Bianca's Wordz

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March, April, & May

Wednesday, 10 March 2004
too lazy to think of sumthin

ehh ive been way too into d2
i havent been doin nuthin
cept brooding over stupid stuff
*sighs*
and i wonder...
u wanna no wat i wonder?
well tough luck
heh
i wonder if anythin really ends
i wonder if maybe this aint really real
i wonder if anythin will ever change
i wonder if i can
i got it... still...
but stuff always seems to disappear...
my lighter
my razor blade
my pipe
my money
lol
well that all
im way too depressed to type much more
-end of transmission-

Tuesday, 16 March 2004
argh

argh, im sick of this
WILL THIS EVER END?
i ask everyday
still no answer
no one hears me
im all alone
inside my shell
unwilling to open up
unwilling to trust completely
someone, anyone
i am no one
i dont really matter much
do i?
NOPE
so y?
y do i go on?
wats the point of it?
there seems to be none
hopeless surrounds me endlessly
alone in this abyss
it seems to never end
this horrible pain
everyday
cant think
cant breathe
cant live
anymore
so y try?
anymore
nuthin seems to make sense
drowning
sinking
just trudging thru
barely able to get up
continue thru
this horrible existance
that is my life
i grab my gun
tie my rope
swallow my pills
slice my wrists
fly into the ground
will i die?
-end of transmission-

Wednesday, 7 April 2004
SSDD

same shit different day
again and again
it seems like nuthin ever changes
and i aint gonna change nuthin
i have no power
im not strong
im nuthin
no one
i wonder y
mind
insane
i wish
dead
inside
alone
afraid
pain
i fear
i dunno
nuthin
escape is wat i want
cant seem to find it
some other way then
i will
i hope
death?
can i?
just, well...
stfu u stupid idiot
geez
well
u no
i dunno
sry
confused
understatement
thats for sure
need weed
happy?
i wish
argh
not again
thoughts replay
i hate em
i HATE em
over and over again
cant stop this horrible cycle
im trapped
help
i cry
not loud enough
not heard
or is it?
am i not payin attention again?
maybe
i dunno
wish this would end
feels like i cant take anymore
yet i keep goin on
keep trudging thru this horrible existance
doomed forever it seems
nuthin changes day to day
in this routine
i am trapped
and
it repeats
same shit different day
-end of transmission-

Tuesday, 25 May 2004
sad and happy, kinda weird sorta day

well today kinda started out sorta bad
i was feelin really bummed cuz i aint gonna graduate wit my class
then i went to turn in my lit paper
and i asked my teacher to look at some stuff i wrote
and she said that it was good
and i was like Woah!
total disbelief, ya no
but she also said that they were sad
and i was like umm...
cuz most of my stuff is kinda depressing, ya no
and i guess i could try...
and write stuff that aint
but, argh, im way too lazy
so that was good...
im not a total idiot
and i maybe have a lil talent
but its like, ugh, too much work
for such a lazy person like me
ya no?
yep, well so long!
-end of transmission-

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