Caustiously, I have picked my way,
Through the brambles and briars of life.
Slowly, warily, avoiding all strife.
Until that one fated day.
When a sight, caused me to delay.

There, in the thickest of bramble,
Deep among tangle and thorn,
A rose, lit by the light of morn.
Not any rose, but one so viable,
So rare, so undeniable.

It beckoned me, compelled me.
I must embrace this delight.
So into the entanglement, I began my fight.
Over, under, on hand, on knee,
Clawing over bole of downed tree.

The rose spoke soft and sweet,
Whispering promises, of things so dear.
Beckoning, urging me to near.
Faster, faster, my heart beat,
While vine and branch, tore at my feet.

I struggled on at a fevered pace,
Though for every inch of gain,
A price was paid, with blood and pain.
It was a slow, agonizing race,
Trying to reach, that hallowed place.

Clothes, ripped and tattered,
Drenched in sweat and blood.
My emotions, all aflood.
While the rose, fawned and flattered,
Till reaching it, was all that mattered.

But finally, I stood facing my goal, tired and weak.
So near, I could smell the perfumed air.
Elated, in rapture, that I was there.
Then, the rose began to speak,
Not soft, nor sweet, but more of a shriek.

"Who do you think you are?", it spat.
"You mean nothing to me! You're quite the fool!"
"Why, I'd rather talk to an old toadstool!"
"Or even a dirty old rat!"
Then laughing, "or a bat, or a gnat....".

My whole world went black before my eyes.
Stunned and dazed, I turned slowly away.
Never will I forget that day.
Such pain, inflicted by such spiteful lies,
The begining of my slow and tortourous demise.

Yet, I cannot hate the rose.
Though I hate it's cruel and painful display.
That leaves me torn between two feelings, to my dismay.
One moment, love and yearning grows.
The next, hate and despise, rears and shows.

The battle within is relentless and unbending.
For I know no recourse to this affliction.
It is as a, powerful addiction,
One that knows, no way of mending,
One that knows, no way of ending.

You! Evil blackness, don't call me,
I'll not be yours this day,
Nor any other day come soon,
I know your evil way.
So just be gone, old black abyss,
listen to what I say.

I take offense at your regard,
did I not treat you fair?
Fair! Hell would be more fair than you,
a heaven in compare.
Never shall you have me again,
on my death, I swear!

Your words do me most unjustly,
I force none unto me.
I but offer a cool retreat,
a quiet place to be.
Come, look, you were confused back then,
come, tell me what you see?

Keep back with your lies, dark demon,
do you think me a fool?
Your cool retreat is a black pit,
where emptiness does rule.
There you plant and nurture madness,
villainy is your tool.

You feed on the weak and hurt,
gorging on fear and pain.
Taking away all hope and will,
until despair does rain.
You are vile, with no heart nor soul,
driving good men insane.

Not true! Here what I have to say!
I'll here no more from you!
But...No buts, lies are all you speak,
my rath you'll learn to rue.
Truth of you I'll spread far and wide,
in hopes of your undue.

You dare threaten me, little man?
Why should'nt I dare?
You are nothing but a dark hole,
no longer can you scare.
You are a joke, to be laughed at,
crawl back in your hole there.

Leave me and all men to their own,
keep in your dark of night.
For if you do not, I shall come,
and fill your dark with light.
Why do you tremble so, old one?
afraid of your own sight?

My life lies on the horiozons view.
There it floats, always just out of reach,
No matter how hard I do pursue.
Always alone I stand on the beach,
As wind and wave drown out my beseech.

Patiently, I've waited for so long,
To realize just one of my dreams.
I feel, as if I have done some wrong,
That seems to have no way to redeem.
To be denied all, my fate it seems.

Now but to watch my life on ebbs' tide,
As it slowly drifts away from view.
An emptiness,I feel deep inside.
Knowing that the years ahead are few,
Barren and cold they'll be, without you.

What horrors loom in the abyss of lonliness and despair,
Unspeakable pains conjured from the minds lair.

Emotions whirl in a frenzied, frantic, fight,
While reality desperately seeks to put things right.

