Hum.... De dum.... I was going to study for logic.... But then..... See.... i'm too distracted.... My brain can't settle right now. Ev's worried because James hasn't made it home yet. *sigh* So I'll be a good girl and just distract herself. ^^;;;; So.... I'm over analyzing things now.... At times I feel uncomfortable in my own skin and when I do feel comfortable... it's weird... Because it's not when you think it would be.... So.... Hm... I know I'm changing. I can feel it. Kinda wondering how I'm going to turn out but.... I'm sure it'll all turn out ok ne? or at least I hope so.... Meanwhile! I do work. Work work and more work... La la la la la.... See.... Sometimes I think I'm making up stuff.... Was it there? Did I really see it? Was I lying to myself? I don't know. It would explain a lot but... Yes... Disoriented.... Either way! Nothing can hide for long once I get a feel for it. ^^ It was cool today for dinner. We had talking!!! Wheeee.... Lots of it! Mainly because John (Grace's friend) was there. She invited Roger too. Which was cool. I had to leave earlier tho... x.x... To study which I apparently am NOT doing. =dies= Darn it!!! =fidgets unhappily= Need to instantly teleport. Either way, tomorrow I'm promising to lock myself up again and go work. Must work. I have 3 little things to make and 2 midterms to study for.... I'm prolly gonna just brows through for my comp sci one.... Omg, Mike ( the cs teacher) is so evil!! He assigned a project due on the day of the midterm!!! Can you believe it??? I can't. =glares and throws more rotten tomatoes at Mike= Baaaaaahhhhhuuurrrg.... =grumbles= Either way, hm.... lemme be productive and at least print out the cs project and look at it... Mebbe even do it.... For some odd reason Ev feels like coding. ^^;;;; La la la la.... Meanwhile.... Where is James? =fidgets= Will not act like a psyho mom and think bad thoughts.... *sigh* I've lost it somewhere along the way.... Things like this make me realize there's a fragile balance right now. I'm happy, yet I'm not. I'm alive, yet I'm not. I'm free, yet I'm not. I've gained something, yet I've lost something. It's tempting to go back to high school but I know if I go back now I'll die. Not literally but yes I will. The thing that I have gained, that is still growing, that is causing all these unbalances will shrivel up and much will be lost. They say you grow a lot in the first year of high school.... I believe it. I changed a lot first year of high school. So! Let us hope for the best and good luck to us all. In the meantime.... cs.... coding... la la la la
Delerium - Heaven's Earth (Matt Darey Remix)
9:06 pm - 09.24.04
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...... My brain feels like it's going through a compactor.... Slowly.... being... squeezed.... arrggghhhhhhh..... Walking around made it worse.... Ushi-chan was busy when I came back so I decided to sleep a bit. Except it didn't help much... And now that my rommate has come back and has decided to flip through all the channels on her god confounded tv is KILLING ME!!!! urrrggghhhhh...... I'm so tempted to shoot the crap out of the blasted tv.... x.x... Damn my sensitive ears.... I hate this I hate this.... So.... Soon I will resort to running down to the study room or something.... Something.... iono.... I just need to get out of this room.... *sigh* I haven't decided upon a destination yet tho... If I go to the Blanton study there's no phone reception.... And it's not like I'm going there to study.... Just.... a place to be. *sigh* iono.... Then I'm too lazy and tired to actually get off my lazy bum, change, and go search for a place to hole myself. Meanwhile, my brain is praying for the day to end. I'm starting to agree with it. Tomorrow should be more peaceful. No classes until 3:30. I need to take advantage of the time and study for mythology and the cal quiz. *sigh* So! There you go.... I'm behind on letters but I'm not in the mood to ramble... ick... ok... So.... I forgot what I was suppposed to do..... urgh.... I'll be better tomorrow. Ja.
As an added note. Revelations can be unpleasant. I got a challenge and I'm not sure what to do about it.... I'm tempted to destroy.... But that wouldn't be good now would it? =smiles sweetly= But nah.... I'll just bide my time....
