Letters of Leon

June 9th

It's funny how concern for someone else's pain can make you blind to your own.

I spent last night with Leon in my arms, getting little sleep. I couldn't bring myself to rest while he still fought his internal demons. He'd finally stilled just before dawn and I'd carefully unwrapped his arms from my waist and stumbled into the bathroom, desperately in need of a shower.

I don't know if it was the steady stream of water as it beat down on my naked body that broke through the façade or if I finally let my own demons loose. I found myself on the floor of the shower hugging my knees with my head atop them while sobs quietly racked my body. Every time I closed my eyes I saw Jesse's face, heard Jesse's laugh… smelled Jesse's smell… a strange mixture of smoke and grease… purely Jess.

This house was alive with memories of him, I didn't know where to go. I didn't want those memories gone I just wanted a chance to heal.

My thoughts drifted to Leon. He'd known Jesse so much longer than I. He'd known him so much better. I couldn't imagine his pain if mine were so great. Over the sound of the water beating the tile I heard distant cries… but they weren't distant at all. They were my own.

"Frankie…" he'd said softly as he slipped his arms around me.

Leon's face appeared through the steam and he pulled me to my feet, wrapping me In a large blue towel. I watched blankly as he reached around me turned off the water.

He braced my back with one arm and slid the other behind my knees then carried me to our room. That's all I remember. I don't know maybe the exhaustion of worry and the heat of the shower got the best of me…

*smile* But this morning when I woke up he smiled.

"It's gonna be all right Frank… we're gonna get through this."

He'd tightened his arms around me and pulled me closer to his body. "You're gonna be all right Frank. And…and I'm gonna be all right."

I watched him close his eyes and sit there silently for a moment as if he were struggling to breath. When he opened them again they were wet with tears. "It's gonna take me some time but I'm gonna be okay. I need you to be patient with me, I need you with me…"

I'd smiled and brushed a tear away as it fell from his eyes. Things are gonna be okay.

I've just got to keep my head up, I've got to keep Leon's head up and we're going to make it. All of us…

… Frankie…

-next-

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