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On
the streetcorner a man sits he is eating his sandwich : and there is a
wrapper around his food it crinkles when the wind kicks up and the
taxis fly by the yellow in streaks on the ground : beginning of another
day the lines wear down more and more soon all you’ll see is the grey
pavement look the sky is about to rain : and how am I going to buy
myself the next meal : where is that Jim Horner anyway and why hasn’t
he come by like he usually does tell me about the trees in Riverside
but I’m not in the mood I never really have cared much when Jim tells
me things : will the cash be better tomorrow it’s a holiday he thinks
and the wrapper is tossed in the air but it misses the trashcan the arc
breaking as the silvery ball floats to the sidewalk where the girl
passes by coming out of the subway station : her hair is red though the
girls say that she dyes it the sun brings the color out she tells them
whenever they eye her in that way she is walking quickly with her
instrument her violin that shouldn’t be carried in the subway : if dad
knew he’d kill me the probability that some crazy man might come
through and just lift it when I’m looking the other way or reading a
book it would be terrible I think he’s got insurance on it I’ll stand
next time : she checks her watch it’s eleventhirty and ohmygod I’m late
for my lesson and the footsteps crackle loudly as they echo off
concrete walls of buildings the glass the metal the sore eyes the tired
ears
Balducci’s
bags they’re everywhere here haven’t you been : oh it’s the grocery
store you know on sixtysixth the really good soup have you had it they
also have great sandwiches though I’ll warn you they’re not cheap :
you could also go past Barnes & Noble to the deli the Europan
deli
I think is what it’s called good food but there are flies and the
service is strange it’s always confused me : the best really is Whole
Foods nice clean the people are friendly aren’t they and they never run
out of pizza oh the pizza
best in Manhattan I’m telling you you have to go and try it you’ll
never go back : have you ever had Big Nick’s though because the pizza
is really quite good the slices are gigantic I don’t know how they
manage to make money off of things like that with the prices they’ve
got but the ingredients I guess there’s a reason why they don’t make it
right in front of you the place is too good to ruin it by knowing what
they use to make everything with
The
poor man outside has been listening to these two young women wearing
fancy clothes he doesn’t recognize them they haven’t been here before :
the two finally walk by and one glances over at him he doesn’t know
what to say she quickly turns away speaks in a louder voice let’s go to
Balducci’s now let’s doesn’t a sandwich sound nice : he watches them
walk he thinks it’s so very hard to listen to foodtalk right nearby
when you’re done eating and you haven’t had much of anything to eat
this week there’s nothing in the hat yet just a few pennies
Why
hello there I didn’t see you says Jim waddling over he’s not dressed
very warmly at all and a hole in his left jacketsleeve has lost some of
its filling : kicking the ground he looks at his feet he says what have
you been up to Saul and Saul looks up his face is tired but screwed up
after having listened so intently to that conversation between the
ladies it takes effort to understand : well there are a few things he
says a few things : pidgeons gather thinking there’ll be breadcrumbs
but neither of the old men have food no sandwiches no bread for the
birds : Saul holds out his hand one of them hops over it looks closely
craning its neck every which way as soon as the bird realizes there’s
nothing it makes a low disappointed chirp and disappears into the
treebranches
Hey
Saul hey yeah Saul I’m talking to you Jim says : he waves his hands in
the air scaring away the five or so birds clucking to each other they
fly away landing on a flight of stairs : so did you hear about the
trees in Riverside he asks Saul shakes his head : no I didn’t no what
did they tell you this time Jim a tired voice escapes his throat he
inspects his old veined hands the dirt if only I had a sink a room to
myself : no I didn’t hear them tell me anything I could just see with
my eyes what’s going on it’s terrible the leaves the leaves aren’t
sprouting this week last year they were pretty much done with getting
their leaves it’s very quiet their voices are more muffled than usually
they’re usually: well that’s too bad Saul says what do you think’s the
matter : they’re upset they’re they’re upset and the leaves won’t come
: are they dead do they have bugs : no I don’t think so but I’ll check
the next time I’m up there I’ll check tonight I’ll
Jim
wanders away blinking his eyes quickly they blink and the shine of them
reflects a car quickly turning the corner : smoke still rises from
those manholes every day there’s smoke steam it never stops the city
it’s always living the man looking out the taxiwindow thinks : how
different if I were living out there in the steam every day like that
man he has no troubles face in a smile or is that from squinting in the
sunlight : never that will never happen to me it couldn’t ever happen I
wouldn’t let it though might be easier I wouldn’t have to deal with the
office or counting the change much I have for lunch carefully measuring
out every ounce of daylight : being responsible : never be a time when
I give up like that he thinks smiling at his luck his leather briefcase
the soft fabric of his suitjacketandslacks the warm coffee in his
stomach : the reflection of sunlight bounces in burning his eyes no
that’s better now the shade returned the taxi been carried downstream
by men like me to work the ones that get things done that drive the
country onward toward greatness and without Grant McMillans without
guys like me there wouldn’t be none of these skyscrapers these
monuments to our work our strength : he thinks there was something to
remember in his bag and rummages through it he can’t find what he was
looking for and sets it down slowly
[shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
three honks in two seconds the sound of leavessssssssssssss : the
arrangement of puddles the puddles in two halves on either side of the
street shhhhhhhhhh the tires through water clackclack the
suitcasewheels brush against a sidewalk curb the struggle heavy breath
and brought up from the dark oilandtrashcovered gutter shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
: four honks the sound of a subway atink atink a atink atink a atink
atink a atink and rolls down broadway the echo returns sifted through
peanutman’s more speak than yell get your peanuts freshroasted get your
: the sounds clash carry into each other pull at stenchwhispers then
let out roars : and sudden silence
trafficlight
is red the people watch expectantly for the other cars to stop the
inhale of breeze for a moment still windows the minds empty for that
second : the old man looks up he knows these times of day one of the
few that understands them how brave the world must be he thinks to go
on living through these the strength to push through how it is so very
hard to speak when the : shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh traffic the
clotted sidewalk runs toward the other bank the wheels turn the light
continues to fall windows roll down up down men in ties adjust their
sleeves a slight clearing of the throat
And
the moment draws to a close the door shuts quietly as to not wake those
still caught within
He
blinks his eyes Saul tries to get up but can’t his legs won’t move to
carry him away the breath still in him but : he looks up the sky is
gray and light the clouds in silent migration into out of the city
tiptoeing among TV antennas airconditioned ditches : Saul gently
returns exhales wonders wordlessly lifts his chin higher a hand
shielding eyes
I’m
still here he thinks to himself I’m still here
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