Delerium
8:06 pm - 09.22.04
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DAMMIT!!!! I forgot to post AGAIN!!!! ARRRGGGHHHH.... So... There's a really old entry down below.... x.x... And here's a new one.. Yes.. Ev's out of the old posting system. =grumbles= So... Lesse... what has been happening... Well, I got a penpal!!! Sure it's across campus but that is BESIDE the point!!! I love getting mail, he has cool handwriting, I'm doing spiffy. ^^ And! I'm mailing Mom, James, and soon Laura and... mebbe Suz... =ponders this and starts cackling= Laura's will take awhile tho... I have stuff to make.... x.x... It's a weekend project imma work on soon... That and laundry and recopying notes. Dammit... So little time... Argh argh argh. Meanwhile! I went to Highland Mall with Linh, Laura, and Grace! ^^ It was lots of fun. Wish it wasn't so rushed tho... x.x.... I hate rushed clothes shopping. Merf merf... Either way! I got another skirt to feel cute in! =beams= Yes that's right.. And don't question it. I feel cute. I didn't say I look cute. So MOO!!! ^^ Pleated with ribbon!!! ^^ And I got CANDY!!!! =does the happy candy dance= Too much chocolate makes Ev want fruity stuff. That's how it always is. So now with the chocolate that Linh and Jing gave me, I wanted Jolly Ranchers for the longest time. I think James mentioned eating a Jolly Rancher and that's what started it all.... =grumbles= So I got a small amount.... Not enough... Just enough to test to see what I want for next time. ^^ Anyway!!! I need new stationary... Add this to my list... I wanna march over to Momokos to get tapioca and stationary.... That store smells so nice.... *sigh* With lots of cute asian stuff.... Prolly all imported, therefore all expensive.... =dies= It all sucks.... -.-.... Either way!!! That is really all about it for now.... Linh's trying to get me to join her Pilates class.... Ev needs exercise.... Ev cannot exercise without buddy... It seems like a good solution... We shall see... Must remember to call Mom tomorrow.... x.x... So! Yes... I go now... Go back to rewriting my notes of mythology and then I'll go to cal notes.... And then studying for the mythology test.... and... yeah.... ^^;;;; Ja!!
Delerium - Chimera cd
12:06 am - 09.18.04
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It's interesting.... All very interesting.. I'm starting to notice things about people I've never noticed before..... And I'm amazed at what I see..... Yeah... That's really all I have to say. ^^ heh... other than that.... I seem to be drifting from the usual group of people I keep contacting. In a way I want to cut everyone off but I won't because I really don't want to either. ^^;;; It's all strange right now... Yeah.... Well.... I am hoping that eventually I will branch out and meet new people. In the meantime I will be possessed and sign up to volunteer to sponsor UT! ^^;;;; Imma be one of those crazy people on the weekend meetings where future freshman come up and ask about UT. ^^;;;; Or at least I'll try ne? yupyupyup. So! Yes.... Good luck to me on that... Who knows... I might like it. And I only have to do it once. If I want to do more I can! So! Yes... La la la la.... =skips off= Oh yeah, and another thing, Jack Sparrow is cool!!!! ^^ hee hee
Pierrot - Morphine
9:09 pm - 09.12.04
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Alrighty.... I.. have not posted in a long long time and I have a feeling I forgot to post the other entry.... x.x... but!!! I am home now.... So... I'm a LOT better.. yupyup... ^^ So! Lesse here.... Monday, I got here with Jenny and Madeline. Hung out for the entire day. I ended up seeing Pirates of the Caribbean with Nabil, Jenny, Grace, and Laura which was great. ^^ Before that I ate with Michael (Wei), Jenny, and Nabil. It was a lot of fun. ^^ Hm.... Tuesday was classes and then more hanging out with Jenny and Laura. We went to see Garden State which was really good. I liked it a lot.... Especially the music. hee hee hee. So Ev promptly stole the ost from suprnova. ^^ Other than that.... I downloaded Pirates of the Caribbean yesterday and rewatched it today.... Oo!!! I wore a skirt today! hee hee... Helps that I was only out for 30 mins. =^^= La la la la... I feel really funny because I'm wearing one of those pleated skirts. I feel like skipping and spinning around. *sigh* And I miss Ushi-chan. Always miss him... x.x... =huggles= Hope you get better. So! Now I am just sitting around... Just finished downloading the Pirates of the Caribbean ost.... heh.... imma thief.... ^^;;;; La la la la... And on a random note... iono why but my side is sore.... e.e...
