Christopher Robin Hood steals from the rich and gives to the Pooh.
Adam met Eve and turned over a new leaf.
A day without sun shine is like, you know, night.
"Alex, I'll take 'Things Only I Know' for $200"
9 our of 10 doctors say the 10th doctor should mellow out.
Only one shopping day left until tomorrow!
By the time they had diminished from 50 to 8, the other dwarves began to suspect "Hungry".
Why be difficult? Put some effort in and be impossible.
Roses are Red, Violets are blue, I am schizophrnic, and so am I
Write your questions down on the back of $20 dollar bill and send them to me.
You can listen to thunder after lightening and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don't hear it, you got hit, so never mind.
My greatest fear in life is that no one will remember me after I'm dead. -some dead guy
Promises are like babies: fun to make, but hell to deliver.
Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply.
47.5% of all statistivs are made up on the spot.
Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
Today's subliminal thought is:
Help, I've fallen down and I can't...Hey, nice carpet!
Einstein said that talking to yourself is a sign of intelligence. Answering yourself, however, is a sign of insanity.
Get your mind out of the sewer and into the gutter with the rest of us.
Get your mind out of the gutter! Grab mine while you're there, please.
If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?
Due to financial constraints, the light at the end of the tunnel has been extinguished.
I'd give a thousand dollars to be one of them there millionaires
There are 3 kinds of people in this world: Those who can count and those who can't
Energizer Bunny arrested and charged with battery.
Never knock on Death's door. Ring the doorbell and run (he hates that)
Gotta run. Neigbors just sighted Elvis making crop circles.
What's the difference betweeen roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef.
There's a typo in this sentence, but it slides away when your eyes move toward it
It is said that if you line up all the cas in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them.
Ways to Relieve Stress #7. Make up a language and ask people for directions.
The optimist says the glass is half full. The pessimist says the glass is half empty. The pragmatist, being thirst, drinks the water.
"It's all coming back to me now", said the blind man as he peed into the wind.
5 out of 4 people don't understand fractions.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you. Elvis is dead, Mozart is dead, Einstein is dead, and I'm not feeling so great myself.
All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.
The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was the genius.
For Sale: Parachute, Only used once, never opened, small stain.
A wolf in sheeps clothing needs professional help.
Hurked un foniks wirkd fur mee
