"Miss Misery"
"It's about taking a fall. To vanish into oblivion is easy to do. and I try to be, but you know me I come back when you want me to. Do you miss me? Miss Misery. Like you say you do?"
************
Can't bounce back... People can recover... Recover from trauma. Recover from injuries. Can't recover from this. Can't bounce back from this. Not from this. This was beyond... Beyond any of their capabilities.
They'd tried their damndest. As they had explained to countless families, loved ones, parents, sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles... We used all of our capabilities, used all our resources available... But their injuries were too severe, we did all we could... But...
Can't bounce back from death. Death was permanent, didn't have a Band-Aid for death. Nothing to inject to make the brain matter keep ticking. Brain-dead was... Dead.
Carter stared at the body on the slab. How was he going to tell Dave? WHAT was he going to tell him? The chick was dead... Carefully he took her wrist in his fingers and then let it drop to the table. Dead. D-E-A-D. The wires, leads and tubes still sprang from her body as they had an hour ago. She was now the responsibility of the morgue... That is- if Eddie ever got his ass up here.
Dead. She was dead. Cindy was dead. Carter closed his eyes for a second. The purple-two headed monster popping in his head. "DE?" "AD?" "DE..." "...AD..." "DE...AD?" The monster smiled waving at Carter. "DEAD! Yaaaay! Dead! Dead! Dead! Eddie's here to take her to the morgue, Doctor Carter.."
John Carter blinked, ducking his head and rubbing his eyes. Slowly as he pinched the bridge of his nose, he looked at the nurse. "What?" He murmured tiredly. He was getting a fierce headache. He didn't need this shit right now. "What did you say?"
Lily smiled nervously, sort of a sad smile, one corner of her mouth turned up as if she didn't have the heart or energy to turn up both ends. "Transport's here... To take the body... I mean Ci-... To take Ms.Wakely... I mean..." She sighed. "Eddie's here..." Lily waved at the entrance to trauma 2. Eddie was standing there, leaning on the door frame, his hands shoved into his pockets.
"Hey Hoss..." He muttered, chewing disinterestedly on a toothpick. "What we got? Another stiff. Big surprise." Eddie snorted as his own joke, walking to the gurney.
"Don't call me that..." Carter muttered, not looking at Lily, he stared at Eddie, his voice devoid of emotion. "Don't call me that. I don't like it. You know my name."
"Fine.." Eddie rolled his eyes. "I'll take the body now. DOCTOR Carter.." He snorted, grabbing the end of the bed roughly and pulled the sheet over top. "Prick... Malucci calls ya that... Prick... Thinkin' he's better than me..." Eddie grunted as he pushed Cindy out of the room.
"You watch what you say. Dave is a better man than you'll ever be." Carter grunted. "Get out of here... Careful with her... You be careful with her."
**********
Isabelle looked at David Greene and sighed. "Do you even think they know we're gone? I mean... We've been gone over almost two months. Almost two..." Grasping the dice in her hands, she shook them in her palm and blew on them. "Come on lucky seven!" She muttered.
"I don't know... Why should we care? I mean... Last we heard was that they'd be stuck in trauma... We might as well be stuck here... Right?" David muttered as the crowd that had gathered around the table, cheered.
"If you say so... I just find it a bit odd. Don't you?" Isabelle said with a worried grin. They were winning... They had enough to get to Hawaii. Get away and never come back. She passed him the dice. "Come on... I'm looking forward to grass skirts..."
"Grass skirts?!" David Greene shuddered. "You'd never catch me dead in one of those. Grass skirts... I don't damned well think so, woman!" He grunted, throwing the dice. "Don't worry about them not mentioning us... Who cares! If they haven't mentioned us, it's been good luck so far.. Put half on lucky number 6!"
******
"WHO'S YER DADDY!?" Elizabeth screamed as she was pinned up against the car door, her feet pressed up against the front seat and the car window. Mark had been fucking her silly for about an hour now and he grinned.
"David Greene!" Mark grunted, licking her neck, kissing her temples and working up a nice hickey. "Daddy David Greene, Biotch!"
****
"OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE!!!" David Greene yelled as the dealer took the lot. "For fuck's sake, Mark... This is coming out of your daughter's college fund, Mark!"
***
"But I'm yer Daddy now... I'm gonna spank you silly! Bad GIRL!" He panted, his teeth gleaming in the light that was shone through the window.
The rapping of a night stick on the fogged glass caused Elizabeth to flinch and smack her head on the ceiling. "BLOODY HELL!"
A sweaty palm streaked away the mist and Mark looked goggled eyed at the police officer. The man looked sternly at the two naked bodies in the car and made a twirling motion with his finger. Cop-sign language for "Roll down the fucking window you stupid kids..."
