Disclaimer: Evangelion is owned by GAINAX.
SCRIBES OF TOKYO-3
By Eva On The Rocks
CHAPTER 2. CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM
NERV HEADQUARTERSMisato had not moved from her computer until it was time to start her shift at NERV.
The only thing diverting her attention from the computer had been to reply to greetings and farewells from the children that morning.
After reading through several fan-fictions, bookmarking many to finish reading later, it started to become clear that these people knew more than they should. The stories seemed to be based on fact, and what concerned Misato was the accuracy of those facts so far and that the accuracy might continue...
Still, the fan-fiction had been an amazing discovery: strangers out there in cyberspace writing stories about all of them. Just before she fell asleep on the keyboard, Misato had decided to post a story herself, just for fun and because her beer soaked brain had considered it to be a good idea.
Now in her office at NERV, Misato was waiting for her story to load, eager for comments, but then her office door slid open. Hoping it wasn't one of the Commanders, she scrambled to minimize the window before anybody saw what she was looking at.
Misato turned to see Ryoji Kaji standing there, a broad smirk on his face, leaning against the door frame.
"I got your message," Kaji said, grinning.
Message?
Misato's brain began recalling the events of the night before and came up with the information.
Photos of her on the Internet, probably posted by Kaji, drunken message threatening removal of male appendage left on Kaji's phone.
"Oh, that..." Misato said.
"Something about photos being on the net?" Kaji said.
"At first I thought some bastard - you - had posted photos of me on the net," Misato explained.
"That explains the phone call," Kaji said.
"Then I found some other stuff."
"Other stuff?"
Misato shrugged, turning her attention back to her computer. "Hey, do you know when they're meant to activate Unit Four?"
"Is that with the experimental S2 Engine?" Kaji raised an eyebrow. "Tomorrow afternoon, I think. Why?"
"Just wondered..."
Suddenly Kaji was hanging over her shoulder. "What are you up to, Katsuragi?" He leant closer to the monitor. "Fan-fiction? What's this, hmm?"
"Err..." Misato cringed.
"Is this a story you've written?" Kaji asked.
"How did you-?!" Misato began angrily, then changed her tone. "No."
"It's written by somebody calling themselves 'Yebisu Queen.'" Kaji leant closer to the computer. "That's your pen name?"
"Umm..."
"I like the title, 'Shinji Ikari and the Yebisu Can of Secrets,'" Kaji said. "What's it about?"
"None of your business!"
"Let me see!" Kaji started to read the summary. "'Shinji Ikari, Third Child and designated pilot of Evangelion Unit One, discovers the Yebisu Can of Secrets hidden in the depths of Misato's refrigerator, and upon opening it-'"
"Kaji!"
"Were you drunk when you wrote this?" Kaji snickered. "Hey, you've got some reviews already."
"Go away!" Misato ordered.
"Fine, fine!" Kaji raised his hands and backed away, then disappeared out of the office without another word.
Kaji was perhaps ten feet away, on his way to his own office to visit the website that Misato was so absorbed in, when he heard a shout followed by a gunshot.
"Katsuragi!" he shouted, spinning around and bolting back into the office.
Misato was standing there, her chair lying on its side by her feet, gun in hand, as smoke poured out of the gaping hole in her computer monitor.
"Everything okay?" Kaji asked, taking a wary step towards her.
"Bastards!" Misato whispered.
"Say, Misato..." Kaji began, trying not to laugh as it became clear what had happened. "One of those reviews didn't happen to be negative, did it?"
Misato turned around and glared at him, just as several NERV security agents barrelled into the office with weapons drawn, Ritsuko Akagi behind them.
"What's going on?" Ritsuko demanded, pushing her way past the agents. "Misato?"
"There was a slight weapons malfunction," Kaji offered.
"Everything's fine. You can go," Misato said, waving the agents away. "Hey, Ritsuko, I need a new monitor. This one sorta died."
"Hmm." Ritsuko appeared to be debating whether or not it was wise to torment the Major while she was holding a gun. "I'll have Maya bring you a replacement after her shift."
"I'll just be off now," Kaji said, chuckling. "Katsuragi, you shouldn't take a bad review personally. Think of it as constructive criticism."
THE KATSURAGI RESIDENCEAsuka was bored.
The last time she was this bored, she had ended up kissing Shinji just to pass time.
"I'm not that bored," Asuka said to herself.
"What's wrong?" Shinji asked, stepping into the living room with a can of soda for each of them.
"Bored," Asuka replied, enjoying the way Shinji suddenly blushed. "Don't even think about it!"
"Nothing on TV?" Shinji suggested.
"Queer Eye for the Straight Guy," Asuka said, turning her nose up. "I think one of those guys looks a lot like one of the techs at NERV, the long haired one."
"Lieutenant Shigeru?"
"Yeah," Asuka said.
"Hmm." Shinji gave a shrug. "Hey, when's Misato home? It's her turn to cook tonight."
Asuka shuddered, taking the soda Shinji was offering her.
