There had to be a reason that the rules up above hadn't forced him to leave and were letting him roam around. Josh knew they wanted him to hurry up, but hurry up with what? He had no clue as to what he was supposed to do, and if it was so big that he was still around then it must be complicated. How was he supposed to complete his task in a short amount of time if it entailed a lot of work? And what, per say could a dead person do that was so big? He couldn't make a cure for cancer, or save people from burning fires, or even stop someone from breaking a nail.

Justin stared at JC, his best friend, his confidant, the only ghost he could see. To say the least he was more then a little bit weirded out when he'd started seeing JC, after his death. That was one of the main reasons he ignored him in the beginning. He honestly had thought he was losing his mind and was turning delusional. A normal person didn't just naturally think "Oh my. JC is a ghost and I get to see him! Yay!"

Then after the months started passing and JC was still there, talking to him even though he thought he couldn't hear a word. He heard every syllable. From the "Please don't be sad"'s to the plea for help that had finally gotten just to reply. And ever since then things had been even stranger then before. Before he didn't actually have to talk back to JC, he could just ignore him and the whole situation. Justin didn't want to be involved in this, he felt like he was under too much pressure.

Stress was more like it. No matter how much he loved his friend, he just couldn't be the one to tell him the reason why he was still around was because he had to let her go, not to the world but to another man. It was so obvious and yet JC didn't have a clue. That's what JC was rambling on about now, what could be so important to have a dead guy do it. A sigh overcame Justin, his gaze turning to outside the window of his house. If he told him his mission, he would eventually try to accomplish it no matter how much pain it would cause. And when he was done, he would have to leave. Forever. Talk about stress.

"Are you unhappy here, Josh? Do you want to go to heaven.. or whatever is up there?" Sapphires met sapphires as the question was said. He'd never asked him anything about him being dead. It was odd, but he didn't want to acknowledge it, ot even remind him. They shared time together like JC had never died. He helped with songs, they even watched television together. It was definitely a strange friendship.

JC blinked several times, then turned to look down at himself, running his hands along his thighs as he thought. "I don't know. I'm scared to leave her. But I don't belong here anymore. I'm already dead and I'm scared to die."

"Can't they just give you another chance? Turn back time and stop that driver?"

With a shake of his hdead that seemed doomed with finality, JC stood. "No. It was my time."

"You have to let her go."

"You think I don't know that? You think I don't think of that every single second that her heart beats and mine doesn't?" Graveness filled Justin's eyes as he watched his brother torture himself, pacing back and forth, his fingers brushing through his hair just as he had always done when he was put under tension.

"If she has no one when you leave, she'll die. A slow and painful death. You saw her the first few months. Don't make her go through that again. She's only okay because she knows you're there."

Inside my soul
Your love remains
The days and weeks and months
Go by so slowly
We're both wishing in the fly
As the night begins to fall

It was that time again, supposedly the happiest time of the year. Children glowed and adults let go of their stresses and inhabitions, but how did you celebrate when you were missing your heart? Oh, it did sound a bit dramatic, after all she had been mourning for months, but no matter how much progress she had made, it was still going to be hard on the holiday. Especially when you were planning to face it alone. Laney didn't want to bother the guys or even JC's family, she didn't want to be a reminder of his death. It was kind of odd that no one had called her at all, even to offer an invitation but she just assumed that her line of thinking was correct.

Laney had just planned on spending the holiday in her pajamas and watching some old movies on the tube, but then another note was left for her, telling her to get dressed. What did it matter? Was he tired of seeing her looking like hell? Hey eyebrows merged together for a moment as she lost herself in thought. It wasn't too bad, today. She expected worse. Things would get better over time, her head nodded, wisps of honey brown sliding against her neck. Throughout this whole pattern of thought however, she'd still been twisting her wedding ring around her finger unconsciously.

"I always thought someday we'd have some children running around, screaming for us to wake up because Santa Claus had come. I guess I just wasn't meant to be a mother."

"Yes you were, just not with my children." JC whsipered as he stood by the door, staring out the peephole. Everyone was supposed to be arriving soon, but knowing Justin he was holding everyone up because he had either forgotten to wrap the presents he was going to give, or his afro was causing him trouble.

