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Introduction

I am starting to do this, first time since junior at Berkshire that I do this. I remember after looking at what I have written that I really did enjoy what I write. And perhaps this could improve (or keep up) my *personal* writing skill for the time being. I am an engineer at Carnegie Mellon University now so it means that all I am facing is equations – there isn’t just too much room for creativity to kick in.

As an introduction to my new journal, I would spend more time on summarizing my past one and half years here. What this school does is to put you to work, because they believe the way to learn a new material is by doing problems – hence decreasing free time. As time goes by I begin to ask myself a question: Why do I come to CMU? Why do I choose CMU over Cornell, Wash U in St. Louis and RPI? I could probably get a similar quality education with more hours of sleep per day. But this isn’t the case, 4 to 6 hours is the norm, and mediocrity because the norm as soon as everyone practices it, isn’t that true? For many reasons CMU is to be blamed, I shall not elaborate it now since most of you guys will follow my thoughts as soon as you keep reading this stuff.

01.03.03

        Today is Saturday, meaning a light day of work today. Start up by getting wakened up by a phone call at 12:45pm (after finally sleeping at 9am in the morning). I didn’t have anything interesting to do so I meet Wilson in the UC, but then he figured out that UC food is too boring to be consumed so he came up to my room to eat a pack of Hong Kong style ramen, with a whole can of luncheon meat. Then we went to Skibo Gym to find Ray since he said he would be there for badminton. However, when we arrived at the Small Gym he wasn’t there, so me and Wilson starts playing some badminton. It isn’t all that fun, since we got taken to school by being defeated 15-0 in the first doubles play. Then finally Ray came – surprisingly Cookies didn’t come today. We then played more badminton until 4:30, well for me badminton isn’t all that fun since I played tennis too much to be confused about the footwork and the strikes – but sadly I did twist my ankle during a single match with Wilson so that’s it. Returning my room, I promptly went to bed since I was dead tired, and until 6ish (I forgot the time) someone woke me up, I think it’s Ray, but I don’t’ remember who talked to me about what. I get down the bed and get more IM and ICQ messages and we are deciding where to get dinner tonight. At first Ray suggested Union Grill, Wilson suggested Joe Mama, so I suggested Fuel and Fuddles. Finally, I, Ray, Wilson, Dason, and Eric went to Fuel and Fuddles for a heavy American treat. We took a bus because my leg is slightly twisted and I can’t walk that fast. We arrived there, I showed them the way, and we sat down for the menu. I got a half rack of ribs, hot BBQ wings (shared with Wilson) and also a big burger (with cheese and bacon in it). All was very tasty and I was satisfied with it. I guess them also except for Eric, who felt that one serving of steak (8oz) is not enough and thus ordering another burger – he is a meat lover (specifically, beef lover). I then went to McDonalds to pick up some dollar menu (2 McChicken, 2 double cheeseburgers) and ate Strawberry sundae on the way home. Well, of course after all these fun time comes work, however, I wasn’t in a mood of working since talking to Catherine early in the morning (7am). I was trying to figure out what to do with my programming assignment, then Jon came in to bother both of our (me and Jack) work progresses and he took 4 hot dogs from me! Well up till 11 when Jack “forced” me to “practice” tennis with him in the racquetball courts – it wasn’t fun either, but I kind of try to get my stroke until my wrist kind of hurt – then I stopped. Well, I saw Dennis, Dason and Simon playing basketball on the way to the courts, so I came into to greet them and shoot some hoops. When the UC closed at 12, Dason treated us with a big O soda, and we talked about NBA for about an hour. Then I came back to my room, not wanting to do anything again. I am always like that, looking for excuse to not do stuff. I start writing some codes in my program and when my headache far exceeded my thinking ability I stopped, finding people to chat. Except I wasn’t in a good mood, but everyone is busy. I talked to Nora for like 15 minutes but that’s it – other people are too busy to talk to you, and that’s the norm for CMU (another mediocrity?). Well, I went out to watching TV and then decided to come back to start all these stuff. It was fun writing.

