Writer’s Comments

                Just a small explanation of this book, and a little bit of an excuse why I wanted to put it on this disk and wanted others of NaNoWriMo to read this even though it is no where near the 50,000 words that I and the other members were aiming for.  About halfway through the month I was trying to work on a serious story involving the old myths, but a friend of mine described Anubis as smelling like a wet puppy.  Well at this point I kept picturing Anubis walking around wearing nothing but a towel and walking around with a rubber ducky.  So much for serious.  So I began this little piece.  My goal, to give the participants of NaNoWriMo something to laugh at, and enjoy after a difficult month.

                So I hope you all enjoy this science fiction and NaNoWriMo Parody.

Chapter 1

Captain’s Exposition

Stardate: November 1^st 2500

Captain Dee Author Recording

                Today we begin a new month in the Earth Federation calendar.  And with the new year, I begin my new assignment as captain of the UEF NANO.  Call numbers 11-2002.  She is a fine vessel with jump capability, however if anyone uses it again I will have to get very upset.  In the test run, all of my Disney memorabilia fell off of my shelves, and it took me hours to put it back the way I liked it, and my wizard Mickey Mouse is still missing an ear.  In an hour we will be testing out the new Faster Than Pen Drive, and I do hope that test goes more smoothly.  I don’t think my stomach could handle anything else.

                The ship itself is about five miles in length and has the maneuverability to match.  I think I can get her to turn ninety degrees in about 30 minutes if I took the safeties off.  But that is why we are equipped with smaller vessels for battle situations. (For I have been told to expect them.)  It seems that those who have come before me had a bad first meeting with the Kleenexes.  And they are pretty pissed off.  Who wouldn’t be when an alien comes sleeps with all your women, and tweaks your nose.  Anyway I digress.  We have to bays of fighters, one of star fighters, though why one would want to attack a star is beyond me, and one bay of ship fighters.

                My bridge crew is a very interesting group.  My second in command is a man named Number One.  He is ruggedly handsome, while keeping that boyish charm.  He longs to captain his own vessel, but has just refused a command of his own.  I believe he chose wisely, because if he had left he would not be in this story and would no longer exist.  My third in command is Lieutenant Commander Factual Information Used As A Basis For Reasoning Discussion Or Calculation, I just call him Hey You for short.  Hey You is actually an android who longs to be human.  I’m sure it would help if he looked human, instead of like a small otter mad of metal.  I will have to discuss with him the fact he continues to wear the George W. Bush mask, for it continues to scare the rest of the crew.

                The others on the bridge include my Chief of Security Lieutenant Imgonna Di and her assistant a Kleenex named Mr. Ralph.  Mr. Ralph looks paper thin, but has more strength than one would expect.  I would describe Lieutenant Di more, but she will not be with us long.  Also with us is the ships shrink, Ey No.  She is a member of the Lobe race, who have telepathic powers.  They are very reliable, unless it would solve a crisis to quickly, so I am glad to have her along.  That and she looks hot in her skin tight outfits, with low neck lines and….but I digress again.  The final member of the bridge crew is no longer with us.  He was an up and coming genius, and son of the Chief Medical Officer.  However I threw him out an air lock because I wanted to solve my own stories.

[Computer reverse tape and re-record]

The final member of the bridge crew is no longer with us.  He was an up and coming genius, and son of the Chief Medical Officer.  However there was a terrible airlock accident shortly after I took command.  He will be sorely missed.  And of course his mother the beautiful red head, in her tight uniform, all over me, especially when drunk, I just can’t keep a professional mind about her…oops there I go again, um she will miss him also.

                After the test of the Faster Than Pen Drive we have been ordered to the Zone of Plot Devises to check into a civil war that is threatening to spill over into other parts of this book and cause great problems.

                “Captain?”

                “Yes what is it Number One?”

                “We are ready to test the Faster Than Pen Drive.”

                “Excellent, what do we need to do.”

                “Well first of all you have to put these goggles on,” number one said handing Captain Author a set of plastic safety goggles.

                “Why?”

                “Because that’s what you wear at tests.”

                “Oh.”

                “When ever your ready captain.”

                Author  put on the goggles and sat down in his chair, “Well lets get on with it, prepare for Faster Than Pen Speed.  Activate forward monitor.”

                Hey You pushed a few buttons on his console filling the bridge with musical tones, causing the monitor to spring into life.  The monitor showed a vast section of space, the stars sparkling in the distance.  Each star was marked with a letter, or series of letters.

                “Thank you Hey You, but please turn the sound effects down.  And take off that damn mask.”

                “Aw.  Do I have to.”

                “Yes to both.”

                “Yes captain,” hey you said pulling off his mask and pushing a few more buttons and the music stopped.  “Faster Than Pen Drive ready sir, and course set for the Zone of Plot Devices.”

                “Good,” the captain said, “You may print when ready.”

                With that Hey You hit the big red button that was marked engage, but nothing happened.  He looked at his console to find a few questions waiting to be answered, “Um captain?”

                “Yes.”

                “Well the computer is asking which engines to use, primary or backup.”

                “Primary.”

                “Then it is asking if we want to go the full distance, this sector only, or just certain sectors.”

                “The full distance.”

                “And finally how many trips do we want.”

                “Just one.”

                “Okay”

                With that the captain watched the monitor as the labeled stars stretched into lines, which seemed to form words.  They continued to stretch until the words became sentences and finally paragraphs.

                “Amazing,” Author said.  “I’ve never seen the stars flow like that before.  The speed must be incredible.”

                “According to the computer we’ve hit 60 words per minute,” Number One said.

                “Words?”

                “Sorry Worlds per minute?”

                “Incredible.”

                Suddenly music began to sound in the back ground, “Mister Factual Information Used As A Basis For Reasoning Discussion Or Calculation,” Number One yelled and then gasped for air to continue, “didn’t the captain tell you to remove those sounds!”

                “It’s alright Number One, that music is for me,” the captain put a gentle hand on Number One’s arm, “It’s for the credits,” he finished as he stood up to do his voice over.

                Space, a white empty page.

                These are the voyages of the starship Nano.

                It’s fifty thousand word mission,

                To create interesting stories,

                To keep people entertained,

                To boldly create stories that no one has created before.

                Number One looked around the bridge and watched Doctor Hughim enter, he than looked back at the captain, “Um sir, who are you talking to.”

                “The readers of course, who else.”

                “Uh huh,” Number One slid over to the Doctor’s side, “he’s crazy, can’t you order him to stand down?”