"I don't think she went to bed last night." Shinji took a seat and opened his drink. "I could hear her tapping away at the computer and I could have sworn I heard her laughing."
"I keep saying you Japanese are weird," Asuka muttered, before an idea came to her. "I wonder what she was looking at..."
"Asuka..." Shinji began, but Asuka grabbed his wrist and yanked him to his feet. "Hey! You can't just go into her office-!"
"Sure we can!" Asuka grinned, opening the door and pushing Shinji into the room first. "Clear a path to the desk, Third Child!"
Shinji mumbled something as he set to work pushing the empty beer cans to the side with his feet.
"The Sea of Yebisu has been parted!" Asuka declared, as she seated herself at the desk and brought the laptop out of standby mode. "Hmm, let's see..."
"What is it?" Shinji leant over her shoulder.
"There's about ten different windows open here." Asuka clicked on one and was confronted with the index of an Eva Fan-Fiction Archive, complete with small pictures of herself and the other pilots. "What the hell?!"
"That's us!" Shinji cried.
"Argh! That photo is so unflattering!" Asuka cried. "How dare they use my picture without my permission! Probably some perverts writing-"
"Hey, my photo is there too!" Shinji said. "And Ayanami's."
"Hmph!" Asuka clicked on another window. "What's this? Fan-fiction, sort by category...sort by pairing?" Asuka clicked on the second option and felt her eyes widen at what she saw.
"Shinji/Asuka?" Shinji gulped. "Shinji/Rei?"
"PERVERTS!" Asuka shrieked, then whirled around to see Shinji trying to stop his nose bleeding. "You better not have anything to do with this, Third Child!"
"Me?" Shinji cried.
Asuka turned back to the monitor, admitting only to herself, that as furious as she was, she was also slightly curious...
"Is this what Misato was doing all night?" Shinji murmured. "She wouldn't..."
"Look." Asuka clicked on the New Stories section. "There's a story here by 'Yebisu Queen.' I'll bet you my next pay check that's Misato." Asuka began to laugh. "Look what it's called, 'Shinji Ikari and the Yebisu Can of Secrets.' Sounds like a play on those books about the boy wizard."
"You read those?"
"No!" Asuka said. "Hikari does. She just got the new book. "
"How many books are there?"
"I don't know, but Harry Potter's in his twenties now."
"Oh." Shinji stared at the screen. "Why would Misato write a story about me? And look, there's over a hundred stories on this website. Are they all about us?"
The sound of tyres screeching in the street below told them Misato had arrived. In a minute or two, their guardian would be stepping into the apartment, and Asuka figured it was best Misato didn't know they had been in her office.
"Shit!" Asuka found a pen and scrap of paper and quickly scribbled down all of the URLs, while Shinji kicked the empty beer cans back into place.
"Put it back how you found it," Shinji warned.
"Here!" Asuka shoved the paper into Shinji's hand, then put the laptop back in standby mode. "Now, let's act like we know nothing, understand?"
"Right!" Shinji said.
The children quickly ran out of the office and slammed the door closed, just as Misato opened the front door of the apartment.
"Give me that!" Asuka quickly snatched the paper back from Shinji and hid it in her bedroom, while Shinji greeted Misato.
"...so what's on TV?" Misato was asking.
"Queer Eye," Asuka said. "Shinji thought the long haired guy looked like Lieutenant Shigeru."
"You were the one that said that..." Shinji began.
"Hmm." Misato went to the kitchen and grabbed a beer, before going back to the living room and watching the TV for a moment. Finally, she nodded in agreement. "He does look like a little bit like Aoba."
Asuka gave an eye roll, bored with the conversation already and hoping that Shinji would volunteer to cook in Misato's place that night.
"Hey!" Misato's eyes lit up. "I just had the best idea for a-"
She stopped mid-sentence and took a sip of beer, avoiding eye contact with Shinji and Asuka.
"Best idea for what?" Asuka asked, narrowing her eyes.
"Uh...never mind," Misato said, turning to Shinji and smiling. "Hey, Shinji? Would you mind cooking dinner tonight? I have some work to catch up on. There were problems with my work computer today."
"Sure," Shinji said, looking from Misato to Asuka.
Good, Asuka thought, an edible meal.
"I have some homework to do," Asuka said, giving a sigh so Misato would think nothing of it.
Both Asuka and Misato darted off to their computers, leaving Shinji alone in the kitchen.
Shinji fed Pen-Pen and was just starting to clear the mess off the benches so he could prepare dinner, when Asuka stuck her head back into the kitchen.
"Hey, what's that name you three stooges call me?" Asuka asked.
"Which one?" Shinji replied, before giving himself a mental head slap.
Asuka narrowed her eyes.
"I...err...I think it's..." Shinji gulped. "Red Devil?"
"That's the one!" Asuka grinned, then ran back to her room and slammed the door after her.
"Don't tell me..." Shinji blinked. "She wouldn't..."
"Wark!" Pen-Pen opened a beer and walked off to watch television.
As soon as dinner was cooked, Shinji planned to get on his computer and see what trouble Misato and Asuka were causing online.