My friend Melissa and I wrote this two years ago about one of our French classes. The characters have French names (I'm Pascale, and Melissa is Giselle). This is based on actual, slightly exaggerated situations that happened during the class!
THE CLASS SNOBS, YVONNE AND MONIQUE ENTER THE ROOM. MONIQUE: (�POPULAR GIRL TONE�) HELLOOO MME. BERGERONT. MME. BERGERONT: (ROLLS EYES) HELLO, MONIQUE. MONIQUE GOES TO HER DESK AND PUTS HER THINGS DOWN. YVONNE GOES UP TO THE TEACHER. YVONNE: (SAME TONE AS MONIQUE) MME. BERGERONT, I HAVE A PROBLEM! MME. BERGERONT: (SARCASTIC) WHAT ELSE IS NEW?? YVONNE FINDS THIS REMARK AMUSING. SHE LIFTS HER HAND TO HER CHEST AND GIGGLES. SHE THEN GOES TO HER DESK AND STARTS TALKING TO MONIQUE. CECIILE LOOKS AT THEM AND SHAKES HER HEAD IN SHEER DISGUST! SHE STARTS WORKING, TRYING TO IGNORE THEM. MME. BERGERONT: GOOD AFTERNOON, CECILE. CECILE: HELLO, MME. BERGERONT. HOW ARE YOU? MME. BERGERONT: FINE, BUT FULL. I HAD ONE GRAM OF SALAMI FOR LUNCH. AND YOU? CECILE: ALRIGHT. WHAT ARE WE- LUC: (ENTERING) �SUP EVERYBODY!! (SHOOTS HIS ARMS UP IN THE AIR AS HE SPEAKS) MME. BERGERONT: LUC, DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO TALK THAT LOUD EVERY TIME YOU ENTER THIS CLASSROOM? LUC: I�M LETTING YOU KNOW I�M HERE, SO THAT I WON�T BE COUNTED ABSENT WHEN YOU TAKE ROLL. MME. BERGERONT: I WILL KNOW WHEN YOU ARE HERE WHEN I CALL YOUR NAME AND YOU SAY �PRESENT.� LUC: BUT I�M HALF-DEAF! MME. BERGERONT: BUT YOU�RE HALF SLOW! MME BERGERONT AND LUC CONTINUE TO THROW COMEBACKS AT EACH OTHER. CHRISTIANNE WALKS INTO THE ROOM WITH HER DOPEY COMRADES, DISCUSSING HER LATEST CRUSH ON AN UPPER CLASSMAN. CHRISTIANNE: HE IS SOOO CUTE! HIS EYES, HIS SMILE�HE�S PERFECT! BUT I DON�T SEE WHY HE�S WITH THAT OTHER GIRL! THAT MAKES ME SICK! MME. BERGERONT: WHO ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, CHRISTIANNE? CHRISTIANNE: OH, NOBODY. DO WE NEED OUR BOOKS TODAY? MME. BERGERONT: YES, YOU SHOULD BRING YOUR BOOKS TO CLASS EVERYDAY! CHRISTIANNE: OH SHOOT, I FORGOT MINE. MME. BERGERONT: TOO BAD, THE BELL RANG. (TARDY BELL RINGS) CHRISTIANNE THROWS HER BOOK BAG ON THE DESK AND SAT DOWN IN HER CHAIR. MEANWHILE THE OTHER STUDENTS WALK IN JUST AS THE TARDY BELL RINGS. PASCALE AND GISELLE ENTER THE ROOM AND WALK TOWARD THEIR SEATS. PASCALE: HELLO, MME. BERGERONT. HOW ARE YOU? MME. BERGERONT: FINE. AND YOU? PASCALE: OK. HAVE YOU HEARD