Disclaimer: Evangelion is owned by GAINAX.
Written by Eva On The Rocks
DREAMS OF EVA
Prologue
The season of Autumn was upon Tokyo-3, the soft green leaves were turning crisp and golden, the breeze was cool and fresh, while the morning sun was bright, warm and inviting.Looking through the window, Yui Ikari's attention became focused on a single leaf, tossing and turning in the wind. It was as if the yellowing leaf were riding the gentle currents of breeze to the ground below, without a care in the world.
Watching something so simple cleared her mind of the things troubling her of late.
"Morning, dear."
Her husband's voice broke the moment, and she turned to smile at the man as he helped himself to fresh coffee. He was ten years her senior, forty-eight now, but she still saw the young rebellious man she had fallen in love with. Blue-grey eyes, like steel, began to warm as he gazed at her lovingly.
"Good morning, husband," Yui said, pleased when he returned the smile.
Many people thought him cold, distant, and perhaps he was in many ways. But never with her.
Or with his children.
"Morning, Mom," Shinji called, the sounds of water running in the bathroom reaching her ears.
"Morning, sweetie," Yui replied.
"Don't I get a good morning?" Gendo grumbled, taking his coffee to the table and picking up the paper.
"You're notoriously grumpy in the morning, Gendo," Yui smiled. "The children like to wait until you've had at least one coffee before greeting you."
"Hmm." He put his glasses on and raised the paper in front of his face, while Yui chuckled to herself.
"Morning." Rei stepped into the kitchen with her usual morning gracefulness (or lack thereof), yawning and rubbing her eyes.
Yui regarded her daughter with a smile. Like her father, Rei wasn't much of a morning person.
In appearance, though, Rei was the spitting image of her mother at the same age, the only real difference being paler skin and eyes of a clear blue shade. Rei even wore her dark brown hair in a similar style to Yui.
"She could be your clone," Gendo had observed only recently.
Twins, their children were. Shinji and Rei.
Good names, chosen by their father.
Shinji walked into the kitchen, dressed in his school uniform and ready for the day. His dark brown hair was brushed, his blue-grey eyes - unlike his sister's were at that particular moment - were clear and alert.
"Anything exciting at school today?" Yui asked Shinji. At least she had one person who could converse with her, without the aid of caffeine, first thing in the morning.
"I don't think so," Shinji replied. "There could be even more new students transferring in the next week or so."
"Well of course there'll be new students," Gendo said, not bothering to lower the newspaper. "This is the new capital of Japan."
Shinji, wisely, ignored his father's comment. "Kensuke said he heard there's a girl transferring from Germany in the next day or so."
"Oh! That must be Asuka!" Yui said.
"Asuka...?" Shinji raised an eyebrow.
"Sohryu," Yui said. "I know her mother, Kyoko. Lovely lady."
"Oh," Shinji nodded. "That's the lady who does the same thing you used to do, but in Germany, right? You've mentioned her before I think."
"That's right," Yui said. "Kyoko and I have a lot in common. I wonder if the whole family will be coming over here, or just Asuka."
"I'm not sure," Shinji said.
"I wonder where Asuka would stay if she comes alone?"
"I imagine with Miss Katsuragi," Gendo said.
"How do you know?" Rei asked.
"There isn't much I don't know," Gendo replied, turning a page of the paper.
Rei made a face.
"Don't do that, Rei."
"So, Mom, are you feeling better now?" Shinji asked, ignoring the ongoing competition between Rei and Gendo to see who could be the most unpleasant morning person.
"Oh, yes, I feel fine now," Yui replied, smiling. "I'm seeing Doctor Akagi today anyway though, just to be safe."
"Good." Shinji returned the smile.
The doorbell rang, and soon enough, Shinji was off to school with his friends, Toji and Kensuke. They had yelled out hello and goodbye, both of them too frightened of Gendo at the best of times to come in.
Yui shook her head, smiling, as Rei realised that she was going to be late and scrambled to get ready for school.
Suddenly Yui was watching a scene unfold, a girl almost identical to Rei was staring at her, wearing only a dark coloured towel wrapped around her body. Her hair was wet and stuck to her pale skin, but something was wrong...
The hair was blue! And the eyes, which seemed to meet Yui's, they were crimson. The blue haired girl frowned, ever so slightly, and then began to stride purposely towards Yui-
"Yui?" Gendo's voice caused the vision to fade.
Gendo finally lowered the paper, looking much more approachable and awake now, regarding Yui with slight concern.
"You are feeling okay, aren't you?" he asked.
"Yes!" Yui insisted.
"I can't help but worry," he said. "If anything happened to you..."