                The doctor looked concerned, though she always looked concerned.  She felt that this way when someone was dying she would at least look like she cared.  “Let me check,” she said as she pulled out a small book titled, 1,001 reasons to kick the captain off his bridge.  She turned her head so her hair flipped over her shoulder in an alluring way, trying to get the captains attention, but ignored him at the same time.  She then turned a few pages, “Yes, reason seven hundred and thirty three, talking to no one.  I can do it.”

                “Then proceed.  That way I can have command,” Number One rubbed his hands together, “I knew there was a way to get command without ceasing to exist,” he let out deep guttural laugh.

                “Wait a minute,” the doctor started cutting off Number One and causing him to stop dancing, “did he say he was doing it for the credits?”

                “Yes why?”

                “Well according to this sub-section that is acceptable.”

                “Drat”

                The captain looked at his second in command and the doctor, “You do realize I’m standing right here.”  With that he slapped Number One, “That’s for trying to take over the ship.  That isn’t a plot until the next book, or unless the writer needs more words by the end of the month.  And you,” the captain said looking at the doctor, “How could you.  You report to your station for now, but report to my ready room at sixteen hundred hours for proper punishment.”

                The doctor straightened up and looked surprisingly happy, but quickly replaced her look of concern, “Of course captain.”  The doctor than skipped to the elevator, and hit the button.  The bridge was silent for the five minutes it took for the elevator to arrive and the doctor to leave, but just as the doors closed everyone heard the doctor yell, “Woo hoo I’m getting some tonight.”

                Everyone looked at the captain and Number One leaned over to Ey No whispering, “With the captain?  I bet that is punishment.”

                “Not at all,” Ey No said before she realized it.

                Quickly clearing his throat, the captain said, “Now the credits.”

Chapter 2 - The Credits

Daniel “Evil White Tiger” Mohr

As the Writer of this book.

(I’d say author, but that might confuse people, because I’m not actually playing Author, I’m just the author, and I’ just trying to be nice and explain that difference.  That way people don’t think I was writing my title as “Writer of this book” just to have a longer word count, because that’s not the reason.  I mean how dare you think that is why I was doing that.  Just because you think that I don’t have enough idea’s to fill fifty thousand words you think that….. sorry the author has just been put to bed and will resume writing when he doesn’t have as much sugar in his system.)

                *Added by C, (And great in bed, though he would never admit it or believe it.)

                {Number One suddenly appeared and looked at the newly added section, “Well I’ll be damned,” he said just before he was transported back to chapter four again.}

Daniel “Evil White Tiger” Mohr

Artist

(If I ever include drawings.  Though it wouldn’t be a bad idea to add pictures, I mean pictures can add to the story.  Even when they don’t add to the word count.)

And Guest Staring

Colleen “Arian” Palmer

As the Writer of a different book, and the significant other that keeps me sane.

(Of course most people would think I am already sane but that isn’t fair.  I mean I’m just fine.  Well maybe.  And again I use the term writer, because she isn’t playing Author either.  I mean for one she’s a woman and Author is a man.  Not that a woman couldn’t play a man’s role.  Men played women all the time in Shakespearean plays, but she doesn’t look like him.  Nor does she look like Doctor Hughim.  I mean she is a gorgeous red head that looks good in tight clothing, that she occasionally… um I have to go for a while.)

And

Patrick Stewart

(Even though he doesn’t know it or actually appear in the story.  In fact he did nothing for this book what so ever.  So why is his name in the credits I ask you.  Man what a glory hog.)

Chapter 3 - Back to the Story: Such as it is.

                “Five card stud, duces are wild,” Number One said as he dealt the cards.

                Hey You picked up his first card and looked around, “Nice room you have her Number One, but I have a question,” everyone paused to look at Hey You, everyone except Imgonna who was trying to slip the ace of spades out of her tight outfit.  When he realized no one was going to prompt him, Hey You continued, “Why are we here?”

                Everyone looked at everyone else trying to get anyone to answer, finally Ey No spoke up, “Well it depends on what species you are talking to.  Some believe we were a genetic accident, while others believe that we come from a greater being or power,” she paused to look at her next card, “while the Kleenexes believe that the universe is a large body, and we are infestations.  Of course they believe that they are part of the body and should wipe us all out.  Does that answer your question?”

                “Not really,” Hey You began, “What does that have to do with being in Number One’s quarters?”

                The captain chuckled, “Ah, we are here so people can see us away from the bridge, so we can seem like real people.”

                “Ah, believability, I understand.  I am here, therefore I exist.”

                The captain looked at Hey You, “Sure, close enough.”

                “I bet a buck,” Ey No started.

                Mr. Ralph looked at his cards, “I’ll see that and raise you five.”

                “I’m out,” Author said as he threw his cards on the table.

                Imgonna lightly placed her cards on the table stacked nicely, “I’ll raise ten.”

                Everyone looked at her and said “I’m out,” at the same time.  Everyone except Mr. Ralph.

                Mr. Ralph once again looked at his cards and grinned, his sharp teeth showing, “Kleenexes do not know the meaning of the word surrender.”

                “It’s to yield to the power, control, or possession of another upon compulsion or demand,” Hey You stated.  Mr. Ralph gave him an annoyed look that he took to mean that Mr. Ralph still did not understand, “It is like what the doctor did when arriving for punishment.”

                “That’s enough Hey You!” the captain said, “That is the last time I let you observe.  Learning experience my left,” he trailed off.

                “I call,” Mr. Ralph said, “Four kings.”

                Imgonna chuckled as Mr. Ralph put his cards down, “Oh yeah, seven aces.”

                Everyone looked at Imgonna laughing, finally Number One said, “You can’t have seven cards in a five card game, and there are only four of any suit in a deck.”  Imgonna stopped laughing.

                “Cheater!” Mr. Ralph lunged across the table.

                “She’s dead Author,” doctor Hughim stated with a concerned look.

                Author looked at Mr. Ralph, “Lieutenant may I state for the record, that from now on, no matter who it is you may not kill anyone for cheating at cards, even if it is cheating badly.”

                Mr. Ralph stood proud, “Yes sir.”

                Author looked at what used to be lieutenant Imgonna Di, “However off the record, very inventive use for a box of cards.”

                “Thank you sir.  It’s all in the wrist.”

                “I’m sure it is,” Author watched them as they removed the card box with the ex-lieutenant’s body in it, “well you are now security chief Mr. Ralph, so I guess that makes it your deal.”

                After a few more hands there was a pounding at the door.  All the players looked up and at the door.  Number One finally answered. “Enter.”

                The woman that entered looked exactly like Imgonna Di, except for the differences.  She stormed into the room and started yelling at Hey You, “How dare you let the man,” she pointed at Author, “who killed my sister go without justice!”

                Author stood, “No just a minute young lady.”

