It doesn�t matter what people are told, the will always interpret things the way they want to, to suit their own liking. People only ever believe what they want to believe because that way it makes their problems that much worse that anyone else�s. And even thought they know that over in India children are starving, it doesn�t matter because the child is half a world away and unknown personally. So who cares about anyone else�s problems? Or even that other people�s problems might be worse?

Fuck it. See things the way you want to. It all comes down to perception. I guess perception is a truth in your own mind, but it is also a lie. A person can perceive yellow to be a different color that it truly is but the fact of matter is its still yellow and no amount of ignorance or perception could change that.

�Perception is what makes us real.� Bull Shit!!! What makes us real (theoretically in my mind) is that some guy/girl/thing up there not necessarily god) is having some fucked up dream and can�t keep us out of it. We simply live in a dream. No, not a Matrix piece of crap (although I do like the movie), coz I don�t really believe we exist at all.

-So then, doesn�t that mean there�s no such thing as perception?
-How do you mean?
-Well if we�re all in some kind of dream world then our perceptions are that of the dreamer whom makes us believe the way we do.

(OK, so that�s part of a conversation I had with myself, with one side losing, but I�m not gonna write the whole convo down coz it goes on forever and ill be quite boring to all of you who aren�t me.)

I know my theory to most others doesn�t actually make sense, but to me it does.

I don�t really know what I believe � I don�t believe in fate of a sort (even though I�ve written about it before) but I also don�t believe we exist. I think this world is too boring and simple to be real. Even the �problems� we have are simple and trivial, it�s within our minds that they become complicated.

There has to be more than a world where we are mortal. More than the circulation of life where we are born, we grow up, go to school, get a job, have children � who begin the same cycle � retire, get old and then die, cease to exist. How can that be?

I want to believe in an after-life � for certain reasons which I�m not going to state here � but I don�t know if I do believe in it. Who would want to be in �heaven� for eternity? Wouldn�t it be getting crowded? And who�s to say that there is a heaven? Maybe there�s only a hell.

If we don�t exist, then nothing exists. Heaven is a figment of people�s imagination.

I think my insanity is getting the better of me. Pete�s telling me I�m being pathetic. Nana says she�s inclined to agree with him. Since Nana�s been given a name, I can�t get rid of her. I never really used to pay attention that she was even around. Is she really such a big difference between myself and her or is it just me acting her out?