so many thoughts
so many tears
did that really happen then?
were those really my fears?
used to be that darkness
terrified me
used to be that
i was the good girl
and always listened to mommy
now the years have gone by
i want to grow up
i want to be free
but i'm held back
by the child in me
i'm striving to change
but i just can't let go
of who i used to be
and what i used to know
i want to live
a different life
one full of danger
one on the edge
but that good little girl
is holding me back
and telling me to behave
i should get out more
be with friends
or try new things
you know i'd love to
just get away from it all
and do my own thing
but i can't be
who i want to be
because of my
reality
the one that keeps me in place
and holds me back
and gives me security
stuff i don't want
right now anyway
i want to live
i want to breathe
i want to be crazy
i just can't seem
to find a way
to express myself
so all you see of me
is a shell
i'm caught between
my innocence
and a lifestyle
of insanity
somewhere there's
a median
that will let me be
but how to find it
remains a mystery
so i'm stuck
torn between
childhood
and 15
~erika boal