Essays - 2nd semester
Essay 01: Pets
Pets are a part of our lives. Many of us desire companionship. Some prefer the company of other people, others animals. It’s completely understandable, isn’t it? Even if you don’t like animals, it’s not unlikely that a friend, family member or coworker will own a pet, which has some place in your life. Why are these creatures important?
I’ve had several pets over the last seventeen years. I count roughly seven cats, three iguanas and somewhere between ten and twenty goldfish that I won playing various carnival games. Of those pets, I’ve witnessed every one of the goldfish croak. I wasn’t very torn when they perished after a few days of life in a tank on my desk. However, when each of the three iguanas died I felt terrible. Why is that? Is there a difference in the level of commitment to different types of pets? I surmise that the amount of physical contact that exists between a person and a pet is a very large part of their bond. If you could pet and touch a gold fish, would it mean more to you?
I may have felt more of an attachment to my lizards because in actuality, each of my iguanas lasted more than a week. The first two were alive for over two years and the last died a year after we bought him. My oldest gold fish was no more than a week old when I won him playing ring toss. There’s a clear difference in how long each of these pets lasted. Does time also play a role in how much you cherish a companion? It must strengthen a connection between the owner and animal somehow.
When a car flying down her driveway hit a close friend’s dog she was utterly concerned. The thought of possibly losing her precious “Oscar” was more than she could take. I called her to check up on her and the first things she mentioned were how long she had Oscar and how he was always waiting to cuddle against her when she got out of her car. Time and physical contact were the first things that came to her mind. Oscar, with the help of a few hundred dollars in veterinarian bills managed to pull through nerve damage in his legs and spine, which greatly soothed her later on.
Roughly a year ago my grand mother moved to Puerto Rico. Before she moved, she asked that my father and I take care of her cat “chocolate” because he would not be able to take the flight there because of age. A few months after she left, unfortunately, chocolate fell ill and needed to be put to sleep to spare him the pain of his passing. In my entire life I’ve only ever seen my father cry twice. The passing of chocolate, the cat that was, at the time of his death older than I was. This of course, was not an omitted fact, because the first laments that left his lips were related to the time the cat was alive and how his mother loved petting him while he was on her lap.
I believe it can be accurately assumed that the meaning of a relationship between a person and their pet can be accurately predicted by taking into consideration two obvious factors. The amount of time they’ve spent together and the amount of physical contact the two have had.
Essay 02: Waking up
Is the morning really so bad? I hear many people say that “waking up sucks.” Is that true? I don’t think so. I believe that the circumstances under which you are waking up determine exactly how much it “sucks.”
Have you ever woken up after 12 hours of sleep and felt completely restored and revitalized? That’s a pleasant feeling. It’s nice to have energy. These wake ups usually happen a few times a week, mainly when you don’t have work or class the next day. In this instance waking up doesn’t suck, does it? So, obviously, the default definition of “waking up sucks” can’t be true, at least not in the sense of a scientific law. We’ve already shown an instance in which waking up does in fact, not suck.
That’s not to say that waking up is always nice. It’s not good to wake up early in the morning for the sole purpose of getting up, conducting your daily hygiene rituals, going to work, coming home to keep yourself occupied for a few hours at the idiot box and falling asleep. That’s not a very good feeling. You do the same thing five times a week if you have a standard job or high school class schedule. It’s clear that some mornings do suck.
Why is that, though? In the previous example I think it’s the time constraints and obligations. Feeling like you have to do specific things, the obligations, to stay alive and maintain your job so that you can pay to do the first part is in itself a demeaning feeling. You have to sell your time so that you can continue living unhappily. Then, there’s the idea that because you’re selling your time, you don’t have it for yourself. The old expression “get out and smell the flowers” seems apt here. Can you take the time to smell the flowers if you’re too busy at work or school, then of course, after devoting a good portion of your day to a huge obligation, you need to come home, feed yourself so you don’t die and by that point you’re typically too exhausted to do anything. You hate waking up on most days because of this. You don’t enjoy the day you’re waking up to participate in.
