There are so many things on my mind at the moment, but alot of them I can't actually write here because I really dont want to offend anyone. Almost everything about school is pissing me off at the moment. Dammit. And even somethings at home. But I've decided that I'm not gonna let this stuff get me down. I'm sick of being upset and depressed. And for those people who think its cool to be depressed, well in my oppinion you guys are very very sad. Because I believe, which I know is not what the majority of people believe, that no matter how much pain and misery a person goes through, they can always make life better for themselves. And because of their pain, their happiness will seem that much better because they can appreciate it more. At least I know that has happened for me. I can appreciate life so much more than alot of people. And I know that my friends from camp can also appreciate it that much more. And I hope you guys never let that go. Now I know that some people would tell me to fuck off if they could, because they think I'm totally wrong and that I'm just preeching or something. But I'm not. And you guys can take your own advice and fuck off because this is what I believe and I have good grounds to believe it. So don't come and tell me otherwise and that you know more about sadness than I do, because I'll either ignore you, or tell you to shove it.
26.2.03
OK, so I don't really have much to write. But there is one thing that's pissing me off. I'm so bloody sick of having to babysit Brooke's feelings. Almost everyday she's having a cry session because she thinks I hate her, which is not entirely true. I just find her incredibly childish and annoying. People like that just piss me off, especially when they're 16 years old and acting like my 5 year old sister. Its fine dealing with little children at home or people who have a sickness that makes the younger in the mind than they actually are because I have friends like that, but not when they're just plain childish with no particular reason except that they are immature. Which is fine once in a while. Heck, I'm childish at times, but at least I only put it on. She's just like that because she can't be bothered being anything else. OK, so I get that I'm not exactly making sense to you people, but I make sense to myself and that's all that matters.
24.2.03
Sooo very bored. Lets see now.... I have a free or rather "study" period right now and I have absolutly nothing to do. OK, well, lets see...i hate school, so very damn fucking boring. I also hate being home. Why can't the weekends be longer so I could still be up with my cousins? Oh well. As much as they tell me to go down there, I think they hate it when their mum tells them that they cant go surfing cos I'm down. Even more reason to go down there, to piss them off. Gee aren't I nice? Well, I thought so. Umm...I can be nice when I want to anyways. So basically I have absolutly nothing to write except for how damn bored I am. Lalalala. OK, OK, so I think I'll go now and stop boring all the rest of you people who could actually be bothered to read this. And I doubt many people do. Gee, I feel so loved. Bordering on that again huh? You know, there was something I was gonna put up here the other day but I thought I'd better not because I think I would have offended alot of people. So thank me for not doing that. I suppose I could still put it up here. One day, when I feel like that again and just dont care if I offened people, I think I will put it up here. But seeing as though at the moment I kind of feel loved, I'm just gonna go before I put myself back into a slump!
22.2.03
Hahaha. Don't worry Monika and Sanki. Your faces aren't the ones on the rice bag. Not this time anyway. (Just kidding.) Well I do seem to be in a happier mood today don't I? I guess it was a good thing I came down to my aunts place. Can't be upset around my cousins, they're just too quirky. And also very nosey. I'm kinda cold at the moment. And before any of you say anything, I have a jumper on. I'm actually being logical for a change. Hahaha "Kristel, logical? yeah right!"
Don't you guys just love the smell of rain? I do. Especially afterwards. When it smells all clean as if the pollutions's all been washed away. Maybe that's why I'm happy. "The rain has cleansed me of all negativity" Do I really believe that? Nah. But oh well.
21.2.03
Fuck. Why wont this fucking feeling go away? No matter what I seem to do at the moment, I can't stop feeling like this. Gah. What's the point of having emotions? Sure, without them the world would be a pretty boring place, but how much simpler would it be? Just think, to not get upset over anything, never fall in love so you can never have your heart broken. It'd suit me just fine. Not that I know what being in love feels like. Probable never will. But at the moment, I don't care. Why should I? Why should I care if anyone even truly likes me? I don't. Maybe all my indipendance is a bad thing. I know some people wo think so. They'd probably call me cold hearted because of it. But then, I pitty those who have too much dependance. To never do anything without other people's approval. It's just sad. Have you people ever thought that maybe its easier to be cold hearted? To just pretend to not care? But how can I not care when I don't even know what's going on? To be ignorant of almost everything and anything without wanting to be. Although, I wouldn't exactly call it ignorance. What would I call it? To be honest, I don't know. And maybe I'm just proving that I am ignorant. What do you think? I guess ignorance can be bliss, but not all the time. Sometimes it can be just damn painful. Who cares? I'm sure you're all probably like "Oh yeah, what the hell are you talking about, what would you know?" And you're right. What would I know? What could I possibly know? I'm just a person who pretends to be a part of the world. Maybe I am a part of the world without knowing it. Again inhancing my ignorance. Then again, maybe I'm not part of the world. Looking in from behind a window, not caring for what's inside, or out as the case may be. Yes, I suppose I am cold hearted, to an extent. And why not be? Doesn't everyone need some sort of security blanket?
20.2.03
OK. I�ve upgraded to wanting to shoot the rice bag with a shotgun. Maybe I need anger management classes. Probably not. Oh well, lets see how many days this anger lasts for.
I was walking home today and when I was close to my house I walked passed a kid who was about 7 or 8. And as I walked passed him I heard him say behind my back, �she�s scary.� That was fun though. Probably the highlight of my day. I love scaring people, especially when I don�t mean to. It just adds to my reputation of being an �Evil Little Bitch.�
19.2.03
Fuck, fuck, fuckedy, fuck, fuck. Gah, sorry about the swearing. Wait, no I�m not. This is my site and I�ll fucken swear if I want to. It seems to be helping me feel better. Gets rid of the anger. The only thing better that I can think of at the moment would be to get a rice bag, stick a picture of a certain person�s face on it and start bashing it to bits until all the rice falls onto the floor. That�d get rid of my fucking anger. Of course, then I�d walk away and pretend I didn�t make the mess.
- �It was the dog. I swear it.�
- �We don�t have a dog.�
- �Oh. Then it must�ve been one of the cats; or maybe even the rabbit.�
- �The rabbits in the cage and the cats are outside.�
- �You don�t know how long the mess has been there for. They could�ve done it this morning.�
- �Uh-huh. And the fact that there�s a picture of someone you know on the bag means absolutely nothing?�
- �Absolutely nothing. I umm�have to go now. I think I hear my teddy bears calling to me.�
�Just another small piece to my ever increasing puzzle of insanity.�-Kristel. S
Actually I think the best way to vent my anger would be to swear my head off while I bash the rice bag. I�ll go try it shall I? If the bag really busts, I wonder if I�ll get away with my little excuses?
17.2.03
How cool are black-outs? They're like all freaky and stuff. My house is totally blacked out at the moment. We're wandering around the house with candles in hand making sure we don't knock into anything. Just like the days before electricity. It's kind of annoying though. My sister keeps complaining coz she was in the middle of doing something on the puter and I was watching t.v when it all just suddenly turned itself off. And then there's my younger sister who's afraid of the dark yet is mesmerized by the candles and wants to blow them out, hence sending us into more darkness! Kid's these days, they have no logic! That's not to say that I do though. Anyway, so now my dad's pissed off coz he can't get a fax that he's been waiting for and as soon as I've finished this I'm gonna have nothing to do except sleep because we have no power. Oh well. I LOVE BLACKOUTS! God, how pathetic am I? Oh well, at least my phones are still working.