"Why would you say something like that?" Yui asked.
"You bring out a side of me that no one else ever did."
"You're sounding very sentimental this morning, husband," Yui smiled. "Nothing's going to happen to me, you worry too much. Now, go get yourself ready. Professor Fuyutski will complain to me if you're late again!"
"I'm always ready." Gendo stood up, kissed her cheek, and then went off to get ready.
Yui watched him go, wishing she could have told him exactly why she didn't feel fine at all.
Chapter 1.
"Doctor Ikari, good morning!""Good morning, Maya," Yui said, smiling at the friendly assistant in Naoko Akagi's laboratory meets clinic.
Naoko, as well as her daughter, were renowned for their scientific greatness. Both Akagi women had been responsible for the super computer system that ran the city, known as the MAGI, as well as the duplicates of said system around the world.
"You'll be seeing Ritsuko today," Maya said, dropping formality while nobody else was around and gesturing for Yui to follow her.
Maya was assistant to Ritsuko Akagi, who was slowly branching away from her mother's work in hope of establishing herself better in the scientific community. The relationship between mother and daughter had always seemed so detached and cold with the Akagis, and Yui had never quite understood that.
How could a person be so distant to their own flesh and blood? Yui would ask herself, only to find herself saddened as she looked for an answer.
Ritsuko Akagi, unlike Naoko, seemed to have friends who kept her from retreating into a world of full-time work. Maya, her assistant, admired Ritsuko immensely and Yui sometimes wondered if perhaps there was an attraction there too.
The other friend of Ritsuko's that Yui could think of was Misato Katsuragi, part-time teacher at the high school, who had gone to university with Ritsuko. Both women were around thirty years old now, and both of them had been in one of Yui's classes.
If Yui recalled correctly, Ritsuko had passed the class effortlessly, while Misato had used the class as an opportunity to catch up on sleep.
"Yui, good morning," Ritsuko said, when Maya brought her into the office. "Excuse the mess, it's been busy here lately, Maya and I are moving to another building off-campus soon, while my mother moves into scientific research full-time."
As Maya excused herself, Yui noted the overflowing ashtray on the desk, the empty coffee cups, the endless printouts. There was also two porcelain cats, black and white, sitting on a small section of desk surface that remained uncluttered.
"You're still feeling unwell?" Ritsuko asked, as both women took a seat.
"No...well," Yui frowned. Could she explain it to Ritsuko?
"Let me go over everything since you visited last month." Ritsuko tapped away at the computer. "The pain in your right arm and hand, as if you had strained it, but no physical evidence of an injury. Later that day, we diagnosed a migraine after you saw the flashing light accompanied by the pounding headache."
"Right, that was the day it all started," Yui said, shuddering.
"Sharp stabbing pain in the stomach a week later, scans showed up all clear and the pain subsided..." Ritsuko continued reading. "The most recent episode was the chest pain, that was two weeks ago. Your husband called an ambulance and more tests were run at the hospital..."
"And showed nothing," Yui frowned. "I am a scientist, Ritsuko, and this doesn't make sense. These things - the pain I have felt - it feels real."
Ritsuko nodded slowly. "The last two incidents sent you into shock."
"They sent my whole family into shock," Yui sighed.
Ritsuko offered a sympathetic smile before speaking.
"Yui, I don't want to suggest this, but it could be a possibility is all," Ritsuko paused and Yui knew where it was going. "It's been well documented that the mind can-"
"I've considered that as well," Yui murmured.
"Has anything happened lately? Something that could trigger some sort of anxiety attacks-"
"No," Yui cut her off, and then sighed. "I...haven't been sleeping as well as I used to. I have dreams, disturbing dreams."
"Sleep deprivation or disturbances can play havoc with a person's mind," Ritsuko said. "What sort of dreams?"
"I'm sure they're just nightmares," Yui said. "But there's familiarity about them, they don't make sense."
"Dreams are often like that."
"Shinji is in most of them. And he's in pain sometimes, so I try to protect him."
"I'm no dream interpreter, and I'm the last person to understand maternal instincts..." Ritsuko paused. "But could it be concern for Shinji that's playing on your mind? Is something going on in Shinji's life that's worrying you? That you want to protect him from?"
"No!" Yui said. "Shinji's never been happier. His grades are good, he has his friends, his cello...there's nothing to worry about at all with Shinji."
"Hmm." Ritsuko ran a hand through her dark hair.
A flash of Ritsuko, the same age as she was now, only blonde. She was wearing a white lab coat over an aqua swimsuit, her lips moving but there was no sound, and behind her, a giant inhuman face...
"Yui?"
