| I hadn't seen this film since the late sixties so I didn't remember it at all.But the posters and lobby cards were great so I was happy to catch it on cable one night. Ooohh....bummer.This truly is one of those movies where the advertising material is stronger than the film itself.Good thing I didn't buy a bootleg copy of this flick. Somewhere out west a young woman who is a divining witch(aka water witch) finds what at first she claims is water.But something evil in the area scares her and she begs her companions not to dig there.To quote a character "an evil wind" comes up.(Yeah I hear that all the time, usually the Mrs giving me grief for it). Anyway instead of water a chest is found.Auntie thinks it is gold and while our resident scientist goes into town to get help to open the chest, an evil ranchhand and his moron partner break into the chest.Hey!It's a living head with bug eyes!The evil head commands the moron to kill his slimy partner which he does. Seems this head belongs to a devil worshipper from the 1500's.Not only did he have the evil eye but he committed sorcery, blasphemy, buggery on the high seas and also was a square dance caller.So he was sentenced to decapitation and to have his body buried separately from his beanie.He was cursed to have his head live eternally until he rejoined his body.In the meantime Satan couldn't have him since he wasn't ...whole. The evil head goes around hypnotizing everyone until his body can be found by our resident witch.By the time he does get it together you'll have the eyes that couldn't open. A big build up for what should be an exciting last twenty minutes but just winds up breaking an evil wind.Phooey! But the next movie is even worse.... |
| The Thing That Couldn't Die |
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| Ol skip had seen several cool looking lobby cards for this Italian sword & sandal/muscle flick. Walking rock monsters and a lead villain I dubbed The Aluminum Foil Man.Okay he looks like a refugee from an Easy Bake Oven.Having never seen one of these epics I was overjoyed to find a copy for a little over 100 pennies.Maybe some cheesy fun at worst.So I settled in to watch.... ....AUUUGGGHHH!When will the hurting stop???? Peasants are being sacrificed to the Lunar Men at the Mountain Of Death. A rebellion is to be led against the evil queen.Hercules is the outside "muscle" called to ride in and save the day.But wait!Really it's not Hercules but Maciste!Gezhundit!We're screwed! The queen is tied in with the Lunar Men who want to make the earth over on the image of the moon.Via some really horsebleep dubbing we're told that when the planets are aligned just right we'll have earthquakes,floods and other catastrophic events.Somehow this is evilly influenced by Uranus.You got that right Bubba. We also are given mind numbing lingering shots of Hercules'/Maciste's sweaty chest and armpits.Let's not forget the sandstorm that drags on and on and on and on.... Unfortunately we're not given enough screen time of the Lunar Man and his rock monster minions. They are the only saving grace this pitiful flick has. So if you really want to hurt yourself try and find this movie.And watch out for Uranus. |
| Hercules Against The Moon Men |
| Bad Bad Movies 3 (or Moon Monsters,Hyenas & Living Heads) |
| Hyena Of London |
| Am I the only person who suffered through this?It is often confused with and thought of as part of the Edgar Wallace series.Not even close. This movie is a little seen rarity. There's a reason for that.The action is decent, the outdoor photography is excellent and the directing up to par.As far as the plot goes, did I mention the outdoor photography?Aren't you glad I sit through dreck like this so you don't have to? The dreaded killer "The Hyena Of London" is finally strung up for his crimes in the late 1880's. But his body mysteriously vanishes.Soon afterwards a string of killings occur in the small village of Bradford.You know that there is a tie in to the incidents. Another one of those pioneering mad scientists is poking about where he shouldn't be.He wants to see if there is a chemical cause for evil.So he does some extracting from the body of the Hyena and, well, you can guess the rest. At this point you should settle in for a nice nap. You start watching the clock about 7 minutes into this film.The only thing that would liven this PUPPY up is some old fashioned plot.You'll HOWL with indignation at this film.You'll GIGGLE at the inane dialogue.You'll convulse with LAUGHTER at the bald headed ladies' man.Enough hyena puns.Skip this one. It pees on the carpet. |