                “No you listen you naughty Kleenex!” the new comer interrupted, “You killed my sister!”

                “No, I killed your sister,” Mr. Ralph stated as he stood and slowly reached for the new box of cards.

                “Yes, he killed her,” Author stated blatantly.

                “And you are?”

                “I’m the captain.”

                The new comer looked confused, and pointed at Hey You, “He isn’t?”

                “No, the metallic otter is not the captain.  Who are you anyway?”

                “I am Lieutenant Imgonna Di’s little sister, Ialso.”

                “Oh,” the captain thought a moment, “well I will talk to you about Lieutenant Mr. Ralph’s reprimand after the current situation.  Is that alright?”

                “I’m not sure, how long will that take?”

                “Well, that depends,” the captain looked at the metallic otter, “Hey You, what is our estimated time of arrival?”

                The otter looked around, and saw no one else was going to answer, “I don’t know?”

                “Why not?”

                “Well that information would be on the bridge.  Say who is on the bridge now anyway?”

                There was a silence in the room that would deafen a sheep at twenty paces, suddenly everyone moved for the door.  The commotion launched the table they were sitting at spiraling into the air.  The movement was so sudden that Ialso was surprised to find herself alone, “Well, that didn’t help.  I swear I’m going to rip that captain a new,” her unheard threat was silenced as the upended table landed on her with a strangely satisfying squish.

Chapter 4 - An Unexpected Attack, well sort of an attack.

                As the elevator doors opened, everyone surged forward onto the bridge.  However with everyone moving at once, Number One, Ey No, and Author got stuck in the doorway.

                “Councilor, as much as I would normally enjoy this, please back off,” captain Author tried to sound commanding, but it was difficult to tell Ey No not to rub that lovely body against him.

                “Sir your thoughts are wandering,” Ey No started to giggle, “but not nearly as much as your hands.”

                “Captain, I hate to interrupt,” Number One stuttered a bit.

                “What!” both the captain and Ey No growled.  They both knew that because of Ey No and Number One’s prior relationship he tended to get jealous quickly.

                “Um the view screen sir.”

                Everyone looked up to see a planet filling the view screen signifying they were about to collide with it.  “You may all start screaming,” Author said.  That was all that was needed as a chorus of screams began.  The intensity increased as the trio began to try and move again, but could not dislodge themselves.  In fact they seemed to get themselves more wedged in.  Suddenly a higher pitched scream was added to the choir.  Author realized the new scream was coming from the small metallic otter that was flying over their heads.  Author watched as the otter landed head first into the forward control panel with a loud clunk.  Suddenly the ship lurched to a complete stop, dislodging Author and the others, and sending everyone flying across the bridge.

                After a couple of minutes of groans went by when Number One finally forced himself to his feet, “What the hell just happened.?”

                “Well,” Mr. Ralph began in his normal growl but with a hint of pride, “I noticed to one was going to get out of the doorway, even with me pounding on their back, so I threw Lieutenant Commander Factual Information Used As A Basis For Reasoning Discussion Or Calculation at the console, in order to hit the emergency all stop button.”

                “Good shot,” Number One put a hand on his back, “Though the pounding explains the pain in my back.  And Mr. Ralph, we call Lieutenant Commander Factual Information Used As A Basis For Reasoning Discussion Or Calculation, Hey You remember,” he said pointing toward the otter that was just now making it to his paws.

                “The news faerie said I can not dance on the shiny new ferret with the nice teddy on,” Hey You said as he staggered around a bit.

                Mr. Ralph looked at the confused otter and smiled a bit, “But sir, after using a fellow officer as a missile weapon with proper results, it is dishonorable to not use their proper name.  It is the Kleenex way.”

                “Does that mean we have stopped?” Ey No interrupted before Number One could comment.

                Number One nodded, “Yes.”

                “Good.  Captain,” Ey No turned towards Author, “I do not believe you are fit to command.”

                “What?” Author said startled, and Number One perked up think the ship was going to be his.

                “Well I can tell you are very stressed captain.  All stiff.  I believe an hour session with me would help you de-stress,” she said taking a long breath and heaving her chest.  She looked Author up and down, “Maybe two hour session.”

                Author began to smile, but quickly tried to look as serious as possible, “I believe you are correct councilor.  I do think a few hours would work wonders, would my ready room be sufficient?”

                “Oh yes,” Ey No said with a longing smile.  She began to walk toward the captain’s ready room swaying her hips seductively.

                Author almost ran to the room after her, but stopped himself and began to slowly saunter towards the doors.  Just after entering the room he turned to Number One, “You have the bridge Number One,” and with that the doors closed.

                “I’d rather have Ey No,” Number One said under his breath as he turned and saw the rest of the bridge crew nodding in agreement.  When Number One noticed Ey No was also nodding he shuddered, “Lieutenant Commander do you really think you would have a chance?”

                “Why not?”

                Everyone stopped a moment and seemed to be visualizing that thought.  Everyone shuddered except Hey You who smiled.

                Suddenly the ready room door opened and Ey No walked out, her outfit unzipped to her navel teasing all the men with her cleavage, “Hey You, I need you for something,” she said picking up the metallic otter and walked back in to the ready room.

                Everyone’s jaw dropped.

                Finally Number One snapped out of it, “Alright back to your posts,” he commanded as he dropped hard into his seat.  He couldn’t believe that this had occurred.  “Why does the captain get the girl?”

                As if on que the elevator door opened and Doctor Hughim entered the bridge with much less difficulty then the rest had.  “Well he is the captain, it’s just an unwritten law.”

                “But I’m much better looking.  I mean look at me.”

                “Yes yes, you are very good looking, but the captain always gets women.  It’s just the way it’s done.  He’s also the main character which makes it doubly important that he gets all the women he wants, usually more.”

                Number One sighed, “I want to be a main character.”

                The doctor stroked his hair, “We all do.  Maybe there will be a spin off  book.”

                “You think so?” Number One looked at the doctor with a look like a child that was just told his dying dog might pull through.  Suddenly he realized that the doctor was good looking and touching him, “Hey you want to examine me?”

                “Like I haven’t heard that one before.”

                Number One seemed to deflate.

                “Oh, I mean not that I wouldn’t want to, but there can never be two sexual encounters going on at the same time in science fiction no matter how much innuendo is used,” the doctor recovered quickly.

                Number One looked confused, “Why is that?”

                “Well, if someone tries to have more than one sexual encounter happen at the same time, some strange plot devise will usually occur.”

                Number One did not look convinced.  “I don’t think that would actually occur.  I mean here we are orbiting a dead planet, absolutely no weird sensor readings, and no ships within sensor range.  I think you just are not interested,” he slumped in his chair.