Mark threw a shirt at Elizabeth and draped his coat over his lap, causing it to tent. Reddening, he rolled down the window and smiled. "What seems to be the problem Ossifer?"
Constable Grant Hayward peered in the car. Ewwwwwwww old people having sex... ewwww. He was hoping for some cute Britney Spears type, some lesbian action.. Maybe a Dirk Diggler.. but... ew... The guy was gross... eww. Did he just call him Ossifer? How drunk was this old guy? Did he have a stroke while banging the old lady?
"Excuse me? Can I see some ID?" Hayward said, the words strangled with revulsion. Don't vomit. Do NOT vomit. "How... How much have you had to drink tonight sir?"
******
Dave lay in bed, his arms crossed over his chest, his hands cupped around the old Walkman.
"If I leave here tomorrow, would you still remember me? For I must be travelling on now. There's too many places I gotta see..."
A chest tube had been placed to drain the sudden accumulation of fluid in his lungs. Daily walks with the nurse around the hospital, kept his levels up, and the exercise helped. The walks always tired him out though, and he ended back in bed, shuddering and trying to stay as still as possible. Things ached and throbbed now... Body parts he didn't even know he owned had started to hurt...
Dave had returned to bed, exhausted and tucked in and helped by two nurses, Rhonda looked at him apologetically. "I'm sorry, hon.. I guess we overdid it today..."
He smiled tiredly, shaking his head. "It's okay... I'll... I'll just hang around here for now... Get some sleep..." Dave looked at the stack of journals sitting on the end of his bed that Kerry had brought by. "Catch up on my reading maybe."
Wanda handed him the Walkman, held in her hands like a small bird. "Well here's your tape player if you like... and we brought up a laptop.. You can check your e-mail or something..." She finished weakly. "There's some nice medical sites on there actually.. emergency medicine dot org is pretty good..." She said handing him the iBook, looking at her coworkers and leaving the room. "Get some sleep."
Dave stared at the iBook, pushing it aside for his Walkman. He'd check out the sites and journals later... Right now he just wanted to rest.
"If I leave here tomorrow, would you still remember me? For I must be travelling on now. There's too many places I gotta see..."
The Walkman on his bed had seen better days, played songs and albums from Malucci's short-lived phase with Marky Mark, to Guns and Roses. Lynyrd Skynyrd was in the old friend now and Dave slowly sang along, his voice raspy and soft.
"And if I stay here with you girl, things just wouldn't be the same. For I'm as free as a bird now
and this bird you cannot change. and the bird you cannot change. and the bird you cannot change
Lord knows I can't change..."
Some nurses had been hovering around his room earlier, staring at him, whispering, looking tearful and upset. He wasn't sure what it was all about, but life was funny that way. Things were funny that way. He knew it had to with him. Something had happened. Dave had asked Wanda what had happened, and she'd shaken her head, checking the drainage of the chest tube and redressing the wound to his stomach.
"Bye bye, it's been sweet love, though this feeling I can't change. Please don't take it so badly
Lord knows I must play. And if I stay here with you girl, things just couldn't be the same. For I'm as free as a bird now and this bird you cannot change. and the bird you cannot change. and the bird you cannot change. Lord knows I can't change...." <Lynyrd Skynyrd- Free Bird>
*******
Luka drummed his hands to the beat, his lunch sitting in front of him on the picnic tables as his shaggy head swayed to the music coming from the boom box. A few young punks hung around in the park, clustered around the portable CD player, Guns and Roses spouting from the speakers. Thumping and booming as Axl screamed his bloody lungs out.
****
Kerry and Luka jogged into the ER, the nurses tossing the trauma gowns, stepping up to the sink, scrubbing as they heard the ambulances pull up. The screaming that filled their ears was horrific, a mix of animalistic pain and drug filled hatred. The woman that had been driving, the girl who had caused the accident was higher than a fucking kite.
"GET OFF OF ME!! GET AWAY FROM ME!! ASSHOLES! GET AWAY!! I NEVER ASKED FOR YOUR FUCKING HELP! GET AWAY FROM ME!! G-GET AWAY.. IT HURTS.. I JUST WANT TO GO HOME.. MY DAD DOESN'T KNOW ABOUT THE FUCKING JEEP.. HE'S GONNA KILL ME!! HE'S GONNA KILL ME! YOU KNOW THAT?!" She struggled against the backboard, her arms and body slick with blood. Her head immobilized. "Let... Let me up..." She whimpered, struggling. "Please..."
Kerry stood looking at the woman. "We're just trying to help... If you calm down a bit... We can get you checked out..." She said sharply.
