THE FLIER

"The best proof of love is trust"

(Dr. Joyce Brothers - born 1928)

The dawn was breaking over the huddle of caravans, and he revelled in the silence that surrounded him enjoying the solitude that the early morning afforded him. The grass was damp with early morning dew and his feet left imprints as he crept towards the big top. The huge tent rose out of the morning mist majestically, the large bright red flag on the pinnacle fluttering in the light breeze. He cocked his head to one side - he could hear the canvas flapping gently as the breeze caught the sides of the tent. Smiling to himself, he slipped inside. Casting his eyes around the inside of the tent, he pulled a face at the amount of litter scattered around left by last night's audience.

Pressing himself into the shadows, he looked upwards knowing that she would be there. His eyes gradually adjusted to the dimness, and he could hear the creaking of the trapeze as it swung back and forwards. Legs braced, she was upside down gently swinging the trapeze as she extended her arms towards the floor. Her flame red plait hung down, and he could see that she was smiling to herself as she lazily stretched her legs up winding them around the trapeze. A noise to his right startled him, and he pressed himself further into the shadows. He watched as a tall red haired man burst into the big top.

"Sorry sis," the young man yelled. "I overslept."

"When don't you?" the girl shouted back as she righted herself to sit on the trapeze. "Get your ass up here so we can practice for tonight's performance."

"I love you too Jen," her brother giggled as he scrambled up the rope ladder to his own trapeze.

The man on the ground shifted slightly as he stepped forward to watch the brother and sister practice, his head moving from side to side as he watched them practice their performance. Their movements were graceful and fluid borne of a confidence and trust in one another. The trapeze creaked as the girl flew through the air to the steady hands of her brother - the slap of skin on skin as he caught her echoing around the silence of the big top.

Memories assailed his mind, and he thought he could hear the sound of the cheering crowd. Placing his hands over his ears, he squeezed his eyes shut trying to block out the sounds of the past. "Got to get out," his mind shouted as he opened his eyes. With a last look upwards at the brother and sister, the man ran out into the morning sunshine towards the caravans. Reaching his own, he wrenched open the door slamming it behind him. Safely inside he let himself slip down the door, tears streaming down his painted white face.

**************

Dressed in a creation of her own, Eliza Newman bustled across the grass towards her wardrobe tent, her garish long green dress flowing in the breeze. Her dyed blonde hair was drawn up into an untidy pony tail fastened with a green ribbon that matched her dress. In her fiftieth year, Eliza had lost her girlish figure long ago, but her green eyes still sparkled with youth and mischief.

Eliza smiled to herself as she walked - she was happy as Head Wardrobe Mistress of the famous Circus Anastasia - a circus with a difference. This circus didn't tour the country, but remained static just outside the city limits of Chicago. Over the years, Circus Anastasia had evolved into a successful training arena for up and coming performers. Many famous acts had started at Circus Anastasia eventually going on to tour the world with the larger State and national circuses.

Some performers, like Eliza herself, had returned to the Circus Anastasia to help encourage and school younger performers. Unable to perform any more, Eliza had taken on the huge responsibility of the circus' large wardrobe, and she loved the job. She entered her domain, feeling the sense of awe she experienced every day at being surrounded by hundreds of beautiful and brightly coloured costumes.

"Hi Eliza," the young woman smiled.

"Good morning Jenna," Eliza smiled back. "And what can I do for you?"

"Oh you know," Jenna slipped off the bench she had been sitting on. "Thought I would come over. Chat with you."

Eliza raised her eye brows. "And while we are chatting. What can I be doing for you?"

Jenna pulled a face. "Does anyone ever get anything past you?" she said.

"Nope not usually," Eliza leaned forward. "And they have to get up a lot earlier than you do."

"OK. You win," Jenna giggled. "Well I really wanted to wear this for Saturday night's performance," she produced a sequined red dress from behind her. "And I ripped it a while ago so it needs repairing. And I am completely useless with a needle and thread. Do you think you can do anything?"Jenna asked hopefully.

"Let me have a look," Eliza took the dress from the younger woman peering down at the damage fingering the delicate material carefully.

"Well," Jenna asked anxiously.

Eliza looked up from her inspection. "Oh I think I can work some of my magic on the dress. I believe I have the right thread in my caravan. Come on," she picked up the dress walking towards the entrance. Jenna smiled as she followed the older woman across the grass towards the caravans. Turning a corner, Eliza bumped into a tall thin man dropping the dress onto the ground. "Sorry," she laughed.

"It's OK," the man replied picking up the dress, handing it back to Eliza "Wasn't looking where I was going."

"No harm done," Eliza touched his arm gently. "Have you met our new flier?" she indicated Jenna with a wave of her hand. The man shook his head staring at his feet shyly. Eliza smiled again as she pulled Jenna forward. "Well this is Jenna Flynn. Jenna and her brother Paul are our resident fliers at the moment."