ANYTHING ABOUT US TEACHING AT THE ELEMENTARY SCHOOL YET? MME. BERGERONT: NO, NOT YET. GISELLE: WHEN DO YOU THINK WE CAN START? IT�S BEEN OVER A MONTH NOW. MME. BERGERONT: HONESTLY, I DON�T KNOW WHAT�S GOING ON, BECAUSE I HAVE CALLED THEM ALMOST EVERY DAY. GISELLE: THAT�S OKAY. WE�LL FIND OUT, EVENTUALLY. PASCALE AND GISELLE SIT IN THEIR SEATS BESIDE CECILE. THE THREE GIRLS EXCHANGE WARM HELLOS. THE STUDENTS ARE TAKING A QUIZ BUT KEEP TALKING VERY LOUDLY. MME. BERGERONT: (OVER THE STUDENTS) QUIET!!!!!!!! (THE CLASS IS SILENT) MME. BERGERONT SITS AT HER DESK AND LOOKS AT THE CLASS. VERY AGITATED, SHE SHAKES HER HEAD. THE STUDENTS REMAIN QUIET UNTIL�. FELIPE: Y�KNOW, MME. BERGERONT, MY SISTER�S IN THE MIDDLE OF A CRISIS RIGHT NOW� (WAITS TO SEE IF ANYONE WILL LISTEN, A FEW TURN THEIR HEADS TOWARD HIM) SHE WANTS TO HAVE ANOTHER KID BUT SHE CAN�T �CAUSE SHE�S GOT A DISEASE!! (SMILES STUPIDLY. THE STUDENTS LAUGH BUT MME. BERGERONT EYES HIM COLDLY) LUC: (HOLDS UP HANDS) ALL RIGHT!! MME. BERGERONT: DOES THAT HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THE QUIZ, FELIPE? FELIPE: UHH, NO (STILL GRINNING) MME., BERGERONT: ALL RIGHT THEN, BE QUIET AND GO BACK TO WORK! FELIPE: UHH, OKAY (RESUMES THE QUIZ BUT KEEPS TALKING) MME. BERGERONT: FELIPE, GO OUT AND STAND IN THE HALL. THE BELL RINGS TO START �B� LUNCH. BRUNO GETS HIS THINGS TOGETHER FOR HIS AUTO MECHANICS CLASS. BRUNO: BYE, MME. BERGERONT! MME. BERGERONT: TAKING THAT CLASS IS THE WORST THING YOU GUYS COULD DO! AS BRUNO WALKS OUT THE DOOR, FELIPE STICKS HIS HEAD IN THE ROOM. FELIPE: (CHILDISH TONE) HI MME. BERGERONT (WAVES) MME. BERGERONT: GET OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE CLASS LAUGHS AND BRUNO AND FELIPE LEAVE. MME. BERGERONT: OK, NOW WE�LL REVIEW FOR THE SPEAKING PORTION OF YOUR CHAPTER TEST. CHRISTIANNE: SPEAKING?!?!?!?!?!?! (MOUTH FLIES OPEN) MME. BERGERONT: (STERN) C�MON, YOU GUYS ARE IN FRENCH 3 NOW. YOU SHOULD KNOW THIS! VIVIANNE: UHH, WHAT DOES �BONJOUR� MEAN?? MME. BERGERONT IS CLOSE TO LOSING IT. MME. BERGERONT: OKAY, WE�LL START WITH VERBS. LUC: WHAT�S A VERB? DOES IT TASTE LIKE CHICKEN? (SMILES) MME. BERGERONT: (EYES LUC) WHAT GRADE ARE YOU IN, LUC? (CLASS LAUGHS) LUC: (STILL SMILING) UMM, FIRST? (LOOKS AT THE CEILING) MME. BERGERONT: THAT�S WHAT I THOUGHT� (CLASS EXPLODES LAUGHING) MME. BERGERONT GOES TO THE FRONT OF THE ROOM AND SITS ON HER STOOL. MME. BERGERONT: (CONT.)