Yui blinked, the vision was gone. "I just zoned out for a moment, sorry," Yui smiled. "You were in one of the vis-err...dreams."
"Oh?" Ritsuko's eyebrows went up.
"You were blonde."
"Blonde?" Ritsuko laughed softly. "I don't think it would suit me."
"It did," Yui said. "But I prefer your natural hair colour."
"Who else have you seen in the visions?" Ritsuko said. "That's what you were going to call them, wasn't it?"
"It's just they seem so real," Yui confessed. "But I only remember fragments, usually when I least expect to."
"Like just now, when you zoned out?"
"Ritsuko, this is all confidential, isn't it?" Yui whispered.
"Of course it is," Ritsuko replied. "Perhaps you could write down the fragments that occur to you. The dreams as well, if you remember them. I've heard that sometimes helps."
Yui nodded, she had heard the same thing.
"If you have anymore problems, come and see me," Ritsuko said. "We can run tests, see if you are just suffering from some variation of panic attacks and treat them, or at least treat whatever symptoms you're showing."
"Thank you, Ritsuko."
Yui was strolling through the grounds of the University, admiring the surrounds, when she noticed Professor Kouzou Fuyutski seated at a bench with Doctor Naoko Akagi. They were discussing something, and Fuyutski appeared mildly unhappy. Having known the man, her friend, for years, Yui could read his subtle changes of expression easily.She slowly strolled towards them, giving them both time to see her approaching, not wanting to intrude on the conversation.
"...wrong of you to do such a thing!" Kouzou was saying, frowning as he spoke, turning his head away from Naoko.
"Perhaps," Naoko replied in a crisp voice. "But can you honestly tell me you would not have considered the same thing if-?"
"Considering is one thing. To act on such desire is an entirely different matter!" Kouzou replied tersely.
"So it is acceptable to covet from afar then?" Naoko asked. "I suppose-"
"Yui!" Kouzou noticed her first, standing and smiling warmly. "How are you?"
"I'm good, thank you. And you, Professor?" Yui asked. She turned to regard Naoko. "Hello, Doctor."
"Good morning, Yui," Naoko said. "You're looking well." Her tone was polite, civil, but there was little sincerity in the greeting.
They had all worked together for years, Yui thought, why now was there something unsettling in the way Naoko spoke to her? What was it?
Hostility restrained. Just barely.
Sure, they had never been close friends, but they had always been civil to one another. At that moment though, all Yui could feel emanating from Naoko was abhorrence.
"I hope I wasn't interrupting something..." Yui said, her tone apologetic.
Deep down though, she was curious to know what they were discussing. Kouzou rarely showed any anger, no matter how furious he might be, and Yui had unintentionally just witnessed one of those rare displays.
"Of course you weren't," Naoko said, standing up and smiling thinly. "Professor Fuyutski always has time for you."
Naoko Akagi was around the same age as Gendo, give or take a few years, and strands of silver seemed to have taken over her dark hair over night. As green eyes darker than her own stared at Yui, she felt that she was looking at a bitter and resentful woman, instead of a respected colleague.
"Good day, Professor," Naoko said, her tone cold. "You take care now, Yui."
"I'm sorry about that, Yui." Kouzou said, watching Naoko walk away and shaking his head. "You're feeling better? You gave us all quite the scare."
"I'm fine, Kouzou, really," Yui assured. "I'm sorry if I interrupted-"
"You didn't," Kouzou said firmly. "Doctor Akagi and I were just disagreeing, as we so often do."
Yui nodded, and they began to walk along a path lined with tall trees, whose branches shed golden leaves above.
It reminded Yui of the time she had been walking with Kouzou, many years ago now, when she had told him she was dating Gendo Rokubungi. It had been autumn then as well, only the leaves had been red that time.
Like the eyes of that girl in my vision, Yui thought.
"How are the children?" Kouzou asked.
"Oh, they're both good," Yui said.
"When I last saw Rei, I couldn't get over how alike you both are," Kouzou chuckled. "I had to look twice, she looked just as you did when I first met you."
"Gendo said something similar recently," Yui said. "That she could be my clone."
They both laughed.
"She's much more like her father in personality though," Yui said.
"Hmm." Kouzou seemed momentarily troubled, but Yui paid it little attention. "I spoke with Kyoko Sohryu last week. Her daughter is coming to Tokyo-3 soon."
"I heard," Yui said. "In the next day or so."
"She'll be staying with Miss Katsuragi,"
"Gendo said as much," Yui said. "She teaches part time at the children's school."
They were coming to the end of the path, when something caught Yui's eye. Somebody, even.