"Hello," Jenna stuck her hand out smiling as she took a moment to study the man in front of her. Dressed in a checked shirt and blue jeans, his fair hair stuck up wildly shining as the morning sun caught the blonde spikes. She couldn't make out his features as his thin face was painted completely white. He had the characteristic red nose of a clown, his eye brows were picked out with black make-up, and small blue tear drops had been painted carefully onto one cheek. His lips were painted bright red curved up into the familiar clown's smile.

She and Paul had been with the circus for a month, and in all that time, Jenna had never seen him without his clown's makeup. She had also noticed him watching them from the shadows of the big top as they practised in the early morning. It had piqued her curiosity, and Jenna had spent time watching him - he was popular with the other artistes, but he was quiet, shy and unassuming unlike the other clowns in the troupe who were loud, boisterous and rowdy. "Pleased to meet you," she smiled again.

"Hello," he mumbled taking her hand. "Chatter the Clown." The young woman was smiling at him, her hazel eyes sparkled with humour as she shook his hand. Her flame red hair hung loose to her waist, and she was dressed in a simple pale lemon dress that moved against her bare legs in the summer breeze.

"That's a strange name for a clown who doesn't say a lot," Jenna giggled noticing that his grip was strong and firm. "Is that really your name?"

The man cast a nervous glance at Eliza, who smiled encouragingly at him. Turning his attention back to Jenna, he nodded feeling a flush rise up, glad that the heavy white make-up masked his embarrassment. "Only one I need," he replied quietly as he dropped her hand staring at the ground shifting from foot to foot nervously. Jenna continued to smile at the man.

Seeing that Chatter was uneasy and nervous, Eliza took his hand squeezing it gently as she looked towards Jenna. "Come on," she pulled at Jenna's arm. "I thought you wanted me to repair your dress for Saturday evening."

"Yes coming," Jenna replied moving to follow Eliza. Turning back to the clown. "Nice to meet you at last. I hope I see you around," she said as she ran to catch up with Eliza.

Chatter nodded politely at her watching until she disappeared behind the caravans. He shook his head as he joined the other clowns, who were busily plastering each other with fake custard pies amidst whoops of laughter.

**************

"He's a strange one," Jenna said as she wandered aimlessly around Eliza's caravan. "Wonder why he wears his make-up all the time. Do you know why?" she turned towards the older woman.

Eliza looked up from her search of her box of threads. "Maybe. Maybe not," she replied cryptically. Grinning she found the red thread she had been looking for.

"Eliza," Jenna groaned slumping down on the couch pulling a face. "He's got to be hiding something. Perhaps he's really ugly or something. And Chatter can't be his name. That's just ridiculous."

"Oh no. He's not ugly," Eliza chuckled picking up the dress. "And you're right, Chatter isn't his name."

"Then what's wrong with him?" Jenna persisted as she fingered a scrapbook laying on the coffee table. "It's just plain stupid going around all the time in silly clown's make-up."

"Nothing is wrong with him,"Eliza looked up from her sewing pointing her needle at Jenna. "Chatter is just a private person. Don't be so quick to dismiss a person because they prefer to keep themselves to themselves," she scolded. "And don't judge or write someone off as stupid because of what they look like on the outside. It's what's on the inside that counts."

"I know," Jenna flushed. "Sorry Eliza."

"So you should be young lady," Eliza scolded lightly pointing the sewing needle at her again. "And don't go around saying that clown's make-up is silly. All clowns are very proud of their make-up. I bet you didn't know that a clown's make-up is unique to each clown." Jenna shook her head. "Well it's an old circus tradition. You'll never see two clowns with the same make-up," Eliza explained laughing at the younger woman's expression. "And there endeth your first circus lesson."

"Thanks," Jenna giggled as she turned her attention to the scrapbook idly flicking the pages of the scrapbook studying the faded photographs. "Hey these are cool," she pointed at the pictures of a young woman on a trapeze. "I remember reading about this flier. First woman to do the triple without a safety net."

"That was a long time ago," Eliza sighed. "And I was young and foolish. Could have broken my stupid neck."

"What?" Jenna's mouth dropped open. "You mean. This is you," she stabbed her finger at the faded picture.

"Yep," Eliza grinned. "I was twenty-two when that picture was taken. She smiled at Jenna's stunned expression. "See I told you not to judge people by the outside. I spent almost ten years as a flier."

"Wow," Jenna said looking back at the picture. "You were good."

"Thank you Jenna," Eliza chuckled. "Some of the best years of my life were spent upside down and flying towards my husband," she sighed as the memories flooded back to her. "When he was killed in a fire, I quit flying and came back to Circus Anastasia. We started our career here, and I wanted to give something back."

"Oh wow," Jenna repeated as she listened intently. "Then what?"

"Well arthritis in my shoulder stopped me flying. But the manager offered me the job of looking after the wardrobe. I jumped at it, and have been here ever since," Eliza leaned forward. "And I love it. Never regretted it for one moment. And I love watching new artistes go onto the larger circuses. Just like my Arthur and I did all those years ago."