� OKAY, WHO CAN TELL ME WHAT THE VERB �ETRE� IS. (SOFTER TONE) WE�LL START SIMPLE! VIVIANNE: GOOD-BYE? MME. BERGERONT IS FURIOUS AT THIS POINT. GREGOIRE: CAN WE USE OUR CHAPTER OUTLINES FOR THE TEST? MME. BERGERONT: (SARCASTICALLY) THERE�S GONNA BE SOME POINT WHERE YOUR CHAPTER OUTLINES WON�T BE HERE! NOW, WHO KNOWS WHAT �CONNAITRE� MEANS? � HMPH! YEAH RIGHT�. MONIQUE: TO BE FAMILIAR WITH? MME. BERGERONT IS STUNNED. MME. BERGERONT: DID YOU LOOK IN YOUR DICTIONARY? MONIQUE: (TRIES TO KEEP FROM LAUGHING) YES (GIGGLES) MME. BERGERONT: I KNEW IT WAS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE. OKAY, EVERYBODY CLEAR THEIR DESKS AND PUT ALL THEIR BOOKS AWAY. YOU CAN�T USE DICTIONARIES ON THE TEST. THE CLASS PUTS THEIR THINGS AWAY. THEY ARE UNUSUALLY QUIET. LUC IS LISTENING TO HIS MINI CD PLAYER. HE GETS SO INTO THE SONG HE�S HEARING, HE STARTS SINGING IT. LUC: (SINGS) �YOU AND ME BABY AIN�T NOTHIN� BUT MAMMALS�.� THE CLASS STARTS LAUGHING. MME. BERGERONT: LUC, ARE YOU ON SOME KIND OF MEDICATION? OR DID YOU FORGET TO TAKE IT THIS MORNING? LUC: ANYONE HAVE ANY TICKS THEY WANNA GET RID OF? WHERE�S MY CHIMP SUIT�. FELIPE: (REACHING IN HIS BAG) HERE, LUC! (HANDS HIM A SET OF MONKEY EARS) LUC: ALL RIGHT!! (PUTS THE EARS ON) MME. BERGERONT: (SARCASTICALLY) WHERE�S MY TRANQUILIZER GUN? LUC SHRIEKS LIKE A MONKEY, AND BEGINS RUNNING CARELESSLY AROUND THE ROOM SQUEALING. MME. BERGERONT: LUC, STRAIGHTEN UP OR GET OUT. LUC HEADS TO THE DOOR, OPENS IT AND RUNS OUT, SQUATTING LIKE A CHIMP. LUC: (AS HE LEAVES) ALL RIGHT!!! (HOLDS HIS ARMS UP) FELIPE: (BACK FROM J. SARGE) I HAD A DREAM I GOT INTO THIS FIGHT LAST NIGHT�. MONIQUE: OOH! CAN YOU SHOW US SOME KARATE MOVES? YOU AND PASCALE? FELIPE LOOKS TO PASCALE. SHE CUTS HER EYES TO MONIQUE AND SHAKES HER HEAD. YVONNE: (PRETENDING TO BE INTERESTED) YEAH, ENTERTAIN US! MONIQUE: (MAKES KARATE NOISES AND ARM MOVEMENTS) THE REST OF THE CLASS BEGINS CHANTING�. CLASS: (IN UNISON) FE-LIPE! FE-LIPE! FE-LIPE! FE-LIPE! MME. BERGERONT: QUIET! THIS IS FRENCH CLASS, NOT THE JERRY SPRINGER SHOW! LUC ENTERS, BACK TO �NORMAL.