"I'm fine... I'm okay... I just need to go home... Before my Dad finds out.. Before he finds out I totaled his fucking car..." Her blonde hair was streaked with blood which was drying in sticky red tendrils. Her blue eyes were watering with tears as she struggled in the straps. "I... I'm always getting into shit.. You know that? He's not going to like this.. Not going to like it at all... He's gonna kill me this time... I know that."
"What kind of shit??" Kerry murmured, looking at the girl's arms, streaked with needle marks. She didn't need to roll up the pant legs to see the rest of them. She knew they were there. "Are you on any medications we should know about?"
"I... I'm on methadone... I.. I'm on it... Prescribed. C-clean otherwise..." She muttered softly. "I'm clean now... I... I'm on meds for my back. I broke it in the last car accident."
Kerry and Luka cocked a brow. "Last car accident?" Luka muttered, curious.
"Yeah... I... I was high... or drunk... Or something. I don't remember much. I don't remember much of that accident. They had to piece me back together... I broke my back... I was in a coma.. Been in a lot of accidents. L-lucky to be alive." The girl started to struggle again, pulling at the straps and slipping her arms free, trying to get the collar off. She started to whimper, tears rolling down her cheeks. "Just let me out. LET ME OUT!!! I'm fine. I wanna go home. I can go home if I want! I DON'T HAVE TO STAY HERE!" She started to scream, pulling off the collar.
Kerry sighed. "No. You're right. You don't have to stay... But you could have some injuries to your neck. It's not advisable that you move around like this. You could have hurt yourself." The young woman continued to struggle and Weaver sighed. "MALIK! Get this woman some AMA papers! She's walking."
Kerry nodded to Reggie and the boys who were wandering out in the hall. "You're not our problem anymore, honey. You're theirs." Ripping her gloves off, she stomped out and shed her gown, throwing them in the biohazard bin. "Waste of fucking time and money.." She muttered angrily as she passed the Trauma One, the driver of the mini van coding.
"Asytole!" She heard Carter yell and the Chief sighed. God 2-County 0. The exam rooms were filled with the driver of the pickup who kept yelling that he was going to sue. Curtain Three was the pickup driver's daughter with a hand lac. Kerry sighed, muttering obscenities under her breath as she slammed into the lounge.
****
Walking to Dave's room, Chen sighed heavily. Why she had to be the one to tell him, she didn't know. She wasn't a huge fan of Dave's but to do this to a man already burdened with so many other things.. Kicking a man while he was down. It wasn't fair. The nurses watched as she continued down the hall, knowing her mission. Knowing that they'd have to pick up the pieces after Dr.Chen left. It had been busy today.. She reasoned. That's why Cindy lay in the morgue with nobody to care for her. It had been so busy.. That's why it had taken until now to finally work up the guts to tell Dave.
Dave's Walkman had been kindly replaced by a portable cassette player. Bought by the nurses from the gift shop. His tired old tapes playing in a shiny, new white GE boombox. The iBook sitting on his lap as he pecked away, checking out the sites that the nurses had recommended, finding them a little more interesting than the stack of journals Kerry had left. As he kicked some ass playing an online-shoot-em-kill-em-watch-their-head-explode with a plastic surgeon from Arkansas, Deb walked quietly into the room. "Hey Dave.." She murmured, walking to his bedside. Chen rubbed the back of her neck slightly and dropped her hands at her sides. "Dave.. We gotta talk." The cassette player piped out Guns and Roses, a gift from Luka a few hours ago. It was a strange gift, but something he readily accepted.
"She's got a smile that it seems to me, reminds me of childhood memories. Where everything was as fresh as the bright blue sky. Now and then when I see her face. She takes me away to that special place and if I stared too long. I'd probably break down and cry..." Chen sighed. "Dave. Can we turn that down... Or off or something?" She said hoarsely. It was bad enough having to break the news without this...
"Sweet child o' mine. Sweet love of mine... She's got eyes of the bluest skies. As if they thought of rain. I hate to look into those eyes and see an ounce of pain. Her hair reminds me of a warm safe place, where as a child I'd hide and pray for the thunder and the rain to quietly pass me by."
Dave looked at her, startled, a new pain clouding his eyes. This wasn't physical. The meds had taken care of that. Slowly, he ducked his head, tears flowing. His Adam's apple bounced as he fought off the anguished scream that threatened, the wail that would cause him to cry and not be able to stop. "What happened?" He said hoarsely, biting the inside of his cheek. His head numb. He'd heard the nurses whispering again, this time it was worse.. This time a name was mentioned, and he had a feeling that the news about Cindy wasn't good. "What happened to her?"
Deb sighed, pulling over the chair, and sitting beside him. She wanted to take his hand, pat it. Tell him things would be okay. But she was dead. "Cindy's dead, Dave. There-" She swallowed, her head swimming as she began to feel light headed. The damned music was still playing.