Heart and soul torn asunder from relentless stress,
As trembling, weak fingers, run through tangled tress.

Vacant, red, tear stained eyes, stare nowhere,
As bent, huddled form, just sits there.

Beaten beyond thought and will,
Unvoiced screams, echo in the still.

Never heard by any, save he alone,
Trapped in his own minds prison of stone.

Though prisoner and warden, both he be,
He knows not the path that would set him free.

Drowning in a sea of memories past,
Knowing not, what the twist of fate may cast.

Dreams of freedom, and saviours sought,
Are long vanquished from his thought.

Even though, in mind he has quit,
Something, keeps his life lamp lit.

Somewhere deep inside, hidden from him,
A small bit of hope calls out, but so very dim.

Yet somehow, somewhere, one may hear it loud and clear,
And feel his pain and there, appear.

To lift him from his imprisoned site,
Back up into lifes light.

That, or there he'll stay, in his own hell.
For only time, can really tell.

Empty, bleak.
Memories flash.
Teardrops splash.
Beaten, weak.
Quiet shriek.

Hopes done.
Dreams forgot.
Cared, naught.
Loved, none.
Course run.

Shattered heart.
Spirit broke.
Pains spoke.
Alone part.
Ends, start

Quell my dolour oh nepenthe.
Free me to begin life anew.
Champion my cause, set me free!
Quell my dolour oh nepenthe.
Purge all acedia from me.
Leave me my nisus to ensue.
Quell my dolour oh nepenthe.
Free me to begin life anew.
Elixir of olde, hear my plea,
Quell my dolour oh nepenthe.
Release me to lifes' ecstasy,
And accolades, I'll speak of you.
Quell my dolour oh nepenthe.
Free me to begin life anew.

Why must I wear this shroud of lonliness,
That engulfs and darkens me in daily duress?

I fight to escape from it's unflagging grasp,
Yet the more I struggle, the tighter it's clasp.

As days wash by, it becomes more and more vehement,
As my attempts to stay it's advance, become impotent.

Perhaps it is my fate, that denies me my autonomy,
Yet I concede not, in hopes of one day being set free.

So sad a tale I have to tell,
...it starts so long ago.
Of a man who came from far away,
...to learn, to teach, to grow.
Eager, he came to share and love,
...so special he was to know.

He knew it would'nt be easy though,
...not knowing what lay in wait.
He tried and tried to reach his goals,
...though these he could not sate.
He tried so hard to understand,
...but never knew such hate.

Hatred, greed, and evil he found,
...and lies and pain he got.
Though his way he did not waver,
...seeking what he had sought.
The years they came and went so fast,
...his goals still totalled naught.

He thought if he could find just one,
...it would not be in vain.
So once again he gave his all,
...but all he got was pain.
Tired, confused, sadly he stopped,
...as tears did fall like rain.

For many years he pondered so,
...on how this all went wrong.
Then suddenly one day, he rose,
...so full of life and song.
This time, he knew he'd find the way,
...and try, he did so long.

This time the years, they took their toll,
...beaten, battered, he fell.
Devastated beyond belief,
...he thought this must be hell.
Again he sought to find the answer,
...but none he found to tell.

Alone, depressed, he pondered life,
...so sad, he cried each night.
Then one day, there came his way,
...a bright and shining light,
To lift him from his darkness there,
...it felt so good, so right.

So happy he was, he walked on air,
...he thought he'd reached his goal,
He thought he now could be complete,
...he gave his love, his soul.
Though sudden as it came, it went,
...thrown back into his hole.

This time he knows he's done, he's beaten,
...and now it's time to go.
So sadly, he prepares to leave,
...with not a thing to show.
So much he had to give and share,
...but none did want to know.

They know naught, what they gave up,
...so much he had to share.
This man that came from far away,
...who sought to love and care.
Who found nothing but lies and hate,
...in a world of despair.

the pain
the pain
the pain rains
it pours
it drains

the want
the want
the want haunts
it consumes
it taunts

the fear
the fear
the fear tears
it shakes
it sears

the need
the need
the need bleeds
it maddens
it feeds

the end
the end
the end wends
it nears
it mends