only hope*
chapter 15
1 A.M.
"Please Sarah, not now." Justin sighed, hinting for me to drop the subject.
"Why not?!" I slammed down my toothbrush.
"Fine, go ahead... I'm gonna hear about it anyway, just continue..."
"Fine- I will." I muttered as I wiped my mouth off with his hand towel.
"First of all, you don't seem to be caring much about what happened and that makes me feel as if you don't care about our relationship. Second, I didn't see Pharell anywhere which leads me to think that either you went by yourself or you met up with that chick, which proves that you're somehow lying to me, which leads me into no choice but to figure that you were lying about cheating on me too."
After I finished all that I began to walk out of his bathroom and down the hall towards my room.
"Ok, you done yet?" He asked as he lazily followed me.
"As a matter of fact, no." I rudely replied, sitting down on my bed.
"Continue." He repeated, also sitting next to me.
Taking off my boot I said, "I will." Then forcefully tossed the boot against the wall.
"You know, just put yourself in my position-"
"I'm sick of your sh*t, sorry to cut in but my God can you be anymore self-centered?" Justin butted.
Still high on my horse so to speak I began, "Well, I-"
"There you go again: I, Me, My, Mine, never: Our, We, or us and sh*t, God forbide you say anything about me, no, the only time you mention the name Justin is when you use it in a negotive way. All I ever hear is, "You cheated," this, "You lied to me," that. Well sorry sweetheart but it ever occur to you that maybe, just maybe YOU aren't cutting it? That's usually what leads people into cheating is a half-assed parner. Believe me, I know. Look, I'm not saying that I did cheat on you or anything but my God, is it such a f***ing sin for a 21 year old to go out and have some fun? I went to that club to dance, and that's what I did, that's all I did was DANCE. Sorry, but I didn't go there to think about you non-stop, I didn't go there just to turn around and drive back home, don't get me wrong I love you but damn girl start showing a little trust in me here. Then that's another thing, how in hell can I recieve trust from you when your yourself are the one who's sneeking out and rubbing up on some guy-"
"Justin he's just A-"
"It's MY turn to talk, let ME finish for once." He snapped, then stood up and began to pace around.
"I mean, seriously, I do so much sh*t for you. I provide a house for you, your clothes, your car, your food, your shoulder to cry on, your everything and to see you out with some joe-smo guy just tears me apart. I do so much, yeah, I understand that sometimes I can leave you in question about my behavior and all, but don't you think that you could still be a little more leanant, a little less suspicous? Damn Sarah, show some respect, don't be so pissy with me all the time. And oh, if I make your life such a living hell then why haven't you left already?"
He stopped his pacing long enough for me to reply.
"Because, I can't and honestly sometimes I wish I could."
"Why?"
"Sometimes, I, I feel as if comming here was a mistake"
Suddenly he got really serious and sat back down again.
"Do you think that our relationship was a mistake?"
There was a long pause before I answered.
"Well, no... I mean, I love you."
"I love you too," He grabbed my hand, "But, I think we just need to start over."
My heart dropped before me when I asked, "How so?" and I could my throat form a lump of tears.
"I mean, like from scratch, obviously this relationship is falling apart... and you proved that to me even more so when I saw you out with that guy tonight and I don't want an explaination, it'll just get me even more pissed off anyway, what I'm saying is that maybe we should just start back and step one, friendship."
Was I really hearing what he was saying? Friendship? This was crazy, but he was right, we did need to start over.
"i agree." I mumbled, allowing my head to hoplessly flop down on his shoulder. How had I ever allowed our relationship to end up like this? How could I have been so selfish?
"Alright then." He sighed and rubbed my head. "Hey, I'm sorry for blowing up at you, but everything I said, well I ment it." You're right though, it's my fault too."
"Don't be sorry Justin, it's all my fault, not yours. you're so right, I am selfish and rude, unaprecative, pissy-"
"Not all the time, my girl can be sweet, loving, understanding, thankful, and all that stuff too." He stated, then rested his head ontop of mine.
"So what are the guidless if this whole "friendship" plan?" I questioned, twirling one of his short curls around my finger.
"Well, lemme think of an apropriate set up...
No kissing
No lustful comments
no-ya knowing
Separate beds
Ahem, separate showers
All that stuff." He explained.
"Can I still cuddle with you?"
"Hmmm, just to be a dick... no." He laughed.
"Fine..." I pulled away.
"Oh yeah, we can go out... with other people. But:
No sex
No making out
No gropping
and no serious relationships, got it?"
"I guess." I sighed, feeling put in my place, which is what I deserved.
"K then, I guess we're officaly just friends."
Starring into his eyes I replied,
"Yeah, just friends."
I guess I was getting a taste of my own medicine.