Anggun - Kembali
5:20 pm - 09.09.04
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Going home is depressing. I hate it. I'm never going home again. x.x.... ok... mebbe not.... but.... If I can help it.... gods don't let me go home.... I had a lot of fun on the bus ride back with Linh and Nabil. I got to know Linh a lot better which was great! ^^ But.... Yeah.. Then Mom came and at first it was like yay! And then we stopped to get me dinner. And then after that..... I wanted to cry.... Because I being the moron that I am drifted the conversation to James. I'm so frustrated right now... I want to just scream to the world that I know the coolest guy ever and he's with me but.... I can't.... I really can't. And the one other person who's opinion really matters to me hates him. I want to share my excitement with her and she does is make me cry. I hate this.... I hate how I can't be mad at her because I love her so much. So I'm frustrated. I'm actually frustrated with everyone right now.... I'm sorry. You all are driving me insane. I love you all so much and yet I get nothing... Maybe I'm expecting too much. I want someone to be happy with.... But its not working. Mom says I'm stupid for locking myself up like this. I should go out and meet new guys. She makes it seems as if James did this to me. I need to clarify something. While it is because of him, I chose to do this. He didn't want me to. It was my choice. So just.... Yeah... Try to accept it. I wish she would... And you.... You're trying to help me make it better.... But I can't do what you ask of me.... I think it must be frustrating for you. It's such a simple solution, but it's really not that simple... So just... Be my shoulder to lean on. I don't need advice. I don't want advice. I'm sick of all of this godforsaken advice that everyone is giving me. I've already made up my mind. Just either learn to accept it or leave me alone. No more. I'm sick of Houston too. It's not my home anymore. I realized it the second I came back to my room. I don't feel comfortable here. And living here I realize I lived such an empty existence.... What made me happy before no longer makes me happy. I can't go back to the way I was.... It's silly how much I've changed in such little time.... yeah...... Either way.... I hate Houston more and more now.... It's nasty here. It smells funky and it's so damp here compared to Austin. I don't feel comfortable here.... You know.... It's true... How am I going to handle a month back here during winter break? Or even the Thanksgiving break? And a random note.... my arms are now darker than my legs... wow....
Silent Hill 4 - Room of Angels
2:35 pm - 09.04.04
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I am ADDICTED to this song I swear!!!! =spins around listening to Frou Frou= We luff Frou Frou yes we do yes we do. So anyway! Today! I got woken up my Roger. =dies= Noooo fun. x.x..... But yeah, not his fault. He wanted to be sure we were gonna have lunch together. So! Lunch was interesting! We wandered around looking for a place to eat and ended up in the front where we sat with Ben. Ben and Roger already knew each other so I was new but! Ben is very interesting.... He's... Kinda like my ushi-chan. =huggles ushi-chan= Kinda weird..... Yes..... It's was sooo weird!!! I mean I saw bits of James in him!!!! Except I was a bit more intimidated. Not as comfortable I guess.... He's a bit more modern but.... I swear, same dreams and everything... JAMES!!! I FOUND YOUR TWIN!!! kinda.... mou.... I still like me ushi-chan. =huggle huggle= Ok! ppl reading this are gonna be uncomfortable now.... Meeeehhhh.... I'm seriously close to beyond caring. Soon I'll be parading around telling everyone about James.... Much to their discomfort and my later embarassment.... ^^;;; Merrrfff.... But! Yes.... Ben needs to meet James.... Should be interesting... But keep in mind, when I say twin, I don't mean their exactly alike.... If anything... They're quite different... Different feel... but.. Like I said, bits of James..... It's... so..... very.... WEIRD!!! Mou... okok... I really feel sorry for the guy tho... He's become so practical yet... his dreams are not.... He's a 5th year at UT. Except he's only 17. It's insane and you can imagine how alienated it made him. Poor guy.... He hasn't even had a girlfriend yet. x.x Poor poor guy.... Yeah, never send your kids off to college that early... It's really mental suicide. Yeah..... no doing that.... *sigh* Well! I got back from my calquiz and... It wasn't bad! ^^ This girl and I asked him how long he's been being a TA and he was like, "I'm not going to answer that because it's a personal question." LOL He's cool, just not as a TA. ^^;;;; Poor guy, always looks nervous. =patpat= But yeah, I'll prolly go in and see him for help at one point or another. ^^ Mebbe he's better when there's not 20 to 30 people staring at him.... x.x... So!! yes..... still listening to frou frou over and over again... and... movie got postponed to when Jenny and Madeline get here... ^^;; which means I go buy ticket on my own. =dies= Merrrrf....
Frou Frou - Let Go
4:45 pm - 09.02.04
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