In My Wordz

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December 2004

Dec 1st
I went to Chris'
Ella and Edgar came
Drove with them to get Riply and Cody
Picked up Riply at the school
Met up with Corey
Got Cody from church
Parked on the "beach"
Sat in Ella's car while Ella and Edgar went to Corey's truck
Then we switched vehicles
And drove around some
Dropped Riply off at the school
Drove around some more
Went back to the "beach"
Drove back to Chris'
Messed around some
Ella and Edgar left
Cody, Corey, and I went to pick up Chris, Cody's friend
Cody drove, he had to show off
Underage driving with an adult condoning it
We parked the car in a field approach and walked towards town
Then we heard Chris, so we went back to the car
We drove and picked him up
Then we went back to Chris'
Messed around for bout an hour or two
Then I brought him back when I left for home
That's all folks!

Dec 3rd
I have no idea what I'm doing
I wish I had someone to trust
Heh, I do... yet I don't
I hate this
I hate life

Dec 5th
Heh, Friday was fun
I went with Jaz, Adam, and Turtle
Got high, my first in months
We went to Redwood
And I don't remember exactly
But for some reason Turtle was driving on the sidewalk
It was hilarious
And when we got back to Adam and Jaz's place
Jaz and I played Halo 2
It was pretty fun
Cept that I kept dying
And I talked with Evelynn
She's funny
She brings out the Bianca in me
The cruel mean person that I am
It's a riot, but it's one of those things
Where you have to be there for it to be funny
She calls me the spawn of Satan and everything
It's fun
Anyways
Nighty night Folks!

Dec 6th
Nothing much happened today
Goofed off in French
The French teacher kinda made me sing O Tannonbaum
The German version of O Christmas Tree
And I read chapers 2 and 3 of Chris' second book
Gtg, German class
Love y'all!

Dec 7th
I've made a difficult decision
I decided that I'm not going to sign onto yahoo or msn for a while
I need to reorganize my time better
So I'm going to concentrate more on my school work
I really don't want to fail Writing class
I will be on during xmas break
But I will be at my aunt's
So I won't be able to be on much
Sorry all
=\

Dec 8th
I'm going to visit with the Army Rep
Well ya never know bout me
I change my mind so much it's scary
They pay for college and I can fly like really cheap
So it's a possibility
But I don't know for sure
The US is due for a revolution
And I don't wanna be with the government when that happens
Dictators won't take lightly the people in the government then
And I don't really like how our government is set up
It seems good, but there's so much corruption
Checks and balances don't work when everyone is in on it
It's not cheating when everyone is doing it
Right?
Well that's just my opinion
And my opinion doesn't count for me, cept maybe to myself
Then again maybe not
I doubt myself WAAAY too much
But I suppose I have to have doubt or else...
Yeah I just like to add that 'or else' thing there
Makes me seem smart
Heh
Well I suppose I should start on my english report
If I don't get at least a C on it...
I'm gonna fail
Not good
Not good at all
Can we say 6 years of high school?
NO! FUCK THAT SHIT!
Heh
I'm gonna go, I might type 6th hour
TTUL my pretty slaves

Dec 10th
Wow...
Last night was fun
Okay so fun is a lil excessive
I drove Chris home
We watched M.A.S.H. together
His lil bros came home
We watched more TV
His mom brought pizza home
5 pieces, 2 already made and 3 uncooked
We put two pizzas in the oven while we ate
The pizzas we cooked were a lil crispy
Then we goofed around a lil
And we left to go to the choir concert at about 6:50 pm
We got there late and dropped Corey off at the door
We had to stand because there wasn't enough seats
Corey only got to sing in the last song of his grade
I seen Meagan, Kim's lil sis
She had on Kim's dress that she wore to Cindy's 15th birthday party
She was dancing alot, it was funny
I seen my old middle school choir teacher
She played piano at the end of the concert for the high school choir
I seen alot of lil kids that I knew
Parker, Meagan, Jamie, Steven (Sam's lil bro), and some others that I can't remember
When the lil kids were done singing alot of the older people left
Then Chris, Parker (Ben's lil bro) and I got seats
I also saw some people that graduated from our school
The swing choir was awesome
Dancing and stuff, it was fun to watch
And after that John sang some opera-like song
And wow, he was good
Then the high school choir came
I knew almost everybody by name
Sam and Keith, Kim, Joshy, Shara
I saw that the majority of our German class was in choir
Sam went offstage for a minute and I found out later that she almost fainted
I chased Corey thru the parking lot
It was exausting
I drove them home
Chris and I messed around a lil
Then I went home at about 9:50 pm
Got home at about 10:20 pm and went to sleep
I gotta get to French
TTulz pplz

Dec 10th
Wow another eventful day today
Cindy, Ben, Sam, Chris, and me went to Wal-Mart and K-Mart
Chris and I were 'sucking face' like all the way
I think Sam was jealous or maybe she doesn't like to watch
We went into Wal-Mart and I got my presents for Shara
It was fun
I called Chris my Hund and he came ^.^
We dropped him off at his house
Dropped off Ben
Then Sam
I stayed at Cindy's for a few minutes
Then I went home
That's bout it
Cyz

Dec 12th
Matt removed me from his flist on bnet
He squelched me too
And blocked me on aim
And I don't know what I did wrong
He told Artie that I just remove people from my flist for no reason
I don't
I only remove people if they insult me or are annoying
I also remove people that aren't on often
But that shouldn't matter, it had nothing to do with him
I just don't know what the fuck I did wrong!!
And it pisses me off
He was basicly the reason I went on bnet
To type to Matt
To type to my best friend
Who just disowned me and gave me no reason
Matt who left me alone

Dec 13th
I'm going to fail writing
I don't have my History done for the ALC
Which by the way, I started two years ago
Ich hasse mein Leben!

