Update - December 29, 2001
In honor of my 20th birthday, which is today, I've decided to give you a gift (that's how they do it in Hobbiton): a new cartoon! Now, I know that nobody actually likes these things, and that they're simply confirming the theory that I will, indeed, burn in Hell for all eternity, but if you ask me, two vegetables discussing weighty theological matters is a damn funny situation, one made funnier only by the addition of a little off-color humor. This new cartoon is perhaps the raciest one yet, but who says you can't laugh and be utterly mortified at the same time?
Update - December 22, 2001
Finally, after this site being up for nearly ten months, The Germ Warfare Division has been added to a few Search Engines. I guess this is my Christmas present from the Internet. I dunno, I think I would've prefered some Potent Human Pheromone Oils, but who am I to complain?
The sad part, of course, since there just has to be one, is that the keywords used the most often to find my site are "osama jokes", of which this site has none. It really figures that the people who find my site are the ones who aren't looking for it. That's both sad and alarming, and more than a little disturbing, but the fact that overall traffic hasn't really increased means I don't really care.
They say Christmas is a time of giving (even though nobody likes giving, we all just want to eat and open present which we know will be a big disappointment but we look forward to anyway) so I'm going to go ahead and give you a gift, the gift of wisdom: You must get the crystal ball in Level 99! Merry Christmas, pondscum.
Update - December 12, 2001
As it turns out, I've been very lucky in regards to my Lame Sites section recently, making additions to it at record speed. Nothing gives me quite the same pleasure at sharing the dregs of the Internet with you, and that worries me.
The point is, I have another wonderful, fabulous, and utterly fatuous website, this one offering a useful service. Behold, the Surfing Eraser Pro! You may not realize it, but your computer keeps track of your Internet activites, so if your boss, wife, or children start typing www.amazon.com, your browser will recall www.amazingsex.com! Also, if someone uses a search engine on your computer, it will bring up previous searches,such as "free xxx pictures." But don't worry, Surfing Eraser Pro will protect your privacy, by doing various intricate and difficult tasks, such as resetting your Home Page when a website changes it and emptying your Recycle Bin. Obviously, things like this can't be done by the ordinary layman, and you don't want your boss to find out that you visit sites like www.donkeymansexlove.com on company time, so if you download their program which fiddles with your computer's settings, erases various files, and God knows what else, you can rest easy knowing that your wife will never have to know that you've got a membership at a gay porn site.
Update - December 4, 2001
A few days ago, while desperately trying to finish (re: start on) a term paper on Afghanistan's foreign policy the day before it was due, I stumbled upon a completely unrelated website that Google somehow decided I should see. Since my favorite websites are the ones by conspiracy theorists, white supremacists, and people with the same intellectual capacity and website design skills of chalk, you can understand my joy at finding, by accident mind you, a website that combines all three of these things. Filled with bliss and fueled by chocolate chip cookies, I was gleefully educated about the Red Menace. If only George W. knew that the threat of terrorism paled in comparison to the imminent threat of The Beast of Revelation...and by that, of course, I mean the Soviet Union (which never really collapsed, of course. That's just what the reds want you to think).
