April 25, 2005 -
What on earth.... I planned to have only 13 hours and was happy about that and then I looked on the course schedule sunday night to find my 1 hr seminar was closed. So then I panicked and managed to find an interesting sounding Geology class. But then today they reopened the seminar. I guess they only open it on the days sophomores and freshman register. *sigh* So now I have the geo class and the seminar to boot. So I'm debating whether or not I should keep it. *sigh* I guess I figure it out next year when I go to class and see the syllabus. Becuase 16 hours.... with 2 cs classes.... Both of which look like classes even Satan would cry at. x.x... We shall see. Ooh and I found a really nifty sociology class I'mdetermined to take. Poeple even say the professor's good. ^^ But it's a class about juvenile delinquency. :B So yes, ev's determined to get that class by the time I graduate. XDDD Meanwhile, I'm depressed and sore. Cal's going downhill and my work ethic is pretty much mashed into mud now. I'm also worried about prom stuff. Dammit. Dammit dammit dammit. Alright. so not everything's all hunky dory. But I guess I'll live. Summer plans so far truely begin sometime in June or July. (fergot) I go to Taiwan with Mom and then tour half of Japan. Then I go home, rest for 2 or 3 days and I'm off to hcc for history and govt. Let me know if anyone's taking the second session of the same thing too. I promise I won't bite.... too hard.... x.x... If I'm in a bad mood it's not your fault. I'm just pissy. Yeah..... Complete and utter crap today. Complete and utter crap. Ironically enough, I look forward to killing myself tomorrow at the gym with Linh and Meredith(?). At least it makes me feel better about myself. =shrugs= Just a bit.... Just a little bitty bit. ha So Stepmania has consumed my life. I really wish I had the actual ddr but it can't be helped. ddr so much more fun than stepmania even tho I can actually do stuff on stepmania. Too bad I don't like the majority of ddr music. hai.... Tho I love tsugaru. I saw these 2 guys performing it during orientation on the super evil you-will-fall-over-and-die level and wow.... I mean woaw..... THAT was dancing. It was the spiffiest thing ever. I mean... the middle part, the beginning and ending are like all the other super challenge modes. more frantic stomping than anything. But the middle part..... Yeah you guys need to at least hear the music to get what I'm talking about. But it's cool. I think I'm going to make it a habit of demanding all ddr players to perform tsugaru for me. XB So yes.... That's about it in my boring life. Everything's still pretty much a constant. HW sucks, classes are evil for the most part, school gives me no time to sleep, I love James, Linh is a really cool buddy, Austin is still weird yet fun... Yeah.... Except the flowers died. Goodbye.
- 5:18 pm
April 20, 2005 -
It's interesting. Listening to my roommate bicker with her girlfriend day in and day out. It's all playful since I can hear her smiling but still. To me a lot of it's really cold. And what's more interesting is I really know the truth of her character now. Sure I dont know all of her aspects but I do know parts of the bad side. I hear her lies. I hear her complaints. I hear quite a bit and then some. So I wonder. What does she know about me? It's a bold reminder that I don't want to room with a friend. Better a stranger whom I'll never see again know some of my secrets than a friend. On another note, why is it that I can't help wondering how he is? What is he thinking? Is he happy? Truely happy? I hope so.
- 11:49 pm
April 13, 2005 -
Posted the Shrek 2 song. The BEST one. ^^ Play it over and over again and feel really giddy. Hee hee. Aaanyway.... School's been hectic. Ev's feeling the crunch of money. Damned prom. But yes.... *sigh* Things get so much harder when everything off the books. x.x.... But yeah... not like I'm being really smart anyway. Linh's rubbing off on me and I managed to accumulate a really pretty top that I'll never wear. =dies= Anyone got a semi-formal/casual event they want to throw? ^^;;;;; Haaaaai.... Well yeah, we're screwing ourselves over slowly but surely. I'm so pissed off at cs it's not funny. Well not pissed off. I just suddenly feel horribly incompetent. And as a result, I am foolishly avoiding all cs assignments. =dies= Bad bad idea I know. But yes, I should try and start that now. x.x...... Go Shrek 2 soundtrack! lol it's overall only ok but it gives me interesting memories if anything. =shrugs= But yes.... We're going through James deprivation again. I think I annoy Linh whenever I mull over that. x.x... I can't blame her. We're of 2 different opinions when it comes to how much time we're happy spending with our boyfriends. For me it's close to forever since I don't see him enough and for her she sees him everyday so a happy distance is nice. *siiigh* But yeah.... I'm starting to do that stupid lovesick, look around campus tihnking about next year thing again. *sigh* Allllrighty. no reminiscing!!! =dies= Work work work work. I have to go home this weekend which reminds me.... I need to buy a bus ticket. DAMMIT!!! =dies= Graaaaaa..... Yeah... ok. working now! ^^;;;; Seriously....