Standing up ahead, staring impassively at them, it was the girl from Yui's vision!
Like a clone of Rei, thought Yui, with the blue hair and crimson eyes. There she stood, dressed in a school uniform, watching Yui and Kouzou walk towards her.
The sound of birds flying overhead, their flapping wings, caused Yui to look up in time to see the white doves flying away. By the time Yui returned her gaze to where the girl was standing, she had vanished.
"It was nice to talk with you, Kouzou," Yui said, trying not to show how unnerved she was by the vision of the girl. "But I really must be going."
"It's always a pleasure to see you, Yui," Kouzou smiled, looking a little disappointed by her sudden departure. "We'll talk again soon."
"I hope so."
Another restless night.Gendo had needed to stay late at work. He had called, apologised, and said he hoped not to be too late.
That seemed to happen more frequently lately, some project at work, which required Gendo's undivided attention.
Perhaps Kouzou would know what it was taking up her husband's time with his family? Yui made a mental note to ask him when they spoke next.
This ceiling is unfamiliar, Yui thought. Strange, as she had been staring at it now for fifteen years, but only now did it appear alien to her.
Shinji and Rei had come home from school, telling her about all the antics of the day. How Kensuke Aida kept selling photographs of Rei and refused to share the profits, something Rei felt was unfair. And how Toji Suzahara was caught sleeping by the Class Rep and given clean-up duties as punishment.
Yui smiled, then realised those discussions had taken place many hours ago. A glance at the clock told her it was 3.00 am.
Groaning softly, she rolled on her side to stare out at the night sky through the window at the lights of the city, and the few stars that outshone the light pollution of Tokyo-3 in the distance.
"It's falling apart."
Yui bolted upright at the voice, eyes scanning the room around her to find the source. It had sounded like Rei's voice; only it had been so monotone, devoid of any emotion.
Two eyes in the shadow, glowing white. A figure stepped forward, the light from the window illuminating them.
Yui gasped, taking in the sight of the creature.
About her height, but that was where the similarity ended. The figure looked vaguely human - arms, legs, torso, and head in the same positions - but wore purple armour. There were splashes of green and blue, but mostly purple.
Things were slightly out of proportion for a human though, the shoulders were too broad, the midsection far to thin, a jaw which protruded outwards too far. A mask, or the head armour, was purple as well, a prominent horn standing out from the forehead. No visible nose, but a slope where it might have been, and then blue-grey steel for the lower part of the face, with jagged grooves covering teeth of the creature.
"My presence disturbs you?"
No movement as the figure spoke. Yui had half expected the grotesque face to be animated with speech, and felt relief when it was not.
Still, there was something familiar about it.
"Yui Ikari."
"What are you?" she whispered, clutching the blankets to her body.
"Many names I have. Right now, I appear as Eva."
"Eva?"
"Correct." A pause. "Your world is crumbling around you, piece by piece. You need to awaken from this dream."
"I am dreaming this," Yui said, blinking in hope the apparition would fade. It did not.
"Will you hold desperately to your illusions in hope of preserving your own identity, Yui Ikari? That will only make the process more painful."
"I don't understand what you are talking about!"
"You are afraid of losing your identity, of being forgotten, of returning to nothing."
Right now I'm more afraid I'm losing my mind, Yui thought.
"If you don't wake up soon, you won't be able to protect your son."
"Shinji!" Yui cried. "I swear, if you hurt my children, I will-"
"Children? But there is only one." Another pause. "Shinji Ikari."
"Why is Shinji in danger?" Yui demanded.
"The Third Child."
"Third?" Yui said. "No, he was the first born, then Rei. I only have two children."
"You have forgotten. You need to wake up. Seele."
German word for soul, Yui recalled.
"Seele. Soul. I don't understand." Yui shook her head. "I don't understand why I'm talking to you! You're not even real!"
"You can no longer tell what is real and what is not real, Yui Ikari."
Yui covered her ears with her hands, rested her head back on the pillow and closed her eyes. "You are not real! Go away!"
"Wake up!" The voice seemed to speak inside her mind, becoming an endless chant. "Wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up, open your eyes!"
Yui's eyes snapped open, the figure was gone, replaced by her husband. He moved quietly, so as not to disturb her, depositing his clothing on a chair nearby and climbing into bed beside her.
A scent caught Yui's attention as Gendo settled into bed.
Perfume. Not a fragrance that she wore.
Another woman? Yui felt herself tremble at the thought.
Your world is crumbling around you, the voice - the Eva - had said.
A tear slid down Yui's cheek as those words repeated themselves in her mind.
Just a dream, she cried silently, it had only been a dream.