Filks

In case you don't know, a filk is a song purposely written to the tune of a preexisting song. I heard somewhere that the name came about when someone was talking about one and meant to call it a folk song, but it came out as "filk song". Just a random bit of trivia. Anyway, these are the ones I wrote, in the order in which I wrote them. I've got others, but they were mostly written when I was very sleep-deprived, and are really stupid...

The Sirius Song
(about Harry Potter OoP, to the tune of "The Hairbrush Song" of Veggie Tales. Not my best work, and this is a revised version, but it's my first filk)

Our curtain opens as Harry, having just had an awful nightmare, is searching for his godfather. Taking Floo powder to Grimmauld Place, Harry cries out:

"Oh, where's my godfather?
Oh, where's my godfather?
Oh where, oh where, oh where, oh where, oh where, oh where, oh where, oh where,
Oh wheeeeeeeeeere's my godfather?"

Hearing his cry, Kreacher enters the scene. Shocked and slightly surprised at the sight of Harry's head in the fire, the elf grins maliciously and reports:
"Oh, Sirius has gone off somewhere!" [Harry pulls head out of the fire]

"Not there's my godfather!
Not there's my godfather!
Not there, not there, oh where, not there, oh where, oh where, not there, not there,
Not theeeeeeeeeere's my godfather!"

Having heard his panicked revelation, Hermione enters the scene. Shocked, but still reluctant to believe Sirius is really in danger, Hermione suggests they let the Order handle it. [Harry:] "I'm gonna rescue Sirius, not sit around here!" At Harry's insistance, the gang heads to the Department of Mysteries. No Sirius? Just some Death Eaters!? They begin to fight. They end up in the veil room. Enter the Order!

[Harry:] "Beware of my godfather!
Beware of my godfather!
Beware, beware, you scum d'you hear, beware, beware, you over there,
Bewaaaaaaaaaaaaare of my godfather!"

In defense of his godson, Sirius fights his cousin Bellatrix. Dodging a badly aimed spell and taunting her, Sirius is hit with another spell and knocked through the veil. Says Lupin:
"Harry, don't go dashing in there. Stop! It's too dangerous, there's no way to help him so... it's too late. Harry, don't go! Sirius is dead, Harry, you can't change that." Feeling a deep sense of loss, Harry stumbles back and laments:

"No fair... oh godfather.
No fair... poor godfather!
No fair, no fair, beware, no fair, not there, nowhere, no fair, no fair,
No faaaaaaaaaaaaaair! Not my godfather!"

On hearing his lament, Neville enters the scene. Having broken his nose, Neville can't quite talk right, but he staggers over to Harry and tries to...do something, and recognizing Harry's overwhelming grief, Neville feels he must say something. "Was he your friend?" Well, at least he tried. Neville stares at Harry. Harry's grateful, but still unwilling to accept the loss of Sirius so soon, calls out:

"I care for Godfather!
I care for Godfather!
I care, I care, she has no prayer, I care, beware, no fair, I care,
I caaaaaaaaaaaaaaare for Godfather!"

The End! (da-daaaaa)

Love My Friends
(about Harry Potter, to the tune of "Love My Lips" of Veggie Tales. Yes, I know, you're thinking, "What's with the Veggie Tales!?" My answer: don't ask. They got stuck in my head for a few months straight, and that's all you need to know.)

One day, while talking with Albus Dumbledore, Harry confronts one of his deepest fears:

Harry: If Voldemort ever killed my friends,
..........That would be the day that my world ends.
..........I'd be so sad. I might go mad.
Albus: You'd be so sad, you might go mad?
Harry: I'd be so sad.

Harry: If I lost Ron or Hermione,
..........How I'd go on, I just can't see.
..........I would despair, if they weren't there.
Albus: You would despair, if they weren't there?
Harry: I would despair.

Harry: If my friends ever left my side,
..........I'd be alone; I'd surely die.
..........Oh, I'd give in. And Voldy'd win.
Albus: Oh, you'd give in, and Voldy'd win?
Harry: Oh, I'd give in.
Albus: This may be more serious than I thought. Harry, what do you see here? *holds up an ink blot*
Harry: Um, that looks like a curse.
Albus: And here?
Harry: It's a curse!
Albus: And here?
Harry: It's a curse, it's a curse, it's a curse, curse, curse!
..........It's a curse, it's a curse, it's a curse, curse, curse!
..........It's a curse, it's a curse, it's a curse, curse, curse!
..........Cuuuuuuuuurse, curse, curse, curse!
Albus: Harry, tell me about your childhood.
Harry: When I was just one year old,
...........Ol' Voldy left me in the cold.
...........He killed my folks, like other blokes.
Albus: He killed your folks, like other blokes?
Harry: He killed my folks.

Harry: I grew up with the Durs-e-leys
...........I'd rather have been in a nursery
...........They treated me bad. But they were all I had.
Albus: They treated you bad, but they were all you had?
Harry: They treated me bad.

Harry: On the day I got my letter,
...........I thought my life just might get better
...........But my troubles grew, 'cause Voldy tried to take the Sorceror's Stone and I had to stop him and then he tried to kill people with a basilisk and he almost got
...........Ginny and then he got his body back and he killed Cedric and his disciple killed Sirius and I wanted to use and unforgivable curse on her so I did: Crucio!
Albus: Your troubles grew... Crucio--Harry, why did you use that?
Harry: I don't know.
Albus: So what you're saying is, when you were young...
Harry: He killed my folks like other blokes,
...........They treated me bad, but they were all I had,
...........My troubles grew... Crucio!
Albus: I'm ashamed.
Harry: Sorry, sir.
Albus: No more Unforgivables.
Harry: Okay.