"I bet you have so many great stories to tell," Jenna smiled at the older woman.

Eliza moved over sitting next to Jenna. "I was never any good at writing. So I collected pictures and newspaper clippings over the years putting them all into my scrapbooks," she said turning the page pointing to a young dark haired man smiling at the camera. "That's my Arthur. So handsome. So gentle," she sighed wistfully. "I still miss him every day." Jenna nodded taking Eliza's hand and squeezing it gently in sympathy.

Jenna turned the pages as Eliza pointed out now famous circus acts. "Oh, I know these two," Jenna pointed eagerly at two young men standing side by side dressed in blue and silver costumes. "They're the Flying Kowalskis. The best trapeze act in the States, and probably the world," she frowned. "Well they were until one of them was killed in a horrible accident about two years ago."

"Yes. They were the best. They trained here," Eliza closed the scrapbook firmly. "But enough of memories for one day. The past is best left where it belongs. In the past," she changed the subject quickly. "Back to mending if you want to wear this on Saturday. Jenna frowned as she watched Eliza turn back to her sewing - she had noticed the sad expression that crossed the older woman's face, and it puzzled her.

**************

The week flew past in a flurry of activity and practising performances for Saturday night. Jenna couldn't help herself - she was drawn towards the quiet, shy clown, and not just because he intrigued her, but she genuinely liked him. He was kind gentle and patient with the children letting them pull on his arms, his clothes and his red nose.

Paul teased her mercilessly about her fondness for the sad clown, but she ignored him continuing to include Chatter as much as possible, inviting him to join them for lunch every day. He always accepted, but sat quietly watching as the others around the table loudly teased and baited each other. As she got to know him, looking past the make-up, Jenna had noticed his pale expressive eyes. As blue as an ocean, they seemed to be a window to his soul. Sadness was reflected in the blueness, and Jenna wondered what had caused the gentle man so much pain and misery.

It was Saturday lunch time, and a large group of artistes were sitting enjoying the warm sunshine as they ate their lunch. They was an excitement in the air - tonight was performance night. Paul was giggling and laughing with the other clowns, and Jenna smiled at his antics. She looked around searching for Chatter wanting him to join them.

She eventually saw him standing alone staring into the distance towards the vast metropolis sprawled on the horizon, its tall buildings glinting in the sunlight. He looked lonely and lost. Mind made up, Jenna got up moving quietly towards him.

"Hello," she said. "Come and join us. Have something to eat. Paul is acting the clown as usual."

He turned to stare at her. "No," he said softly turning back to his study of the city. "I'm fine here. Alone."

"No-one should be alone on a beautiful day like today," she teased lightly tugging at his arm. "Come and join us."

"I said no," he glared, his pale eyes flashing with sudden anger as he jerked his arm out of her grip. "Leave me alone."

"Fine," Jenna snapped, suddenly furious "But one day I will find out what you hide behind that mask of yours," she touched his face with long slender fingers making him flinch, recoiling from her touch. "Let me help you," she pleaded.

"No," Chatter stepped backwards out of her reach. "You wouldn't like what you find," he snapped back, his voice hard and icy. "No-one would," he turned back to look at the city ignoring her.

"You'll never know if you never give any one a chance to know you," Jenna said calmly. "You don't even give them a chance. You keep everyone at arm's length hiding behind your clown's make-up. You don't even use your own name."

"Go away," he murmured. "Go back to your friends. And leave me alone."

"I'm not giving up on you that easily," Jenna bit at her bottom lip. "I like you very much. So your stupid act didn't work this time. Did it?" she snapped stalking back towards the caravans mumbling under her breath.

"Oh God," Chatter murmured to himself. He turned his white face upwards letting the sun warm his skin. He clenched his fists as he battled with the threatened tears.

**************

Eliza peeped through the curtain - the sight of the big top full to capacity never failing to thrill her. The audience was noisy with excitement anticipating the start of the parade. She closed her eyes revelling in the memories the noise of the crowd brought back - memories of her and Arthur parading around the rings, hands tightly clasped together as their gold capes flowed out behind them. Eliza smiled at the recollection as she opened her eyes to survey the crowd again.

The small band had settled in their places, and the flamboyant conductor jumped up onto his stand waving his baton in the air bringing the band members to attention. The audience became silent as the lights dimmed. A drum roll - two white circles of light concentrated their beam onto the Ring Master, who seemed to appear from nowhere. The audience clapped at his appearance.

"Ladies, gentlemen and children," he shouted as he turned slowly saluting them with his top hat. "Tonight, I am proud to present the artistes of the world famous Circus Anastasia." With a flourish, the Ring Master waved his hat towards the heavy red velvet curtains. On cue, the lights came up, the band began to play and the curtains drew back magically as the first of clowns tumbled out into the ring.

