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When it appears that
you have killed the monster, *never* check to see if it's really
dead.
If you find that your
house is built upon or near a cemetery, was once a church that was
used for black masses, had previous inhabitants who went mad or
committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion, or had inhabitants
who performed satanic practices in your house--move away immediately!
Never read a book of
demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.
Do not search the basement,
especially if the power has just gone out.
If your children speak
to you in Latin or any other language which they should not know,
or if they speak to you using a voice which is other than their
own, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in
the long run. NOTE: It will probably take several rounds to kill
them, so be prepared.
When you have the benefit
of numbers, *never* pair off and go it alone.
As a general rule, don't
solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.
Never stand in, on, above,
below, beside, or anywhere near a grave, tomb, crypt, mausoleum,
or other house of the dead.
If you're searching for
something which caused a noise and find out that it's just the cat,
leave the room immediately if you value your life.
If appliances start operating
by themselves, move out.
Do not take *anything*
from the dead.
If you find a town which
looks deserted, it's probably for a reason. Take the hint and stay
away.
Don't fool with recombinant
DNA technology unless you're sure you know what you are doing.
If you're running from
the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice, more if
you are of the female persuasion. Also note that, despite the fact
that you are running and the monster is merely shambling along,
it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you.
If your companions suddenly
begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination
for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and so on, get away
from them as fast as possible.
Stay away from certain
geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville,
Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog (you're in trouble if you recognize
this one), the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine.
If your car runs out
of gas at night, do not go to the nearby deserted-looking house
to phone for help.
Beware of strangers bearing
tools such as chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving
knives, combines, lawnmowers, butane torches, soldering irons, band
saws, or any device made from deceased companions.
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