TO RICE OR NOT TO RICE (AND OTHER VERBAL MISHAPS)
Again I have gotten myself in another situation where botched communication seem to be the talk of the day (with no pun intended). Despite my rather unceremonious arrival at Cat Ba, I decided to eat my first lunch at the nearest restaurant. I ordered my regular fare of garlic kangkong (rau muong but pronounced as “za-u mong”) and a bowl of
rice.  Now rice is often called (and spelled) as “com” but pronounced as “cum” (stop snickering naughty kids). Now this sounds close to the word “khong” which sounds like “com” (as in com-puter) with a silent “g”. This word is “no” to the Vietnamese. So imagine my predicament when I just had my delicious bowl full of rice when the waitress, with her own large serving bowl, asked me (in Vietnamese) if I wanted more? I said “com” but pronounced it as “cum” (I think I burped when I pronounced it). So without warning she deftly shoved rice in my bowl, and then shoveled some more as I helplessly told her “No! No! No!” which of course to her sounded “Rice! Rice! Rice!” This stopped when I sheepishly said in English the “no” word. Apparently she understood and left me feeling foolish with a mountain of rice in front of me.

I also learned a very colorful yet useful word here called “Oi Doi Yoi”
(pronounced as Oy Zoi Yoy). Speak this out loud and with passion and you could be mistaken as a true native. Use this whenever you are surprised or excited. There is no direct translation for this in English but it could be associated to phrases like “Holy Shit!” or “Sonovabitch!” or “Gaddammit!”

Sometimes you could learn in a hurry. I rode in one of their scooter-for-hire or Xe Om, much like our tricycle minus the sidecar. You jumped on the back of the scooter, behind the driver, and he’ll take you wherever you wanted him to. I learned how to tell the driver directions like “Turn Left” (Re Trai, but pronouced as Ze-eh Tsay), “Turn Right”
(Re Phai, pronounced as Ze-eh Fai) and “Go Straight” (Di Thang, pronounced as is). No problem, right? But what is missing in this equation? When I was nearing my destination, which was the Philippine Embassy, the next thing that hit my mind was “HOLY S**T! HOW THE F**K DO YOU SAY STOP?!” I tried saying it in English but to no avail.  The driver actually thought I wanted him to go faster. I had resorted to
shaking him violently and pointing at his brake handles. Then he got it, after passing by the embassy for two blocks. From then on, I learned to say Dung Lai (pro. as Zung La) by heart.

Side Note: Most drivers know the word “Stop” but pronounced it as “stup” (as in stup in stupid, like me -_-;;), unfortunately some drivers come from the provinces to earn a little cash in the city but unfortunately have little knowledge of English, as I soon found out the hard way.