                The doctor sighed, “Alright, but this is your fault.”  Number One perked up as the doctor strode over and seductively sat down in his lap.  She began to stroke his chest through his uniform.  His thoughts moved to her body under her tight uniform and let out a soft moan as her hands slid down into his lap, when suddenly the elevator doors opened and a man dressed in bright colors, a large hat, and an eye patch burst onto the bridge waving a gun.

                “Alright ya swabs, were be the man in charge.”

                Doctor Hughim jumped to her feet, “See!  I hope your happy.  Just because you couldn’t wait to have a sexual encounter, we now have a gun wielding pirate on the bridge.”

                “Be quiet,” the pirate said in a surprisingly perfect British accent, “or I’m going to have to shoot you.”

                “Um, you’ve lost your accent again,” the small black wolf on the pirates shoulder said.

                “Yes, well I’m bloody well sick of all the Arr I’m a mean nasty pirate talk.  I’ll plunder a ship anyway I want to.”

                The little wolf seemed to sigh, “Well there goes your reputation.  You never listen to me anymore do you?”

                “Excuse me?” Number One started, “Can we help you?”

                The pirate and the wolf looked at Number One and suddenly seemed to remember where they were, “Yes,” the pirate yelled seeming surprised, “I want you to,” he paused trying to remember.

                “He wants your money,” the wolf said.

                “What the wolf said.”

                “Can I ask a question first?” Doctor Hughim asked?

                “Anything for such a lovely vision.”

                “Aren’t pirates supposed to have talking parrots?”

                The pirate looked at Doctor Hughim and then pulled the wolf off his shoulder and placed him on the console next to Mr. Ralph, “I told you it was parrots, not wolves.  But no in the pet shop you reassured me that all good pirates had talking wolves.”

                The wolf dropped his head, “I’m sorry.  I just knew you would have left me at the pet shop all alone if I didn’t tell you all pirates had wolves,” the small wolf laid down and sniffled.

                “Aw,” the entire bridge crew said as they watched the wolf, even Mr. Ralph who had been preparing to attack the intruders.  He walked over and scooped the small wolf onto his shoulder and said, “He stays with me.”

                “Really?” the wolf said suddenly excited.

                “Yes,” Mr. Ralph stated strongly and suddenly grabbed the hat off the top of the pirate’s head, “And I want the hat too.”

                “The hat?  The Kleenex wants to be a pirate?” a female disembodied voice said inquisitively.

                Everyone looked around trying to find the source of the voice, when another beautiful redhead appeared looking at Mr. Ralph, she appeared to be talking to someone outside of the Word Program.  Hey You was the first to speak as he came out of the ready room toweling himself off, “Who are you?”

                Before anyone could talk the small wolf perked up again as he saw Hey You for the first time, “Look!  A small metallic otter!” with that the wolf jumped off of Mr. Ralph’s shoulder and took off after Hey You.

                Hey You screamed and began running around the bridge being followed by the wolf who was yelling, “Wheeee!”

                Mr. Ralph looked at the wolf, “Hey wolf,” he paused turned toward the pirate grabbing him by the shirt front, “What is his name!”

                The pirate gurgled.

                “What?” Mr. Ralph said and then realized he was holding the pirates clothing so tightly he was choking him with an, “Oh.”  Mr. Ralph let his grip loosen and he asked again, “What is his name!”

“Silver Paw,” the pirate said followed by, “Do you have a clean pair of pants I could barrow?”

                Mr. Ralph just dropped the pirate, “Silver Paw, quit chasing Lieutenant Commander Factual Information Used As A Basis For Reasoning Discussion Or Calculation around the bridge!”

                “Who?” the little wolf asked not stopping.

                “Lieutenant Commander Factual Information Used As A Basis For Reasoning Discussion Or Calculation!”

                “Who?”

                “Lieutenant Commander Factual Information Used As A Basis For,” Mr. Ralph stopped and thought a moment, “The metallic otter.”

                “Why?”

                Mr. Ralph sighed, “Never mind.”

                Number One decided to try and regain control of the story even though the writer seemed determined to keep it confusing.  He turned to the new redhead, “Now who are you again?”

                The redhead looked pleased to answer, “I am C.”

                “C?” Number One looked confused, “What kind of name is that?”

                C looked at Number One, “Your one to talk.”

                Number One blushed with anger, “Oh yeah,” he pulled his phaser pistol and fired at C.  Number One looked shocked as the bolt stopped a few inches from C’s face frozen in the air.  He sighed, “Mr. Ralph, please let special effects know that they aren’t supposed to take a break as I am shooting a major plot hole.”  Number One let out a sudden squeak as he saw that the phaser bolt was now next to his lap, heating what Doctor Hughim had been heating earlier.

                “One, never call me a plot hole again.”

                Number One nodded vigorously, wordlessly agreeing never to do such a thing again.

                “Second,” C began again after making the bolt vanish, and watched in amusement as Number One fanned his number one, “the special effects department is not on break, I took control of the bolt.”

                “What? How?” Number One forced out.

                “Well, I am all powerful in this novel.”

                “How did you manage that?” Mr. Ralph asked.

                “Well, I’m sleeping with the author.”

                The entire group including the pirate (Thought I’d forgotten about him huh?) gasped, and Doctor Hughim started wondering when she would become all powerful.

                C sighed, “No no, not author.  The author, the writer of this novel, see I’m in the credits in chapter two,” she snapped her fingers and suddenly they were all transported back into chapter two.

Daniel “Evil White Tiger” Mohr

As the Writer of this book.

{“What are you doing?” Number One yelled in surprise, “You can’t just transport us through time and pages, we could screw up the entire book, and change the present”}

{“Oh don’t worry I just brought chapter two into chapter four, I’ll put it back when I’m done.}

{Number One stammered still not convinced, “But if we change anything and you send it back we could affect the entire book.  I mean we could change the present situation, and the writer,” Number One paused a moment and looked back up the page, “This Daniel guy, will have to rewrite a large portion of the book.”}

                {“Yeah,” Mr. Ralph added, “That might bring Imgonna back.”}

                {Everyone shuddered, and to everyone’s surprise so did C.}

                {“Um could you actually have me written out of the book?” the pirate asked.}

                {“No,” C stated, “And you don’t have to worry Number One, we can not affect the credits before I send them back.  Notice the {} things around our current actions?”}

                {Number One looked around, “Now that you mentioned it, yeah.”}

                {“Those protect us from changing the credits. No shut up and watch.}

(I’d say author, but that might confuse people, because I’m not actually playing Author, I’m just the author, and I’ just trying to be nice and explain that difference.  That way people don’t think I was writing my title as “Writer of this book” just to have a longer word count, because that’s not the reason.

