I wrote this a while ago when I was feeling bummmed out. You can probably guess why. Heh, I guess I still feel like this quite alot. Gawd damn. Im putting it up here cos it doesn't really belong in the Writings section. Im not gonna say when I wrote it, cos that may actually give people a hint as to who and why I was bummed out. I'm sorry if you take it personally or if you're offended by it, but this is my site and this is how I feel and I cant change how I feel.

How many friends does a person truly have? I feel like I dont habe any. Sure, there are people who say they're my friends, but how do I know that they truly are? How do I know if they would stick up for me, or if they would care enough to come and visit me in hospital if I ever got put back in that god-foresaken place. I've never had a true friend. My only true friend's gone and I'll never see her again. I'll never be as close to anyone as I was to her. But does anyone ever care if I'm hurting? Do they care if I'm just putting on a brave face, while secretly I die inside? Do I even have one friend that would miss me if I ever left? An dI dont mean a week or two after I leave. I mean years after I leave. I thought I could never feel this way again. Obviously I was wrong. Maybe I'm just imagining it. Maybe it is all in my head. But why does it hurt so much? Have I lost enough people in my life? Why does it feel like I'm loosing more? I wish she was here. Why the fuck did she leave me all those years ago? Why the fuck can't I cry? That's all I want to do. Break down and cry. Damn all my fucking suffering. I haven't tears enough to cry. Not even for her. Not for anyone. Not for myself. Yeah sure, she left all those years ago, you're all asking. Truth is, no one ever really gets over it, they simply learn to live with it. I have, learnt to live with it. But that doesn't make it anyless painful. And it doesnt make me anyless alone. Fuck this. I'm not going to kill myself. I'll get over it. And one day, just maybe, I'll have some true friends who might even give up their lives for me, as I would do for them.