Jokes

Rags on Blondes

Don't think I have anything against blondes, I don't. But this is some funny stuff, kinda...

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all work at the same office for a female boss who always goes home early. "Hey, girls," says the brunette, "let's go home early tomorrow. She'll never know."

So the next day, they all leave right after the boss does. The brunette gets some extra gardening done, the redhead goes to a bar, and the blonde goes home to find her husband having sex with the female boss! She quietly sneaks out of the house and returns at her normal time.

"That was fun," says the brunette. "We should do it again sometime."
"No way," says the blonde. "I almost got caught."

* * *

How do you keep a blonde busy? (see below)
How do you keep a blonde busy? (see above)

* * *

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small club in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he's going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting: ''I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the colour of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person, because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes, but women in general...and all in the name of humor!''

The ventriloquist is embarrassed and begins to apologize, when the blonde yells, ''You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little jerk on your knee!''

* * *

What do you call a blonde who has dyed her hair brown?
Artificial intelligence.

What's the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?
Maybe someday we'll find Bigfoot.

What is a blonde's mating call?
''NEXT!''

* * *

A blonde wanted to buy personalized license plates but she couldn't afford them. So she changed her name to JKM345

* * *

Q: Why did the blonde keep taking off and putting the Pepsi bottle cap back on?
A: Because it said, ''Sorry, try again.''

* * *

A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman. "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman, "I would like to buy this TV." "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

"Darn, he recognized me," she thought.

She went for a complete disguise this time; haircut and new color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days before she again approached the salesman. "I would like to buy this TV."

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

Frustrated, she exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a blonde?"

"Because that's a microwave," he replied.

* * *

What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?
Turning off the car!

* * *

Q: What's the advantage of having a blonde as a girlfriend?
A: You get to park in handicapped zones.

* * *

A blonde walks into the library and says to the librarian, ''Can I have a burger and fries?''
''Sorry, this is a library.''
So the blonde whispers, ''Oh, may I have a burger and fries?''

* * *

A tall blonde and a tall brunette are stading in an elevator. A short bald man with lots of dandruff walks in, then gets off at the next floor. The brunette says, �Boy he could use some head and shoulders.� The blonde says, �Hm. How do you give shoulders?�

* * *

Whats the first thing a blode does in the morning?
Gets dressed and goes home.

How many blonde jokes are there?
None, they're all true!

How do you make a blonde laugh on Friday?
Tell her a joke on Monday!

* * *

A blonde's house was on fire. She called 911 and started screaming, "Help me, please! My house is burning! Hurry!" The operator said, "Okay, calm down and we'll be there soon. How do we get to your house?" The blonde answered, "Duh, in that big red truck!"

* * *

Q: Did you hear about the blonde skydiver?
A: She missed the Earth!

Q: What do you get when you find a dead blonde in a closet?
A: The hide and seek champion of 1996.

* * *

I knew a blonde that was so stupid that.......
> - she called me to get my phone number.
> - she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate."
> - she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
> - she got stabbed in a shoot-out.
> - she told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK."
> - she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
> - she sat on the TV and watched the couch.
> - she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
> - she tried to drown a fish.
> - she thought a quarterback was a refund.
> - she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
> - if you gave her a penny for her thoughts, you'd get change back.
> - they had to burn the school down to get her out of third grade.
> - under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics."
> - she tripped over a cordless phone.
> - she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
> - at the bottom of the application where it says "sign here"...she put Sagittarius."
> - she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.
> - it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.
> - if she spoke her mind, she'd probably be speechless.
> - she studied for a blood test.
> - she thought Boyz II Men was a daycare center.
> - she thought Meow Mix was a record for cats.
> - she thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train.
> - she sold the car for gas money.
> - when she saw the "NC-17" (under 17 not admitted), she went home and got 16 friends.
> - when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
> - she thinks Taco Bell is where you pay your phone bill.
> - when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.
> - when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home.