The audience squealed with laughter and delight at the clowns' antics. The music suddenly changed as the clown's disappeared into the audience handing out sweets to the children. Eight white horses led the parade, their trainers standing proudly on the backs of the lead horses, arms outstretched. Other artistes and performers followed, waving enthusiastically to the audience, as the horses led them around the outside of the ring.

Jenna and Paul were in the middle of the parade behind the acrobats, who were jumping and turning somersaults as the crowd cheered and applauded. Arms out straight, they held hands, their red cloaks flowing behind them. They smiled to the crowd, nodding as they circled the ring.

Without warning, Chatter jumped out in front of them halting the parade. Bowing low, he had one arm across his stomach the other out straight behind him in an over exaggerated movement. Looking up at Jenna, he produced a bunch of brightly coloured flowers from the inside of his jacket offering them to her with a flourish.

The crowd applauded loudly as she accepted the flowers smiling down at the clown fondly. His pale eyes flashed with a warmth she hadn't seen before and it surprised her for a moment. Straightening up, he leant forward kissing her lightly on the cheek. "It's Callum," he whispered as he drew back feigning embarrassment to the audience, who cheered and clapped him.

Paul giggled as Jenna flushed with embarrassment. "Stop it Paul," she hissed as the parade started up again. "I think they're sweet," she continued to clasp the flowers in her free hand.

"Never said a word sis," Paul teased. "Never said a word."

Silence descended upon the big top and the small huddle of caravans, the last of the audience having left an hour earlier, happily making their way back towards their homes in the city.

The performance, as always, had been a success, with Paul and Jenna the stars of the show. Their act had been perfect in its timing and execution, and both fliers were pleased with themselves. They were sitting with Eliza drinking coffee as they watched the sun set over the city. Jenna was lightly fingering one of the delicate silk flowers that Callum had given her during the parade.

"So," Eliza winked at Paul. "You have an admirer."

Jenna looked up sharply at the two grinning faces. "It was a peace offering," she protested.

"I fear the lady protesteth too much," Paul laughed as he took a sip of his coffee.

"Paul," Jenna narrowed her eyes at her brother. "Don't. It was a nice gesture."

"Children, children," Eliza waved a calming hand at the brother and sister. "But I have to say that he's never done anything like that before."

"God," Jenna jumped up her flowers clasped in her hand. "You're both as bad as each other." She turned to head back to the caravans. A flash of orange caught her attention and she stared towards the stable. "Oh my God. Look," Jenna shouted back to Paul and Eliza. "The stable's on fire."

Eliza and Paul jumped up hurrying towards the stable shouting for help as they ran. Lights came on in caravans and the performers rushed towards the stables grabbing buckets as they ran. Setting up human chains, they passed buckets along the two lines, the burly weight lifter pumping valiantly at the water pump filling the buckets as they were handed to him.

Flames licked at the wooden building rising up into the darkened sky, performing its own light show. The fire crackled and burned in its intensity, and they could hear the hysterical baying of the trapped horses.

"I can't stand it any longer sis," Paul shouted as he ran forwards. "I've got to do something."

"Paul," Jenna screamed as her brother rushed into the burning building. "Paul," she shouted again.

A cheer went up as the frightened horses were released jostling each other in their panic to escape the blazing building. Several of the men raced after the terrified horses to round them up before they ran onto a road.

A loud creaking noise echoed around the silence as half the roof collapsed inwards. "Paul," Jenna screamed hysterically running forwards. Eliza grabbed Jenna's arm before she could race into the stable, wrapping the sobbing younger woman into a warm embrace. "Paul," she sobbed.

"Ssshh," Eliza soothed as she rubbed Jenna's back gently. "Hush child."

The whine of the fire engine's sirens pierced the silence of the night as they raced towards the circus. The performers valiantly carried on throwing water onto the fire. "Look," one of the men shouted pointing at a figure emerging from the blazing building.

Eliza looked up, sighing with relief. "Jenna," she shook the young woman. "Look."

Callum was staggering out of the building, Paul cradled in his arms, his white face streaked with soot from the fire. Jenna and Eliza rushed forwards as he gently laid Paul onto the ground. Jenna knelt down cradling her brother's head on her lap wiping at his black face. "Hello sis," he coughed as he opened his eyes.

"Oh Paul," Jenna cried. "You idiot. You could have been killed," she leant forward kissing him on his forehead.

"Got our friend here to thank," Paul waved at Callum wincing in pain at the effort. "One of the horses knocked me over, and I thought I was a goner. But then Chatter appeared outta no-where. Saved my ass." Paul started to cough again. He closed his eyes wincing in pain.

Jenna looked up at Callum. "Thank you," she mouthed before turning her attention back to her brother.

"Ambulance is on its way," Eliza clasped Callum's hand tightly. "Are you OK?" she asked anxiously.

"I'm fine," Callum replied softly. "But I think Paul dislocated his shoulder when the horse knocked him over."

**************

Jenna gazed at the blackened building, the victim of a careless smoker. The fire department had managed to extinguish the fire, but the stable had been completely destroyed. Paul had spent the night in hospital being treated for smoke inhalation; Callum had been right - his right shoulder was badly dislocated putting him out of action for at least a month.

Jenna sighed to herself - representatives of the State Circus were going to be in the audience on Saturday. It would have been their big chance for fame and fortune.

Taking a last look at the blackened building, she wandered aimlessly back to the caravans. On an impulse, she decided to visit Callum and thank him properly for saving her brother. Jenna knocked on the door of his caravan. "Hello," she called as she pushed at the door - it swung open. Jenna started up the steps peering around the open door. "Anyone at home?" she said as she slipped into the small caravan.

She looked around - the caravan was cosy, neat and comforttably furnished. Jenna wandered towards a notice board, her eyes idly scanning the newspaper clippings and the photographs of two blonde haired men in various poses smiling happily at the camera. She screwed up her eyes deep in thought - they looked vaguely familiar to her, but she couldn't place them. Shrugging her shoulders, Jenna turned stopping in her tracks as her eyes were drawn to a large elaborately designed circus poster displayed on one wall.

Bold and brightly coloured, it showed the two men from the photographs, identical in every way, standing side by side dressed in blue costumes, silver capes falling from their shoulders. 'The Flying Kowalskis' was written above the two men in ornate dark blue lettering. Underneath the picture, their names had been inscribed in lighter blue lettering - 'Callum and Stefan Kowalski'

"Oh my God," she breathed to herself as she stared transfixed at the poster.

"What are you doing here?" a harsh voice startled her, and she swung around to see Callum standing in the doorway, his usually gentle pale eyes, icy with fury.

"I came to thank you.. for helping Paul," Jenna stammered blushing at being caught in his caravan. "There was no-one here when I knocked...."

"So you thought you would invite yourself in,"Callum interrupted angrily.

"No," she stuttered. "I am so sorry. I didn't mean anything by it."

Callum scowled at her. "No," his voice sounded unconvinced. "So have you seen everything you want to?" he waved his hand around the small room.

Jenna blushed again. "You're him," she pointed at the large elaborate poster. "I followed your career. You were the best trapeze act in the country."

"Until I dropped and killed my identical twin brother, you mean?" Callum replied bitterly.

"No. I didn't mean it like that," Jenna stuttered. "I read the newspaper articles on the accident. They said that your brother made a mistake. That he made you reach for him. It was just a tragic accident."

"You weren't there. You don't know what happened," Callum stared at her for a moment making Jenna shift uncomfortably under his hostile glare. "Go away," he said finally turning away clenching his fists at his side. "You know nothing about Stefan or me."

"Is that why you are hiding away here?"Jenna persisted. "Why you wear clown's make-up all of the time?"

"You don't have to live with his face every day of your life," Callum whispered, his voice sounding sad, lost and faraway. "I look in the mirror every day and I see me, but I see him too."

"Oh Callum," Jenna stepped forward lightly touching his shoulder.

Callum flinched at the touch jerking his shoulder away from her hand. "Don't touch me," he snapped. "And I said go away."

"Please let me help you," Jenna pleaded. "I know I can help. If you let me."

"Help how?" he turned on her, his eyes blazing with fury. "Can you bring Stefan back? Can you make me stop dreaming about him every time I close my eyes at night?" he walked towards the poster pointing at the picture. "We were identical in every way. Right down to our finger prints. Can you make me look different?" Callum turned glaring at Jenna. "Well. Can you?"

"No," she replied softly dropping her head to avoid his angry gaze. "No I can't."

"Well," Callum turned his back on her again. "You can't help me then."

"But it wasn't your fault," Jenna insisted. "You can't spend the rest of your life hiding here. Hiding yourself behind the clown's face. It's such a waste. You should be where you belong."

"And where's that?" Callum interrupted his tone sarcastic. "Up on the trapeze. Is that what you mean?"

"Yes," Jenna replied firmly. "You were the best catcher in the business. And Stefan was the only man in modern trapeze history to perform the Barbieri Triple."

"Yeah," Callum laughed bitterly. "And it got him dead." He turned moving closer to Jenna. Stepping into her personal space, he leaned forward. "I was so good that I dropped my own brother and killed him."

Jenna took a deep breath. "I know that you must still be hurting, but I think you could help me. And in turn it may just help you."

"Oh yeah,"Callum raised his eyebrows. "And just how can I help you?"

"You could catch for me on Saturday," Jenna answered calmly. "Paul can't because of his shoulder. And if you catch for me, it may just help you come to terms with Stefan's death. Sort of like getting back on the horse after you've fallen off."

"No way," Callum cackled, tears shining in his eyes. "You must have a death wish or something lady."

"Please," Jenna pleaded. "It's our big chance. Our chance to prove to the State Circus officials that we're good enough for them."