It was around another fifteen minutes before the troops actually arrived, it was wonder that Laney hadn't heard anything when the four cars filled with people arrived, she was too busy attempting to pull the innards out of a turkey to notice. The cars were literally stuffed to the gills. The rest of the guys and their families were shoved into them, along with JC's parents and two siblings. If he could cry, he would have the moment he saw his mothers face. She was his comfort growing up and he wished he could run and go hug her and spull all of his problems onto her ears.

He wanted to go home. That one sight brought so much yearning it felt like an elephant was sitting on his chest. Where was his home now? The only place waiting for him was heaven. Would he belong there?

The sound of the doorbell being rung a few hundred times pulled Laney out of her disgusted realm. She pulled her gloved hand out, holding the bag of innards and growled, shoving her hair out of her face as she made her way towards the door and fling it open as the doorbell was still ringing over and over again. "What?! Whatever you're selling I am NOT buying! It's Christmas for God's sake!"

She wove her gloved hand in the air as she spoke, the bag flinging to and fro and right under the nose of the victim that was infront of the long line of people.

"Whoa, Laney. I don't think I want to know exactly what's in there. Is that how you treat you loved ones that have come bearing food and presents? Psh." Chris hugged the girl tightly and walked right past her, Justin followong on his heels directing everyone into the house as though he owned the place.

"W- What are you people doing here? Oh my god, I'm a mess. What are you doing here? You didn't have to come. I could have cooked!"

"We see you were doing so well with the cooking, too." Joey added as he swung past her, smacking a kiss onto her forehead as he balanced two pies on one arm. "Wow. You really had no clue we were coming?"

The only thing that Laney could do through out the greetings was sputter from pure and utter shock. Finally, Lynn wrapped an arm around the smaller girls shoulders and directed her into the kitchen so she could dispose of the glove and everything else. "You didn't call anyone about how you were spending the holiday's so Justin had the bright idea to bring them to you, he knew you'd refuse to come. He said something about it being JC's idea."

Of course. That's why he wanted her to get dressed. He was so sneaky. Laney pursed her lips as she tilted her head up towads the ceiling a bit and tasked a few times to herself. She was happy though, in her heart of hearts she didn't truly want to spend the holiday alone, she just didn't want to cause anyone any pain.

The evening passed so quickly, she couldn't even believe that two hours had already come and gone. A smile had graced her lips more times then it had in the past few months. Sure, things weren't exactly the same. But it was Christmas and everyone was jovial and chugging down the eggnog like it was going to go out of style.

"Soo Lamers! My favorite girl. Would you care to dance?" Chris bowed slightly doing one of those old fashioned curtsy for men type thing as he held out his hand, adding a little wiggle of his eyebrows.

"I don't hear any music and incase you haven't noticed, nobody else is dancing. Why? Because there's no music."

"That's where you're wrong, my dear sweet child." Within a split second of his words he reached out and pressed a few buttons on the stereo that was behind her, the familiar tune seeped out of the speakers. "Oh no. Not the Christmas album Laney! Why oh why would you listen to this?"

Chris didn't even wait for an answer, he just grabbed her and pulled her into a large open space in the living room and swiveled her around as though she were a rag doll. "Chris.. Chris.. I can move on my own. I have a pair of feet too. Although compared to yours I think I might have a full set instead of two left. Geez." She giglged through her words and let herself be lead around and even busted into her own move everyone once in a while, the jitterbug, the underwater diver and what would Christmas be without the running man?

You've got my heart on Christmas
Inside my soul your love remains
Love's in our hearts
On Christmas day

"Oh come on. This is pathetic. Let me show you how to dance with a real man." The soothing soutern drawl iterrupted the two nuts, which caused Chris entirely too much dismay. "No! She's my dance partner! Mine. You hear me?" Not that he had a chance to argue, Lance simply grabbed onto Laney and pulled her against him.

"How you doin'?" Of course that would be the first question out of the warm hearted business man, he always worried about peoples feelings and would confront them about it to pust his mind at ease.