{Mr. Ralph snickered, “Oh sure, it’s not just to get his word count up, I mean he just repeated it all in this chapter.  Know that I think of it, he even came up with an excuse for me to use Factual Information Used As A Basis For Reasoning Discussion Or Calculation’s full name all the time.  I mean why is the pirate here anyway?”}

{“So I can steal your money?” the pirate asked when no one else seemed to answer.}

                {“No,” Mr. Ralph bellowed and raised his fists, “Just to increase his word count, that bastard!”}

                {C grabbed Mr. Ralph by his shirt and lifted the Kleenex into the air surprising Mr. Ralph, “Never say that about the writer again or I will personally use you as your races name suggests!”}

                {After she set him down Mr. Ralph made his way back to the pirate and kept quiet except to lean to the pirate and say, “Now we both could use new pants.”}

I mean how dare you think that is why I was doing that.  Just because you think that I don’t have enough idea’s to fill fifty thousand words you think that….. sorry the author has just been put to bed and will resume writing when he doesn’t have as much sugar in his system.)

Daniel “Evil White Tiger” Mohr

Artist

{“Artist?” Number One began ignoring Mr. Ralph waving his hands wildly for him to stop, “There isn’t any art in the book.  I mean there isn’t even a cover!  He must be increasing his word count or thinks he is more important than he really is.”}

                {C looked at Number One, “There might yet be art, that is done after the book is done, don’t you know anything.”}

                {Number One eyed C, “Man this guy must be good in bed, I mean you already have unlimited powers and you are still defending him.”}

                {C got a wicked and longing look on her face, “You have no idea how good.  In fact I’m going to change something to the last section.”}

                {“No you can’t!” Number One yelled.}

                {“Watch me.” C said with an evil smile as she pulled out a pencil.  The crew and the pirate stared as C’s arm disappeared out of the boundaries of the Word Processing Program they were in and listened to C say what she was writing in the writer’s notes, “And great in bed, though he would never admit it or believe it.”  A moment later C’s hand reappeared and she placed the pencil back into the nothing from which it had appeared, “There.”}

                {Number One looked back to the previous page and noticed nothing had changed, “But you didn’t do anything.”}

                {C just stared at him, “Of course not to the one we are in, I mean I went and changed the actual chapter two.  Here I’ll show you,” she snapped her fingers sending Number One hurtling through time and paper.}

                {A moment later Number One reappeared, “Wow,” was all he could say.}

(If I ever include drawings.  Though it wouldn’t be a bad idea to add pictures, I mean pictures can add to the story.  Even when they don’t add to the word count.)

And Guest Staring

{“Here I come,” C said with a smile.}

Colleen “Arian” Palmer

As the Writer of a different book, and the significant other that keeps me sane.

(Of course most people would think I am already sane but that isn’t fair.  I mean I’m just fine.

{“That’s debatable,” Doctor Hughim said under her breath.  It looked as though C was about to say something, but seemed to decide that Doctor Hughim might be right on that point.}

Well maybe.  And again I use the term writer, because she isn’t playing Author either.  I mean for one she’s a woman and Author is a man. 

                {Number One looked C up and down, “Definitely not a man,” he said under his breath.}

                {Suddenly Number One realized that C had heard him, but was surprised to see her give him a seductive look.  He decided to try and stand straighter.}

Not that a woman couldn’t play a man’s role.  Men played women all the time in Shakespearean plays, but she doesn’t look like him.  Nor does she look like Doctor Hughim.

                {Doctor Hughim looked at C, “No I guess we don’t look like each other do we?”}

                {C just shook her head.}

I mean she is a gorgeous red head that looks good in tight clothing, that she occasionally… um I have to go for a while.)

                {“He thinks I look gorgeous?” Doctor Hughim seemed pleased.}

                {“Of course he does,” C said, “He did create you.”}

                {“True,” Doctor Hughim smiled and looked up again, “So you are a writer also?”

                {C smiled again, “At least I’m trying,” she paused and looked at her watch and said something that no one on the bridge had ever heard but continued, “It’s already the twenty sixth of November!  I’ve got over ten thousand words to write in less than five days.  Sorry but I have to go,” with that C disappeared.}

                {“Well that was weird,” Number One said.}

And

{The pirate looked around, “So does anyone know how to get out of the credits?”}

{Everyone else shrugged.}

{The Pirate deflated, “Uh oh.”}
Chapter 5 - What you have been waiting for, *Drum Roll* The Sex Scene.

Ey No picked up Hey You, and looked at the captain, “So any idea what I am going to do with Hey You?”

                The captain raised an eyebrow, as Ey No began to undo the rest of her uniform, teasing him as the uniform hung on her just barely covering the censored bits.  He watched as the uniform began to fall, revealing her…

                You know what I hate the most about having to do this chapter?  The fact I can’t really do this chapter.  I mean how many books based on science fictions shows, actually shows the sex.  I guess considering this is a parody I could show it, but it just doesn’t seem right.  It is not the fact that I don’t want to write it, I do.  What heterosexual male, or homosexual female wouldn’t want to see the councilor strip and use both Hey You and the captain for her personal pleasure?  It is just human nature to want to see people having sex and envisioning yourself in that situation with certain people.

                What do you mean, not you?  Ah I see one of those pure of thought people.  It is because of people like you that shows like this can not show great looking people in tight uniforms taking those said uniforms off.  You say your so pure, but deep in the back of your minds I know you long for that sight, and secretly wish you were one of the participants.  How dare you deny the fact that there is lust and darkness inside of you!  You make it so these poor science fiction fans who can not get sex at all…

Hold on, Colleen is tapping her foot at me…

                Well yeah, I’m a science fiction fan…

                Okay yes I get sex…

                Yes I want to continue to have sex…

                Well I meant in general, not us…

                Yes it is great…

                Okay I’ll stop ranting…

                Really?

                Well I have to go, I’ll start writing in a few hours.

                Author looked at Ey No sleeping on the ready room’s table, but underneath the sheet that appeared sometime during their “Encounter at Far Point” as Ey No was telling him to call it.  He still wasn’t sure why.  He continued to straighten his uniform, and he walked out onto what he thought was going to be the bridge.

Chapter 6 - Once again back to the plot… well a plot anyway, okay maybe one or two at the same time.