My hatred list – I hate myself for……

-          being in CMU

-          acting to be smart

-          being alone for a long time

-          being fat

-          being disliked

-          liking Catherine and never tell her

-          helping people

-          hoping people (who aren’t nice to me) will be nice to me

-          having no girlfriend

-          getting bad grades at CMU

-          committing myself to too much other activities

-          thinking too much about Catherine

that’s for now. Add more later…

02.03.03

Today it’s Sunday, and guess what I would do on a Sunday Morning – church! Actually my sleep time is quite disrupted nowadays, at night I could fall asleep but in the afternoon I am quite sleepy. Last night I slept at around 7ish, and of course I felt until a phone call wake me up – then I knew I was in great trouble when I heard Ellein’s voice, asking me whether I was going to church or not. I said yes and already I went from totally asleep mode to totally awake mode, and I promptly changed and run down the UC turnaround for the ride to church. Time elapsed, 2 minutes, however, the whole bus is waiting for me…I felt bad…it’s my fault but then I can’t really do much about it. The ride is short (45 mins?), and I talked to Mike Wong about our game (we are going to play them this afternoon) and some band stuff. Church is fun, I learned a lot, today’s reading from Mark 5:35-43. Today I learn about miracles, how to classify them, and how they are used in Bible to glorify the God. It’s a miracle that I know about God, given how much I hated Religious Studies before in DBS. At around 12, Jonathan drove me, Dennis and Simon for the game at 1, and we got there at around 12:30, good for the time that we are supposed to meet. Except no one is there except me, Ivan and Andreas – they other came in late. As for the game, it doesn’t worth that much of my effort to write it down except for the fact that we lost by one point – their last shot is a free throw and we still had a chance to win it all. It was fun, at least we played much better this year than being blown out last year. I then went to Underground with Arnold and Wilson, and there we met Eason who has just been back from church. We blew water for about half and hour and then Dason and Adrian came by. We wanted to play mahjong, however, the mahjong is taken when we went to Resnik and ask for it. It wasn’t fun, so I went back to my room, and soon went to sleep. When I woke up (by yet another phone call) it was time for dinner, and since everyone is not here – unable to be contacted, I, Dason and Wilson went to Yum Wok for a quick and easy meal, I had Singapore Rice Noodle without onion – it was average, quite predictable I guess. After that it was work time again, I still had the three assignments due Wednesday – Fluids, Lab Report and Programming Lab. I was still not in a very good mood, and Meghan is definitely not friendly to me anymore. I just asked her why she has so much free time and she asked me not to mother her…duh…if I don’t care about her why she has so much free time and she asked me not to mother her…duh…if I don’t care about her why would I care about her business? Well, that’s life. There are people in life that doesn’t like you no matter what you do, I guess she is just the growing ArrayList of them…duh…one of my hated list – people who dislikes me. Whatever, I shouldn’t let them bother me, except I still care about people around me too much that creates too much of problem for me. I will try to correct that, hopefully, given the time….I still need to do work…work work work until I die…I also helped out Vickie about her programming exercise, and still ongoing – luckily I can still handle it…

Appendix: Mark 5:35 - 43

“He did not let anymore follow him except Peters, James and John the brother of James. When they came to the home of the synagogue ruler Jesus saw a commotion, with people crying and wailing loudly. He went in a said to them, ‘Why all this commotion and wailing? The child is not dead but asleep.’ But they laughed at him. After he put them all out, he took the child’s father and mother and the disciples who were with him, and went in where they child was. He took her by the hand and said to her, “Talitha koum!” (which means, “Little girl, I say to you, get up!”). Immediately the girl stood up and walked around (she was twelve years old). At this they were completely astonished. He gave strict order not to let anyone know about this, and told them to give her something to eat.”

03.03.03

Wow…what kind of date is that, all 03’s. Next time it happens will be more than 1 year later, 4^th April, 2004. Doesn’t it make this date special? No, not at all, because this is Monday, no, rather to say a typical CMU Monday. This symbolizes the start of a workaholic week, where on Wednesday I need to complete the fluids assignment, lab report on cobalt complex, and the anagram program. I am on progress to all three, but I am still afraid that I wouldn’t finish these. Well, I woke up at around 2:30pm, yes, say yes, and I haven’t mistyped it. Well, at around 10:30am I did get a phone call from the Dell guy who said that the company had sent him the wrong parts so he couldn’t get my computer fixed today. (how could Dell mistake a video card for a laptop and a desktop? Duh?!) From the start of the day it’s work, as I started to finish my program – I did my bubble sort but kind of stuck with the syntax that he is putting up, but I shall overcome latter. After that I got a message that the books have came – what a happy news. More happy news is that my fluids homework is 87/100, chemE math test 92/100, and programming lab 3 and lab 4 both 100/100. It’s a day to celebrate but too much work, I will do that on Thursday, and maybe I will treat Wilson to a Ruby Tuesday’s style Baby Back Ribs and a sample platter (I still remembered this from the beginning of the year). Well, at around 5 o’clock Wilson swings by, handing me that Complex Analysis book I have been longing for since I saw that in Toronto. I will attempt to read this after I finish the work – but for now certainly no time for it. Then Vickie came visit as promised. We talked for about 20 minutes and she left class for Interp! What a fun class to have at 6:00 on the evening…eww… Me, Wilson, Eric and Arnold have dinner at Taste of India, and they have the regular curry chicken which is much better than the coconut curry thingy. And after that I went to work, starting on the introduction of my lab report – I guess this is the hardest part of the report since it requires both understanding and researching the material – simply the textbook and the lab manual is not enough for you to make a good lab report. About 4 hours, I still tired, and ate a cup noodle, which is very yummy. Well, Ray told me that Victoria is on East-touch (magazine) so I longed to look at it. When he came visit, I am like “oh my God, it’s her!!!” (sorry Eric) She did look nicer in the picture though….Time for more work….^^ God will be with me…

04.03.03

Wow, what a day. When I wake up it’s already two o’clock, I checked my e-mail and SHIT, I got a meeting at 2 in the Chem Lab (DH 1350 – my home) for the team project. Without any further reading and thinking, I grab my lab manual, my lab notebook and a pen and get running to the lab. Wow, what a experience, that’s a good start to my day, doing lab. Today I finish up experiment 3, doing the Ion Exchange Chromatography and the Magnetic Susceptibility, and also prepare the acid for experiment 4. But for that meeting, Anne didn’t’ come so everything is in jeopardy now, I guess me and James will need to figure out something fast. Back to the day, lab isn’t very interesting, everything is just like reading that manual and do what manual tells me to do. Around 6 I left, and then I go get the package (I remember receiving a package from the e-mail), the power cord finally came (2 business days latter than the computer – what the hell). After I came back to my room, I got a couple of messages about dining but I wasn’t very interested in dining together coz I have mad work to do, so I just ordered some wings and burger from an online place. And I just take a short rest until that delivery guy came, and when I went down to get the food, I saw Ray, he surprising shows up in Resnik (well not that much surprise, but expect him to be in Mudge). I talked to him for a while during my meal and start working fluids. The homework is not that hard but time consuming because it introduces some new concepts of fluid mechanics. Well, I was still doing it right now…I am not going to hand in that lab report tomorrow, instead I will use my only voucher to hand it in 1 (school) day late, that is on Monday. Except on Monday, program, OR homework and Chem lab will be due, what a busy mid-semester weekend….

