The next section starts what becomes a theme for this chapter. Asuka and her relationship with her mother, and the tragic memories associated with such. Reading the chapter now, I realize it's a bit abrupt, several scenes are over-done, pushing Asuka's character envelope too far, even for Kenosis, but it works well enough to fall in the 'revisions I won't be making without re-writing the story'. The scene really just displays Asuka's current, and mostly unchanged, emotional situation from the series (and movies), and also my own argument against her self-dogmatic pride. Misato serves as my voice-piece in several scenes like this, her 'maternal side' lending to instruction quite well, but her own flaws keeping her from forcing any decisive changes. Thus, I can reveal the situation without overly shifting it, which is exactly what I wanted here. Misato's parting remark is a bit harsh, and I think self-defeating. I might change it if I were to revise the story, as above, but it would change too many dynamics to bother with now. It also demonstrates her own lack of maturity despite her years on Asuka.
The interaction between Asuka and Shinji really serves as the first step for Asuka in getting over her hatred of Shinji 'winning' their competitions (fairly one-sided ones), and also lets me show what I'm doing with Shinji. I said before, in chapter twenty's commentary, that Shinji and Unit 01 work together rather than just going berserk. That's still true, despite Shinji saying he 'just black[s] out'. Before, Unit 01 itself made the call and went Berserk, now Shinji can 'enduce' this, or rather, his mother reacts to his emotional state rather than just defending him. He also recovers quite quickly, and knows that Unit 01 feels it safe for him to wake up and take control. That's the plot-use for the scene so far, but it's also a very good character-interaction sequence, with Asuka and Shinji both acting in their usual style. I try to create a familiarity with the series by having the characters quote themselves on occasion. "You're a boy, aren't you?" from Asuka is a primary example of this self-quoting.
The end of the same scene, where Shinji explains what it was like inside Unit 14 has obvious plot-value. It lets Asuka start piecing the mystery of Cirus/Unit 14 together herself. Shinji's odd wording around the interior smelling like Cirus is a consideration I made to a simple fact. Boys usually don't take note of how other boys smell, and Shinji and Cirus have rarely been physically close enough to get familiar with that. So Shinji is more running on the knowledge that plugs tend to smell like the usual pilot than anything else. That Shinji himself doesn't realize the two blurry figures might be Asuka and Misato is a bit silly, and I think he may realize that, but Asuka is the focus of the scene, and I just left Shinji off to let Asuka's thought-comment end the scene with appropriately vague foreshadowing *smirk*.
A small side-note: The number of italic comments in this chapter is much higher than usual, thanks to Asuka's more prominent role in the narration and her numerous inner-monologues.
Using Asuka's nightmare-memories, I start to lead her further along recovery in Kenosis. Just assuming she's fine at the end of End of Evangelion seemed cheap, especially after starting the second story. I think it's very realistic to have her still miss her mother even with Unit 02, since a very important chunk of her life was denied that basic relationship. She says as much with her last comment.
That Ayanami-sama would be disturbed by Unit 14 seems a bit odd, but with the loss of Cirus, and the truly disturbing, unflinching gaze of the Evangelion, I find it appropriate. Rei's uncertainty with the situation makes her unsure of Unit 14's obvious fixation on her. Running into Asuka was an improv from boredom as I wrote her walking away, and turned into a very effective lead-in for Asuka to regain the focus of the narration. After showing the usual conflict between them, Rei's calmness, Asuka's haughty focus, I turn back to Asuka's recovery. Reading it now, I think this section is too abrupt and heavy-handed. And that Asuka would be surprised by Rei bothering her because she reminds her of the doll her mother treated as Asuka seems a bit silly. It bore stating in some way, and I'd rather not extensively revise the section after so long. It more clearly shows why she's so jealous of Rei. It's more that someone's attention she wants (Cirus) is focusing on 'a doll' instead of her. Asuka finally screaming her desperate desire for attention felt fitting after the development of the scene, and simply melds with the rest in being 'a little too much'. Pushing Shinji and Asuka together more obviously is another of the sub-plots in Kenosis, and this scene helps that nicely. Shinji says the one thing she wanted... someone has her in their focus for no reason other than it's her. That finally clicks with her, and though she won't admit it, Shinji is beginning to feel appealing to her. Shinji, of course, is clueless. I think he'll be happy with any pretty girl that doesn't 'hate' him.
The next scene with Rei visiting Cirus in the medical facility is quite touching, I think, and so I did revise a few sentences that just didn't feel right for Kenosis. She's worn down and doesn't know what to do, so she turns to the only person that's ever listened to her, even though he's catatonic. Misato's arrival,I think, is a nice mix-up, and let the Major show some kindness to the young woman. Misato remains one of the only people who really understands how much the two care for each other. Her final promise to Rei, and her own remark to the unconscious Cirus, show her own hope for their sake. Honestly, this sequence has little plot-value, but it's one of the more important scenes of Kenosis. Ayanami-sama is the true focus, and any time she's struggling, happy, or engaged in life is a valuable scene.
And it leads into the battle with Ezrael, which is cut off abruptly thanks to geocities' data-limit. Deciding to mix things up, I made sure Ezrael forced them to use Unit 14 with the only person that could possibly use it other than Cirus. Rei herself. That an Angel could completely cut off the synch between pilot and Eva is very troubling, but I figured 'why not?' And how were they supposed to handle this beast without the situation with Unit 14? We'll never know. Just my arrogance acting up and showing that G'd's plan for these people doesn't match up with Gendo's. I also thought it worth noticing that Ikari hardly ever runs. I think the only time he did in the series was when he thought the second Rei might have died in the Unit 00 berserk incident before the series actually started. Now things have changed quite a bit, and Ikari is the last person Rei wants to see when she gets out of Unit 00. The situation is dire, however, and so she agrees to try to operate Unit 14. She knows as well as anyone that she has the best chance.
What's actually going on between Rei and Unit 14 is quite simple. Cirus is obeying Rei's mental commands, but, like any time orders are given to another person, it takes time for them to happen. As a result, Rei's commands take a few seconds to actually occur through Unit 14, hence her realization she can't fight. Since she isn't actually synching with Unit 14, however, they're immune to Ezrael's synch-removal. The battle is simply pushing Rei and Cirus to the point of recognizing each other's presence (Cirus is a bit muddled... being sucked into the wrong body and all), and then Rei making Cirus fight rather than just insure her safety. Her realization of his presence and desperate cries for him to defend himself are very powerful, I think, and always tug on my heart-strings. A small detail benefit, I was able to reveal that Cirus' (Unit 14's) bone-blades do indeed hurt like bone ripping out of his arms without him actually complaining about it. Finally answering the foreshadowing for Asuka with the end of this part, she realizes that Cirus is in control, Unit 14 has not gone berserk.