Patrick Stewart

                {“What the hell is going on here?” the captain said with force as he looked around to find his bridge gone, and words all over the place, “And who the hell is Patrick Stewart?”}

                {Well we had an interesting encounter with a red-haired woman named C.  She said she was in the credits and brought them here to prove it,” Number One stated.}

                {“Ah so that must have been who the writer was talking to in the last chapter.”}

                {“What sir?”}

                {“Never mind, where is she?”}

                {Number One looked at his feet, “We don’t know, she said something we didn’t understand, said she had to write more, and then left.”}

                {“What did she say?”  Number One leaned over and whispered in the captain’s ear, the captain nodded, “Ah, it means merde.”}

                {“So why didn’t she just say that?}

                {“Well she was most likely just speaking in English, and you know we can not swear in anything but foreign languages,” after Number One nodded that he understood, the captain continued, “do we know how to get out of this?”}

                {“Not at all,” the pirate said.}

                {“Ah,” the captain started, but did a double take, “Who the hell are you?  Are you this Patrick Stewart?”}

                {“I wish!” the pirate said, “If this is ever made into a made for television movie I hope they get him to play me.  I’m just a random plot device that showed up because nothing was happening.”}

                {The captain nodded in understanding, “So where is your gun?”  The pirate lifted his gun to show the captain, and Author looked at Mr. Ralph wearing the pirate’s hat, “And I take it you were the token pirate so this book fit in to the Nanowrimo theme this year?”}

                {“That about covers it.”}

(Even though he doesn’t know it or actually appear in the story.  In fact he did nothing for this book what so ever.  So why is his name in the credits I ask you.  Man what a glory hog.)

                Suddenly the credits disappeared and the crew found themselves back on the bridge with the small wolf still chasing Hey You.  The captain looked around, “Well I guess we just needed to wait until the credits ended,” he looked at the pirate, “Now what to do with you.”

                The pirate looked worried, “Um, well I don’t want to rob you anymore.”

                “Really?” Author asked, “What do you want to do?”

                “Join you.”

                This surprised Author, “You do?”

                “Most definitely, this looks like it could be lots of fun.”

                “HELP!” Hey You yelled as he ran by.

                Author ignored him, “What can you bring to the crew?”

                The pirate thought for a moment, “Well you seem to be lacking a chief engineer.”

                The captain thought a moment and looked at Number One, “Is that true?  Do we not have a chief engineer?”

                “Actually we do,” Number One began, “but he is a complete jerk, and nothing but a background character.”

                Scratching his chin, the captain looked at the pirate, “What’s your name?”

                “The dread pirate Gorge La Réfrigérateur sir, but my friends just call me the dread pirate Gorge La Frige for short.”

                “Hmm, Number One?”

                “Yes sir?” Number one jumped at the sound of his name.

                “What is the name of the current chief engineer?”

                “Let me check sir,” Number one said and took his seat.  After looking over the Personal Name Directory For The Entire Ship directory, after accidentally looking in the Personal Name Directory For Main Characters directory, which only had Captain Author’s name in it, finally answered, “Imgonnaget D Moted sir.”

                The captain went over to the communication panel at Mr. Ralph’s station, “Lieutenant Moted to the bridge.”  He began to wonder what he was going to do with which ever possibility did not end up the chief engineer, when Mr. Ralph, who seemed to know what the captain was thinking, showed the captain a part of his contract.  The captain smiled and nodded at Mr. Ralph.  Finally getting sick of waiting for Imgonnaget, the captain looked at The Dread Pirate Gorge La Frige, “So do you know engineering?”

                “Not as such.”

                The captain seemed to think some more, “Well for now, Number One, enter The Dread Pirate Gorge La Frige into the directory.”

                “Yes sir,” Number One said trying not to show his anger that the captain was the only main character.  He began thinking to himself, I can not believe that he gets to be the only character, there should be more than one in this book.  I think I’ll complain.

                His thoughts were interrupted by the ready room door opening suddenly and Ey No sat there in nothing but a sheet.  She looked the pirate up and down, and smiled, “So you are the new crew member huh?  Would you like me to give you a tour?  Starting in here?” she giggled.

                Number One looked as shocked as The Dread Pirate did.  He couldn’t believe what was happening.  And what the captain said next surprised him almost as much, but not quite.

                “Go ahead.  The new chief engineer should know the ship and all of it’s pleasures,” the captain winked as he said this.

                “Yes sir!” The Dread Pirate said enthusiastically as he nearly picked up Ey No on his way into the ready room.

                Number One continued to stare with disbelief until he finally looked at what he had been working on.  Number One immediately began smashing his head on the console.  Hey You ran by, and the wolf followed, but stopped at Number One for a moment, “You okay?” he asked.

                “No.”

                “What’s wrong?”

                Number One looked like he was about to cry, “I accidentally added The Dred Pirate to the Personal Name Directory For Main Characters directory, instead of the Personal Name Directory For The Entire Ship directory.  And once entered it is permanent.  I made him a main character.”

                Silver Paw patted Number One’s head, “Well if it makes you feel any better you only put him in as The Dread Pirate.”

                “No that doesn’t make me feel any better,” Number One said as he heard buttons being pushed.  He opened his eyes just as the wolf jumped after Hey You again.  He looked at his screen and saw that there were now three names on the Personal Name Directory For Main Characters, Captain Author, The Dread Pirate, and Silver Paw.  Number One sat down and cried.

                After a minute Imgonnaget entered the bridge, and the captain looked at him, “Ah lieutenant Moted, I’m sorry to tell you, but you are no longer chief engineer.”

                “What?”

                “Well we found a more likable character for the position, and I have found that another position needs to be filled according to Mr. Ralph’s contract.  Congratulation, you are now officially Mr. Ralph’s play thing,” captain Author turned to Mr. Ralph, “Please try not to break this one.”

                Mr. Ralph looked at Imgonnaget and smiled.

                At this point Number One was not the only one crying.

Chapter 7 - The chase ends in an oops.

                Hey You felt that he may have finally lost the new crew member by hiding inside one of the panels on the bridge.  He could hear the wolf just on the other side, but he was pretty sure he was safe.  Hey You could not believe that this wolf now out ranked him according to his database.  According to his files Number One had been designated as the new bar tender in eleven forward.  Which according to the files description was a bar that the crew could go to and watch the stars, however Hey You knew that it was actually a broom closet with a port hole.  What seemed to bother Hey You the most was the fact that this wolf known as Silver Paw was now the second in command.  How could this happen on a Earth Federation vessel, Hey You thought to himself.  It almost seems as though someone ran out of ideas and are trying to do anything for a cheap laugh.  “Next thing you know,” Hey You said out loud without noticing, “all us humans will have their pants falling down.”

                Suddenly the panel opened and Silver Paw looked at him, “I doubt it, considering your a metallic otter,” and then he closed the panel again.

                “That’s true,” Hey You said, but heard voices again so began to try and silence all of his movement because he was still sure Silver Paw did not know where he was.

                Silver Paw replaced the panel and hopped back on to captain Author’s shoulder, “You were saying.”