05.03.03

Last night was quite an experience! Cramming fluid homework till tomorrow never dies. At least I got it done by the deadline. It wasn’t anything interesting, as I didn’t go to any class yet again. Well, that Dell guy call at 8 in the morning and he came right by to fix my computer. Finally they recognize it’s a video card problem…duh…I told them in the very first place. Well then he discovered a problem with my keyboard so he said he’s going to call the company and get that part replaced – I think I can replace a keyboard myself…Back to school, I asked Arnold to help me hand in that fluids homework, as I was too tired to drag myself anywhere, and then I got myself summer steak quesadilla for lunch with chips and salsa as my side… 6 bucks, what a rip off, I recognize I can make the same amount with 3 or less. Then I went back to sleep, rather quite unconscious, up until sometime I heard a message from my AIM. I was already 8ish, and I didn’t quite know what I should do. Wilson asked me to go to Hammerschlag Hall (he had ECE lab) to find those guys (Eric, Arnold and Dason) in the MechE lab for football practice. Well, no one was to be found, so me and Wilson decide to go back to our own room. After than it was time-loitering issues, with my reluctance to work I have no choice but aim, clean up my room, and watch TV. There isn’t much for me to do. How about work with my homepage now?

06.03.03

Finally, here is the mid-semester break. And what did I get in the morning? Another phone call from the Dell person saying she needed to come up and replace the keyboard. What a experience, takes like 3 seconds to change it but it takes forever for her to come here. Then she finally came and that was quite an easy task. Yes, then it was Waterfront time, with Wilson and Felix. We ate Boston Market there (rotisserie chicken) with 3 sides (corn, corn and potatoes). We then went to Dick’s, Target, and Office Depot, where I bought a Fevernova Soccer ball, some junk food, and some necessity food in Giant Eagle. Then we came back, and there wasn’t anything interesting to do. I still kind of don’t want to do work so I slept for a little bit, and then there came the phone call about what to eat tonight – Ginza there is, the Korean place down in Oakland. We gather people, well, as we met at 7:30, here is Wilson, me, Felix and Michael (Ray wouldn’t come because he said he was tired, but I think he is waiting for someone…), but then those Mech E people are late, all of them. We waited till 7:50 and got mad so we went down to Hammerschlag Hall to find them, and they deserve a smack down – they just got out of the hall – well, approximately half an hour late – what the hell man…does people in CMU always have to be that late? We went there, about a slight 10 min walk, and we arrived at the destination. I have the beef stuff with veggie and it was pretty good... after that me, Eric, Arnold and Wilson went to have a little soccer match outside the CFA garage, well in my house we saw Ray, who said that he was sick…well he is there with MEGHAN…eww…..not much comment on this…soccer is super fun, we have some 2 on 2 match there…and it was GREAT…after that we got back to room, and everyone left, I chatted with people and become really bored, so I get to bed at 3 …so early according to my standard.

07.03.03

Today is Monroeville day, well in the morning I did have some fun (after some delays from Wilson, Arnold and Eric) in Skibo gym with some soccer. It was fun, learn some formation, some crisp passing and what not. Monroeville is fun, me, Wilson, Nora, and Ray went – Nora was being mean the whole time, so I defend and be mean to her back. Anyways, that 67A is about half and hour late (and that’s what I hate Pittsburgh the most – the bus are never on time). When we got there it’s already around 4 so it’s time for some lunch – we went to the place called American Café. Me and Wilson got Baby Back Ribs (yet again) and Mardi Gras with toast – it was all good. Ray wouldn’t eat anything because he said he had lunch in food truck (!@#@#$%) and Nora got the pasta combo (remind me of Underground). Wilson and I insisted on going to Victoria Secret but Nora wouldn’t join. Well, then we just went to random stores in the mall and Wilson decided to go to eat ice-cream. Well, Mrs Field is opposite to the ice cream store so me and Ray go get come cookies, each of us get half of dozen of it. Then Wilson and Ray went to get ice-cream, while I go to Body Shop and get some good stuff =P. That night I had steak myself, which I grilled it (instead of sautéing it). Of course it was good and I started to do some work on my lab report, which I think it’s totally out of scope (Crystal Field theory - !@##@$@#). That night I didn’t sleep till late at night…

