MY BRUSH WITH THE RUSSIAN MAFIA.

As Karina says- ‘It’s a recipe for disaster leaving Matt alone all day with internet connection.’

I replied to one of those emails that asked for your bank details.

Saying that they’ll deposit an amount of money into my bank account, allow me to keep 10% as a handling fee, and send rest by cash to a specified address in Russia, St Petersburg.

After giving them my details, I discovered to my great surprise, £3500 in my bank account the following day.

I went straight to the bank to withdraw the money in cash. Then all I had to do was cross the road, take my 10% and send the rest to Russia with love...

But a greater wisdom of some degree swept through me and instead I decided to caution on the safe-side by taking my 10% out in cash, as per planned, and the rest as a banker’s cheque.

But to my horror Western Union money transfer wouldn’t accept banker’s cheques.

Only cash.

So off I went to the bank again.

The bank teller said that she needed to see her manager and will be a few minutes.

After 5 minutes I asked what the delay was and she said the manager was in a meeting.

I waited 2 minutes longer and left.

With my 10% cash in my pocket, I walked to the guitar shop and brought myself an electric fender guitar, before catching the bus home to say sorry to the Russians about losing her 90%.

I emailed the Russians to up-date them on the situation.

They weren’t happy, not happy at all. Telling me to go back to the bank and get it.

But decided not to bother after I got a call from the bank manager.

He wanted to know why £3500 had been illegally withdrawn from a customers account and deposited into mine?

I explained to him that it was a financial donation to my SOS Political Party.

Luckily I remembered that I had once posted my bank details on the MAD Magazine internet message board asking people to give me money supporting my political dream of eliminating war, poverty and child-abuse, righting the wrongs of Mankind.

‘I’m a victim of bank fraud here’ I reminded him.

He told me that I was liable to repay the missing 10%.
And I explained that I had already spent it and couldn’t give it back.

I kept crying victim until the matter was closed.
With mutual agreement, I wasn’t to darken their doors for a century or more.

The long and short of it was this:
I got away with it.

My brush with the Russian Mafia.

Karina discovered the plot when she came around a Russian wives agency website, on the laptop. This was their cover, for their illegal activities.

I sent one more email to them, angry after the realisation that, if I had sent the money, I would have been the idiot who had to pay it back.

I thought we were friends!!! The Russians and I.

I haven’t heard from them since.

I lived in fear over the coming days. Whenever the phone rang and the line went dead, I thought- the Russians. When-ever there was a knock at the door, is it the Russians? And every night I trebled checked the locks, fearing the Russians.

But it had got to be worth it, I got an electric fender guitar out of it.

© Copyright 2008 Matthew Taylor