� CLASS: (CHANTING) LUC! LUC! LUC! LUC! LUC! LUC: ALL RIGHT! MME. BERGERONT: (LOOKING AT LUC) LUC, WHERE�D YOU GO? LUC: THE BATHROOM. CHRISTIANNE: WHAT�D YOU DO? DIVE IN? LUC: (SMILING) YEAH!!!!! (CLASS LAUGHS) GREGOIRE AND HIS PALS TALK ABOUT THEIR LATEST TRIUMPH OVER A RIVAL SOCCER TEAM. GREGOIRE: YOU�D THINK THAT NOTTOWAY TRAINS THEIR TEAM TO WIN! THEY WERE SO EASY TO BEAT! VIVIANNE: I KNOW, GREGOIRE. EGGS ARE EXTREMELY EAST TO BEAT USING THE BEATER. LAST SATURDAY I MADE OMELETTES AND ONLY USED A SPOON TO WHIP THEM. THAT�S HOW EASY THEY ARE TO BEAT! GREGOIRE: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT VIVIANNE? VIVIANNE: HUH? (MME. BERGERONT ATTEMPTS TO GET THE CLASS�S ATTENTION) MME. BERGERONT: OK� ALRIGHT. YOU HAVE A QUIZ ON CHAPTER THREE�. GREGOIRE: WHAT? CHRISTIANNE: WHY? YVONNE AND MONIQUE: DO WE GET TO USE OUR OUTLINES? VIVIANNE: HUH? WHAT�S GOING ON? MME. BERGERONT: (AGITATED) YES, YOU CAN USE YOUR OUTLINES�. (DISTRIBUTES THE QUIZ) MME. BERGERONT: (CONT)� ALRIGHT, YOU ARE TAKING THE SECOND QUIZ OF CHAPTER THREE. OF COURSE, YOU HAVE A LISTENING PORTION, A READING PORTION, A CULTURE PORTION, AND�. LUC: AND A PORTION OF CAKE!! MME. BERGERONT: LUC, DO YOU INTEND TO FAIL THIS QUIZ? LUC: NOT WITH THAT ATTITUDE�.(CONT) YOU KNOW I HIT A HOUSE LAST WEEK WITH A ROCK. MME. BERGERONT: AND�.? LUC: JUST THOUGHT YOU�D LIKE TO KNOW. IT WASN�T YOUR HOUSE. AT LEAST I DON�T THINK IT WAS YOUR HOUSE�. MME. BERGERONT: I DIDN�T NEED TO KNOW THAT, LUC. FELIPE: WELL, MME. BERGERONT I ALMOST HIT YOUR HOUSE WITH MY CAR! MME. BERGERONT: WAS I IN THE HOUSE AT THAT TIME? FELIPE: HOW SHOULD I KNOW? I HEARD SOMETHING FROM BEHIND YOUR HOUSE, BUT IT WAS ONLY A SKUNK. LUC: ALL RIGHT!!! DID YOU KILL IT? (SMILES GOOFILY) FELIPE: NO, BUT IT SPRAYED MY CAR WITH ITS STINK. HOW DO THEY DO THAT? IS IT MAGIC? I MEAN, STUFF IS SPRAYING FROM THEIR�. MME. BERGERONT: FELIPE, GET OUT. THE WHOLE CLASS LAUGHS, BUT YVONNE AND MONIQUE LAUGH HYSTERICALLY. FELIPE: WHY? WHAT DID I DO? MME. BERGERONT: YOU�RE DISRUPTING MY CLASS. GET YOUR THINGS AND GO. FELIPE: BUT I�LL BE LATE FOR MY AUTO MECHANICS CLASS! MME. BERGERONT: GO!!!!! FELIPE: AWW, GEEZ� (GATHERS HIS THINGS AND LEAVES THE ROOM) GISELLE: HAVE YOU EVER TRIED RIDING DOWN A STAIRWAY ON A SCOOTER? PASCALE: (RAISING A BROW AT GISELLE) NO, WHY? GISELLE: I DID IT OVER THE WEEKEND. IT WAS FUN, BUT IT REALLY HURT! PASCALE: I CAN SEE WHY IT WOULD HURT. DID YOU WEAR A HELMET? GISELLE: WHY WOULD I EVER WEAR A HELMET TO GO DOWN THE STAIRS? I WOULDN�T NEED IT TO GO UP THE STAIRS! PASCALE: OKAY�. GISELLE: (REALIZING NOTHING�S IN HER LUNCH BAG) HMMM� MY LUNCH IS GONE. OH WELL, NO SENSE IN WASTING A PERFECTLY