08.03.03

Saturday – back to the routine. Ray came visit me in the afternoon (MEGHAN? Judith still not back yet – in Boston) and Jack asked me to play tennis with me. Yes, today is like a spring day – temperatures are in the 50’s. Spring does remind me a lot about Berkshire – the old Spring days where I have had tennis practice (and then I would talk to Leslie a lot – the boy’s and girl’s team practice in the same courts), having *no* worries – no stack of homework, projects and what not, and having nice people already handy – they were all in the past. Back to reality, me and Jack went to hit some balls for an hour, then went to Skbio small gym for some badminton action – we got some good games in, but I don’t think we were good enough – anyways, then I went back to work on my lab report when Dennis asked me to go pla basketball with him. I found Wilson and he said he would go, but the problem is: UC closes at 6, what the hell, why do they have to do that? We decided on some soccer action but then everything went do the road, as Dennis said he needs to cook…(@#$ #@$ again)….we waited till Eric and Arnold to come, but had also agreed to play bball with Adrian. We thought that both Arnold and Eric would play, but they wouldn’t. So I cooked the steak quick for them (2 T-bones, but later complained it was too raw….) and went to play bball….I just wanted to shoot some hoops, so didn’t’ play any game. And when we came back, Wilson cooked his steak as well, and after all was done, I started looking over the agenda for work that is due….lab report Monday, program Monday, ChemE Math homework Tuesday, OR homework Wednesday, programming assignment Wednesday, Fluids assignment Wednesday, and Fluids test on Friday. Of course Tuesday and Thursday are usual lab days and I have the whole experiment 4 to catch up with….fun stuff, work on the lab report….

09.03.03

Sunday – didn’t go to church, working on the lab report….for the whole day…no fun stuff…forgot what I ate…nothing interesting to say….lab report is due on Monday 9:30. I did finish the ChemE math homework – it was a joke – LINEAR ALGEBRA – nothing close the stuff I learned from math studies…

10.03.03

Didn’t sleep last night – lab report finally done at around 9. Didn’t go to any class, except for handing in that lab report. Good thing today is having a badminton game and a soccer game. Badminton game is a joke – the other team does suck…however, in soccer, we get screwed…we didn’t show up…we would need more practice to win the next game against HKSA on 7/4…then again back to work….nothing interesting to say ….

11.03.03 – 20.03.03

For the next tens days until the 20^th of March, I would rather give a short, collective summary of what have happened. Why would I do that? Because the only place I hang out is in Resnik 453 and DH 1350. Fluids, ChemE Math, OR, Programming, Chem Lab…they just come back and haunt you – they never die. Well, perhaps I am the one who is going to…I really can’t wait to Spring Break – where I will be in New York.

21.03.03

Finally the OR test is done, the programming test is postponed, and I am finally in the Greyhound bus station. I am heading to the Big Apple. Bus ride is approximately 10 hours, but this doesn’t matter with me – most of the time I am sleeping, except for the short stop for food – I got a ham and cheese sandwich and Ray got a egg and sausage breakfast combo (it was 430 in the morning though, what a morning). After that we went back to the bus – I don’t really know what is going on but – here is Harrisburg and Philadelphia where we are forced to get out of the bus, which interrupt our sleep. Whatever, after Philly I am fully awaked, and when we get back to the bus I was looking around – the sceneries resemble the one from New York to Berkshire, just that one is past, one is present – I am going very far from it. Catherine, Jen, Lindsay…even Yukimi…I wish I have a chance to see you guys again… anyways, it wasn’t long when we got into the Holland Tunnel, the tunnel that connects New Jersey and New York (around 2 hrs I guess). Big Apple is right here, in the same vector space. Whatever, school sucks. City sucks but it is better than Oakland. I like Sheffield, MA – the best environment, best teaches, best people…When we got out of the bus it was already 12:30, a little bit later than the scheduled time. We quickly go search for Edward and co, and effortless there they are. Three people in the Cornell gang, Edward, Thomas and Vinci – Vinci I don’t know before…we went to ChinaTown and I got a roast pork/duck rice…yummy! We then got to the hostel – it wasn’t anything that I expected but since the price is okay everything is okay. The only bad case here is the the hostel doesn’t accept credit card – they said the credit card machine is broken and it wasn’t fixed throughout out trip – we handed in 60 bucks, pure cash. But all was fine. I got some FIFA game going on in the hostel and we get back out for dinner. We had Japanese cuisine in one of the shop in the 7^th avenue – it wasn’t all too bad either. We went to Les Misérables in the Broadway area – it was great except I fell asleep during the show – partly because I have read the book before and more importantly I was dead tired…anyways, it was a nice show. At night we went back to hostel since I was almost 10ish – and we chatted till the curtains drop and the lights is out.

