Dilandau & Van VS.
The Therapist
By Jackie Swanson
Disclaimer: The characters in this story are all a product of Tenkuu No
Escaflowne 1996 sunrise. Please don’t sue me. I didn't make these characters
and neither am I in anyway stating that I did. I am not.(cept for ms.
Sunshine. That's mine.) I just...well..morphed them to my liking.
Blahblahblah. This is a complete work of fiction and not to be taken all too
seriously. *Warning* There are a few spoilers here, so I'm telling you now,
OK?
(Enter. We see Dilandau and Van sitting in chairs opposite each other in a
room with windows with poppies and flowers outside them and pictures hanging
on the wall that read, "Hang in there baby!" With a merle-like demi-human
dangling from a wire. Dilandau looks around the room in disgust and wonders
when the hell it will all be over with. Van, on the other hand, waits
patiently for Ms. Sunshine, the therapist, to come so that he and Dilandau
can finally work out their problems. Ms. "Sunshine" enters. Van looked up.
There was something strangely familiar about her, although he couldn’t quite
figure out what. She seemed...masculine. He shrugged it off.)

Ms. Sunshine: Okay, so now what do we have here?(directing at Dilandau)

Dilandau:........

Ms. S: Dilandau, I have heard that you are..(checks piece of paper)..a
pyromaniac. Is this true?

Dilandau:...........

Ms. S: Dilandau, if we are to work out our problems we must communicate with
each other.

Dilandau: (between gritted teeth) I don’t have to tell you nuthin’. (Van is
still sitting in the corner, looking dazed.)

Ms. S: No, Dilandau, you don’t have to tell me anything, but why, then, are
you here if you do not wish to communicate with us?

Dilandau:...You think I WANT to be here?(Ms. Sunshine eyes him warily. Van
shoots a glance at Dilandau) If you think that, then you need therapy more
than the boy-wonder over here,(jerks thumb towards Van)

Van: Shut up!

Dilandau: No, you shut up.

Van: You!

Dilandau: YOU.

Van: YOU!!

Dilandau: (Looks as if he’s about to stop, then)...no, you.

Van: ARGGG! Dilandau! YOU--God! STOP THAT!(Stands up, looking exasperated)
You see?? He always does this kind of stuff! It drives me crazy!

Dilandau: Drives you crazy..? What are you talking about? You’re the one that
killed all my men, REMEMBER??

Van: Well....you’re evil! I’m a hero! It’s what we DO!!

Ms. S: Hmmm...I see...(scribbles something on her notepad.) It seems as if
you two have many disagreements.

Dilandau: Well, DUH. (Rolls eyes and sighs then looks out the window)

Ms. S: Well, Van, why don’t you tell Dilandau how you feel?

Van: I hate it when he--

Ms. S: No, Van, tell Dilandau, not me. (Van realizes he is still standing and
sits down, looking upset. Dilandau moves his chair around to face Van.)

Dilandau: Yes, Van, why don’t you tell me?(mimicking therapist’s voice)

Van: I hate it when you try to kill me. (Dilandau sits there for a moments,
staring) You don’t have to kill people...It hurets people when you try and
kill them....(Van looks as if he’s about to cry)

Dilandau:(Stares at Van as if he’s a complete idiot)....Oh, god, don’t tell
me you’re gay.

Van: DILANDAU!

Ms. S: Now wait, I think we touched something there--Dilandau, why do you try
to kill Van? (Dilandau looks at her with a *Are-you-serious-?* look)

Dilandau: Because I HATE him.

Ms. S: Use feeling words Dilandau, why do you hate him?

Van: (Under his breath) Because he’s jealous...(Dilandau shoots Van a nasty
look and Van retreats.)

Dilandau: Because he’s a scrawny, good-for-nothing, idiot(glaring at Van) who
KillEd alL My MEn and SCARRED MY PERFECT FACE!!(Dilandau jumps up and
unsheathed his sword ready to pounce on the unsuspecting Van who was idly
looking out the window when--)

Dilandau: (SMACK!) YEOOWW!!!! (Collapses back into chair clutching his head
while Van looks around trying to figure out what just happened)

Ms. S: FEELING words, Dilandau.(Sitting back in her chair.) We do not attack
each other.

Dilandau: What the--? WHAT THE HELL?? YOU BITCH! YOU HIT ME ON THE HEAD WITH
YOUR DAMN CLAPBOARD!!!(An insane looks spreads across his face while Ms. S
straightens out her papers. Van sits there in shock for a minute, looking
from Ms. S who was ever so calmly grooming herself to Dilandau who looked
like he was in a very uncomfortable position with his legs dangling out of
the side of the chair twisted around clutching his head with an expression
that read, *Just wait until My head stops throbbing and I’ll KILL YOU!!* It
took Van a second, but
Then--)

Van: (Laughing very hard rocking back and forth in his chair) HAHAHA!
Ohmygod...(Looks at Dilandau who looked very pissed off indeed, then--)
AHAHA! HAHA! Oh, god, if you could see what I see right now--HAHAHA! OH MY
GOD--
Ooohh..(Van starts to calm down while Dilandau squirms uncomfortably trying
to get out out of the office chair while still clutching his head at the same
time. He was having a large amount of difficulty with it. Ms. S sat there
calmly waiting for them to finish.) Ooooookkkaaayyyyy...HAHAHA! OH..IF ONLY
THE OTHERS COULD SEE THIS--HA!! GOD DAMN, WHERE’S MY CAMERA?! (Van begins
rocking back and forth in his chair again, laughing so hard the chair’s wheel
crumpled underneath it and it toppled over, taking the laughing Van down with
it.) HAHAH--AHHHH!!!! (SLAM! Van was laying on the floor with the chair on
top of him. He was desperately trying to block out Dilandau’s laughter and
squirm out from under the chair.)

