A secret lair to an evil dictator is like earplugs to old ladies at heavy metal concerts � essential. Where else do you plan your evil deeds or hide from the good guys?
But there�s something most evil dictators forget: the word �secret.� The whole point of a secret lair is to keep it secret. But time and time again, some slacking henchmen will stick a return-address sticker on your �Seasons Greetings!� cards, leaving a clear trail for the goodies to follow.
Now that you understand that secrecy is paramount, you can now explore the many options for your secret lair.
� Underground Complex � easily disguised as a silo or abandoned farm house, the underground complex is a prime choice for an evil dictator. All you require is one elevator(though I would suggest more as moving your army of doom would take a while with only one elevator) as a lone outlet to the outside world. Perfect for storing your army of doom, your weapons, and your secret collection of rubber duckies, the underground complex is popular with many.
� Abandoned Castle � As long as you can keep park officials away � as well as tourists � an abandoned castle is perfect for an evil dictator who enjoys a little history in their evilness. A castle comes with amenities such as an alligator � or crocodile should you prefer them � infested moat, pots perfect for boiling and dumping oil and tar, and a fully stocked torture chamber with wall to wall gadgets that have yet to be named.
� Hollow Mountain � From the outside it looks like any other mountain, but inside it�s really a vast center of evil. Coming in all shapes and sizes, this layer can also be fit with a volcano crater to cut the cost of air conditioning. This layer has the added bonus of being able to move around in case the goodies locate you. But keep in mind, when selecting a location, make sure it isn�t insanely obvious as I think Florida would notice if a mountain appeared overnight.
� Skyscraper � for the person who loves heights and big cities, a skyscraper would be ideal. It would be perfect to start your multi-billion dollar evil corporation and from your pent-house office you can destroy people and plan merges with other evil businessmen (Donald Trump). Evil dictators have been behind such corporations as Enron, Disney, Ty (Beanie Babies), and Mattel.
� Deserted Isle � Person favorite of many dictators, this type is often combined with another, offering a tropical paradise for the evil genius who needs a vacation from the hustle-bustle of another lair. Not needing much secrecy, you can design your island paradise with ease. Setting up a tropical resort on your isle would be a perfect cover from any of your enemies, and would also reel in money for your evil deeds.
� Abandoned Mines/Caves � Usually hidden in mountains, abandoned mines or caves are perfect for cloaking your core of evil. Reaching deep within the Earth, the mines provide vast hiding places for you, lest you be discovered. If stalagmites happen to be present, you�ll never be short of torture devices. Even mines with bottomless shafts prove useful by providing an ideal location for refuse.
� High School � one of the most frequent lairs, High Schools are lairs for the most despicable. Many students suspect their school is evil, but they can�t even imagine just how evil it really is. Hiring henchmen with degrees, you can brainwash the newest generation to join your ranks.
� Another Planet � few can actually acquire this lair, but those that have the means to get to another planet are probably best suited for Earthly rule. Undetectable, this lair�s only threat is the occasional problem with heat and asteroids. If you happen to be lucky enough to land on an inhabited planet (IE: Pluto) you will most likely be regarded as a god-like figure and be made their king/queen in a matter of hours. By using their obviously better technology and their �man�-power, you can launch the most deadly attack upon the Earth. This lair is for the best among best.