GOOD PAPER BAG. HEY! (SPEAKS UP) ANYONE NEED A PAPER BAG? IT�S FREE! THE CLASS EYES HER. LUC: ALL RIGHT! A FREE PAPER BAG! I�LL TAKE IT GISELLE� (SHE HANDS HIM THE BAG) ALRIGHT! I DON�T NEED TO PAY FIVE CENTS FOR A BAG ANYMORE! OR AT LEAST FOR TOMORROW�. GISELLE: IF YOU TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOUR PAPER BAG, THEN IT�LL LAST A LONG TIME. FELIPE: HEY MME. BERGERONT! DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE INCIDENT THAT INVOLVED A BASEBALL AND A DOVE? MME. BERGERONT: (RAISING BOTH EYEBROWS) AH, NO, FELIPE, I HAVE NOT. VIVIANNE: WHAT WAS IT ABOUT? DID A DOVE LEARN TO HIT A BASEBALL? FELIPE: WELL SORT OF. ONLY THE DOVE GOT HIT WITH THE BASEBALL! MONIQUE: AWWW, POOR DOVE! FELIPE: YEAH, AND THE DOVE EXPLODED ON IMPACT! CLASS: EWW! (SYMPATHIZING AND LAUGHING) GISELLE: AWW, POOR BASEBALL! THE CLASS BURSTS INTO LAUGHTER. MME. BERGERONT: AH, GISELLE, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? GISELLE: FINE WHY? MME. BERGERONT: NO REASON. YVONNE: SO WHAT HAPPENED, FELIPE? DID THE BIRD SUDDENLY EXPLODE OR WERE YOU JUST EXAGGERATING THE SITUATION? FELIPE: YOU PICK CHRISTIANNE: THERE IS NO WAY THAT A BIRD COULD EXPLODE� GISELLE: UNLESS THERE WAS AN EXPLOSIVE IN ITS BODY! CHRISTIANNE: AH, YEAH� GISELLE: IT COULD HAPPEN�. CHRISTIANNE: I KNOW IT COULD HAPPEN, BUT WHAT ARE THE ODDS OF THAT HAPPENING? ONE IN A MILLION? GISELLE: MORE THAN YOU THINK. MME BERGERONT OK, I WON�T BE HERE ON FRIDAY. CLASS YAY! MME BERGERONT (SARCASTIC) I THOUGHT YOU GUYS WOULD BE HAPPY TO HEAR THAT�SO, YOU HAVE THREE CHOICES. YOU CAN EITHER WATCH �MULAN�� VIVIANNE MOULIN ROUGE? CHRISTIANNE THAT'S STILL IN THEATERS, YOU IDIOT! MME BERGERONT (CONT. IN SPITE OF THE CLASS)��UNE VIE DE BESTIOLE�� GREGOIRE WHAT�S THAT? MME BERGERONT (SLOWLY) UNE..VIE�DE�BEST�IOLE� SHE SEES THE CLASS HAS NO IDEA WHAT THAT IS�. MME BERGERONT �A BUG�S LIFE� LUC MY LIFE? (GRINS) MME BERGERONT (AGITATED BUT REMAINS CALM) YES, LUC, YOUR LIFE. (CONT)� OR �LE PRINCE D�EGYPTE� YVONNE DIDN�T WE WATCH THAT ALREADY? MME BERGERONT (AMAZED) OH, MY GOD! YOU MEAN ONE OF YOU ACTUALLY REMEMBERED SOMETHING FROM IN HERE?? (CLASS LAUGHS) YVONNE (SURPRISED) LIKE, YEAH. MONIQUE (SUCKING UP) OF COURSE, MADAME BERGERONT, WE�RE YOUR BEST STUDENTS. MME BERGERONT LAUGHS AND LOOKS TO GISELLE AND PASCALE. THEY EXCHANGE GLANCES, KNOWING THE TRUTH. MME BERGERONT (SIGHS) OH, MY GOD� YVONNE AND MONIQUE LAUGH, NOT CATCHING ON TO MME BERGERONT�S JOKE ABOUT THEM. GISELLE (WISPERING TO PASCALE) THEY ARE SUCH JOCKS! PASCALE (IMITATING MONIQUE AND YVONNE) �LIKE, TOTALLY!