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19.3.03
"Ewww...blood, get it away!"
Blood is only associated with being evil because of the stupid vampire concept. I mean, I like vampire stories, but I find people who take the whole thing too far really pathetic. Fine, if you want to go and drink other people's blood, be my guest, but don't come crying to me when you get sick.
And you people who blood tests are fun are just sad. I know that they're necissary, but how the hell can anyone actually like having a needle in their arm? Try having blood tests three times a day every day at the age of 5 and then come and tell me how great they are. And how can people willingly stick a needle in their arms?
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Damn you ******** you piss me off so much at the moment. You're so pathetic its almost as bad as ******. You pretend to be so damn empathetic. Try living your own life instead of someone else's and stop trying to make your problems out to be worse than they are. The world doesn't fucking revolve around *******. I hate your god damn favorism and how you go from one person to the next in a matter of days, ignoring the other as if they are someone to toy with who has no feelings and can be ditched at any time. And your constant, insesent whining is pathetic and old. Try having something useful to say.
I can put up with a lot for a while, but sooner or later, it's going to get old and you'll get all upset when I become all cold and you'll claim ignorance over why I'm cold towards you. I am so sick of having to babysit people's damn emotions because they can't handle the truth. And I'm so sick of people seeking sympathy from me for no fucking reason. It's up to you if you tell me what's wrong in your life, but if you're not going to tell me, then don't expect me to be able to know what's wrong. And I know that you're all thinking "hasn't she written this stuff before." Maybe I have, I can't actually remember and I can't be bothered going back and checking, but its all true. Its so annoying and I feel like I can't trust anyone because no one trusts me.
People get upset and dont tell me why, then they get even more upset because they think I'm being cold because I'm not comforting them. HOW THE FUCK CAN I COMFORT THEM WHEN I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S WRONG THEREFOR I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY? I can try and just be there for them, but I feel as though I'm just there and they don't really care if I'm trying to comfort them, all they want is for me to leave.
But what's even more annoying is having a fucking conscience. Telling me that I have to go comfort them even if they don't want me to. Feeling as though they need me when really they want someone else to be there with them, as if I'm not even second best. I'm just there for convinience. And then if I don't go comfort someone, I feel quilty. I hate it.
I can't do anything out of the ordinary because otherwise everyone will start judging me. Fuck why does all this stuff have to start with school? Why can't everyone just be happy? It's so much nicer. Its because of all of you. It was because of you then and now. Damn I wish people would stop bringing me down. I want to be ignorant. I don't want to know. Go run off to her, because its apparant that I am your last choice. I'm someone to fall back on when she's not there or when no one else on your list is around. And even then you go to everyone else except me. Don't tell me how you feel about me. Let me here it from everyone else. Yep, I know that's what you do. So that's why I don't believe it. It's not because I'm being cold and trying to act tough. It's because if you go and tell someone else that you really care for them and tell them how much I mean to you, but can't tell me, then I think its cowardice and untrue.
So forgive me for my feelings, my ignorance and for my lack of compasion towards you. Maybe I've shed some light on why. Haha, if you can figure out who it is I'm talking about. And I've been meaning a few different people here, so take your pick. Lets see whose brave enough to confront me about this. No one reads it anyway. So what do I care?
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