Throughout the 1970s, my parents were members of the Church of God of Prophecy, a small, Southern Pentecostal denomination. We were attending this church when I came to faith at around the age of four. I remember, just prior to baptism, being questioned by my mother about my decision of salvation. I remember believing: One, I was very sinful. Two, as the Son of God, Jesus had the power to save me from my sins. Three, I had accepted His sacrifice upon the cross as my personal atonement of sin.
As a young child, I was taught at our Pentecostal church, that a Christian could lose his salvation if he did not live a righteous life. This belief played havoc with my conscience and I woke many a night from nightmares fearing death and separation from God and my parents. My mother tried to console me by assuring me that despite my "faults," I had not committed serious enough sins to "backslide." But even at that young age, I knew that I was not righteous enough. I repeatedly asked for forgiveness from God--confessing that it would be the last time I would "backslide" and need to repent.
As you can imagine, this dogma was a great burden to an honest young heart. I would often have trouble going to sleep as the quiet room left my conscience to center stage. I would contemplate my parent's deaths as well as my own.
My parents found discontent with their church and quit attending. The militant congregation responded by an official excommunication. Burned with the experience, my parents did not fellowship at any church for seven years, but continued to train us in a simple but fervent Fundamentalist faith.
When I was twelve years old, my family began attending an AWANA program sponsored by the local Evangelical Free Church. We soon felt at ease with these "Evangelicals" and subsequently joined. At that point, I encountered the doctrine of eternal security which I eventually embraced in all of its sweetness. During my teen years at the Evangelical Free Church, I became more familiar with the theology of mainstream Evangelicalism. In my late teens I studied and embraced Calvinism and certain points of Reformed Theology and became more aware of the broader issues and ideologies of Christianity and Western culture.
In 1999 I began especially striving for two important virtues in my faith--intellectual Truth and humility. Throughout my childhood and adolescence, I had an essentially Fundamentalist upbringing and world-view. Later, as I gained a liberal arts education and was newly exposed to historical, textual and higher criticisms, I began to recognize certain inadequacies of my child-hood faith. Realizing my natural ignorance and Fundamentalist prejudice, I tried to view the question of religion in a more scholarly and objective way, rather than with mere unthinking, militant dogma.
As so many young theologians have done, I started over from scratch (or so I thought), and drastically challenged my belief system in a deductive approach. 1. I began by evaluating and deciding between Atheistic Nihilism and traditional Theism. This was not a very difficult question for me because it seems to be the supreme presupposition with which we are all preprogrammed. How could God not exist? I thought. 2. From this point I progressed to ask: If God does exist, then it seems probable that He has attempted to communicate to mankind. At least one of the modern religions must bear at least some thread of God's original revelation. 3. I again was able to easily make the decision that the Eastern polytheistic religions lacked the ring of truth that I found in Western monotheistic religions.
4. I then tried to evaluate the truth claims of the three old monotheistic religions. I felt confident with Judaism for many reasons, especially because it claims the oldest heritage and was seemingly the most sophisticated religion at such an early age. Its beliefs about God, Creation, and the Fall (which I had already contentedly held in Christianity) were derived entirely from the Second Temple period. 5. However from Judaism I needed a reasonable bridge of continuity to validate Christianity. I found this span in the doctrine of Progressive Revelation. Christ's redemption of the world from its Fall came by His sacrifice on the cross which had been pictured in the Old Testament sacrifices. 6. Once I was intellectually satisfied with the veracity of Christianity, I realized that my experience with this religion must conform at its basis to the original version established by Jesus Himself. The way I practice this Faith must be true to the teachings of the Greek New Testament or it will be invalid.
It seemed to me that like a mountain brook, religion may begin in seemingly pristine theological accuracy, but as it travels between the headwaters and the mouth, many impurities can pollute the stream. I feel that this is what began happening soon after the Ascension of Christ. Down through the Middle Ages, the Church became more and more corrupted with false teachings. When the humanists of the Renaissance rediscovered the Hebrew Scriptures and Greek New Testament they found the Roman Catholic Church lacking in its faithfulness to the genuine teachings of Christ. This desire to return to the source many of them into Protestant Reformers. However, in the five hundred years since the Reformation, theological corruption has occurred among many of the Reformers' followers. 7. Among the camps of modern Protestantism, there are few Christian circles with which I should desire to be associated. Although with its many problems, I believe Evangelicalism aligns the closest with early Christian Theology. So here I am, back where I started from. Thankfully, as an Evangelical, I was already in a good position when I began searching for the Truth about God.
I have entered a moderating period, and am working to affirm my core beliefs and form a plan of how to continue evaluating the topic of religion and Christianity. My decision to study at TEDS was prompted by a desire which was not unlike that of the father who cried to Jesus, "I do believe, help my unbelief" (Mark 9:24). If I am going to remain a Christian, then I want to have an accurate faith that follows a genuine New Testament type of Christianity. I want to serve and worship the true God of the Hebrew Scriptures and of Jesus Christ.
(Note: I realize that in recounting my spiritual journey I have risked sounding like a stereotypical young theologian--disenchanted with his Fundamentalist heritage, yet youthfully idealistic of attaining a "purer, New Testament type of faith." However, my critiques are shared by many of the Post-Modern generations with less forgiveness of Christian misbehavior and room for paradox. I only ask that my honest questions and openness would be received with patience and scholarly respect.)