MY EMAIL EXCHANGES WITH MR. CHRIS WESLEY.
The story starts after a newsletter arrived in my email tray reminding me of the UK LifeCoaching company, and all the benefits of getting onboard.
I was very impressed. The website was doing exactly what it said on the box. It was enticing the surfer to be interactive and jump on-board.
It caught my attention so much so that I wrote this initial email:
EMAIL ONE
Sent: Sunday, March 25, 2007
Dear Mr. Chris Wesley,
Are you familiar with the Jungle Book song 'I wanna be like you, I wanna walk like you, talk like you' etc, etc.
Well, that's why I'm filling this in.
I want to be just like you in 5 years time.
Which brings me to my question: Can I work for you please?
Who am I? www.soslifecoaching.co.uk / www.sosparty.co.uk
I appreciate that this isn't the best way to introduce myself, but I am a believer in the 'Long Shot'.
I'm based in Brighton.
I'll email again later, thanks for your time.
Matthew Taylor
Telephone number included
I didn’t know Mr. Chris Wesley at this point, not had I heard anything about him. From the picture on his website, he looked a nice enough type of guy.
It was the next day before I got a reply.
EMAIL TWO
Sent: Monday, March 26, 2007 4:27 PM
Hello Matthew,
What are your coaching qualifications and experience?
And (I'm curious) why do you say "I'll email you again later"?
Regards,
Chris
Karina and I were in the living room when the email came through. I knew that if I revealed the extent of my coaching history to date, Chris would find an excuse not to contact me and I’ll never see or hear from him again.
So, I did something that all of us do. I lied about my qualifications.
Now the ironic thing about his is that I don’t lie. It was just on this occasion that I thought I’d commence an experiment to see how far I could get by lying about my life coaching experience.
I reasoned that up till now I’ve been truthful about my experience and I still haven’t got a job, so I’ll lie and see if I could get a job instead.
This was what I wrote in reply.
EMAIL THREE
Sent: 26 March 2007 17:20
Hello Chris,
Thank you for replying, I've been looking forward to it all weekend.
I gained my life coaching accreditation in 2001, and have been coaching since then.
The last time I emailed, it was late and I didn't feel I said all that I wanted to say. This was why I said I'll email you again.
Plus, I want to make a rapport with you and to do this, further emails may be necessary.
So, what do you think? Is there room for me in your organization? And if there is how will I fit in?
Regards,
Matt
Now, let me introduce you to the sentence that would get me in so much trouble.
“I gained my life coaching accreditation in 2001, and have been coaching since then.”
This is a lie. I deliberately said something untrue, in a conscious effort to deceive somebody and to give them a false impression.
To be factual, it should read “I applied for my life coaching accreditation in 2001 and have been studying coaching ever since.”
I looked forward to his response and was impressed when he got back to me later that day with this email.
EMAIL FOUR
Sent: Monday, March 26, 2007 6:56 PM
Hi Matt,
Please tell me who you trained with and what qualification you gained and how many paying clients you have coached, and over what period.
Thanks,
Chris
At which point I didn’t think it was appropriate that I should allow the lie to continue any longer. After 2 hours, I sent another email retracting my last statement and coming clean over the lie.
I thought it was the right thing to do and didn’t want to string him on any longer. I thought to myself that if he is taking me seriously, I’ll respect that and do business with him with a clean sheet.
This motivated me to send the fifth email of the exchange:
EMAIL FIVE
Sent: 26 March 2007 19:22
Only joking, I haven't really got a life coaching accreditation and have had no paying clients.
I'm just so desperate to get involved that I lied.
I'm in the middle of my life coaching studies with the Life Coaching Academy and am actively touting for business.
I'm currently coaching 3 people as part of my studies 'free of charge'.
I'm a maverick and think out of the box. I ready and able to coach but need that assistance from someone who's already doing it, to help me along.
Matt
I tried to be funny. So when 3 minutes later I received his reply, I had the feeling that my ‘joke’ hadn’t went down well. As you can read from his email, he was not impressed.
EMAIL SIX
Monday, March 26, 2007 7:25 PM
Not a great start Matt.
If thinking outside the box means lying to get a job, then I don't really think we have a basis for working together.
Personal integrity is a primary requirement.
In any case, I only hire coaches with first class qualifications and
extensive experience.
Chris
Of-course he was absolutely right. This was not a great start and I had metaphorically dug my own grave, and was still digging strong.
He was right to comment that if thinking outside the box means lying to get a job, then it was not a basis for working together. He was absolutely right, to think so.
