Lettre de Motivation

Hama Tuma

French job applications almost all require that the applicant
accompany his or her CV/resume with a "lettre de motivation". In other
words, a motivational letter that explains to the potential employer
why you want to be, say, a shoe salesperson or a security guard in a
big or small department store. You are not expected to write "I was
unable to get any other job so I stooped low to apply to you", no.
But, what noble and exalted motives make you apply to work as a street
cleaner, a shoes salesperson, or a security guard in a store? A
burning desire to clean the streets of cities in which you are
considered a non person? An obsession with the smell of leather and
unwashed socks? A passion for guarding some rich man's property for a
pittance?

All this call for "lettre de motivation" made me wonder what would
happen if aspiring or actual presidents and ministers here and there
were asked to write motivational letters before acquiring the post, of
course barring their resort to the coup d'etat which writes its own
justification via the Kalashnikov. The actual president of the country
that claims to be the First in the world, that is to say the USA,
would have surely written, with all the spelling and grammatical
mistakes, a motivational letter that went beyond the "desire to beat
the dull Dole". A Bush letter would have included allusions to long
experience in approving executions in Texas, of having a penchant for
destruction and causing casualties, of taking revenge on the Saddam
who tried to kill his father, of retrying to be in the middle of the
oil business following a previous failure, of trying to play soldiers
and war again from a distance and of taking revenge at all those who
laughed at his grammar, and to contribute to the collectors of "Bushisms".

The Secretary of Defense, Rumsfeld, is said to have applied for the
job by writing of an incontrollable urge to invade Iraq ever since he
visited the country back in the Eighties and met with Saddam Hussein.
Vice President Cheney's letter was brief: "To serve and bring profit
to Haliburton using this high office". The Bushman in London, that is
to say Tony Blair, did not write a motivational letter expressing a
desire to be close to the Queen or to champion the rights of the
working people. His brief motivational letter just stated "To serve
and obey Bush and to annoy the French across the channel".

Brief motivational letters are not necessarily the best. Yoweri
Museveni of Uganda, who did not have to apply for the president's job
since he took over power by force, is said to have written several
pages explaining how he would lecture and correct errant Africa as a
whole. His current enemy, the Joseph Kony who leads the sadistic
Lord's Resistance Army is, on the other hand, brief: "I am qualified
to be president since I have a long and bloody experience killing
people". In some other cases, the motivational letters written by
aspiring or actual African presidents and ministers are said to
contain noble sentiments (wiping out corruption, assuring development,
building bridges even where rivers do not exist and assuring that
every citizen eats three times a day). The last one concerning three
meals per day was written by the Ethiopian PM who made sure,
subsequently, that 14 million starved and did not get even one meal
per day. Motivational letters for high posts need not be true or
necessarily false. When the Bush cabal writes of the American people
everyone knows it is referring to the big companies, corporations and
interest groups. Most UN secretary generals who write of a desire to
serve the world are actually referring to watching out for the
interests of the First World. Sarkozy, the French Minister of Interior
who so desperately wants to be president, has a draft letter that is
peppered with noble quotations from a variety of former statesmen
including De Gaulle but it does make no mention of his main ambition
to turn France into a rightwing fortress. The buffoon on Sarkozy's
right, Jean Marie Le Pen, is more honest and promises that, if he is
elected, the French will see few brown, black or yellow faces on their
land unless they have them imported to do menial jobs.

Babangida of Nigeria did promise to wipe out corruption but just look
at the state of corruption in Nigeria - as bad as ever. Gadafy had
written (in green ink) a completely radical, though confused,
motivational letter back in 1969 (though he also did not have to as he
had staged a coup against the old King) but he has now rewritten
another one declaring his honest intention to please America and
Britain and stay on as the number one man of Libya. Afghanistan's
motivational letter was penned by the US State Department (in English
at that) as it seems to be the case with the members of the Iraqi
governing council. On the other hand, in stateless Somalia, each clan
chief continues to improve on the draft of the motivational letter to
be president of Somalia as the chances of having a Somalia in the
first place stays remote. The State Department has not ventured to
help them draft a common letter but it has done so for the opposition
in Venezuela trying to oust Chavez. The advice to Washington's allies
in (or aspiring to be in) power in the Third World is not to write it
as it is. While Bush and Blair can tell it as it is (in good or bad
English), African presidents are expected to lie in their native
languages (it could also be French or English as some African elites
will rather die than use their mother tongues) and to talk of noble
objectives and principles. Bush never promised to assure that every
American gets three full meals per day and even now, as he claims
democracy has come to Iraq and Afghanistan, he is not blinking because
he knows everyone knows he is joking. You cannot joke in your
motivational letter unless you already have a brother who can rig an
election or an electoral commission that has assured your win before
people even had voted. That is why most African presidents do joke in
their motivational letters and they still get to keep the job.

If Africa or even America did actually have a democracy worthy of
its name, it would have been possible to expect honest motivational
letters or honest elections in which the votes of the citizens would
count and any lying politician will be left in political limbo or
wilderness.Bush senior said "no more taxes, read my lips" and lied
outright. Bush Junior said Saddam had weapons of mass destruction and
launched an invasion on false pretexts. Eyadema of Togo is not saying
"I want to die president" but claiming that if he is removed from
power, tiny Togo will implode. Kabila Junior in the DRC, Kagame in
Kigali (Rwanda) and Iasias Afeworki in Asmara (Eritrea) are taciturn
fellows who, if asked to submit motivational letters, would rather use
the gun than pen and paper.

Still, true or false, deceptive or informative, I am all for
demanding that aspiring presidents and ministers write and submit
motivational letters as to why they think they are fit for the post.
Just imagine all the inept fellows who are in power or vying for it
trying to convince us they are the best of the lot. It would be fun,
top notch entertainment and God knows we need to laugh when we think
of, say, Bush and all the actual and aspiring dictators in Africa.


*
Hama Tuma is an Ethiopian-born writer who has previously published a
short story collection in English (The Case of the Socialist
Witchdoctor and Other Stories, Heinemann, London 1993), several poetry
collections in both English and his native Amharic, novels in Amharic,
a collection of satirical articles in English (African Absurdities,
Bambaho Books, Washington DC, 2002). He is married and has one
daughter. He can be reached at this address: [email protected]