                “Ah yes, well this is the computer were we keep all of the plots that we have run into in the past.”

                “All of them?”

                “That is correct, here let me bring one up for you.  My favorite is a story about what happened to the elder gods, and what happens when the human rase finds them again,” captain Author said as he pressed a few buttons.  He jumped back as sparks came flying out of the panel, and Hey You came shooting out.  The captain looked at the otter and began yelling, “Lieutenant Commander Factual Information Used As A Basis For Reasoning Discussion Or Calculation how many times do I have to tell you not to hide in the panels!  You continually short them out!  One of these days it is going to be something important!”

                As if on que the claxons began to sound.  Author looked around, finally his eyes landed on the computer he was working at.  He pulled his head up and reprimanded himself silently for whipping around so hard.  He looked over the information on his screen and gasped in fear.

                “Code Red!” he yelled, “We have multiple plots converging, Red alert, I want a damage report immediately!” Author shut down the panel to try and save what he could.

                Silver Paw jumped to his seat and brought up the information requested, he knew his job well already so he quickly struck a dramatic pose and looked at the captain, “It is not good sir,” he said in his most serious voice.  The captain smiled and tossed Silver Paw a meat treat, and motioned for him to continue.  Silver Paw moved to the forward console and activated the main screen.  Number One, who had been told he could watch until his replacement was trained, had to be impressed at how well Silver Paw was picking everything up.  Even though there was an able crew member at the station, Silver Paw went up and manually pressed the buttons for dramatic effect, Number One had missed that on his tests all the time.

                The captain looked at the damage report.  He shook his head, “Get The Dread Pirate, we have to fix this.”

                In a few moments all of the main bridge crew were in the conference room.  Captain Author looked around at those assembled.  “According to the computer we have had multiple plots converge, and we have to find a way to separate them.  The following are the plots that have converged,” the captain flipped a switch and the plots appeared on the screen.

1)       Lesbian superheroes who have become zombies and get into car crashes in order to make the other drive feel sorry for them and allow them to eat their brains.

2)       A single mother, suddenly realizes that she is a lesbian and must come to grips that she is still in love with an intergalactic post man.

3)       Two courtesans sleep their way to the leadership of a group of cannibalistic Norwegians where they find out that one is a Hobbit and the other a pony named Bill but they are still strangely attracted to each other.

4)       Eight collage students must face every day problems while the four of them become chess players of apocalypse.

5)       The crew of the UEF NANO must cope with a new situation, when their lost friend Imgonna Di reappears because of a freak time disturbance.

                The captain looked at everyone again, “Any ideas?”

                “Not really captain,” Mr. Ralph stated, “but that last one worries me the most.”

                “I am worried also.  The last thing we need is someone trying to gain the security chief position back.”

                Mr. Ralph nodded in agreement.

                The captain looked at everyone again, “Any ideas?”

                “Not really captain,” Mr. Ralph stated, “but that last one worries me the most.”

                “I am worried also.  The last thing we need is someone trying to gain the security chief position back.”

                Mr. Ralph nodded in agreement.

                The captain stopped, “What was that.”

                “It felt like dèja vu,” Mr. Ralph said.

                “How so?”

                Hey You spoke up, “You two seemed to say the same things twice.”

                “Exactly the same?”

                “Yeah, I would say so.”

                Captain Author looked worried, “What changed?”

                As if in answer, the door opened and Imgonna Di walked in, looking confused, “Where am I?”

                There was a collective sigh.  “Great she’s back and has no memory,” captain Author finally said, “Silver Paw you and the Doctor bring Imgonna Di Two down to the medical department and have her checked out.  After that make sure she is taken care of.”

                Silver Paw nodded and jumped out of Ey No’s lap, running over to the Doctor, “Shall we?”

                The doctor smiled, but then replaced her smile with her concerned look and walked over to Imgonna Di Two.  She gently took her arm, “Come on my dear, lets have you checked out.”

                After the three people left the conference room, Mr. Ralph bellowed, “Captain, the view screen!”

                Captain Author held his head as trying to make his ears stop ringing.  He wished Mr. Ralph was not so enthusiastic, “Mr. Ralph, please use your indoor voice.”

                “Sorry sir,” Mr. Ralph started more quietly, “The view screen.”

                Captain Author turned to look back at the view screen, and saw what Mr. Ralph was talking about.  The final plot that had been listed was gone.  He thought a moment to remember what it was and realized that it was the plot involving the return of Imgonna.  “This can mean one of two things,” he began as he turned back to the rest of the crew, “Either the plots fix themselves as they are completed, or we have to acted out every possibility.”

                The crew looked back and forth at each other and nodded their agreement.  Hey You finally spoke up which was hard because he was covered in towels because of the carbon burns from the console he shorted out, “But the question still remains, which one is it?”

                The captain looked at Number One, and as hard as he tried could not figure out why he looked funny.  After a moment Author realized what it was, “Number One, are you wearing a robe to this meeting?”

                Number One looked down at the long pick fuzzy robe that he was wearing, “Yes sir.  It is much more comfortable than the uniform.”

                “Okay,” the captain said, “Just checking.  Anyway, I agree with Hey You we must find out which is the correct path for us to take.”  The crew took out their thinking caps.  Hey You’s was another mask, but this one was of Albert Einstein, while Ey No’s was a small beanie with a propeller on top.  Mr. Ralph just kept the pirate hat on, The Dread Pirate’s was a bowler that he had just picked up from the ships stores, and Number One pulled out a ninja mask he had stolen from mutant space ninja’s sometime before this book.  The captain looked at his bridge crew, “Okay now you all just look silly, so here is the deciding question,” he paused for dramatic effect, “which is less work for us?”

                The otter started jumping up and down, his towels falling to the ground, “I know, I know!”

                The captain looked at Hey You, “And what do you know?”

                “Let us assume that the problem fixes itself when the authors,” he paused looking at the captain, “Sorry, when the writers finish their own books.”

                “I concur,” captain Author stated flatly, “So we do nothing except continue onto our original destination.”  There were murmurs of agreement.  “Alright then,” the captain continued, “it is agreed.  Now take those hats off, it is just silly.”

Chapter 8 - The fate of Imgonna Di Two, if you couldn’t guess.

                As the crew stood to leave, Doctor Hughim and Silver Paw walked into the room.  Silver Paw jumped on the table and walked up to the captain.  Author was still not sure how this little wolf managed to salute without falling over, “Imgonna has been taken care of,” he said in his small voice.

                “Good,” Author looked at the vile Doctor Hughim was holding, “Is that a DNA sample?”