But implying that I didn’t have Personal Integrity got under my skin and irritated me.
I’ve put my hands up. It was wrong and stupid to lie in our initial exchanges and I apologise for doing so.
But to comment on my ‘Personal Integrity’ was a comment too far.
But to keep it all light-hearted and humoured I replied, as follows. Like I said, ‘Still digging my grave’.
EMAIL SEVEN
Sent: 26 March 2007 19:36
Whoops.
Can we keep this to ourselves, please?
To which I continued with an eighth email.
EMAIL EIGHT
Sent: 26 March 2007 19:42
So I take it you wouldn't consider training someone up.
An Apprenticeship.
With your help I can earn a first class qualification and get the extensive
experience I need to compete with the best of the best.
Haven't you ever taken a chance on someone before, only to find that it was
the best decision you've ever taken?
I'm your man Chris. Personal Integrity is a core value I hold very dear to
my heart.
Your primary requirement has already been met.
Regards,
Matt
I had to wait until the next morning before I got my reply.
EMAIL NINE
Sent: Tuesday, March 27, 2007 9:34 AM
Fascinating.
How do you square personal integrity with lying to get a job?
Chris
And this was where I lost my cool and wasted 10 minutes of my time writing the email below. With hind-sight, if only I had just left it there. Learnt from my mistake and moved on???
I expect it had something to do with my ego and having my Personal Integrity called into question, (even though he was right to do so…)
EMAIL TEN
Sent: 27 March 2007 13:01
Come on Chris; let’s not make a mountain out of a mole hill.
Our email exchange was not a part of a job application.
They were primarily enquires about being apart of your organization. At no point has there been any talk of a job.
My personal integrity is untainted by this. I corrected myself at the earliest opportunity and harbour no shame in my conduct towards you.
The bottom line is this. I love what you have achieved. I think your website and marketing skills are second to none.
I am 110% dedicated in making a future in the life coaching industry and
emailed you with the hope that you could take me under your wing and help me
in anyway you can.
I knew as soon as you asked the question as to whether I had any experience or qualification, that if I replied that I hadn't yet gained my accreditation and that I hadn't actually coached anyone, I'll get a reply exactly as the one you sent.
So let’s not bang on about my personal integrity.
I've achieved great things in my life thus far. I've travelled extensively from 17 to 26 years old, fulfilling a child-hood ambition of travelling the world.
I spent 6 fruitful years in the Army, serving as a Royal Military Policeman, surpassing my ambition of being a policeman.
I have now found the love of my life and have a 14 month old baby.
My life so far has involved fulfilling my dreams and aspirations. And believe that I can forward the lessons I've learnt to people wanted to do the same.
My main goals in life now are:
www.sosparty.co.uk A political party for the 21st Century
www.royaltruth.co.uk A religion for the 21st Century (Work in progress) Based on the life & times of a very remarkable woman
www.soslifecoaching.co.uk The bread and butter, how I'm going to make the money.
I'm already a regular contributor of political commentary to the local and national newspapers and have been profiled on the BBC South Today regional news program. I am currently in discussion with a TV/film production company to make a film based on the SOS Party/Taylor: Man of the Millennium character.
The point I'm making is that other than the actual skill of coaching, I can bring a wealth of other skills that can benefit your organization.
For example, my time as an RMP taught me invaluable people skills. I am
confident in handling people in all situations. I'm cool under fire and can
assess and deal with all types of situations.
With my SOS Party, I've gained PR skills; I'm competent at press and media releases and have made good relationships and rapport with a number of journalists and TV producers.
All in all, Chris. I am the best opportunity that has knocked on your door for a long time.
I'm doing you a favour introducing myself.
In fact, I'm fascinated that you haven't offered me an executive position in your organization already.
I know, I know, reading over it myself. Very long winded and very silly.
With hindsight there were a lot I shouldn’t have said.
But I felt genuinely aggrieved to having my ‘Personal Integrity’ called into question. I wanted to show him that I was a man of substance and honour.
But fair-do’s to Mr. Wesley. Even though I had to wait until the next day, he did send back an email that comprehensively addressed all points.
EMAIL ELEVEN
Sent: Wednesday, March 28, 2007 10:27 AM
Matthew, my comments are inline in blue.
Come on Chris; let’s not make a mountain out of a mole hill.
You lied about qualifying, when you said:
"I gained my life coaching accreditation in 2001, and have been coaching since then."