� (BOTH LAUGH) FELIPE: (SLOWLY READING FROM THE COMPUTER SCREEN) "SI....TU.....ES.....UN.....ELEVE.....NON.....TU.....NE....PEUX......PAS......UTI-.....LISER.....L'ORDIN....ATEUR....D'ACCORD?" WHAT'S THAT MEAN, MADAME BERGERONT? MME. BERGERONT: YOU SHOULD ALREADY KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS, FELIPE. LUC: (BUTTING IN) DOES IT MEAN "CAT MEAT TASTES LIKE CHICKEN?" (SMILES) VIVIANNE:' NO, IT TASTES MORE LIKE SOFT SHELL CRAB! (CLASS LAUGHS) MME. BERGERONT: Y'KNOW, AFTER SPENDING THE YEAR WITH THIS CLASS, I'M SURPRISED THAT I HAVEN'T GONE MAD YET! GISELLE AND PASCALE NOD IN AGREEMENT. GREGOIRE: (TALKING TO HIS FRIENDS) HEY, DID YOU WATCH THE TONIGHT SHOW LAST NIGHT? IT SHOWED HEADLINES. THEY WERE HILARIOUS. THERE WAS ONE HEADLINE WITH AN AD FOR A CAT MUZZLE. (CHUCKLING LOUDLY) THEN THERE WAS AN AD FOR A CAT CAGE THAT ALLOWS PEOPLE TO WASH THEIR CATS WITHOUT THE CATS CLAWING THEM. (SHAKES HIS HEAD IN AMUSEMENT) THEN TO DRY THE CAT THEY STUFF IT IN A LINEN BAG. (THE ENTIRE CLASS HEARS THIS AND LAUGHS IN HYSTERIA) VIVIANNE: AWW, WOULDN'T THE CAT DROWN? GREGOIRE: NO, I'M SURE THE OWNERS DON'T WANT THEIR CAT TO DROWN. VIVIANNE: THAT'S A RELIEF. LUC SCRAPES THE TOP OF HIS MOUTH WITH HIS FINGER, THEN SMELLS IT. LUC: MY FINGER SMELLS LIKE LUNCH! EVERYONE STARTS LAUGHING. MME. BERGERONT: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, LUC? LUC: NOTHING, JUST MAKING AN OBSERVATION. MME. BERGERONT: COULD YOU PLEASE KEEP YOUR OBSERVATIONS TO YOURSELF, AND STOP DISRUPTING MY CLASS. LUC: I'LL TRY. MME. BERGERONT: ANYWAY..... LUC: (BURPS) MME. BERGERONT: ONE MORE OUTBURST FROM YOU AND YOU'LL BE SENT TO THE PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE! LUC: ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT..... MME. BERGERONT: OK, NOW BE SURE THAT YOU COMPLETE YOUR QUIZZES. PUT YOUR NAME ON THEM AND HAND THEM TO ME. AS THE CLASS SCRAMBLES TO FINISH THEIR QUIZZES, MONIQUE SEARCHES FOR HER HISTORY BINDER IN HER BOOKBAG. MONIQUE: OH, SHOOT. I LEFT MY BINDER IN MY LOCKER. MADAME BERGERONT, MAY I GO TO MY LOCKER TO GET MY BINDER FOR NEXT BLOCK? MME. BERGERONT: ONLY IF YOU FILL OUT YOUR PASSBOOK. MONIQUE: OK. CAN I BORROW YOUR PEN, YVONNE? YVONNE: (SHAKING THE PEN) IT'S OUT OF INK. STILL NEED IT? MONIQUE: (SHOUTING) HEY, ANYBODY HAVE A PEN? VIVIANNE: I HAVE A PENCIL. MONIQUE: CAN I BORROW YOUR PENCIL FOR A MOMENT? VIVIANNE HANDS THE PENCIL TO MONIQUE, ONLY TO FIND THAT THERE WAS NO MORE LEAD IN IT. MONIQUE: AH, VIVIANNE, THERE'S NO MORE LEAD IN YOUR PENCIL. VIVIANNE: I KNOW. MONIQUE: (SLAMS THE PENCIL ON VIVIANNE'S DESK) YOU COULD HAVE AT LEAST TOLD ME THAT IT WAS OUT OF LEAD! VIVIANNE: I THOUGHT YOU NEEDED THE ERASER. MONIQUE: NEVERMIND. (LOOKS AT GREGOIRE) HEY GREGOIRE, MAY I BORROW YOUR PEN? GREGOIRE: (GRINNING) HOW MUCH ARE YOU WILLING TO PAY FOR IT? MONIQUE: (RAISING A BROW) EXCUSE ME? GREGOIRE: I'M JUST KIDDING. BESIDES, IT'S OUT OF INK. MONIQUE: (FRUSTRATED) GEEZ, DOES ANYONE IN THIS CLASS HAVE A WRITING UTENSIL THAT WORKS? YVONNE: OH, WAIT MONIQUE, I HAVE A PEN. MONIQUE: WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THAT IN THE FIRST PLACE? YVONNE: SORRY. I FORGOT. MONIQUE GRABS THE PEN FROM YVONNE'S HAND OUT OF ANNOYANCE, THEN SIGNS HER PASSBOOK AND HANDS IT TO MME. BERGERONT. MONIQUE: (SHOVING THE BOOK INTO MME. BERGERONT'S FACE) HERE'S THE PASS. MME. BERGERONT: OK. (SIGNS THE BOOK) HURRY UP! MONIQUE LEAVES, TAKING YVONNE'S PEN WITH HER. YVONNE: OH, MADAME BERGERONT, I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM. MME. BERGERONT: BRING ME YOUR PASSBOOK. YVONNE: OK. (GIVES MME. BERGERONT HER BOOK THEN LOOKS FOR HER PEN, REALIZING MONIQUE TOOK IT WITH HER) UMM, MADAME BERGERONT, DO YOU HAVE AN EXTRA PEN? MME. BERGERONT: (SARCASTICALLY) YEAH, HOW MUCH WILL YOU PAY FOR IT? THE CLASS FINALLY FINISHES THEIR QUIZZES. MONIQUE COMES BACK FROM HER LOCKER AND GREGOIRE TALKS TO HIS PALS, BUT VIVIANNE PRIES INTO THEIR CONVERSATION. VIVIANNE: THAT QUIZ WAS HARD! GREGOIRE: WHAT, THE PART WHERE YOU HAD TO CAREFULLY PRINT YOUR NAME ON THE THIN LINE IN THE UPPER RIGHT PART OF THE PAPER? VIVIANNE: HAR, HAR, GREGOIRE...(PAUSES) HEY, THAT RHYMES! GREGOIRE: DID YOU BUMP YOUR HEAD ON SOMETHING THIS MORNING? VIVIANNE: (LOOKS PERPLEXED) HUH? WHY DO YOU SUGGEST THAT? GREGOIRE: BECAUSE YOU'RE REALLY ANNOYING NOW! VIVIANNE: (SARCASTICALLY) WELL, SORRY! GREGOIRE: I'M JUST PLAYING WITH YOU! VIVIANNE: YOU DON'T ACT LIKE YOU'RE KIDDING. I DON'T BELIEVE YOU. GREGOIRE: (SHRUGS) BELIEVE WHAT YOU WANT TO BELIEVE.... VIVIANNE: OK, I'LL BELIEVE IN WORLD PEACE FOR EVERYBODY!! GREGOIRE: