~~~
Angel waited patiently for her here at the mansion, hoping that she will come. Knowing she probably will not. There was that dance tonight, at the school. She was probably out with that boy, that boy she is dating now. The one she had told him about. He blinked tightly at the thought. Buffy with a boyfriend that was not he. He wanted Buffy to be happy but why could she not be happy with him?
He shook his head at the thought. Of course she could not be happy with him, he was a curse, to her life and to his. But he could not seem to stay away from her. He wanted to be with her, around and her and in her, to breathe with her, to smell her, to do anything with her. And now, because of what he had done, all he had was a shadow of his Buffy. He deserved nothing more.
He knows that Buffy who stays away from him now, was scared of him. He knows that even though he did not deserve it, she loved him, but she never neared him, scared of what might overcome her. He loved her more than anything and he knew that he had ruined everything with transforming into Angelus, although he knew deep in his mind somewhere that it was not his fault.
He fell limp against his couch. Standing, even for a little bit, would make him tired. He just wished that Buffy would come, even though for just a moment. He closed his eyes and moved his head slightly to the side so his face would be nearer towards the fire.
He imagined Buffy�s face and her skin, and eyes, and hair, and legs, and breasts. He thought of the way she walked and talked and always found away to be gorgeous. How when she would smile, it would light up the whole room. He loved everything that had to do with her, and just wished he could be in reach of her.
Angel knew that things with her would never be able to work out, even though he wanted things to be perfect for them, desperately. He was a vampire, she was human. She did not need to be hidden in the darkness that was his life; he did not want her to be. But he always found himself pushing her back in, and she would follow willingly. And he loved her so much for it.
�Angel?�
He turned immediately and found himself looking into Buffy�s eyes. She was dressed in a red dress that would have looked amazing on her but was torn to shreds. But somehow she still seemed gorgeous.
He stood up, walked over to her quickly, and touched a piece of cloth that was standing out. �What happened?�
She looked up at him with those green eyes of hers that showed complete innocence. She smiled and said, �Me and Cordelia got attacked by a bunch of vampires.� Angel scrunches his noise lightly and looks at Buffy for a second before watching her as she moves towards the couch and sits. He sits close to her but not close enough to seem as if he was invading her privacy.
�You and Cordelia?�
She looks over at him and laughs lightly. �Yeah, it�s uh complicated.�
Angel nods his head in understanding. �Right.�
They fall into an uneasy silence and it seems like they are waiting for something, but they do not know what yet. �You uh look nice,� Angel says timidly.
She smiles warmly at him. �My dress is ruined and I look like trash, I don�t think so. But thanks anyways.�
He turns towards her and suddenly he needs her to understand that she does look beautiful. �No, Buffy. You do look beautiful, better than beautiful, spectacular.�
She swallows and then she looks at him and he can see the tears that are building up in her eyes. �Thanks.�
He smiles tightly at her before looking into the orange and yellow fire. �Isn�t tonight you�re uh Dance?�
�Yeah.�
�Did you have a good time?�
She looks over at him and he wonders if she knows what he is thinking. �Sort of. I got there for the way end.�
�Oh.�
They sit quietly once again and he wonders why she is here. Would she not want to be with her boyfriend on the night of the dance? He looks over at her, and takes in her beauty. He studies her profile and cannot help but think how she stunning she is. She looks at him and he swears if he had a heart then it would have leapt out of his chest. The way her face shinned in the light of the fire makes him want to grab a sketchpad and try to draw at least a small comparison to how she looks at the moment. Total perfection.
�I didn�t dance.�
Shaken out of his reverie he looks at her. �Huh?�
�At the dance, I didn�t dance with anyone.�
�What about Scott?� He asks before looking away.
He looks back up at her when she does not answer and he sees something flick in her eyes and he wonders if they broke up. He hopes so because the God knew how much he despised that boy. She sort of shrugs her shoulders and turns back to the flames. He wonders why she mentioned that. But then again he knows already.
�Not even with your friends?�
She turns her eyes towards him but not her head and shakes her head. �Not even with my friends.�
I stand suddenly, go into my room, and then come back out with an old looking stereo. �You have a radio?�
�Yeah.�
He plugs it into the nearest outlet that has probably not been used in a long time and a song turns up. He does not know the artist or the song itself, but the tune is slow and he likes the medley. He looks over at Buffy and he sees how her eyes beam in happiness.
//I was her she was me
We were one we were free
And if there's somebody calling me on
She�s the one//
He raises his hand at her and asks without any words for her to dance with him. She stands gingerly, trying to fix her dress a little before approaching him.
They dance to the song, both tucked inside each other. Angel looks down at his life and gives her a half smile. The smile she returns sort of blinds him. It is beautiful, and he does not think he has seen her smile like that in a long time. He is glad he is able to see her smile again.
Angel looks into Buffy�s eyes and knows that even though it might not work, which would probably happen, he knows he would do anything for her. And all his payments would have to be is looking into her eyes, and just being able to hold her. Her eyes are the brightness to his life and as he rests his head against her head, he knows that this moment, holding her as she dances in his arms, that he will never forget her, or this moment as she has her first dance, for she will eternally be his heart.
//If there's somebody calling me on
She's the one//
***
//We were young we were wrong
We were fine all along
If there's somebody calling me on
She's the one
When you get to where you wanna go
And you know the things you wanna know
You're smiling
When you said what you wanna say
And you know the way you wanna play
You'll be so high you'll be flying
Though the sea will be strong
I know we'll carry on
Cos if there's somebody calling me on
She's the one
If there's somebody calling me on
She's the one//
The End!
~~~
©Holding My Hand 2004-2005