| Jokes Page |
| A blonde walks up to a soda machine one day. She puts a quarter in and presses a button. A soda comes out and she's amazed. A man walks up to the blonde and sees that she has about 15 soda cans in her arms. "Exuse me, are you done?" the man asks. "No," the blonde replies, "can't you see I'm winning?" Two Kentucky men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling off the front panel of the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off the truck. They panicked and fled, leaving the chain still attached to the machine, their bumper still attached to the chain, and their licence plate still attached to the bumper. The new Air Force One: Three women excaped from prison. One was a redhead, one a brunette, and one a blonde. They ran for miles untill they came to an old barn where they decided to hide in the hayloft and rest. When they climbed up they found three large gunnysacks and decided to climb into them for camouflage. About an hour later the sheriff and his deputy came to the barn. The sheriff told his deputy to go up check out the hayloft. When he got up there the sheriff asked what he saw and the deputy yelled back, "Just three gunnysacks." The sheriff told him to find out what was in them, so the deputy kicked the first sack, which had the redhead in it. She went, "Bow-wow", so the deputy told the sheriff there was a dog in it. Then he kicked the sack with the brunette in it. She went, "Meow", so the deputy told the sheriff there was a cat in it. Then he kicked the one with the blonde in it, and there was no sound at all. So he kicked it again and the blonde finally said, "Potatoes". Once apon a time in a land far, far away lived a beautiful, independant princess. One day, while sitting thinking on a rock near a pond next to her castle, a frog jumped up to her lap and said, "Young lady, I was once a handsome Prince, untill an evil witch cast a spell upon me. But one kiss from you, however, and I turn back to the dapper, young prince I am, and we, my sweet, can setup housekeeping in yon castle with my Mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel greatful and happy doing so." That night, while dining on lightly sauteed frog legs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled to herself and thought, "I don't think so!" A man was driving along a highway and saw a rabbit hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the rabbit, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of the car and was hit. The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side of the road to see what had become to the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit was dead, and the man began to cry. A blonde woman driving down the highway saw the man crying and stopped and asked what was wrong. "I fell terrible!" the man replied. "I accedently hit this rabbit and killed it." "Don't worry," the blonde said and pulled out a spray can from the trunk of her car. She walked over to the limp body of the rabbit and sprayed the contents of the can onto the rabbit. Miraculously, to rabbit came to life, jumped up, waved its paw at the two people and hopped down the road. Ten feet away, the rabbit stopped, turned around, waved at the two people again, hopped another ten feet, turned, waved, hopped another ten feet, turned, waved, and kept repeating this until it was out of sight. The man was astonished. He couldn't figure out what substance could be in the woman's spray can! He ran over to the woman and demanded, "What was in you're spray can? What did you spray into that rabbit?" The woman turned the can around so the man could read the label. It said: "Hair Spray - Restores Life to Dead Hair. Adds Permanent Wave." A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much. My farts never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your office. You didn't know I was farting because they don't smell and are silent." The doctor says, "I see, take these pills and come back to see me next week." The next week the lady comes back. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the heck you gave me, but now my farts...although still silent...stink terribly." The doctor says, "Good!!! Now that we cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing." A boy was dessed up as a pirate one Halloween. He walked up to a house and rang the doorbell. A man came out and said, "Oh look, a pirate! Where are your buccaneers?" The little boy looked up to him and said, "Under my bucking hat!" |
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