                “Yes sir, we will be able to start testing it as soon as I get back down to the lab,” Doctor Hughim pointed over her shoulder with the tube spilling its contents onto the floor.  “Oops,” she said as she rushed over to grab one of the towels that Hey You had dropped earlier.  She began mopping up the DNA sample, “Don’t worry its still good, I got it before ten seconds had elapsed.”

                Author shook his head, “Why did you bring it up here in the first place?”

                “Well, how else do you expect us to get another unexpected plot hook in this story?  Or a completely expected one for that matter.”

                “Okay you have a point,” Author backed off and turned to Silver Paw, “So after getting the sample you brought Imgonna to her quarters?”

                Silver Paw froze and looked at Author with a very strange look in his eye, “You wanted me to show her to her quarters?”

                “Of course I did, what did you think I meant?”

                “Well,” Silver Paw looked sheepish, which was strange to see a wolf do, “you said to take care of her.”

                Author squinted at the wolf, “What did you do.”

                “Well I put her in the air lock for safe keeping, but then I saw this big red button that looked like it just needed to be pushed.”

                “You sent her into space?”

                “Well,” Silver Paw backed up a moment, “She seemed to enjoy it.  She flailed around like she was trying to dance.”

                Author sighed and dropped his head into his hands.  After a moment he looked up, “Computer begin Captain’s Exposition.”

                “Recording,” the very feminine voice replied.

                “Captain’s Exposition same damn date as before.  After a strange change in the time continuum that brought back Imgonna Di from her apparent death in chapter three, the newly appointed First Officer realized that her existence was a possible menace to reality.  In order to keep her under control, he wisely held her in an air lock.  Unfortunately not knowing the full history of the ship, Commander Silver Paw placed Imgonna Di Two in the same air lock that malfunctioned killing off our up and coming genius.  It appears that the same malfunction has occurred sending Imgonna Di to her death.  Again.  I will have the new chief engineer look into the cause.  End recording.”

                “Should I look into it sir?” The Dread Pirate asked.

                “Yes, but just use the window in the door, no need to waste your time actually opening the door.  Doctor please take the sample down to the lab, and don’t drop it this time.”

                Silver Paw looked at Number One, “See she was bad, I knew I became commander for a reason.”

                Number One sat down and began to cry again.

                A short time later Doctor Hughim was back in her lab looking at the towel as the DNA sample dripped out of it into a beaker underneath.  She began to wonder what she could do with this DNA.  She didn’t have a lot to work with, so did not want to waste it on confirming that it was Imgonna, but she knew that she was going to have to.  She began to look over some of her notes, when she noticed an old experiment that she was told to abandon.  “Those fools didn’t think cloning could work,” she said to no one as she stood up, “But as the computer as my witness, I will prove the worng.”

                “Witnessed and recorded,” the computer stated.

                Doctor Hughim nodded in approval, and picked up the beaker.  “In that case, lets create life,” she began laughing maniacally.

                “Alright,” captain Author looked around at the new bridge crew, “Lets continue onto our original mission.  Activate Faster Than Pen Drive.”

                “Activated Sir,” Hey You said.

                “Now First Mate,” Author continued as he turned to Silver Paw, “Do you know what the situation is at our destination?”

                “Yes sir, I checked into the files to make sure I knew what I was getting into.  According to the computer we are in route to the Zone of Plot Devices where that planet of the Ares, pronounced like Air, are in the middle of a civil war.  They have separated into two factions based on personality.  There is right and left Ares, and the thing that is causing the possible problems to this book is a large wall that the left Ares have put up.”

                Author smiled, “Very good, and what do we need to do?”

                “Well, as far as I can tell, we need to help get the right Ares past what we have dubbed the right Ares block.”

                “Right any ideas?”

                “Yes sir.”

                “Even better, what is your idea?”

                “Well,” Silver Paw began but was interrupted by Doctor Hughim over the intercom.

                “Captain can you please come to the Medical Deck please, lab Two Hundred Thousand Five Hundred and Thirty point Five Two One, and bring security with you,” it was quiet for a second, but just before captain Author could respond, she added, “Oh and hurry!”

                “Mr. Ralph prepare a team.”

                “Yes sir,” Mr. Ralph said and turned to Hey You, “Lieutenant Commander Factual Information Used As A Basis For Reasoning Discussion Or Calculation your with me.  Ready Sir.”

                “That’s it?” Captain Author looked unsure of the decision.

                “Well, sir I thought it would be best to take at least one other person, when you really only need me,” Mr. Ralph said flexing his muscles.

                “True enough, lets go.”

                When the trio reached lab Two Hundred Thousand Five Hundred and Thirty point Five Two One, Hey You opened the door, and Mr. Ralph jumped through.  Both Hey You and the captain followed, but froze in place with what they found.  Doctor Hughim was being held aloft by Imgonna Di, but she was made out of what appeared to be liquid metal.  “What in the world is that?” captain Author yelled.

                “Ah,” the metallic Imgonna began and looked at Hey You, “Hello father, how are you?”

                Captain Author and Mr. Ralph turned and looked at Hey You.  The captain finally spoke up, “When did you and Imgonna get together?”

                Hey You shook his head vigorously, “I never, honest.”

                “He isn’t the father as such,” Doctor Hughim squeaked even though she was being held by the throat, “I just cloned her.”

                “How did she get metallic?”

                “Well, I think I got some of Hey You’s DNA mixed in.”

                “Yes she did, and call me Hey Imgonna,” the metallic woman stated, “And now I am going to hurt you all for what occurred to my mothers.”

                “Oh and what do you think you are going to do?” Mr. Ralph asked.

                Hey Imgonna didn’t say anything, she did however hand a piece of paper to Mr. Ralph.

                Mr. Ralph looked at the paper and handed it to Hey You who also looked at it.  He than handed it to the captain and said, “Well it looks like the right Ares block will not come down, at least in this story.”

                The captain looked at the paper and yelled, “What do you mean we’re cancelled!”

Writer’s Comments Part Two

                Well I hope that the previous story was amusing if not enjoyable.  So now I am thinking a head to the next year, and I have an idea for a story.  It will involve spoofs (or so I hope) of multiple 80’s and 90’s cartoons, and a few movies.  I would also like to make some in jokes for those people who will be in NaNoWriMo next year.  So, if you have any favorites that you would like to see please let me know.  Also in the story I hope to do something like I did in chapter seven, mixing plots of other NaNo writers as some of the in jokes, so if you are willing please send me a one line idea of what you will write.  Of course I don’t expect that to start happening until closer to November 2003.  Once again I hope you all enjoyed this story, or at least as much as I got written.

So please send your opinions and wishes for the next book (Which I hope to actually make 50,000 words.) to this e-mail address, [email protected]