That IS a MOUNTAIN in my world. People who lie like this cannot be trusted by definition.
Our email exchange was not a part of a job application.
They were prilimary enquires about being apart of your organization. At no point has there been any talk of a job.
In your first contact with me, you said you wanted to work for me - that's known technically as a "job".
And that has been the subject for the entire dialogue.
My personal integrity is untainted by this. I corrected myself at the
earliest opportunity and harbour no shame in my conduct towards you.
Astonishing. You lied. Then you asked me to keep that fact to ourselves.
I wonder how you can think your personal integrity is not damaged by that, but I have no doubt that you have found a way.
The bottom line is this. I love what you have achieved. I think your website
and marketing skills are second to none.
That may be your bottom line, but MY bottom line is that you are a liar.
I am 110% dedicated in making a future in the life coaching industry and
emailed you with the hope that you could take me under your wing and help me
in anyway you can.
Not the tiniest chance.
I knew as soon as you asked the question as to whether I had any experience
or qualification, that if I replied that I hadn't yet gained my
accreditation and that I hadn't actually coached anyone, I'll get a reply
exactly as the one you sent.
Uh huh. So - being a practical kind of fellow - you simply lied about it. Neat.
So let’s not bang on about my personal integrity.
I guess you have no idea how inappropriate it is for you to tell me what it is I should and should not discuss with a prospective employee.
Personal integrity is extremely important in a coach, and lying to get a job is a clear demonstration of its absence.
I've achieved great things in my life thus far. I've travelled extensively
from 17 to 26 years old, fulfilling a child-hood ambition of travelling the
world.
I spent 6 fruitful years in the Army, serving as a Royal Military Policeman,
surpassing my ambition of being a policeman.
I have now found the love of my life and have a 14 month old baby.
My life so far has involved fulfilling my dreams and aspirations. And
believe that I can forward the lessons I've learnt to people wanted to do
the same.
My main goals in life now are:
www.sosparty.co.uk A political party for the 21st Century
www.royaltruth.co.uk A religion for the 21st Century (Work in progress)
Based on the life & times of a very remarkable woman
www.soslifecoaching.co.uk The bread and butter, how I'm going to make the
money.
I'm already a regular contributor of political commentary to the local and
national newspapers and have been profiled on the BBC South Today regional
news program. I am currently in discussion with a TV/film production company
to make a film based on the SOS Party/Taylor: Man of the Millennium
character.
The point I'm making is that other than the actual skill of coaching, I can
bring a wealth of other skills that can benefit your organization.
Coaches need coaching skills in order to coach.
For example, my time as an RMP taught me invaluable people skills. I am
confident in handling people in all situations. I'm cool under fire and can
assess and deal with all types of situations.
A Military Policeman who lies when it's convenient and doesn't see what the big deal is? Matthew, that is just very worrying.
With my SOS Party, I've gained PR skills; I'm competent at press and media
releases and have made good relationships and rapport with a number of
journalists and TV producers.
All in all, Chris. I am the best opportunity that has knocked on your door
for a long time.
Matthew, you are astonishingly arrogant. You do not know who approaches me, and your unjustifiably high opinion of yourself is a major turnoff.
I'm doing you a favour introducing myself.
Thank you. I had no idea I was so lucky.
In fact, I'm fascinated that you haven't offered me an executive position in
your organization already.
Well then at least we've entertained each other.
And now the coaching part.
You are a very unusual human being, and you probably DO have a lot of potential to do spectacular things in your life.
But I am concerned that a large part of your exceptional drive and self-confidence comes from your capacity to distort your own image of yourself.
Specifically, you seem to paint yourself in a far better light than your actions deserve.
Whilst this is currently a course of strength for you, I am concerned that - longer term - it will bring you down.
I also suspect that this shell of confidence may have been built to hide something about you from yourself, and that too, over time, must be dismantled and re-assembled properly before you can realise your potential.
Seeing the world the way it really is, is an important key to personal growth.
You and I currently see the world very differently, and whilst I certainly have a way to go, I am reasonably certain that you have a lot further to go than I do.
So we won't be working together, but I wish you well on your journey.
Regards,
Chris
So there you have it, all my words thrown back to me and a free life coaching session thrown in for good measure.
Again, I should have left it there and walked out. But I just couldn’t help myself.
Being called a “liar” in such graphic terms pushed me over the edge.
Being called “Astonishingly arrogant”, I can take because there is an element of fact in that.
