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No Record Sunday- 3.5.03 They're going to take our belts and laces tonight. We have only 2 days until the warfront. The men and women around me are constantly consumed by thoughts of death. It is all they talk about. The officers don't show their faces in our quarters now. They are too stricken with grief and guilt to be presentable. Hell, I don't blame them. Then again, we all knew this was a suicide mission from before we signed up. They never made it seem like anything more. They made it very clear to us that we would all die in combat. They neglected to tell us that if we didn't fight, we'd be shot for insubordination. I suppose I know now why I was the only one from my unit to sign up for this. None of us was afraid of dying. They all knew that one thing that I had no fucking knowledge of. This damned wait. Monday- 3.6.03 This is death's eve. There is no more thought of suicide. Only action. We all know now that we must decide today whose hands we die by. I would much rather my death come at the hands of those damned enemies. I have no want of martyrdom. No want of a hero's death. No want of honor. There is no honor in the work ahead of us. I only wish that my death should inspire more young fools to choose this path. I am a murderer. They say the only time when murder is legal is war. Well, they don't know just how right they are. I wish to be the great hero. I want to lead my pack of lemmings to the sea. Tuesday- 3.7.03 In the event of my untimely death I'd like to entrust the enaction of these directions to my wife. First, I wish my posessions to be destroyed. No profit is to come of my estate. Second, I wish my remains to be cremated and mixed with ash from my fireplace. This mixture is to be thrown out. Third, my dog, Max, is to be released into the street. Wednesday- 3.8.03 No Record. Thursday- 3.9.03 No Record. Friday- 3.10.03 No Record. Saturday- 3.11.03 No Record. Sunday- 3.12.03 No Record. -Forthelove |