22.03.03

This is the first night I am getting some quality sleep – in a hostel. Well, for me, break means no work – no, not no work, but no pressure for work. I will still do work but nothing like the degree of CMU. I have like 8 hours of sleep, which I really appreciate. We haven’t decided what place we should go, so we go out blind-folded. Well, the final verdict is to get some brunch first, where I got an all-American favorite, hamburger with sides fries, which is better than the O-burger. Then we got back and decided to the MET – the Metropolitan Museum of Art – well I wasn’t all too interested but I decide to still go since it is one of the places that you *should* go in New York. It was all about art – paintings, drawings, sculpture, photography – all was fun but the modern art is kind of boring since I don’t understand anything about – just like I don’t appreciate modern style music. Well, we went there for about one and a half hour and rush to the famous Fifth Avenue – the branded street. Look for the branded shops all around the world – it is in the Fifth Avenue – LV, CK, KC, Gucci, Rolex…well everything except Burberry. We walked and walked, until we get to the NYU campus, where we saw a protest going on. And how do we know about it? There are no less than 2 dozens police cars around – and then we saw a crowd – anti-war. It was dangerous so we wouldn’t go ahead. We walked around the Union square and saw a region that is exemplified by exotic restaurants (waitress) and branded cars. That was nice, and when it is kind of dark (around 630pm) we started to find our way back to hostel. We (Me, Thomas and Ray) walked the wrong way on the 20^th street (to Park/Madison Avenue) so we asked the taxi driver about how much it would be to take us back to the hostel (7^th Avenue) and he answered around 6 bucks. OMG – that was such a rip off, so we decided to walk about. Around 15 minutes we are there, and there isn’t anyone in the room. Well, then people just pop up from nowhere, one is upstairs studying; one is talking a shower, no wonder! We waited for Simon to come, and then we headed for dinner. Simon proposed a restaurant in the Time Square area so we went. By the way, we have added Terence and Finsen to our reunion gang. That Time Square place is a pizzeria, and Thomas started to say “Good we are eating pizza” (sarcastically), and then we all starting to say that. Well, that pizza place is crowded with people though, and we need to wait for 20 minutes, so we disregard the place. Simon then proposed Korean town and we all agreed also. We walked there, quite a walk, from 44^th Street/7^th avenue to 32^nd Street/Broadway. We had Korean food – it was all good. Me and Ray shared a seafood stew and a Bulgolgi. It was cold here at night – we took some pictures and then Simon and Terrence parted our gang. All other went back to hostel, and I soon got into bear mode. But I got disturbed since Thomas gang wanted to go to Little Italy for some deserts – however we don’t’ really know where Little Italy is. We looked at the subway map – but it wasn’t too accurate. So we randomly walked and find it, in Canal Street/Mulberry Street. We had desert in the only café that opened – it was all good – my Chocolate/White mousse cake was great, couple with the double espresso it was the perfect combination. Who went? Me, Thomas, Finsen and Ray. We talked about for an hour or so and then got back. We were all tired and soon slept…

23.03.03

Today I didn’t get up early. Well, no one did. None of the gang get up until 10ish, which is very cool. Sleep is good for everyone, I guess. We went to “yum char” this morning – the real style with all the “dim sum” and the good food. So New York got some real advantages over Pittsburgh. The eating part is just like ordinary yum char, which I haven’t done in Pittsburgh. So it was fun. After the meal, we (me, Ray and Thomas) split for more shopping action as they (includes Edward, Terence, Wing Ho, Simon and Finsen) went to get Vincent Ng – Terence and Finsen back to Yale. We shopped the Fifth avenue yet again since Thomas said he wanted to buy that bag from Banana Republic. We walked to through there from Canal Street, with me getting Soya Milk drink on the way. We only had 1 and half hour but actually manage to hit a couple of stores, where Thomas bought that Puma sweatshirt and have a chance to go to that branded store with weird design. That store doesn’t have a brand outside – I suppose they assume the customers know where they are going to…oh well, I went to the swatch store and found a watch I really wanted to buy – but it was 70 bucks so forget about it. It was soon 4 o’clock where the Cornell people are supposed to meet for the bus to Ithaca, and hence we got to the Port Authority bus station. We quickly located the bus terminal, and waited for the other Cornell gang. Well, one bus has already left, and the next express bus would leave any minutes. Thomas decided that he shouldn’t be waiting for the other guys, and he went up the bus alone. The bus left at 4:30, and Vincent and Edward came about 3 minutes late. Well they have to wait for the next bus which is 6:30pm, so we went to the Burger King nearby for a chat. Me and Ray needed to go back to the hostel for re-check in, so we left at around 5:30. We were in a hurry since the check-in is before 6:00pm. That night I didn’t want to eat much, so I share a little bit of chicken rice and dumplings with Ray, but I drink some quality tea drink again. We walked around until not very late and went back to rest – as we are both tired.

24.03.03

Monday morning, good morning. I slept early last night, and woke up early too. There I heard Ray mumbling about Judith – maybe he does love her – I don’t know. As for today, it is shopping and museum day. On the morning we went to the Columbia University for a visit. He always argued that New York people got better dressing taste than Pittsburgh and the has become a theme of our discussion. Columbia is just another school, I think. They have nice building but not very big science/engineering/computer science section. But it is a nice distraction from the mundane buildings from CMU. We had lunch near Columbia, a French restaurant named À la Maison. I have some “mousel” and “escargot.” Ray got a pasta and soup and they were all good. Very good indeed. After that we walked for a little bit, and get a bus down to the Natural History Museum, where they have fossils and specimens on display. All was interesting. Dinosaurs and their close relatives, claydiograms, and the possibility of evolution were all discussed there. Well, I only have enough time to look at the animals part, well this should be the more interesting part. Plants will be more boring. Well, I have 15 minutes for this gift stores but there are so much stuff to look at. I saw a very interesting cup, which has a famous Einstein’s quote on it. “If A = success, then the formula for A = X + Y+ Z. X is working, Y is playing, and Z is keep your mouth shut.” Well, I told Ray that I would go back there later. That night, Ray still have the pasta leftover from lunch, so he wouldn’t go to Chinatown to eat, hence I decided to go to the Whole Food Market on the 24^th Street to get myself dinner. I got myself a half-chicken and a box of sushi. Yummy. We went to Time Square at night and went to that online place. It is not normal for me not to check my e-mail 24/7. It is just strange, straying away from the norm of CMU. Well, at least I have fun. CMU can go to the trash can, at least for a week.