- 1:32 pm
April 9, 2005 -
Alrighty. Yesterday was slightly life scarring. More so for poor Linh tho. x.x... Ok so we went to Highland Mall and it was crammed full of people. I mean they brought it more security guards to make sure no one was blocking the way. On the second floor they made it so people could only walk in one direction. So Linh and I actually ended up having to go all the way around the mall just to go downstairs/ It was insane!!!! And let me tell you, almost everyone there was horny. =shivers= Guys were walking around checking out all the girls. And a LOT of the girls were wearing painfully skimpy clothes. I mean skimpier than I've ever seen irl before in my life. I mean lots of stuff was hanging out. I wanted to cry. Linh saw some really nasty things that I'm really glad I never saw. x.x.... But yes, the shopkeepers looked really angry because everyone was seriously there to just scope for the next potential fling. Once you went into the store it was virtually empty. x.x... I bet the food court people were really happy tho. ^^;;; Everyone has to eat. Well anyway, close to closing, the security started forcing everyone out. In general, it was insane. We still have no idea why so many people were there but god I hate that mall now. You have no idea how many people I wanted to hurt. Soooo many stupid bastards there. But yes, at least we were a little productive. ^^ That's always a good thing ne? Aaanyway, I was meaning to do more in terms of hw this weekend but my brain is furiously resisting me. I can't even focus on linguistics and this article is really interesting. =growls= So much for that. mebbe later I'll get something done. x.x.... Meanwhile, I'm determined to get something real for dinner or else I'll die. *sigh* Well.... more like I want meat.... lol I can hear Luffy storming around in my head saying "niku... niku niku niku!!!!" Or something like that... iono how to romanize japanese just by hearing it constantly. Someone tell me if I'm right.
- 5:11 pm
April 6, 2005 -
Dammit, I want to brag to someone but everyone's gone!!!! =glowers= I literally skipped home with a full out beam plastered on my face. I! am number one. PU HA HA HA HA!!! XDDDD For now. x.x..... Ironic tho... I fail ALL of my quizzes (well all but one) and yet I CREAM on my tests. ^^ Last time Iwas number 3. With a B tho. x.x.... And this time I get a 90! =psychotic beam= The one and only A. And dammit I worked hard for the friggin' 90. x.x.... Now if I don't get an A in this class despite my creamage, imma cry. Tho I have a final. And I'm scared to death of that final. Ohhhh yes I really am. Covers EVERYTHING in the first 2 tests and then some. Oh god..... Kill me now. I was thinking I'd be fine if the last test was just on the last 2 chapters but noooooo... Oh no..... Forbid the thought of my cal teacher even being nice. Let alone fair. =growls= BAH!!! But aaanyway! I also finished my logic homework early and actually feel good about it. Whereas before I did it thinking, "ick.... imma fail this hw" So aaanyway! I are happier! :B Aaand... now all I have to do for this week is the cs assignment and study for Spanish. w00t! Yes.. still hyper over here. I'm tempted to go running around out side but I have to go program. Ewwww.... =wrinkles nose= Damn indoor-focused homework on days that are beautifully warm. Nice breeze too. Mouuuu.... Can I just go read outside??? Onegai??? Dammit no time. Okokok... x.x.... Off I go. Imma plant myself in Carothers again and program until I get hungry. hmm..... Or mebbe I'll stay here until my roomie turns on the bloody tv. I do need the internet. x.x.... okokok we'll stay here and then later march off to the ugl or something. Merf. Waste of a wonderful day. Grr.... I'm jealous of all the sodding couples who get to cuddle in the warm sun and happy breeze. =shakes fist= May the clouds gather and RAIN ON YOU!!!! baaaahhhh....
- 4:24 pm
April 4, 2005 -
Who am I? No really. I'm starting to wonder. I really don't know. And what do they think? What do they all think. Everyone I've met, talked to, cared for, hated. Everyone. What do they know about me? How do they judge me? Is it good? Is it bad? Is it true? I'll let you know what I think of myself. I'm a cocky elitist bitch who's too shy and polite to show it. So I wonder. Is it good to try and keep friends that close to me? I get mean. Very very mean. I don't want to lose anyone but I do. I think somewhere in my mind I do. I want to push everyone away but for what reason I don't know. The martyr in me says I want to save them from me. The pessimist in me says that's pure bull. I'm trying trying to make myself better than I seem. But either conclusion, it doesn't help. I still don't know who I am. I'm not content to just define myself as a girl. Or as a person. As a human. I'm not. I feel different. Like I don't belong. So who am I? Who are you? Are you like me? Is anyone like me? How can I expect you to understand when I don't understand myself. Yet I do. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm really very sorry. I'm always sorry. But I don't know why. Well I do but always? You'd think not always but yes. I'm always sorry. You know what I fear? I fear that my constant apologies dilute their worth in peoples' minds. Like because I apologise so much, I don't really mean it. But I do. When I say I'm genuinely sorry I am. Because I know I messed up and hurt you. And even years later, I'll still feel guilty. So I'd like to say it again. And hopefully you'll understand. I'm sorry.
- 12:29 am