What's the best form of birth control after 50?
Nudity


How many women does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they just sit there in the dark and bitch.


What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention
of driving.


Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?
The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a
dozen donuts.

Why does the bride always wear white?
Because it's good for the dishwasher to match the stove and
refrigerator.

Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
Ask your mom.

How do you know when you're really ugly?
Dogs hump your leg with their eyes closed.

How do you know when you're leading a sad life?
When a nymphomaniac tells you, "Lets just be friends."

What do you call a 90 year old man who can still masturbate?
Miracle Whip.


What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?
A Bingo Machine.

What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

Why did God create alcohol?
So ugly people could have sex too.

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"

What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?
Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck.

What three two-letter words mean small?
"Is It In?"

Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.

If you are having sex with two women and one more walks in,
what do you have?
Divorce proceedings most likely.

Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?
Everyone has the same DNA.

Did you hear about the Chinese couple who had a
mentally-challanged baby?
They named him Sum Ting Wong.

What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than
the other?
A speech impediment.

What do toilets, a clitoris, and an anniversary have in common?
Men miss them all.

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.

What do you call an Alabama farmer with a sheep under each arm?
A Pimp.

What's the difference between a Southern zoo, and a Northern zoo?

A Southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front the
cage, along with a recipe.

How do you get a sweet little 80 year old lady to say F__K!
Get another sweet little 80 year old lady to yell "Bingo".

What's the Cuban National Anthem?
Row row row your boat.

What's the difference between a Northern fairytale and a Southern
fairytale?
A Northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time."
A Southern fairytale begins "'Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit."