
She looks up; then pulls away slowly. "You mean … gawd, how, Kitty, how could you?? Of course, you said no! You were flat-out drunk!"
"Nothing I would say no to now either."
She blinks rapidly. "Wait-w-whoa." Her eyes go wide; she drops her head, and backs away slowly, holding her hand out. "When, why? Why did you…"
"I've thought you were hot since before you moved in, not sure when I realized I was truly interested…"
Rogue sits up in shock. "Wha … you … never told me! Why?"
"Rogue, till Monday, I thought you were after Scott—it was easier just to keep my mouth shut it's not like I've ever told anyone I'm BI"
Rogue raises her eyebrow at 'BI'. "Wait a sec here now, girl - wouldn't've been much easier to just get a guy, if ya weren't gonna ask me out?"
"Um, like, hello, Lance and I broke-up about 3 weeks ago—ring any bells?"
"What happened back there? Screw that, Ah'm not sure how much of that matters now, but yeah, did Ah really seem all that … well, straight?"
"Eh, you seemed kinda interested in Scott and I didn't see anyone else…"
"Aww, c'mon, really…now, Ah, Ah can't, well, Ah can't say Ah was prepared for any of this…"
"I'll, like, understand if you're not interested…"
"Not like there's goin' any back now…" She looks at the floor.
"If you want to, we can try at least — write this off as a drunken aberration and go back to being friends and teammates — but only if you want to; I'd rather…"
"Honestly, Ah don't know…"
"You need time." ~I wish I could just sweep you away and fix everything, but the real world doesn't work like that~
"Ah dunno what to do now … sorry, but Ah have ta admit, you really, really surprised me by this; honestly, Ah hadn't really thought about you that way…And yesterday…"
"I understand," She answers in a quiet voice.
Rogue looks away, crossing her arms. "Thanks … but now, what do you want, really?"
"I'd like at least try, but if you want more time to deal with things…"
"Nah, s'okay, just, Ah'm so surprised, y'know? Ah mean, we had some fun with the Sirens, the Danger Room, just bein' friends… but Ah never thought about you that way and… Ah mean your pretty 'n' all and one a my best friends… But Ah can't be sure this isn't just rebound; Ah've felt so alone, and then Risty and then…
"First off, Ah DON'T want a relationship that only lasts coz Ah'm on the rebound, thank you for the help, but Ah want it to LAST. Second, we need ta be honest with each other, and if ya have anythin' about me ta say, good or bad, Ah gots ta hear it, coz Ah just told you, and if it affects whether ya still want me, and if a little voice in yer heart yells it ya for not taking me in, then just tell it that Ah was honest wit ya."
Kitty fumbles for an answer—"I feel different about you than I've felt about any-one I was interested in before — brighter…more real…I dunno—it's kind like the difference between that stuff the school calls Chili and what Logan makes— that probably made no sense whatsoever but…"
She shrugs. "Chili and Logan's? No it ain't. Ah 'ppreciate ya rattlin' off mah good sides, but if there's ever somethin' ya don't like about me or stuff, don't just pretend it ain't there, coz it probably is, and Ah'm still on the rebound, can't really say much about ya at the moment…"
"Okay"
Rogue hugs Kitty, asking her, "So now what?"
"Life—our life."
TBC