Dec 15th
Well I gotta go to Marshall with Sam
Gonna pick up Cindy's xmas present
Cuz Kim's broke
I gotta get a present for Ella
Cuz Chris is broke
God, I'm too damn nice
There goes all my money
Buh bye, just like throwing it out the window
But I guess... well nevermind
Sheesh, kids these days
Well I suppose the country's going downhill
Wait, the whole fucking world

Dec 16th
A bunch of lil kids were messing with me yesterday
Anyways...
I got presents for Cindy and Ella yesterday
I also got two of Rammstein's CDs
And I got my pictures developed
I got a couple of pictures of Bakker's Fro
Hah! I got a picture of Sam's ass!
Lmao!
I felt really horrible though when I got home
I went online for a few minutes
Then told everyone that I was typing to that I didn't feel well
I took some aspirin and went to bed
I slept for like 11 or 12 hours
I needed it though
Well I'm gonna read some articles on colleges and stuff
Ttul pplz!

Dec 17th
12:21 am
I am depressed
This is normal
I wish to suicide
This is normal
I can't suicide, I haven't the energy
This is also normal
I mean it's all normal for me
Why am I not happy?
I have caring friends
A nice boyfriend
And I'm finally gonna graduate high school
Why am I not happy?
WHY? WHY? WHY?
I think about it all the time, yet I can't do it
I drove by a lake on the way home
I coulda missed the curve and went in
But I didn't
And why not?
I hate this!!
I should be happy
So why aren't I?
WHY IN THE WORLD AM I ALWAYS SO DEPRESSED?!?!
Have a Bad Night/Morning pplz
I know I will

Dec 20th
Okay I'm finally gonna type about Thursday
Took me long enough, huh
I raced Karissa home after school
I almost hit someone when I turned a corner
I left skid marks
It was fun
^.^
Well I was talking to Karissa later online
We both said that we weren't going to the concert
But I called Chris at like 9 pm
I had to wait cuz Jerry was talking on the phone
And I said that I'd come in about 30 minutes
Well I was racing there
Doing like 80 or 90 mph
When I got to the town...
I barely stopped for the sign
And I saw the "Sheriff" on the car
And I'm like "Omg"
I grabbed my seat belt
But I didn't have time to put it on
Red and Blue lights
I'm saying "Shit, you're so stupid"
Over and over in my head
He came up to the window with his flashlight
I was totally spazzing then
License? Uhh... I don't have one...
I had left it in my bookbag at home
But I had my reregistration thingy that I got
When I thought my license was lost forever
He leaves while I'm looking for my insurance card
I'm spazzing out cuz I can't find my insurance card
I took the time to actually buckle my seat belt
I don't know why
Everything happened so fast
He came back
And he musta took pity on me or something
Cuz he's like "Miss, I'm going to let you off with a verbal warning"
I think I took my first breath in like 5 minutes
And he was saying a few other things...
Which I didn't hear in my relief
I said "Thank you, sir"
I think I said that like 3 times
I was so happy that I didn't get a ticket
Then I signaled and pulled away
I looked back to see he had turned off his flashing lights
I drove carefully to Chris' house
When I got there
I told his lil bros my incident with the Sheriff
And I had Cory count out change for the concert
I only had a dollar and about 73 cents
And then Chris came down from his room
I told him about the incident
And all three of us went off to the concert
When we got there, we went right in
We didn't even have to pay
I was like sweet
I saw Sam and Keith
I also saw Shara with the video camera
We went down to the front where they were
Karissa came because she had finished baby-sitting
We got to hear the last song
Then Keith, Shara, and I went to interview people
In between that time
I was sitting in the seats with Karissa and Chris
Cory left because his dad came to pick him up
Our Social teacher was bugging us to help clean up
I said that we were taping people about the concert
And that Chris and Karissa were with me so we were all interconnected
And then we left
We were talking to Karissa
And Cody went with Karissa
Then we drove back to Chris'
Where Chris and Karissa were looking at Yu Gi Oh cards
Ugh, I don't see what's so appealing about them, but ehh
And then they started to play a game
I sat on the couch being bored
Then I decided to leave
This was really late
I think it was 11:30 am
It might have been later tho, I'm not totally sure
And I went home and home and got online for about 10 minutes
Then I went to sleep
~End~

Dec 20th
Now here's what I did on Saturday
I was typing to Vince
And I said I had wanted to see him before I left for xmas
But I didn't wanna get him sick like I was... and still am
But he insisted
So I went to his house
I watched him play a game
We ate some cold pizza
And later we went to Marshall
At first we were gonna look at guitars
But that place was closed
So then we were gonna get a game or a movie to watch
We went to Shopko and looked at games and movies
I saw Cam working there
Then we went to leave
And Angela was working at the register
AndMy economics teacher was at the checkout too
I was like sheesh, so many people I know
Then we went to Wal-Mart and looked
We found nothing
We went back to his house
His dad called wondering where we were
And he came back and made us more pizza
I watched Vince play Half-Life for the rest of the time
Then I went home and went online and talked for a few hours
~Sleep~

Dec 20th
And here as I predicted is my depression
Everyday, no matter what
I'm depressed at some point or another
I wonder how my vacation will be...
Everytime I get really really happy for a while...
A little while later...
Depression... life sucks... suicide...
I'm getting really fucking sick of this
Up and down, up and down
Where's the middle?
Where is the stable nice life that I always wanted?
I guess I'll have to work harder...
Stop crying you little bitch, sheesh
I hate you too
Night bitch

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