"No," Callum yelled, a sudden rage boiled up inside him threatening to overwhelm him with its intensity. The pain and misery of his past overpowered him, and his whole body seemed to prickle with uncontrolled anger. "I said no. Now get out," Callum advanced on Jenna is his hand raised threateningly. She flinched back edging towards the door watching as his pale eyes flashed with pain and anguish. "Out. Get out," he screamed hysterically. "And don't come back."

"You can't hide forever Callum Kowalski," Jenna shouted defiantly as she ran down the steps of the caravan. "One day you will have to face the world again. And I will be here to help you." Callum continued to glare at her. "If you change your mind, you know where to find me. You've watched me enough times in the morning," Jenna turned her back on him as he slammed the caravan door shut.

Callum began to pace the floor wiping angrily at the threatened tears. Gradually, he began to calm down; he wrapped his arms around himself trying to stop the ache in his chest. Jenna's words continued to bombard his mind making him feel dizzy. Lurching towards the small bathroom, Callum fumbled for the taps splashing some water on his face. Unthinking, he began to scrub at the make-up watching as white streaked water disappeared down the sink.

Straightening up, he reached out in front of him, his finger tips touching the cool surface of the mirror. Callum ran his fingers up and down the glass studying the face, devoid of make-up, staring back at him. "Stefan," he whispered to himself.

Through the open door, Callum caught a glimpse of the circus poster reflected in the mirror over his shoulder, and his mind filled with memories of the day they had posed for the picture - they had been so happy and excited. Fresh tears stung at his eyes and ran down his face unchecked as he continued to stare at his reflection. His inner anger reappeared suddenly overwhelming him, and he curled his hand into a fist smashing it hard into the mirror. Through a blur of tears, Callum vaguely heard the glass shattering into the sink. His fist stung as the broken glass pierced his pale skin, and he looked down distractedly as red joined the white and was carried away by the running water.

**************

"Do you think he'll come?" Jenna turned to Eliza.

"I don't know Jenna my dear," Eliza looked towards the caravans. "From what you've told me. You certainly gave him some things to think about."

"Perhaps I pushed him too far," Jenna said anxiously.

"I think it's about time Callum put the past behind him, and got on with his life," Eliza put her hand on the younger woman's arm.

"You think?" Jenna asked.

"Yes I do," Eliza said. "I was there the night Stefan was killed. He was always the bolder, confident and more daring twin. Callum was always the sensitive, gentle and quieter of the two. That night, Stefan was showing off to his new girlfriend. And he made Callum reach for him," she paused shuddering slightly as she recalled the evening. "Callum managed to catch hold of one hand. But Stefan," her voice cracked. "Slipped out of his grip and fell. He bounced off the net and broke his neck. He died in Callum's arms."

"Oh my God," Jenna breathed. "No wonder Callum wants to hide away."

"You did right my dear," Eliza patted her arm again. "You did right. It's time for Callum to lay the past to rest."

"So," a voice said from the darkness. "Are we practising or talking?" Both women turned startled as Callum stepped out of the shadows, dressed in a navy blue track suit, his blonde hair sticking up wildly. Jenna couldn't hide her surprise as she stared at him. Eliza had been right - he wasn't ugly.

Devoid of his heavy white make up, Callum had unusually pale skin which seemed to glow in the dim light softening the lines of his handsome angular face. Jenna thought he had an expressiveness in his face that had been hidden before by the clown's make up, his pale eyes only heightening the effect as they glinted with amusement.

Eliza grinned at the younger woman; stepping forward she took Callum's hand in hers squeezing gently. "It is so good to see that handsome face again," she pinched his cheek in an affectionate gesture. "You've been hiding your good looks for too long."

Callum flushed at the compliment. "Eliza," he scolded gently as he leaned forward kissing her on the cheek. "Been saving myself for you."

"If only I were twenty years younger," she giggled squeezing his hand again. "Now you two need to practice," she pushed Jenna and Callum towards the centre of the ring. "Practice," she waved her hands at the couple.

Jenna looked sideways at Callum shyly. "Thank you for coming," she whispered. "I didn't think you would after what I said to you."

"It's OK," Callum shrugged his shoulders. "And maybe you were right. I can't hide forever." Jenna smiled at him as she made her way over to the rope ladder on the right of the ring.

Callum took a deep breath looking up into the darkness of the big top. Glancing to his side, he watched as Jenna easily scaled the rope ladder up to her trapeze. His heart was thudding in his chest as he walked towards his own rope ladder. He was terrified, but he forced his feet forwards. Callum paused at the bottom of the ladder taking a moment to calm himself. He wiped his hands against his tracksuit trousers to dry the sweat from them. Clasping the ladder firmly in his hands, Callum slowly started to ascend up into the heights of the big top.