Dilandau: (Still in the position he was in before) HAHAHAHAHA! OH! VAN!
WHERE’S YOUR CAMERA?! I NEED TO BORROW IT FROM YA! HAHA! (Van, laying on the
floor, struggles to get up. His face turns beet red.)

Van: Shut UP! Dilandau!(Dilandau continues laughing) DILANDAU! SHUT UP! I’M
NOT KIDDING! THIS ISN’T FUNNY ANYMORE!!(He tries to lift up the chair but
with no avail. He then starts to wiggle out from underneath it. Dilandau let
loose a howl of laughter just then) DUDE, SHUT UP AND HELP ME!

Dilandau: Oh....HAHA! No..HA! Nope, I don’t think so! HAHA! (Van finally gets
out from underneath the chair and tries to get up and launch at Dilandau, but
his foot gets caught under the handle and falls over again.) Ooohh..AHAHAHA!
Ooh! It’s a Kodak moment! HAHA! (Ms. S meanwhile had been sitting there
writing in her scribble pad the entire time. Van finally gets free of the
chair’s grip and rushed toward the hysterical Dilandau.)

Van: DILANDAU!! (He hurls himself at Dilandau but Dil saw him coming and
moved out of the position he had been in; sending Van toppling over the chair
and ramming into the wall.)

Dilandau: Ooohh...HAHAHAHAHA! OOH! WHAT A LOSER! HAHA! (Dilandau stands there
next to the fallen Van pointing and laughing. Van looks up and then--WHAM!)
YEAOOWWW!!! WHAT THE F#!@??!! You--!(Blinks a few times and looks up at
Ms. S holding the clapboard.) YOU STUPID BITCH! WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?? I USED
WORDS! HE WAS THE ONE WHO TRIED TO ATTACK ME!!(Dilandau stood there pointing
at Van) SMACK HIM!! (Ms. S looked at Dilandau pointing to the crumpled up Van
who lay there on the floor laughing, to Dilandau, and back to Van. Then, she
reached over and smacked Van upside the head. SMAK!)

Van: OWWCHHH! Hey--! WHAT WAS THAT FOR?

Ms. S:.....ehehe....( a crazed look came over her.)

Dilandau:..Huh..? What THE--?? (Ms. S reached up and grabbed the bun at the
top of her head. She then started to pull really, really, hard.)

Van:(Standing up) Uhmm...I..uh..don’t think that’s good for you. (She
continued to pull. She did not even whimper.) Umm..Ms. S..?? (Van took a step
forward)

Ms. S: ERRR!!! AGHHH!! DAMMIT! IT WON’T COME OUT! (She screamed)

Dilandau: Uh..I don’t think it’s supposed to. (Van and he exchanged worried
glances.)

Ms. S: NNOOO! YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND! (Her voice suddenly changed to deeper,
familiar voice.) IT NEEDS TO BE DOWN! I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE!! (She
desperately tried tugging at the bun.) AH-HA! (She yelled as the bun came
undone exposing long, blonde, hair. Dilandau shrieked.)

Dilandau: OHMYGOD!! NO WAY...O-ONIISAMA??! (Dilandau took a careful step back)

Van: A-Allen??

Allen: HEHEH..Dilandau, you’re not the only one with secrets...hehe....

Dilandau: (Dilandau’s face went scarlet.) Errmm...Uhmm...I..guess it uh, runs
in the family..? (He squeaked and fainted. Van just stood there looking at
Allen in disgust.)

Van: But..but you....YOU’RE A PLAYER! YOU..YOU CAN’T BE A CROSS DRESSER! DOES
MILLERNA KNOW?? DID HITOMI?(Van flinched at the thought)

Allen: No..and they won’t find out. ( he stood up standing next to the fallen
Dilandau facing towards Van.) I always..you know..LIKED you, Van...(he steped
over Dilandau and inched closer.) We always got along REALLY well...don’t you
think? (He was standing and inch away from Van now.)

Van: B-but..what about..you know..Hitomi..? And..Chid? CHID! Allen! No! You
have a son! Y-you can’t be...gay! (Van saw Allen twitch at the word)

Allen: Oh, Van, that word is soo harsh...couldn’t you use a different word?
Please..?

Van: (Van was really uncomfortable now) Umm..I, uh...

Allen: Here, (He held up a glass of Vino that appeared out of nowhere.) Have
a drink. After all...this is just a dream.

Van:(Van Bolted up right in his bed. Sweat was dripping down his cheek onto
his neck and down his spine) Oh...God....a dream..only a dream...( he got up
and padded across the hallway to get a drink. He gulped down the water
thirstily. He then walked back to his room and screamed when he saw what lay
in his bed.)
Allen: Oh, yes, a wonderful dream....but it was better in reality, don’t you
think?(Allen pulled the covers up around him and smoothed it out.) Come talk
to me.

Van:.....NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!( He turned around to run out the door but rammed
into the wall in stead, falling backwards onto the floor. Allen jumped up
from the bed.)

Allen: Ooohh, you poor dear. Don’t worry. I’ll take care of you. (and with
that he picked Van up and carried him into the other room.)..and we’ll live
happily ever after.

END!