 So one day I was in class and got into a
debate over the merits of the British political system.
He was talking loads of smack concerning monarchies and
deference and Common Law, and call me an Anglophile, but
frankly, I felt the need to drop a little knowledge on
the jerky. "Now call me crazy," I said, "but
any country that produces the likes of such phenomenal
musical ensembles as the Spice Girls and Oasis,
well, I think they must be doing something right."
He laughed at me and said I was an idiot, and that's how
I found out its not socially acceptable to headbutt
someone in the midst of a political debate. What does
this have to do with the BBC? Well, nothing really. I just thought it
was a good story. |
| So, you've never been to Beijing but
can't get enough wacky North China triva? Well heck, fret
no more! Just check out the Beijing Review and read to your odd little heart's
content! |
| Back in college I picked up a copy of the
Christian Science Monitor and began to flip through it. Well, I
was entranced, and I sat down and read the whole thing,
cover to cover, right there. It wasn't long afterwards
when one of my pals began his tradition of referring to
me as BMOC (Big Man on Campus). Coincidence? I think not.
|
| Where do you turn for the United States'
latest excuse, er, logical and morally upright reason for
bombing the evermortal-living hell out Iraq? Why, CNN, those same guys who brought you the Gulf
War (it ranks up there with Cheers, if you
want my humble opinion). And if their coverage seems
inadaquate, well shoot-fire, just head on over to C-Span for the really exciting version! |
| So you want to know what's happening
China right now?!?!?!? Can't wait for those TV
losers to get their lazy hindquarters in gear?!?!?!?!
Then head straight to Inside
China Today, RIGHT NOW!
Or, if you're not in so much of a hurry for your China
news, hell, there's always China
Quarterly. |
| "Children", said the old man to
the hushed crowd, "Children, I'm here to tell you
that if you are search of the truth, search no more! Here
I have a print out from the University of Virginia's Geostat
website! Here you will find out about the comet Hale-Bopp
and how it promises to take us to the land of Mesopotato
on the far side of the galaxy, near France! Here the many
statistics and maps will teach you the handy triva
necessary to pass the quiz given by Captain Jean-Luc
Picard to all the new initiates into our Brotherhood of
Love and Pesto! Come, come and join us!" Immediately
the old man was beaten to death with pork and sausages
and his words were lost to time. |
| Lets' see now. . .hmmmmmm. There's NBC,
CNBC, and MSNBC.
Naw, I really don't have anything to say about that, but
I really wish I did, because it definitely has
humorous potential. |
| Now, I've never been much of one for camo
and shootin' matches, but I'll tell you what, I like them
old war movies that come on TNT round 'bout, say,
midnite'. Yup, ain't nuthin' like seein' our Americ'n
boys whoopin' fereners all over the place with the'run
machine guns and them hot-fired jet planes that come a
swarpin' down all a' RATTTATATATTATATATTATATAT. . . Yeah,
I love them boys in the United States Military. . . |
| So there we were, my pals Biff, Mickey,
and I, not doin' much of anything 'cept for a little
artwork, engraving and digital replication and such, when
all of a sudden these boys all in black come bustin' in
the door to Biff's place and tearing up everything. Well,
Biff tried runnin' those boys down with his two big ole'
mastiff hounds (Timmy and Flower) and those ole' boys,
hell, they just gunned 'em down hardcore style. Then they
took to reading us our rights and slapping handcuffs on
us, and haulin' us on down to the local freezer and
yellin' stuff about counterfittin'. Now, I can't say
those boys were rude, (hell, when those cuffs chaffed on
my arm they were more than willin' to lend me some
Vasoline Intensive Care), but I don't rightly think
rollin' a few hundred bogey ten dollar bills is really
cause for a thirty year sentence. So if ya'll could e-mail
that there US Secret Service and let them know that ole Biff and
Mickey and me, we were just a joshin', well, I guess I'd
kindly appreciate it. . . |
| The South China Morning Post is a pretty nifty paper, but heck, it
talks so darn much about China. . .I mean who cares about
that place anyway (note for the dense: this is blatent
sarcasm)? |
| Now, the question remains. . .when you
get on a plane, are you that guy twelve rows back who
spends the whole damn time looking for his house even
though he lives in Indiana and the flight is from, say,
Detroit to Beijing? Well, I just want to tell you
something. . .shut up and sit down you freak, the trip is
long enough without you silly little ramblings about how
you'll be able to recognize it from the "half-moon
shaped pool." WE ALL HATE YOU. But, ah, mend your
ways and you'll again be welcomed into the family of
humanity. Still want to see your house though? Ah. . .
check out Terraserver. I use it, and now people on planes
don't hit me as often! Neat-O! |
| I found this site pretty much by
accident, but I simply must say once thing. . .there is
nothing so delightful as snuggling down down with someone
close to you and surfin' government servers. . . yeah,
call me a romantic, but I just can't get enough US Government Resources. |
| Whenever my Dad goes on business trips he
always brings home the hotel's complimentary copy of USAToday, and I'll tell you, for the next hour or
so I'm in nerd heaven. Why, you ask? Two words: pie
graphs. |
| Lookin' for a tough ole' bruiser of a
newspaper online? Then check out what may be the most
straight-laced of 'em all, the Wall
Street Journal. There
are actually photgraphs here, but sorry, still no comics.
Also, check out the Asian Edition. |
| You want to know about the current
happenings in the capital of these United States of
America? Want to keep up with the wheelin' and dealin'?
Want to understand exactly what motivates the elected
leaders of our distinguished democratic republic to do
what they do? Well good luck, you'll need it. You might
need the Washington Post. Its chock full of nifty stories about
those wacky guys by the Potomac.
|
