"Aleen" Skaris
Remember once again. This is all in fun and if it sounds fake, that part probably is.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Johnathan Allen "Aleen" Skaris |
|||||||||
| This new 20-year-old Kennywood employee has one year of service under his belt. Though he is in fact 20 years of age, it is hard to attest this fact, since his attitude and maturity seem relatively elementary. John is like a little kid. Although, he does not wet himself at the sight of Amanda (R.), he does burst into uncontrollable sobs at the sight of frightening those oh-so terrifying clowns, particularly those with wide crazy eyes, bubbly red noses, and monstrous smiling jaws. Never without his trusted nightlight, John is often up until all hours of the night re-reading his Lord of the Rings books and perusing his comic book collection, of which he cannot open to any pages, which contain the evil clown prince of crime from the Batman series. John prefers the soothing things in life, like the TV show Angel and the calm voice of Harrison Ford, who stars in two of his favorite movies: Star Wars and Indiana Jones. Quite surprisingly, John listens to the mature radio station 105.9 The X. Though most believe he listens to this station to giggle at the Trojan man commercials and potty humor of Alan Cox. John further exudes childlike qualities by his actions. On bright summer afternoons, John is found crouched on the sidewalk, magnifying glass in hand, burning ants. "It�s all about the popping sound," says John as he giggles feverishly after "popping" one of his ants. When not destroying insects, John is found in the park playing fetch, with his dog of course. "I just go up to random dogs and teach them different tricks. See I make a great teacher." A great teacher, indeed, John, also wants to mold the young minds of America. While he might not be successful in molding those minds, he would be successful in joining those ranks. One can almost envision "Teacher" John at recess playing kick ball with assorted first graders. Poor little Becky�s bloody front teeth, but it looks like she�s out. And with that this, too, is out. | |||||||||
| **The author of these biographies can be contacted for the writing of term papers and other assorted schoolwork from the hours of midnight until precisely two thirty seven in the morning, inside the second stall of the men�s bathroom of the Denny�s restaurant on Lebanon Church Road. Simply rap three times on the door and slide an unmarked brown paper bag containing the paper�s topic and three hundred dollars in small bills underneath the door. Return in one week�s time for your finished report.** Remember once again. This is all in fun and if it sounds fake, that part probably is. |
|||||||||
| Back to Kennywood Crew Members | |||||||||