25.03.03

In the morning, Ray said he wanted to go to Rockefeller center. We took the subway there and looked around. There is the NBC station here also. We took some pictures, and head our way to lunch. It was the worst lunch we have in New York, at least in Ray’s perspective. My meatloaf is okay, but his roasted chicken is over cooked, dry, and has no flavor. He swore a lot. We then went to the MOMA (Museum Of Modern Art) store. He wanted to go there but I am very reluctant (especially I have to pay 15.50 to get into). So we decided to part. But then he soon come back saying that the museum is closed. So we go to MET (yet again – since Ray wanted to go). Well, it was the same, except I manage to sneak into that Leonardo Da Vinci showcase, where normally it would take at least an hour for queuing. Well, art is art, and I don’t really have the ability to appreciate it right now. Maybe last I will, but not now. That night, we went to China Town for dinner, I got roast duck rice, and a side dish of beef tripe. Good, but not very good. We walked through Broadway back to the NYU campus, and also Union Square. It was chilly at night, and we went into Starbucks for some resting. Virgins record is also nearby, so we stepped in for some shopping. We were all tired after going back to hostel, and I slept right away.

26.03.03

Last day in New York. This morning, I lost two things – Metro Card and bus ticket. Lucky my wallet and passport are still here. Screw that. I went to the Port Authority and asked the Greyhound if I could do anything for that lost ticket but they say no. I have to rebuy the ticket. Then come the Greyhound not willing to store our luggage. Well, we are kind of screwed now because they are not accepting luggage anymore, perhaps because of 911. We thought about our options and we decided trying Jen’s place, and she agreed to let us store the luggage. It came to a real surprise that she lived pretty close to the Port Authority, on 31^st Street/Broadway. We took the subway there. Meet her up, put the luggage in her room. We took her to lunch, in Chinatown. The small restaurant she recommended is pretty good. I got that steam rice which is very good. Well, we talked for a while and then we are on our own course. Ray said he wanted to go to MET yet again and so I am not joining. I am not that type of guy that will go to the same museum three times. I went to the Sprint Store to get a new handset, while he went to the MET. I walked around Time Squares and took the subway to the Musuem store of the Natural History. When the museum closed at 5:30, it started raining. What a luck - Ray haven’t’ showed up yet. Eww…when I saw him, it was like 5:50. Okay, cold and wet, we went to MOMA store, where he wanted to buy stuff. By that time the rain is very heavy, and we were both soaking. Well, he wanted to see a musical also but I didn’t want to since I don’t’ want to be such a hurry. Then we went to Chinatown for some food action – and also buy food stuff (breads and cakes) back to CMU. After all of these are done, we got back to Times Square where the rain is lighter. We went to the McDonalds in Time Square, and I waited Ray for 1 hour there (he said he just went back to get some stuff in the hostel – but I doubted that). Then we got online again and went to Virgins, where Ray got a poster. We then went to Jen’s house and pick up the luggage. It was around 12:30am. Bus leave at 2:30am. We better get to the Port Authority. We waited there for about an hour and get on the bus. We were dead tired…

27.03.03

In the bus, too tired. Don’t want to do anything but sleeping, except get awaken in Philadelphia for some luggage problem, but then got right back to sleep until that middle stop at Wendy’s, where I got a Classic Double with chicken nuggets. It’s good burger, but could be better. Back to sleep, and got up when the bus approached Monroeville. I could recognize the location with the mall, very familiar. It took less than half and hour to downtown, and we got a cab back to school. School was all-too familiar, it is too defined. Donner, Resnik, soon I got back to my room. Well, no one is online so I just clean up the room and stuff, and take a quick nap until dinner time, where I got dinner with the Toronto people (Dason, Adrian and Arnold) and also with Michael and Felix. Of course Wilson won’t eat with us, and there is a reason for that. We went to Eat’n Park and Giant Eagle. Back to Pittsburgh shitty food. Well, not very shitty but much shittier than New York’s counterpart. We just chatted about stuff and I went to back early since I was very tired. Arnold slept over here tonight.

28.03.03

Wake up early by my CMU standard, and came out to see Arnold sleeping outside. It was funny. Starting to work on that linked-list program. Not much progress. Arnold came by in the afternoon, and he was working on program too. Well, Adrian lured us to basketball, and of course, we got lured. We had some full court action with some random people, and it was tiring. As for dinner, we had steak, the regular style. Then it is programming and mahjong till late at night.

29.03.03

I woke up at around 11. More clean up, procrastination, and work for me. More program but also starting to read that stinky fluids book and trying to read on acid-base chemistry. Anyways, CMU is only work. Well, back to the real life and away from holidays. It’s okay, I can handle it. Didn’t have lunch, and work outside the lunch with Arnold and Adrian, where they are doing 3D calc question. I was reading further on acid-base chemistry. They went to eat with Malays, so I attempted to cook, but didn’t’ do it quite fast. Procrastination seems to be the reason, and when they were back they were ready for some mahjong action (Felix, Eason and Arnold), hence I cooked my rice outside. Mahjong was fun, then it’s tennis fun day. Talked with Arnold about summer school stuff, and went to bed early since church is tomorrow.

30.03.03

Today is my new birthday. I made a prayer to God of finally become His son. It was this chain of events, and I truly believe that God will be here all the time. Although my faith is not enough right now, I will attempt to known more about Him – and gain more faith from it. So, churching until 4ish (include some Big 2 action with Jonathan people). After that, all fluids dynamics. Homework due tomorrow. Well, it was manageable. Buckingham Pi Method sounds weird, but easy. Didn’t finish until late at night – but that’s my night.