I took it as a compliment being called “A very unusual human being”. But “painting yourself in a far better light than your actions deserve”, is a bit harsh don’t you think?
But he did wish me well on my journey and as I’ve said before, I should have walked on and never looked back.
Instead I wrote and sent.
EMAIL TWELVE
Sent: Wednesday, March 28, 2007 2:20 PM
Thank you for taking the time to write such a comprehensive reply to the email I sent you 27 March 2007.
Even-though I'm disappointed that I won't be considered forth-with for any role in your organization and that you think of me as a liar.
I wish you all the best for the future and continuing success.
Best wishes,
Matthew Taylor
QUIT TALKING ABOUT IT & DO IT with-
www.soslifecoaching.co.uk
Everyone needs a Life Coach...
This was my parting shot. But it got me thinking. Just who is Mr. Chris Wesley? I for one had met my match and I was intrigued to learn more about him.
A Google search of Chris Wesley, introduces Chris Wesley Coaching and Consulting.
With a nice little picture of Chris gazing friendly into the camera, written below his name Chris Wesley with a number of letters after it- BSc, LCA, JP.
In his profile we learn that Chris is a 44 year old honours graduate. He spent 20 years in the IT industry, ultimately as European IT manager for part of EDS - a large American multi-national, then left to become self-employed. He has since dabbled in local politics, been a freelance lecturer, has developed several successful e-commerce web sites, (including an adult shop!), and is a life coach and management mentor and consultant.
And on top of which he is a member of The Coaching Academy's inner circle, and one of only seven members of its executive committee - overseeing the ethics of coaching in the UK.
This immediately rang warning bells for me. I’m a member of The Coaching Academy and I realised that he could affect my career as a life coach, being on its executive committee, overseeing the ethics of coaching in the UK.
The realisation that I have been messing with the big boys really hit home.
The bottom line was that Mr. Chris Wesley was at the top of his game and flying high. This man had a proven track record and was going places.
I just had to find out more.
And I did. As it turns out Mr. Wesley fancies himself as a political crusader, just like me.
I found his Lets Fix Britain website that sets to “Stand up to change all that's bad about Britain in the public and private sectors”.
I particularly enjoyed Mr. Wesley essay, title: If I ruled the World.
Having read it I noted a few points that I found to be very insightful as to who Mr. Wesley was and what made him tick.
He mentioned that to his own surprise he only had two core values. I found this weird because as life coaches we ask our clients to write down at least 10.
His core values in life are Truth and Sound Motivation.
But read his essay for yourself. I know I found it interesting. All over again, I found a new respect for him and I wanted to share it with him too.
I knew we got off to a bad start and I so desperately wanted to make amends.
Not only has this guy built a striving life coaching business but he’s also created a pretty impressive political movement dedicated to making Britain a better place to live.
I was knocked out. Mr. Wesley is Brilliant. I just had to get closer to him.
So I reeled of another email:
EMAIL THIRTEEN
Sent: 28 March 2007 19:00
Chris,
I didn't know you were a wanna-be-ruler-of-the-world.
I've thoroughly enjoyed reading your LFB (Let’s Fix Britain) site.
May I ask; are you a married man and have you got kids?
I was genuinely curious as to whether he was a married man with children. I don’t think it was too pertinent a question to ask. Do you?
And I emailed him again 19 minutes later with:
EMAIL FOURTEEN
Sent: 28 March 2007 19:19
With reference to the LFB, would you mind me putting a link on my website to yours?
I'll include it under the SOS Friends section. You can see what I mean by visiting www.sosparty.co.uk and scrolling down until you see it.
Chris, I bet you are like me more than you admit.
I still feel the same way about you as when I first emailed, I still want to be like you, walk like you, talk like you, do do do do.....
A bit of humour to round it of, couldn’t do any harm could it?
But alas, I never heard from him again. And I never did include a link to his LFB site on my site.
It was about a week later that I renewed our email exchange, but still time, with dire consequences.
It was on the 6th April 2007, that I had finished writing the first instalments of April’s Edition of my Political Column
Promoting it I sent it to all the usual suspects. All the local and national media organizations, SOS members and other people of interest.
While doing so I thought I’d send Mr. Wesley a link. It had been over a week since I last heard from him and I thought that he might like to read Britain’s Most Controversial Political Column.
So you can image my shock at receiving his reply.
EMAIL FIFTEEN
Sent: 06 April 2007 12:07
Matthew Taylor,
You have set yourself up as a life coach which is a major concern for me because you lied to me whilst applying for a job, pretending qualifications and experience which you do not actually have.