That's it for Silly Songs with Harry. Tune in next time to hear Harry say:
"Did I ever tell you how I feel about Malfoy?"
Oh, look, it's Moody! *runs away*

Ford the Penguin
(about The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, to the tune of Larry's parts of "The Yodeling Veterinarian of the Alps" of Veggie Tales. Yes, Veggie Tales again, but I promise this is the last one)

This is a song
For Ford the penguin.
He�s perfectly safe
But as a bird he�s stuck.

And if we wait
For the drive to balance,
He will be human
With a little luck.

Two to the power of fifty
Thousand to one against.
Two to the power of twenty
Thousand to one against.

This is a song
For poor old Arthur.
He can�t use his watch
�Cause his limbs won�t hold.

But if we wait
For the drive to balance
He�ll get his limbs back
From the Heart of Gold

Two to the power of two hundred
Seventy-six thousand to one against.
Two to the power of seventy-
Five thousand to one against.

This is a song
For the Paranoid Android.
His name is Marvin
And he�s quite morose.

And he�s been sent
To get Ford and Arthur
Now that the ship�s stopped
Making them look gross.

Five to one against and falling.
Four to one against going down.
Three and two to one and falling.
Normality has been found.

Strained
(about Harry Potter OoP, to the tune of "Unwell" by Matchbox 20. This one's kind of gloomy, but then so is the mood of the book it's about)

All week
Detention with Dolores Umbridge
Writing lines in my own blood.
At night,
I'm dreamin' 'bout this corridor
Don't know what's at the end
Because I'm always woken up for something.
Watch out
You never know when I will have a
Meltdown
And you never know why!

But I'm not crazy,
Lately I've just been strained.
Feel cold,
Left out in the rain.
I'm seeing things that no one else can see.
What's happening to me?
I'm not crazy!
So why am I alone?
I've got
Nowhere to call home.
It seems my friends are all drifting away
More each and every day.

Stray.

I dreamed that I was Voldemort, and
It turned out my dream was real.
And I saved
Saved Mr. Weasley's life with that dream
But Dumbledore wants me
To stop those dreams from coming using Occlumency.
But I can't tell what he's thinking
And now,
He won't tell me why!

But I'm not crazy,
Lately I've just been strained.
Feel cold,
Left out in the rain.
I'm seeing things that no one else can see.
What's happening to me?
I'm not crazy!
So why am I alone?
I've got
Nowhere to call home.
It seems my friends are all drifting away
More each and every day.

Had a vision in my sleep!
Voldemort has gotten Padfoot!
He's not taking him awaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!

I'm not crazy,
Lately I've just been strained.
Feel cold,
Left out in the rain.
I'm seeing things that no one else can see.
What's happening to me?
I'm not crazy!
So why am I alone?
I've got
Nowhere to call home.
It seems my friends are all drifting away
More each and every day.

[begins to fade out]

I've just been strained
More each and every day...

I've just been strained
More each and every day...

I've just been strained
More each and every day...

Should've Killed the Rat
(about Harry Potter PoA and OoP, to the tune of "If I Only Had the Nerve" from The Wizard of Oz. This is my personal favorite. You might want to picture the characters saying this stuff; it'll make it more interesting.)

[The scene: The Shrieking Shack; Lupin and Sirius trying to convince Harry to let them kill Pettigrew.]
Lupin: Peter Pettigrew's been given
..........Another chance for livin'
Sirius: Which he does not deserve!
..........Double-crossed James and Lily!
..........They would never have been killed if he--
Lupin: Had only had the nerve.
..........Harry, look at him denyin'
..........He's snivelin' and cryin'--
Sirius: THAT SPINELESS FILTHY RAT!!!
..........Ugh, my robes he's been kissin'!
[cuts to the Department of Mysteries after the big battle]
Harry: Oh, if only I had listened
..........To their reas'nin' and insistin'
..........This dumb mission I'd be missin'
..........He'd be flat!
..........Oh, why did I ever let
Ron : Him get
Hermione:Away
All 3: With that!

In the Shrieking Shack
(about Harry Potter PoA, to the tune of "Angel Eyes" by ABBA. Note 1: Hermione's name must be pronounced "Her-me-OH-nee" for it to scan. Note 2: Words in parentheses, mostly "ah"s, are sung by background Veela singers. Everything else is sung by Harry.)

(Ah-ah-ah!)
(Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah!)
(Ah-ah-ah!)
(Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah!)
(Ah-ah-ah!)
(Keep thinkin' 'bout his demon eyes.)
(Keep thinkin'. Oh-oh-oh!)

Last night
I was taking a walk away from Hagrid's
And I saw him drag Ron under the Willow
And I followed them to save him; how could I know?
But when I emerged, I saw to my dismay
It was Black
Full of hate, I charged right up to him to say,
(Ah-ah-ah!)
You took my mum and dad awaaaaaaay!

Looked straight into his demon eyes
Nearly had me hypnotized
Then I said, "Now I'll make you pay the price!"
Just stared at me through demon eyes.
I wanted him pulverized!
He raised no resistance, to my great surprise
Staring at me deep down in those demon eyes
Oh, oh, oh, oh oh!

(Ah-ah-ah!)
(Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah!)
(Ah-ah-ah!)
(Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah!)
(Ah-ah-ah!)
(Keep thinkin' bout his demon eyes.)
(Keep thinkin'. Oh-oh-o-oh!)

Lupin
When he came, he embraced him like a brother.
I could hardly believe in what my eyes saw.
How much they seemed to care about each other!
And I shouted, "You've been helping him get in!"
And then screamed
Hermione, "He's a werewolf, Harry, run!"
(Ah-ah-ah)
And I thought that we were doooooone!