Panting slightly from the exertion, Callum tried to calm his breathing as he reached the wooden platform. Swinging onto the ledge, Callum hung onto the ladder as he steadied himself. His mouth felt dry, and he swallowed hard before looking down. Eliza was looking up waving at him. He smiled back lifting one hand to wave back to her. He looked across to the other side of the big top - Jenna was smiling at him as she sat patiently waiting on her trapeze. Growing bolder, he released his grip of the ladder and stepped forward to grasp his trapeze. It felt familiar to him, and the memories filled his head; he closed his eyes for a moment trying to banish them.

Adrenaline surged through his veins, and Callum could hear the blood rushing in his ears. "Calm down," he whispered to himself. "Calm down." Cautiously he opened his eyes pushing experimentally at the trapeze - it came back to him, and he pushed at it again until he became used to its feel against his skin again.

Taking a deep breath, Callum swung himself onto the trapeze, his legs dangling free below him. Looping his arms around the trapeze, he joined his hands in front of him as he had done many times before. "OK. OK," he chanted to himself as he closed his eyes again turning himself upside down, his long legs entwining around the trapeze, his arms hanging free below him. Shifting his hips slightly, Callum began to swing the trapeze back and forth gently.

His heart pounded in his chest as he swung the trapeze. "OK. OK," he continued to chant to himself. Steeling himself with all the courage he could muster, Callum opened his eyes and looked down. He could see Eliza looking up at him, a worried frown on her face. Without warning, the memories of the past bombarded him and he whimpered softly as he found himself back on the fateful night. "Stefan," he whispered. "Don't make me reach." Callum stretched his arms out trying to grab for his imagined brother.

Lost in his past, Callum could feel the soft touch of his brother's pale skin as his hand brushed his own hand. He grabbed for the hand, but he couldn't hold it, and Stefan slipped from his grasp falling away from him, a look of terror reflected in his pale eyes as he dropped towards the ground. Callum saw a flash of blue, heard the hysterical screams of the audience, as Stefan bounced off the safety net onto the sand of the circus ring with a sickening thud. Helpless and still swinging upside down, Callum could see his brother's broken body laying on the floor, as people rushed forwards to help.

"Oh my God," Callum cried righting himself on the trapeze. "Stefan," he looked around confused, reality and memories combining to disorientate him as he swung himself of the trapeze. "Stefan."

"Callum," Jenna called in concern. Are you alright? Callum?" Jenna sprang off her own trapeze, climbing to the ground as fast as she could.

"I can't. I can't," he whimpered as he blindly grabbed for the rope ladder slipping down to the ground as fast as he could. "I'm sorry. I just can't," his eyes were filled with tears and he was trembling in fear. "He won't let me."

"It's alright Callum," Eliza soothed taking his hands rubbing them in an effort to try and calm his trembling. "It's alright."

"Not it's not," Callum choked back tears. "I want to be free of him. And I can't be. I never will be," he snatched his hand from Eliza's grip running out into the sunshine back towards the caravans.

Jenna went to follow him, but Eliza pulled her back. "No Jenna," she said softly. "Let him be. Let him be on his own for a while."

"But he'll go back to hiding," Jenna protested trying to pull out of the grip. "Hide behind the clown's face all over again. And I can help him. I know I can."

"No Jenna. This is something he has to work out for himself," Eliza said firmly. "He's taken the first step. Just give him some time."

***************

Jenna looked around anxiously. Callum had kept himself hidden away, not coming out of his caravan since his abortive attempt on the trapeze. Even his fellow clowns hadn't seen him. "He's not coming," she said to Eliza and Paul. "I thought he might change his mind."

Standing in the circus wings, they were waiting - with the other artistes - for the Saturday parade to commence. The clowns and acrobats were jumping and leaping around them preparing themselves for the audience. The horses pounded the ground with their hooves, impatient to start. Paul, his arm still in a sling, stood by watching as his sister walked up and down, her red cloak flowing behind her as she paced. "He's not coming. I'll just have to do a solo performance. And hope that the State Circus Officials will accept our explanation and be sympathetic towards your injury."

"Sis," Paul said softly. "You did your best. You said yourself that Callum has a lot of pain and hurt to deal with. I can't imagine what it would be like to watch you fall to the ground and not be able to do anything. It must have been dreadful for him."

"I know," Jenna sighed. "But he so nearly did it."

"Paul's right my dear. You did what you thought was right," Eliza soothed. "And if anyone is to blame. It's me."

"Eliza," Jenna protested.

Eliza waved her hand stopping Jenna mid-protest. "I have known Callum for a very long time. But I stood by and watched him struggle to come to terms with Stefan's death. And I watched him turn his back on everything and everyone, preferring to hide himself behind his clown's face," she explained sadly. "And I should have done something to help him."

"But..." Jenna tried to interrupt.

"No Jenna," Eliza said. "I should have helped him, but I didn't. You are the only one who has helped him. You made him face up to his past."

"But, he's hurting again," Jenna said softly. "And I did that to him."