When I pointed out your poor conduct, you seemed to think it amusing. How worrying.
Now I am astonished to see that you are sending me unsolicited junk mail.
And that mail is along the lines of your websites and general approach. You paint yourself like some presidential figure whereas in fact you are simply an un-hinged idiot.
You have also exposed all of your victims (those on your e-list) to further abuse by exposing our email addresses in the TO: list.
Maybe I should start a new website called MatthewTaylorWatch.com.
Stop sending me unsolicited junk, Matthew, and consider growing up.
IDIOT!
I could not believe it. I had been hit in my nose and was bleeding profusely.
Not only did he reply to me but he replied to everyone.
- Mr. Wayne Green from the Global Affairs Think Tank,
- Tim Montgomery from 18 Doughty Street, a political broadband TV station,
- Andrew Wainwright from The Positive Party,
- Mr. Ian Hislop, the Editor of Private Eye,
- Mr. George Gallaway of the Respect The Unity Coalition,
- Professor Mark Van Vugt, Department of Psychology of Kent University
- Mr. O.Blackman, a Mirror newspaper columnist,
- Mr. Michael Portillo, ex-conservative minister,
- Mr. Lawrence Marzouk, a Evening Argus reporter,
- Mr. Kevin Maguire, another Mirror newspaper columnist,
- Justine Green, Wayne’s wife from the Global Affairs Think Tank,
- Mr. Jonathan Dimbleby, BBC Broadcaster and Journalist
- Ms. Heather Cole, a friend of mine who creates Gif’s,
- Mr. Graham Alan Rees, SOS member
- Mr. Michael Beard, The Evening Argus Editor
- Andy Simpson, letters editor from the Daily Mail.
All people who I hold in high regard and all who received the same email that labeled me a ‘Liar’ and not only an ‘Idiot’, but an ‘Un-hinged Idiot’.
Thanks for nothing Mr. Wesley. Thanks for kicking me exactly where it hurts.
I have, well and truly, been taught a lesson I will never forget.
‘Playing with the big boys will get you hurt’.
I was left reeling. Knocked for six and deeply wounded.
My next email to him, summed up how I felt.
EMAIL SIXTEEN
Sent: 06 April 2007 15:54
http://www.sailinganarchy.com/general/2002/cool_test.htm
I have so met my match with you. You know sometimes, when you wish you hadn't even made contact.
That's how I feel with you.
But at least that at the end of all this, I've got to know the real man behind the picture.
You are not very nice are you Mr. Wesley.
And of-course I couldn’t leave it there. To show him that I could rise above his petty crusade of smearing my good name, I sent the seventeenth and last email.
EMAIL SEVENTEEN
Sent: 06 April 2007 16:40
Subject: Friendly Advice
You've got some spelling mistakes on the following page:
http://www.uklifecoaching.org/chris.htm
You've spelt part- parft
Europea - do you mean European?
Worl - do you mean world?
I know from personal experience, these little things (such as spelling mistakes) shout AMATEUR to any visitor to your site.
I don't mind at all taking the time to point these mistakes out to you and hope they help you give that professional touch.
Please don't thank me, it's the least I could do.
This truly is the last time you'll hear from me.
Matthew Taylor
And since then, I’ve stuck to my promise and haven’t emailed him since, though I have noticed the correction of his spelling mistakes.
I found some small satisfaction in knowing that it took an idiot to point out the spelling mistakes on his website.
But still, the whole experience has left me a lot to think about.
Perhaps I do need to grow up. Perhaps I do paint myself in a far better light than my actions deserve. Perhaps I’m distorting my own image of myself. Perhaps I am heading for a down-fall, perhaps my confidence may have been built to hide something about myself, from myself and perhaps I’m an IDIOT.
But this is where I believe Mr. Wesley has made a bad judgement and has shown himself to be a bigoted bully.
Perhaps, I am none of the above and Mr. Wesley has been wrong in judging me under his own high standards of ethics and integrity.
Anyway, I’m glad it’s all been chronicled here on my blog and I’m glad you have had the opportunity to read about it.
If ever I need to go before the ethics and standard committee of the Life Coaching Academy, I can point to my blog and put forward my case.
So that’s it: The complete and unabridged email exchange between me and Mr. Chris Wesley.
I would love to know what you think. Who do you think is in the right? Did I get my just deserves or did Mr. Wesley act unfairly towards me?
You decide…
© Copyright 2007 Matthew Taylor