31.03.03

First school day after Spring break. I went to Fluids today, and it was not bad. I mean, going to class I understand the stuff, I just couldn’t get the homework right – I don’t know what is wrong with myself. It wasn’t a particularly good day. I continued with my Linked-list practice until all was good. Well, except I am still not very proficient at linked list. I had basketball at night – play okay today, I mean…knocking down some shots – I want to be a point guard. Late night programming and doing the lab quiz since my partner isn’t doing me any good.

01.04.03

Today is a weird day too. I was too tired to go to the 8:30 class. Who cares about that? Now they are done with “linear algebra” and moving on to Statistics, which I already have had a course in Toronto. Well, which means no more morning class for me, except for that test in 2 weeks. Whole day I was doing program and lab quiz, and I also took a nap in the afternoon. Schatz at night, a couple of mahjong action afterwards. Then work and tennis until late night. So boring, isn’t it?

02.04.03

Did lab work for the afternoon, starting to purify the acid by recrystallization. Got some white solid but not very much of it, getting kind of worried about the percent yield. At night, procrastinate for quite a while, and then starting to do the chemE math homework. It was harder (and longer) than I though. Nothing interesting today.

03.04.03

At the morning I went to DH 1112 to hand in the chemE math homework, and then went back to sleep until 12ish. Then lab all the way – 3 ways of titration (manual, auto, indicator) takes the whole afternoon. At least I got some data running and be rather to determine my acid. When I got back around 7ish, Wilson and Nora came visit. Nora gave me that lion pic that she was talking about and it was cool. After that it’s fluids all night, with some tennis interruption in between – and interruption from Vickie for some programming…

04.04.03                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                

The long awaited Friday – in the morning I finish my programming assignment – queues and stacks are very very straightforward. Then I went to lab to determine my acid using the data from melting point, acid dissociation constant and equivalent weight. At least all my data fits and my acid is succinic acid. When this is done, it comes to E&S library for some fluids project action. Went to programming to hand in programming and then do some programming assignment myself during that time. After that I went back to my room, and I procrastinate for a while. I was still deciding whether I want to go to fellowship tonight, but the topic is really interesting. It’s about satisfaction of oneself and be happy. And it’s Eason’s birthday today so I guess they are doing something from it. I learned a lot from that today – wow – my perspective have changed. After fellowship is so basketball action, then OC for dinner. Procrastinate and starting to do lab report till late...

                        *                               *                                       *    

This week is miserable, no kidding. School work is not especially heavy; however, it is my mental breakdown (almost everyday) that let myself down. I couldn’t finish the lab report on time, big deal. The lab work wasn’t done, so what? Do I even care about school anymore? Why am I taking these subjects? Why should I challenge myself? What is going on? Only God is besides me, everyone left me. I mean…well, except a couple of people. Outside I have to act if nothing have gone through, but inside myself how would I hide against myself? I cried to God every night, but that’s my own way of asking for more strength and help. I really feel I am fighting this war alone – even my parents don’t care about me. What should I do?  

10.04.03

Today it’s the day before Spring Carnival – well I take it as the Spring Carnival itself already (a holiday). As usual, didn’t sleep for rushing the Chem E math homework – the systems of differential equations took longer time than I thought, but of course it is still easy. In the morning when the classroom is still dark, I go hand in the homework and came back here, for a nap. I am still mulling over going to chem lab or not but soon sleep took toll on me and sleep is good in all dimensions. Woke up at around 2ish, and screw the chem lab. I went to help Ivan move house today, they are moving to waterfront, what a nice place. Move, move and move. Takes like 7 hours. After that they treat us to OC for authentic Chinese cuisine. It was all good, at least I don’t’ have to spend money today. When I came back room it was already 11:30pm, and I wasn’t feeling good. Kind of sad right now so went to play piano for cure. Played for more than 2 hours until finger stretched (ache) and back ache. Totally satisfied with my comeback condition. Still feeling bad though, I don’t know why. I want to talk to people, but no suitable people for me to talk to…*sigh*…   

The week after Spring Carnival is hectic. Not to mention the labs, but the homeworks that is stacked up since I could do any of them since I were in a bad mood…*sigh*…whatever, if people decide they want to be mean and stuff, there is nothing I can do about that. They can continue to be mean, and I should go find my own life. I hope…I am scared.

20.04.03

This morning is a happy morning, breakfast with Ellein and Brian. I guess I should always get up in the morning and to be more with sunshine rather than staying in the dark. I am not sure whether I make the right decision, but I am sure God will guide me the right path. We exchange ideas on our current issues, and also about our spiritual lives. I guess we should do that more often since this is actually very nice place to start a day. It was definitely the best day of my week, with the exception of having to deal with my stupid roommate. After breakfast I went to Giant Eagle alone, where I bought a huge amount of grocery. After that it was about afternoon, and I got into a big fight with Wilson online, and while taking to Nora, another fight with Wilson. Argh…I don’t really care about them – I am screwed up myself. But Wilson is screwed up too. At night eat with Wilson and Nora at OC, my treat, and then piano for a while and bball and study till late night.