I’d say the best day to wake up on is a Saturday. Listen carefully here, because this is where it becomes logical. On Saturday, you’ve woken up at whatever time you want, had as much rest as you needed, this has freed you of your original time constraint. You have no obligation to get up and go to work or school in most cases. If you’ve got no need to go to work or go to class, you’ve got a large portion of your day with which to work with that you didn’t before. It’s just less stressful.
So, we’ve established here that waking up does not suck by default. It is instead your day that sucks. That or sleeping is just that damn good.
Essay 03: How I listen
How do you listen? I myself prefer to try to pay attention, but sometimes things get in the way. I’ve filled out most of the packets that Andy has given me and read all of the handouts and have come to a few conclusions. I’d say the biggest is that I am distrustful and intuitive. I rely so much on my instincts and experience that I typically discount what others may say. Ultimately though, there are multiple facets of how I listen. There are many things that upset me, please me and cause me to shift my listening style.
I think one of the most frustrating things someone can do in a conversation with me is force me to reconsider what they’re saying multiple times by either rambling or stating things in an unclear manner. The worst however is when they can’t conclude their own statement. I can’t stand people who sit there and struggle to wrap things up. I try my best to ask questions that will bring them to their own conclusion but when they fail I just become more frustrated. I engaged in a conversation with a peer the other day in the hallway who made me get up, go over to their notebook, look at it, then force them to state what they wanted. Even after they revealed that they wanted help with work, they didn’t know what they wanted help with, just that they wanted help. They left it to me to narrow down the scope for them by asking questions until finally they knew what they were talking about. Examples like this upset me. I can’t really determine if this is my fault as a listener or theirs as a speaker.
According to a packet Andy gave us, which was written by Barker, Larry and Kittie Watson I am an “active listener.” My weaknesses are exactly what were listed above. It’s comforting to see that other people acknowledge these problems. It’s depressing to see they acknowledged them as weaknesses instead of problems in the way others speak.
Is it my fault I listen the way I do? I’m not sure. I’ve yet to find a firm answer written or said. I can be sure of one thing though, I hate the way people ramble. It’s annoying and wastes time.
Essay 04: Role Playing
In my time as a teenager, I’ve seen people engage in something called “role playing.” Just as it sounds, role playing is playing the role of another person. It’s essentially using your imagination and pretending to be someone else. This is not uncommon in video games, acting and in many ways writing. I myself have role played over online gaming clients and found that the benefits are numerous, yet many people view it was a geeky or a “silly” thing to do. Regardless of what a large amount of individuals seem to think though, the advantages of being a role player are there. In reality, there are plenty of them. Many of which can be applied to every day life.
As I stated earlier, role playing requires that someone act as though they were someone else. That means that they must take on the emotions, attitude and mentality of another person or fictional character. Pretending to be someone else can grant some amazing insights as to why people do the things they do. If you’re a respected person who has always been such and you’re abruptly required to play the role of a less confident, meek character who is mocked their entire life, you are required to put aside your typical demeanor and take on a suitable frame of reference. You must understand why they are meek, why they’ve been mocked. The profound insights gained through this process for a simple acting career can be effortlessly applied to situations that require that you be empathetic for others. You can delve into their motives by putting yourself in their place and assist them through their problems.
In the world of the writer, the idea of understanding a character is essential to emulating them. Many writers may take on the attitude of one of their fictional characters to help make their dialogue more authentic. It’s challenging to do, but not impossible to even replicate the actions of a member of the opposite sex for the sake of your writing. A role player evens read in a completely different way. They are more likely to dismantle the personalities of characters in the books they read and get more of what they’re reading. If you understand the plight of the characters, you’re more likely to be interested.
I find that after role playing for an extended period of time, my communication skills have changed dramatically. Through my newfound understanding of empathy and the emotions of others it has become easier to not only appease them, but state my ideas in a way that they understand. I’ve met other role players who have had similar benefits who work in public relations for their companies. Communication is an essential and prominent part of our lives. Proficiency in it is important. Role playing will definitely give you that.