OH MY GOD.... VIVIANNE: MY GOD TOO! GREGOIRE: SHUSH! THE CLOCK READS 12:47. THE CLASS EAGERLY WAITS FOR THE BELL TO RING. MME. BERGERONT STANDS AT HER DESK AND SHOUTS TO GET THE STUDENTS' ATTENTION. MME. BERGERONT: OK, CLASS, THERE IS FIVE MINUTES LEFT. FOR HOMEWORK TONIGHT, YOU HAVE TO ANSWER QUESTIONS SIX THROUGH..... CHRISTIANNE: WHAT?? WE HAVE HOMEWORK? WHY? VIVIANNE: YOU MEAN WE HAVE TO DO FRENCH WORK AT HOME? MME. BERGERONT: (GLARING AT VIVIANNE) OF COURSE, VIVIANNE. FOR ONCE YOU HAVE TO WORK ON FRENCH OUTSIDE OF CLASS. YVONNE: OH, COME ON, MADAME. BERGERONT...I THOUGHT YOU LOVED US... MME. BERGERONT DIRECTS HER EVIL GLARE TOWARD YVONNE. MONIQUE: YEAH, MADAME BERGERONT, I CAN'T DO IT TONIGHT. MME. BERGERONT: WELL YOU HAVE TIME TOMORROW TO DO IT TOO. GREGOIRE: BUT I HAVE A GAME TOMORROW NIGHT..... MME. BERGERONT: YOU CAN DO IT DURING YOUR GAME. JUST ANSWER A QUESTION OR TWO DURING EACH BREAK. GREGOIRE: EH? MME. BERGERONT: IN OTHER WORDS, MAKE TIME TO DO YOUR HOMEWORK. VIVIANNE: HOW CAN YOU MAKE TIME? DON'T YOU NEED A TIME MACHINE TO DO THAT? MME. BERGERONT: (SPEAKS SLOWLY) VIVIANNE, TRY TO PAY ATTENTION TO WHAT OTHER PEOPLE SAY IN A CONVERSATION. VIVIANNE: (HESITATES) O-OK. BUT WHY DO YOU BRING THAT UP? MME. BERGERONT: (SHAKES HER HEAD) FORGET IT, VIVIANNE. VIVIANNE: FORGET WHAT? MME. BERGERONT: (GRABS HAIR) I'M ABOUT TO SCREAM!!! THE BELL RINGS TO THE NEXT CLASS. MONIQUE AND YVONNE: GOODBYE, MADAME BERGERONT. (THEY WAVE) HAVE A WONDERFUL MONDAY! MME. BERGERONT: (GIVES A SMALL WAVE) BYE, GIRLS. GISELLE AND PASCALE LEAVE, LAUGHING ABOUT PASCALE'S LATEST SONG PARODY. LUC: BYE, MADAME BERGERONT. (WAVES SPASTICALLY, THEN DRAWS A SMILEY FACE ON THE CHALKBOARD) MME. BERGERONT: (FOLDING HER ARMS) LUC, WHY ARE YOU DRAWING ON THE BOARD? LUC: (GIVES A GOOFY GRIN) I DON'T KNOW. IT'S JUST THERE, AND THERE WAS THE CHALK, AND..... MME. BERGERONT: FORGET I ASKED. BYE, LUC. MME. BERGERONT WATCHES THE LAST OF HER STUDENTS LEAVE, THEN SIGHS HEAVILY. MME. BERGERONT: I REALLY HATE THAT CLASS! MME. BERGERONT FINALLY SMILES, KNOWING THAT SHE DOESN'T HAVE THAT CLASS UNTIL WEDNESDAY. SHE GREETS HER NEXT FRENCH THREE CLASS WITH A WARM HELLO. MEANWHILE, THE PREVIOUS CLASS DISPERSES, MEETING UP WITH THEIR SCHOOL CHUMS, AND ACT STUPID TOGETHER, NO LONGER HAVING A CARE IN THE WORLD FOR FRENCH, UNTIL THEY REALIZE THAT THE MAJORITY OF THEM FAILED THEIR QUIZ. THE END.