"Sweet child o' mine.. Sweet love of mine. Where do we go? Where do we go now? Where do we go?? Sweet child o' mine...."
"There was a fire... She was... She is... There was... We tried everything... She was unconscious when they brought her in. We gave her oxygen. We tried Dave.. She-she was gone. Too much smoke Dave... I-I'm sorry.." Chen winced as Dave turned away. It was like a slap. The poor man tossing in bed, staring blearily at the wall. "Dave... I'm sorry... The C-O2 levels... The carbon monoxide.. She didn't suffer."
"Go..." Dave said hoarsely.. "G-get out of here... Y-you. You liar.." He muttered, his voice thick. "LIAR!" He screamed, shuddering, the tears running hot and painful down his cheeks. "GET OUT!"
"Dave... I'm sorry." Chen said quietly, backing away.. Backing up to the doorway as the nurses rushed in. "I'm so sorry Dave.. We.. We did everything we could. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Tears glistened in her eyes. Glittering as the nurses brushed brusquely past her.
"It's time for you to leave, Dr.Chen." One of the nurses said rudely as they rushed to the man's bedside, his body shaking with painful sobs. "Dr.Chen. It's time to leave... We can handle this..."
Wanda sighed. "Page Dr.Corday.. We might have to sedate him.." She looked up at Chen and glared angrily. "LEAVE NOW!"
Swallowing, Chen turned, walking quietly from the room the ride on the elevator an uneventful one, brushing past her colleagues and out to the ambulance bay. Sitting herself down on a milk crate, she burst into tears.
*******
The 80s Muzak that was piped through the speakers at Chicago PD was starting to get on his nerves.
"How does it feel to treat me like you do? When you've your hands upon me and told me who you are. I thought I was mistaken. I thought I heard your words... Tell me, how do I feel?
Tell me now, How do I feel?!"
Mark sat in the police station, the top buttons of his shirt undone, the shirt slightly askew from his quick buttoning job in the back of the car. People in the chairs beside him stared, the hookers and pimps snickering, the addicts gawking blearily. He looked up from his shoe laces when a young woman in cuffs, bandaged and bloody was forced through the station, cursing a blue streak.
"MY DAD IS GONNA SUE YER ASSES! I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG YOU FUCKERS.. YOU FUCKIN' PIGS!! PIGS!! YEAH FUCKING PIGS!!!" She screamed, struggling in the cuffs as Reggie pushed her down the hall.
"Quiet down would you?" He muttered, irritably.
"Those who came before me lived through their vocations. From the past until completion. They'll turn away no more and I still find it so hard to say what I need to say. But I'm quite sure that you'll tell me just how I should feel today."
Mark sighed, listening to the music mixed with the screams of the drunken addict.
"FUCKERS! I HIT BLACK ICE!! IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!! IT WASN'T MY FAULT!! ASSHOLES!!!" She screeched, as the cops slammed her into a cell.
"Shut up.. Please..." Reggie said quietly. His headache wasn't helping matters and her screaming wasn't helping it at all. "Your lawyer has been called.. It's up to you to phone your father.." He tossed her the receiver to the cordless. One phone call, kid.."
"I see a ship in the harbor. I can and shall obey. But if it wasn't for your misfortune. I'd be a heavenly person today and I thought I was mistaken and I thought I heard you speak...."
"I.. I can't tell my Dad.. If he finds out I totaled the car again.. He'll kill me.." She started to blubber, trembling, staring at the phone.
"You called your father's lawyer.. I'm sure he'll find out eventually." Reggie reasoned with her. "You may as well tell him yourself, kid. You want somethin' to eat? We have wonderful tunafish sandwiches." His voice kind and soft.
Mark heard Reggie murmuring to the girl. He wondered where Elizabeth was. She was supposed to be paying the ticket. Indecent exposure.. Exhibitionism.. Or something like that.. He didn't think "Fucking in the back of your station 'shaggin' wagon" was actually in the criminal code.
"Tell me how do I feel? Tell me now, how should I feel? Now I stand here waiting...
I thought I told you to leave me? While I walked down to the beach. Tell me how does it feel?
When your heart grows cold....."
Mark looked up, Elizabeth holding out her hand. Smiling gratefully, he took it. "All paid up?" He said with a bashful grin.
"Yes Mark. All paid up. Let's go do this at home where it's not illegal." She said calmly, shoving the paid ticket in her purse. She'd heard the screaming too. Poor kid. Elizabeth had the feeling that things weren't going to be all right for her.. At least they were getting out. The girl however, seemed to be more imprisoned by more than just cell bars.
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