"Jenna. Listen to me," Eliza shook the younger woman's arm. "Because of you he took the first step towards a new future. Now try not to worry. Callum will be fine. He just needs some time."

Jenna bit at her bottom lip. "OK," she murmured reluctantly. "But after tonight's performance, I intend to go over there and drag him out of his caravan and make him face the world. Bash some sense into his stupid head."

"Oh poor Callum," Eliza chuckled. "I don't fancy his chances of staying there," she turned to Paul. "What do you think Paul?"

"I don't think that you'll have to go over there," Paul grinned nodding over the two women's shoulders. "I think Mohammed just came to the mountain," he teased.

Wearing a red costume his cloak flowing behind him, Callum was making his way towards them. He appeared nervous and avoided looking at the surprised stares of the other performers. "Hello," he muttered. "Thought you could do with a catcher. Will I do?" he asked smiling slightly.

"Oh Callum," Jenna threw her arms around his neck kissing him on the cheek. "I can't think of anybody I would rather have catch me than you." Paul coughed, and Jenna giggled. "Well except for Paul, but he doesn't count."

"Thanks sis," Paul teased. "I think."

"Callum. Are you sure about this?" Eliza asked worriedly touching his arm lightly.

"Yes Eliza. I have to do this. Need to do this." Callum took a deep breath. "I've hidden away for too long. This is my chance to put the past behind me forever."

"Well as long as you're sure," she patted his arm. "Paul and I will be rooting for you both."

"Sure will," Paul grinned. "You've gotta make me look good."

"Paul," Jenna scolded. "Ignore him," she turned back to Callum. "We'll just do the simple stuff tonight. Nothing fancy."

"No," Callum said. "We will do your act. I've been practising alone late at night, and I know your performance off by heart. We'll do the full act or nothing at all," he said determination glinting in his pale eyes.

Jenna raised her eye brows in surprise. "OK. Boss," she teased. "Here we go," she said as the red curtains raised and the horses moved forwards. Jenna glanced sideways smiling at Callum as she took his hand. He smiled back shyly accepting her smaller hand.

"Good luck," Eliza whispered as she and Paul watched the couple walk out hand in hand following the other performers as the parade started to make its way around the circus ring.

**************

Callum shifted from foot to foot nervously as they waited for the Ring Master to introduce their act. He was terrified, but Jenna's hand in his calmed him.

"Ladies, gentleman and children," the Ring Master shouted. "Circus Anastasia is proud to present our death defying fliers," he waved his top hat towards the curtain which drew back revealing Callum and Jenna standing side by side. "Jenna Flynn and Callum Kowalski."

Jenna and Callum entered the ring to rapturous applause from the audience as the Ring Master explained about Paul's accident while rescuing the circus horses. The audience applauded again, eager for the performance to begin.

Standing under the safety net, Callum helped Jenna remove her cloak; removing his own, he threw them both, with a flourish, towards the entrance. He couldn't help looking up nervously.

"I trust you," Jenna whispered touching his arm gently. "I love you."

Callum smiled at the woman, a fierce determination engulfing him - he would prove to her that her faith in him was justified. He would do this for the beautiful flier who had stolen his heart and given him back his life. Callum took a deep breath to steady his nerves as he turned towards his end of the ring.

****************

Eliza clutched Paul's hand as she watched Callum climb up the rope ladder to his wooden platform. He paused before perching on the trapeze taking his time to get into position. "You can do it," Eliza murmured. "You can do it."

"The first catch will be the most important," Paul said as he looked up. "If he can do that. He'll be fine."

Eliza nodded in agreement as she turned her head to look to the other side of the big top - Jenna was standing holding her trapeze out in front of her, preparing to fly into the air towards Callum's strong hands.

The lights dimmed slightly, the band stopped playing and the audience grew quiet, as though they sensed how important this first movement was to both fliers.

Eliza looked up as Callum dropped down into position, his legs wrapped around the trapeze, his arms swinging loose under him. Callum started to move the trapeze in a gentle rhythm back and forth. "Stay calm," Eliza whispered.

Eliza looked up again at Jenna - the young woman was smiling. She waved to the audience, who cheered her. With a flourish, she leapt off her platform, her hands clasping the trapeze as she flew through the air. Callum continued to swing his trapeze evenly back and forth as Jenna got up speed. When she was satisfied that the trapeze was going fast enough, Jenna released her hands flying gracefully and smoothly towards Callum.

Eliza heard the smack of skin against skin as Callum caught Jenna expertly in his firm grip. "He did it," she jumped up and down hugging Paul. "He did it. He did it."

"He sure did," Paul beamed returning the hug.

They both turned back to watch as Callum and Jenna swung together for a moment. The audience exploded into loud applause as Callum pulled Jenna up towards him kissing her.

"I think Callum just said good bye to his past forever," Eliza smiled at Paul. "And I think your act just became a threesome."

"I think you're right Eliza," Paul agreed as he looked back up to his sister and the shy ex-clown.

THE BEGINNING........