27.04.03

Last week was so much fun. Chem Lab report (screwed up), OR test, Fluids test, Chem team project presentation. Pre-occupied by, of course, personal stuff. I think I am really screwed up now thinking about the past. I should be looking forward to the future but I couldn’t. Every night when I am staying up, sometimes for work, sometimes just can’t fall asleep – I feel miserable. Everyone is going to leave me. I am sad. More on that soon. Today church day, and of course, fun day. She talked to me today. In the morning I wasn’t in a very good mood either. I think about last year, well when I was pretty close to Ivan. Now he had moved out and we are pretty separated, in both physical and mental sense. I am never close to Ellein, even when she lives in Morewood. So when next year she lives in Shadyside, should I even…well should I bother to enhance our relationship now? Sooner or later I am going to lose her. Just like Fiona. I think we were pretty close together in Toronto, well not anymore. Even though she lives opposite to me this year, we were never engaged in any relations – she has other ideas…in the other suite – no matter how far/close you are physically….that’s what happens when…when it comes to me. I don’t know what I did wrong. What should I do? Anyways, every night I am thinking about these stuff, and I want to find a person who I can share this is, but I couldn’t find one. HK getting messy also, with the SARS stuff I am starting to worry about my parents. Anyways, everything is not going its right direction and I really need someone to cure me. I know God is challenging me with this situation but I don’t know what I should do. I don’t’ want to be alone. I don’t want to be evil. I want to be God’s good son. I want to be my dad’s good son. I want to be peaceful – I don’t care whether I am smart, attractive or not. I just want to be able to care about others and other people to care about me in return. I am just being honest – and I hate people who just uses me.

03.05.03

Today is the last day of class, which ends the class section of this miserable sophomore year. I have never felt that depressed and defeated before, and this is certainly a new experience of me. What did I do today? Overnight at the ChemE cluster doing fluids homework/project, finishing up the lab 5 report (due to stupid Carl), and studying programming exam. These were not very interesting, and you know what, I don’t care about school that much as I used to have, perhaps CMU is really not for me. Whatever, I chose the path and I have to suffered my decision. Well at least I met some nice people here, well except Cleo was being very mean yesterday night in Wean when she saw me and didn’t say hi to me. I didn’t go to classes today as usual, handing in the fluids homework, lab report and went to programming for that exam. Linked-list, binary search tree, heaps and hash tables comprise the exam. I really don’t like ChemE – it wasn’t anything I thought it would be. Why would I care about how fluids flow inside a pipe, a circular conduit? Or a non-circular conduit? Reynold’s number? Fanning friction factor? Equivalent diameter? Head losses? Whatever, no one cares about me anyways. I always just feel so weak and tired myself – and I haven’t met God for so long because of all these stupid work, and I didn’t get to finish my extra credit work for lab 5. Whatever, B is that class is good enough – I am not born a genius anyways. Anyways, the feeling of the end of the school year is exhilarating, and there are still some spring celebrations going on in the cut outside the Hunt library. I didn’t go home the whole day – being really sickened and tired of all these piles of notes and books in it – I still have to come to realization that finals is coming up next week. Fluids, ChemE math, OR, Chem Lab and Programming to go, then my sophomore year is finally over. I hope next year will be last miserable than this one, but I am not sure. I shouldn’t’ be thinking about this but I believe that with Ellein moving out of the campus she is not going to talk to me much next semester. I don’t know about Fiona whether she will re-talk to me, and the future’s road seem so wide and dark. Let God be my guardian and show me the right path to walk on. I am just depressed about stuff, well no one can tell – I hide it pretty well myself, but when I finally get a chance to sit down and look back, I don’t think all these years of my work is worth – none of them really pays of itself. I shouldn’t be looking for rewards, but this is just some basic requirements that I want from people, and whoever I want to get it from, I simply don’t get it. I am tired. I am hurt. Who is coming here to save me?

25.05.03

I haven’t updated these stuff for quite a while. Well, now I should. Summer session here already started for a week, and I am taking 21-484 Graph Theory, 80-110 Nature Mathematical Reasoning and 80-130 Introduction to Ethics. I guess from the first week that these classes are fun, and I will see how it goes. However, many did occur between now and then, and I am quite trashed now, I must say. Finals go fine, except with that stupid pH titrator that screws me up, well I am screwed by the lab 5 anyways. Who cares? School sucks, just to get through all the finals is all I need. I tend to focus on myself more than God’s mission on me. Perhaps my mission is not to study a PhD, but I always wanted to be teacher. I guess teaching as a professional is fine, and I don’t find it convincing, and I don’t want to be recognized for all these…you guys all know. Teaching for me means all the long hours…you know who you are…Chemistry, Calculus, Economics, French, English, History…I don’t want to list it all out but…that’s fine. Means people suck. And I will continue to find more mean people in my life. That’s fine I will find a way to classify them and get them out of my life.

26.05.03

When I come to being

without realizing,

I hear your voice

without seeing.

I want to let you know

as if you never do,

To sail inside a boat

around the scenic scenes.

28.05.03

Today is back to school day. 9 o’clock class, graph theory, ethics and mathematics reasoning in a row, and I was sleepy since reading Plato last night. Sleep for about 4 hours, and that’s alright. Lots of homework and readings. Fun fun fun, but I am quite satisfied with it. Still pissed off with losing wallet, and having not enough $$ - as usual. For now, I just hate some mean people, I hate them…hate them…still have 10 pages of Plato to go, and I am screwed myself…I just want to talk to someone who I can trust. Who can that be?