1.4.03
Well, another month gone. So, it was April fools day today and I didn't get to fool anyone. Bummer. Oh well, I had a good day none-the-less. We had a very interesting conversation today. It turns out that I'm not the only person who thinks we don't really exist, that we're just people in dreams. Whether or not it is our own dreams, or the dream of someone else, for example a single entity, or whatever. Maybe it's a Matrix effect. It's always made me think. I guess I really started thinking about it when I was like ten or something, and it's strange to know that others have also thought the same thing as me.

I've been so scared the last few days. And I don't really wanna say why, because, well because I just don't and here I am, telling everyone that I'm scared. God something must be wrong with me for writing all of this. Maybe something has changed in me recently. I guess maybe because I find it easier to put my feelings and such down in words/writing. OK, so I think I should stop now because I don't really like telling people about how I feel. But I guess I'll keep going only because I don't think many people read this any way and it helps me.

Anyway, I guess I'll get back to why I'm so scared. I had a dream the other night and once I'd woken up, I couldn't get back to sleep. It was more like a nightmare. I was in a car with Sanah and she was driving, lol, I was probably too short to drive. Anyway, we had a crash and I'm not going to go into gory details because I don't think I can. Sanah died.
That put me into real shock for that hole day and it wasn't until I saw her yesterday and hugged her that my mind was at ease. I had to make sure that my dream was just that. I don't think I could handle it if she died. I don't think I could handle it if any of my friends die, but I've known Sanah nearly all of my life, and she's my closest friend. I think it would be worse for me if I lost her. But I don't think I could handle loosing anyone else. I can't count the number of people I've lost, friends and family. But I guess thats the price a person pays when all their friends outside of school have had some sort of cancer.

I've been watching home videos the past two days. They've been bringing back lots of memories, mostly good. I guess the real reason I've been watching them is because I had to find a news report thing which I was on when I was younger for school. I'm not sure if I really wanna show my class it anymore. But anyway, they've put me into this state, which I wouldn't exactly say is a bad thing, but its not a happy state. And I don't think I wanna continue on this topic. Sorry, its not something I wanna write about, I think this is the one topic I'd prefer to talk about rather than write