Past Pain
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Dear Journal,
������I don�t know what to write, but Sampson said it was healthy so here I am. Sampson also said to write about the first thing that comes to mind, and the first thing that comes to mind is my time with the Guardians.
������I don�t know much when it comes to my life, but I do know that I would be lost without the Guardians. I would probably be at home with my father, either that or dead. I thank God, if there is one, that Kai and James found me when they did. They offered me everything that I didn�t have, and everything I could ever need and want.
������Mostly a family. Yes, I now have the family I never thought I�d have. Sure they aren�t a real family, and they ain�t perfect� but well, it�s a lot better than what I had before. And I have the team to thank for that. Each one has made my stay with them� memorable to say the least. And special in their own way.
������Take James for instance. In more ways than I can count he�s like a father to me. He�s strong, in control of all situations and he always make such that what he does he does for the good of the team. He�s always putting our needs before his own. I can�t count the number of times he�s been strong for one of us when we couldn�t be strong for ourselves. I admire him in so many ways.
������As I do Kai. She is strong, sure of herself and protective of those on the team. She is the eternal mother. She would never turn her back on someone in need, especially one of her friends. Even now, while she is off with the others going to fight Ace, one of our own, she expressed hope that the outcome would be a good one. I love her, as a mother, and I would do anything to protect her (and Cell for that matter) because they would do the same for me in a heartbeat. She has given me knowledge as to what motherly love should be.
������Just as Simon has given me knowledge of other matters. The friendly giant has been a source of inspiration, wisdom and friendship. It was a source sourly lacking from my previous life. He allowed me to make mistakes, to get dirty, act like a kid and not only does he let me fall, but he�s right there helping me pick myself up, dusting myself off and he always prepares me for my next fall. He�s a big brother, best friend and he is endless with friendly advice and help with my endless adolescent problems.
������And then there is Renegade. He�s always helped me when it comes to more confusing problems, namely girls. I have never met a man who knows so much about them as he does. I envy his grace and charm that knocks women off their feet. I know I�ll never be that good (cause he�s perfect an� all) but its my dream to have the poise and confidence that he has. He is the brother and friend that every teenage guy seriously needs to have around. I�m lucky cause I do� in a way, now only to get him to stop calling me Junior.
������Well, I shouldn�t complain, I mean at least he seems to notice me, which is more than I can say for Hope. In some ways I can see her as the innocent sister that is seriously lacking self-confidence and the attention she deserves from the opposite sex. Yet I also see her as this perfect specimen of what a woman should be. I�m torn between sister and object of my affection. God, that sounds incestuous. But I will never forget her no matter how I view her. She was the first woman to catch my eye and she gave me a reason to fit in, to be close to her. It scared me how much I felt when I first saw her.
������Of course it was no way as scary as the first time I saw Ace�s powers and her lack of control. I guess in some ways she�s like the rebellious sister. Defying the parents, ignoring the pursuers, hanging around the people who her parents hate while hating the world. In any case she�s gone now and, I hate to say it, but I�m kind of glad. She has always made me uncomfortable around the others and feel like I didn�t measure up. I know it will take time for things to get settled and everyone to get used to her not being here but I know that we are better off without her.
������They may be offbeat but they�re my life, my family. Each means the world to me and have given me more than they�ll ever know. I just hope that I�ll live up to their expectations of me and that I�ll make them proud of me. I owe them that because I know that I can never pay them back in any other way for what they�ve done for me. I just hope that they�ll someday know how much I love them all.
������So that�s that. I have written in the damn journal Sampson. My personal feelings down on paper; the ranting of a mutant adolescent� could be a best seller. But� thank you Sampson. Thank you for giving me a place on your team, a place in your home, a place in your family and a place to belong. In return for giving me everything all I can give you is a place in my heart. It might not be much but that�s all I have until I can earn a place in yours.
�������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������Jacob Marley,
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