Pat Buchanan dies and goes to hell. As he approaches 
the gates, the Devil is there to greet him. The Devil says, 
"Welcome to hell, Pat. I think you're really gonna like it 
here. Say Pat, when you were alive, were you much of 
a smoker?"

Buchanan replies, "Why yes, I was."

The Devil says, "Well in that case, you're going to love 
Fridays. On Fridays we get all the smokes we can handle, 
and we sit around and smoke, smoke, smoke until we can't 
smoke any more. And Pat, when you were alive, were you 
much of a drinker?"

Buchanan says, "Yes, as a matter of fact, I did drink from 
time to time."

The Devil smiles and says, "In that case, you're going to 
love Saturdays because on Saturday, we get free liquor, 
and we just drink and drink and drink and drink. Oh, and 
Pat, wehn you were alive, were you a homosexual?"

Buchanan says, "No I was not!"

The Devil says, "Gee, in that case, you're gonna hate 
Sundays."