The rewards of being a role player are there. Why do more people not do it? Perhaps it’s just not interesting to some people. To others it may seem geeky. Actors do it on the big screen and make ludicrous amounts of money doing it. Why can’t we do it for a better understanding of the world?
Essay 05: Monkeys rule the world
If monkeys ruled the world what would happen? I wonder. Could they be fairer lords than we? Would they be tyrannous? I can only surmise. Since that’s all I can do, I think I will.
First, what kind of government would the monkeys establish? I think that they’d make an attempt to populate their appropriate parts of the continents and then, when they had enough men and women amongst them, they’d begin warring against each other over whose head monkey should be ruler of the land. When enough monkeys had died, maybe they’d settle something out. I doubt that though. I think the monkeys would probably end up having all different forms of government. Some of the monkeys would make governing systems where all monkeys had a say. The others might worship the bananas and the trees and listen to a magical monkey that they couldn’t see. This is of course, assuming the monkeys don’t enslave each other based on fur color.
Secondly, how would the monkeys treat the land? I imagine that the monkeys would first, after destroying most of their jungles, replace them with replicas to make them feel more at home. At the best, they might even start building cities of tree replicas that provided shelter from harsh climate and winter. We’re of course assuming that the monkeys built things with their feet. Masterful craftsmanship would be an asset to them. Once their big cities were built and they were leaving their banana peels all over the place, some might notice that the banana peels were harmful to the environment. These select few would form groups that protected the remaining non-monkey populace of the world. This group would probably be called monkeys for the ethical treatment of animals or META.
Most importantly though, how would the monkeys treat each other? After countless years of banana-based warfare, the monkeys would find ways to propel gigantic boulders far distances across the world, but none of them would want to use the big boulders, for fear of retaliation from other monkeys with big boulders. In the end though, the monkeys would probably agree not to use the boulders, but the biggest group would more than likely keep theirs while telling other people to get rid of their own. I imagine that the head honcho of that group probably wouldn’t be loved too much by his peers. He’s probably the type of monkey to get rid of great programs such as Nanafare. He might be loved more than the previous banana sultan though. That one may or may not have spilled his banana extract all over the wrong female monkey.
It’s clear that according to me the monkeys would develop rather quickly. This is true. However I still can’t tell if they’re better lords than us or not. They are after all, a lot like us.
Essay 06: Government
There are many forms of government. I myself can’t really say for sure which is the best, but I can certainly say I’m leaning toward totalitarian dictatorship. At least when one person is charge everything is following a cohesive form of logic. Admittedly, there are some benefits to other systems.
In a democracy, everyone has a say in what’s happening. This occurs through a representative of a large group of people or directly through the people. In the United States we vote on representatives who then do what’s supposedly in the best interest of the people. In this society, it requires a large amount of people to agree on something to get anything done. This has the advantage of checks and balances. No one has too much power. No lacks a say at all. However because of how many people must agree on something, nothing ever gets done or it gets pushed back.
In a dictatorship everyone obeys the rule of a single person. No one has any input into the decisions made directly. They can only give advice which they hope is heeded. A dictator has absolute power. This means they can abuse it absolutely without hindrance. The disadvantage here is obvious, but so is the advantage. In a dictatorship things are done quickly and without the slow down of collective decision making.
In an oligarchy, a select few rule over the many. Decisions are made amongst those who are at the top of the power structure. In this sort of structure, there’s some balance of power. There must be some agreement, but not amongst an entire population. It resembles democracy, but on a much smaller scale. I would call it the medium between dictatorships and democracy mainly because of how few are in charge.
If all three of the above types of government have advantages and disadvantages, why would choose dictatorship over the other two? That’s because in an oligarchy or democracy, decisions aren’t fast. In a dictatorship it’s decisive and multiple people don’t have to agree. The ideas of the ruler are cohesive. He or she is the only one making decisions, so they all make sense. This is opposed to decision making which could take months with more than one person involved. Unfortunately the larger the population, the more difficult it is for one person to run everything.