"I'm okay, Lance. It's just hard. I never expected to have to go through this." There was sadness in her large; almond shaped brown eyes that he'd seen her crrying around with her since she heard the news. But meshed in there seemed like a sense of giving in, like she knew her fate and was going to deal with it. H

e ran a hand along the back of her head, his fingers twisting some of the soft hairs around his fingertips. "I've missed you, Laney. You don't have to ignore us. Or me. We were supposed to help eachother."

It had been the hardest to not talk to Lance out of everyone, they had immediatly connected when they meet and had been close friends since, but she'd dropped him as soon as she heard. She didn't want to speak to anyone then. "I'm so sorry, Lance. I just couldn't look at all of you. It's like there was something missing. I'm sorry." In a moment of weakness her head slipped down onto his shoulder and her arm wrapped around him into a hug. It wasn't only her that felt like they were weakened. Lance was almost cursing himself in his head. He'd always had a certain weakness when it came to her, only her. And when he saw those eyes he felt like they were going to haunt him forever if he didn't do something.

Masculine arms wrapped tighter around her and pulled her further against him; he inhaled the scent of her hair and closed his eyes momentarily. Luckily, they had escaped to the corner of the living room and weren't just standing there in the middle of everything. It would have caused a few stirs.

Not that anyone hadn't seen them, two people did actually. One of whose heart was aching and the other didn't know exactly how to feel. It was time for Laney to be happy and besides it was only a hug, Justin guessed.

"JC.. It's not like they're kissing or tearing off each other's clothes. It's just a hug. Don't worry about it."

"I'm not worrying about it. I just.. It's hard to see that, Okay?" JC couldn't take his eyes off of them, that image was going to singe a hole into his memory. He had seen people hug his wife before but she was always his then, and never like that. Never clinging onto another man and couldn't possibly get any closer. Never like she would have hugged him.

Justin didn't want to see Josh in pain, but he also didn't want to see Lance or Laney in any pain and even through it hurt him to think it he knew it was time for everyone to move on. Including JC. "He's the one. But look at him. He doesn't want to hurt you, he's fighting it."

"I can't do it yet. I can't just have you write a letter for me and make everything okay. This isn't simple! The sooner the letter gets written, the sooner they can be together. That means I leave. I leave my life, Justin. I'm not just going to away for the weekend. I'm gone. Forever. Finite. Goodbye Joshua Chasez."

It was later that night when the house started to clear a few at a time, claiming utter exhaustion, food overdose and too much eggnog. Although it did seem a bit strange that twice Laney and Lance were forced into the same room. She shouldn't have allowed herself the amenity she had in the corner. Honestly, she just assumed that no one would see or really pay attention to them. After all, it was just another embrace right? Between friends. Yes that's exactly what it was. He was trying to make her feel better. Then why was she trying to convince herself so hard. Maybe it was the conversation they had when everyone had left and how it made her feel. She didn't have to feel so empty anymore.

One of the most surprising things of the night was when JC's family was leaving and Karen had whispered something like "You look good together. He'd want you to be happy, dear." However, Laney had come to the conclusion that it had merely been a farewell and she had not actually heard that. Her mind was just playing tricks on her.

So then why were tears spilling out of her eyes as she laying bed, clutching Joshua's pillow? It'd been a week since she last cried and a few days before that one. Who was she crying for? For Josh, who list his life so early before he could even leave behind any children, or for herself who was still yound and had the opportunity to have another husband and a family but would never allow herself to?

JC definitely didn't know why she was crying; he'd seen her shed tears so many times and how could there possibly be a difference in the years from today and the tears from last week and the ones before that and before that. Crawling onto the bed next to her and draping his arm over her hip he made a promise, one that he didn't know if he could keep but would try with every last piece of life that was left in him. "I'm never going to leave you, Baby. Never. You don't have to cry anymore."

Snowflake melts in your eye and turns to tear
But you cheek it stays dry
With your warm smile so near
I have no fear
We're gonna make it
As one we pray
Loves in our hearts
On Christmas day