When you look at me When you stare at me With your beady little prejudiced juding eyes What do you see When you look at me Just another piece of washed up trash Trash you'd just like to crumple up into a tiny ball and toss into a dumpster Do you want to toss me out of your life Am I piece of trash to you Or am I a threat When you stare me down with your cold, heartless gaze When you study me Do you see a ticking time bomb A potential threat to the perfection of your own imaginary world Perfect little world that doesn't exist When you look at me When you direct your pitiless gaze at me At a broken, beaten me Do you feel sympathy Or do you laugh maliciously and point me out like a freak on display Like the laughing stock of the town On display for your satisfaction Am I merely an object for you to point at and jeer at To mock and laugh at To cruelly put down Am I a lesser being to you Am I a simple organism incapable of feeling anything Is that what I am to you When you study me When you pick through my personal thoughts Do you ever look at the feelings behind them Did you ever think that I was capable of holding the emotions of hate, resentment, abhorence, anger, fury, rage, sorry, heartache or misery Do you ever stop to think that maybe you caused these passions that I bottle up within me Do you think that you are destroying me Of course you don't Your evil, thoughtless remarks don't hurt anyone do they You don't destroy me because you're perfect Perfection doesnt' allow for that You don't destroy me because you can get away with it and anything that you can get away with you don't do You're a god/goddess and you choose which mortals are unworthy of living a peaceful life You decide which mortals are pitiful beings Beings that OBVIOUSLY can feel no true emotions because they're not good enough You don't cause these feelings then do you You don't cause them because can't feel them I'm one of those mortals aren't I Am I one of those mortals Am I one of those lucky few who can see the true savage demeanor that you hide under your false kindness Am I one of those few who can see beneath your disguise Your costume of compassion I am aren't I I know what ugly monster lurks behind the mask you wear Why do you wear that mask anyway Afraid of what people will think Afraid of being an outcast Afraid of being like me Someone who grew up way too fast Someone who is mature beyond words Afraid of not being a part of the group You're more superficial than I thought So go ahead - destroy my life Annihilate my dreams if it makes you feel any better I can put up with it Your taunting names don't mean much Just words strung together Simple, everday words Words that aren't very descriptive Call me a useless sack of shit or an incompetent bitch Clever you Ingenious use of the four letter words that you are so fond of I'm beyond caring what you think Beyond your grade school pranks and rumours Grow up will you I'm a hardened maverick who could care less But you still vex me Your snide sarcastic comments still puncture my thick shell Your remorseless behavior makes me ashamed to be human Your barbaric actions toward those that differ from the norm will always fuel the fire of pure hatred that I keep buring for you deep within the uncharted depths of my soul Maybe one day I'll lash out at you and reveal all of your injustices to the world Then they'll look at you With unforgiving eyes they will tear you to pieces They'll say how could you defile an innocent person How could you push several to the bottom of the deepest pit of depression How could you ruin so many lives you selfish, bigoted pig Then you will know how I felt Then maybe you'll look at me in a different light I'm no longer the quiet, insecure rebel I'm no longer the decripet being you made me look like I'm a new person And I'm better than you
~erika boal