I think that a system in which one person holds power is ideal for a classroom. Andy’s class is an excellent example of a democracy which fails. Everyone only does what harms the class, subjects come up over and over again because no one vetoes them and ultimately, the class suffers due to everyone wanting to be as lazy as possible. This could just as easily happen in any democratic system. The teachers are an impressive example of an oligarchy that goes wrong. The decisions made amongst them do not necessary fulfill any requirements on their part either and they more than likely disagree many times before coming to a firm conclusion on anything. If one person rules over their class room they can control everything that happens in it. One person is more likely to do what’s best than a group of people, since one person has the responsibility of full management as well.
Essay 07: The Spectacle
The spectacle is an amazing thing. The omnipresence of the government is truly awe-inspiring. They’ve permeated every form of entertainment, media and education in some way or another. There’s no way to escape it.
In the newspapers, the government controls what’s posted. There’s nothing that is published and remains published that government would prefer you don’t see. They allow certain news to leak through, but do their best to draw you away from it with new products that they’ve invested in and most of all, their own forms of propaganda such as military posters and ads. Magazines are a perfect example of a distraction that’s allowed to continue. The government would prefer that you be reading a magazine containing tips on how to have better sexual relations with someone than indulge in any form of informative media.
The spectacle is all around us. In schools children are taught to be good little nationalists who view stories from the perspectives of citizens of the United States of American who were fed the same nationalistic rhetoric themselves. They consume knowledge that makes them want to fight and work for their country, to make it a better place without true understanding of half of what they’re hearing and reading.
The spectacle encompasses all. The music that sounds so against the cooperate machine and sounds like it’s against the power is really working for it. The government recuperates bands that were originally against them and turns them into instruments of their own power. They do this by cultivating their popularity and then once they’re popular they begin distracting people from real issues.
Worst of all, no one really realizes it. Why don’t they? Is the spectacle that complex? I don’t know. Maybe it is.
Essay 08: The key to writing a horrible essay
Writing a horrible essay isn’t exactly easy. Some might tell you to do the exact opposite of what common sense dictates. I would agree with this, to an extent. It’s easy to just slop things together and assume that you’ve created a low-quality paper, but it takes true skill and finesse to write one that makes the reader’s head come close to imploding.
Firstly, it’s of the utmost importance to use the same word as many times as possible in one sentence. Its best if you can repeat it so many times, that the reader is forced to stop and look over your writing ceaselessly to understand what you’re saying. If they’re being pushed into thinking, you’re succeeding. Repetition when coupled with inanity is a deadly combination with few equals. Foremost of the mentioned rivals is the usage of random statements, metaphors and similes to achieve the desired result: frustrating and confusing the reader. Throwing in a few random facts never hurt anyone but the reader either. There’s nothing as perplexing as reading about asthma and being lured into a rant about testicular cancer. These are only a few of the many fun and inspiring ways to ruin the content of your essay.
Secondly, be as vague and general as possible without making your essay completely unable to read. It’s important to remember that you want them to actually suffer through it, not immediately throw it away. So, the content must be at the very best, barely permissible for paper. Use statements such as “he went to a place” over “he went to a store.” Never give the clear purpose for the essay. You want to make them struggle to find it. List several possible purposes in the introduction and force them to choose one to keep in mind while reading the rest of the written catastrophe.
Thirdly, never support your ideas with any evidence. Don’t use examples and never explain yourself. If you stop to explicate you’re not dragging the reader through your cleverly planned banter quickly enough for them to be confused. If you do supply evidence, ensure that it’s for a completely different topic!
The steps are there. The process is extensive. However, writing a horrible essay that people will actually read is possible, but difficult. Do not underestimate the skill required to write one. You yourself may be in a position in which you need to compose something headache inducing some day.