Author: Jas Masson
Title: Alone (Walter)
Rating: NC17 for discipline and sort of slash

The soft silky hot flesh under my hand, the tingle in
my palm.  The sound of soft moans and the heat and
hardness of him rubbing against my lap.

Time is indeterminate, and I feel nothing but heat.
In my hand, in my groin in my soul.  The air is filled
with the heat of both of us together, and it holds us,
cocoons us in a place far away from anyone, anything
else.  I keep my hand falling and the heat builds more
and more.  I wonder sometimes if we'll go too far, but
I know I won't stop, and I'm certain you *can't*.

The heat builds under my hand, your buttocks are
bright red and squirming and so beautiful...always so
beautiful.  I hear you sobbing, your body shakes as
your beautiful tight buttocks tremble and writhe over
my lap, but you don't ask me to stop.  Of course you
don't.  I wonder where my strength comes from when
you're sobbing like this, but I draw on it, feeling
your arousal pulse so strongly against my thighs
knowing deep inside that you need this, and that I
need to give you everything you need.

You're squirming and trembling uncontrollably,
writhing and twisting, sometimes trying to protect
your hot, throbbing, defenseless bottom, but then
sometimes you raise your burning ass, wanting more,
torn between the pain, and the need for pain.  Torn
between the need to just let go, and the need to
assert some kind of control over the situation.

That's almost funny.  Almost.  He comes over and looks
at me with huge, deep, haunted hazel eyes, asking
silently for what he needs and what I'm unable to deny
him.  He has all the control, whether he knows it or
not.

There is some comfort in the ritual as he undresses
and bends over my knees without a word.  His erection
is already throbbing even before I bring my hand down
for the first time on his beautiful, naked buttocks.
I feel my erection begin to pulse as he loses himself
in the sensations.  The heat builds and builds in his
bottom, in my hand, in both our groins until there is
nothing but the heat, the sensations and the
enveloping sounds of his sobs as he lets himself go.

The sight of his hot, red bottom writhing under my
hands fascinates me, and mixes with and tears at the
need to comfort him.  His movements grow more frantic
and his cries take on a harder edge, more desperate
and finally he comes moaning and sobbing against my
lap.

I stop and give him a moment to calm, for his body to
stop shaking and his cries to quieten.

***

I want to take him in my arms, to hold him against me,
to comfort him.  I want to kiss away his tears and
hold him close, safe and protected against me.  I want
to go to sleep with him in my arms, letting me protect
him, to wake up with him smiling at me in the morning
and know that he is safe that I've kept his demons at
bay.

My reward is in his eyes as he gets up.  They meet
mine only briefly, consumed with embarrassment, but
the haunted look is gone.  I allow myself pleasure at
knowing that I have helped him get through
another...day?  Week, month?  I don't know how long it
will be till he is back at my door again, silent and
late, like a shadow in the dim light.  Real, but
something otherworldly, not ever to be caught, or
held.

But I want to.  I want to tell you I could still help
you, give you so much more, make it so that it doesn't
build up inside you until it has to claw it's way out
in a desperate act.  I want to touch you.  Can you
hear me?  God, I want so much to hold you, to comfort
you, to whisper sweet things in your ear, to hold you
against the dark.  I could, I'm almost sure.  I could
make it better.   I could make it good.  *We* could be
good.  I almost tell you this time.  I almost ask you
to stay, to give me a chance.  Your tie ended up close
to me and your hand is so near to my thigh as you pick
it up.  The temptation take hold of it, to hold it
against my chest to stroke it almost overwhelms me...
I look into your eyes, my mouth opens, but you look
away suddenly an emotion I can't read...fear? flashing
across your face.

So I don't.  You look at me once, your embarrassment
allowing no more, your tearstained face flushed and
beautiful, before you slip quickly out the door.

I am alone.  My neglected groin suddenly throbs now
that you have gone, no longer overwhelming my senses.
But now...I am alone.

***

Finis
 

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